by Eva Brandt
I remembered the gigantic eyes in the obelisks and I could understand where he was coming from. And he hadn’t finished explaining yet. “Then we have all the humans who came before you. More Sacrifices. Most people don’t remember their true purpose anymore, but all of them were attempts to fix my mistake. Every single time, even when they didn’t come to the academy, it ended in disaster.”
When he looked at me again, the depth of the emotion in his gaze nearly crushed me. “So you see, Alyssa, the direct path isn’t always the straight line. Because the straight line sometimes leaves you jagged and broken. And what’s the point of achieving your purpose, if you’re left with nothing but ash in your mouth and fire burning around you?”
By the time he finished his rant, he was breathing hard, and I could’ve sworn I saw the glint of tears at the corners of his eyes. The tears vanished before they could fall and he shook his head, as if physically trying to chase off the weakness he’d just displayed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all that. I guess maybe… I’m not as unaffected by this whole thing as I might claim.”
I could’ve told him that already and, in fact, I already had, but it was different to hear him acknowledging it. There had always been something so unattainable about him, something that made me feel he couldn’t be broken by anything. At that moment, he no longer seemed like the untouchable Brightest Star. He was just a person, and he was suffering.
I couldn’t hold back. Abandoning all restraint, I walked up to him and threw my arms around him.
When it came to Lucifer, I’d never initiated contact myself. He intimidated me and I was still so confused by his behavior. But right now, those fears didn’t matter. He needed my support and I had to give it.
He hugged me back without hesitation, burying his face in my hair even if that meant he had to crouch a little because he was taller than me. We just stood there, in the middle of the room, holding one another.
There were countless things I wanted to say, but none of them seemed enough. It’s all right. It wasn’t. You’re not to blame for what happened. He was, at least in part, and claiming otherwise wouldn’t help him. It’ll get better. It had, in a way, but that didn’t mean he could forget.
I wished I could make him feel better, that I could show him he wasn’t alone, that he had a future and he didn’t have to carry this burden forever.
It was only when his hold on me started to go lax that I realized what I was doing. I broke free from his embrace, horrified at my behavior. “Oh my God. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”
In my haste to help him, I’d lost control of my magic again. I’d been aware that he was addicted to me, at least a little, and here I was, making it worse.
Lucifer didn’t try to reach for me again, although he looked like he wanted to. “Don’t apologize, Alyssa. There’s nothing wrong with using your power to snap people out of their sadness.”
Maybe, but it still felt weird. I had been helping him with my magic, so that couldn’t have been bad. But how could I fully believe that when I knew what my power was capable of?
I groaned, exasperated with myself. “Can you tell I have no fucking clue what I’m doing?”
“I’ll tell you a secret,” Lucifer said, winking. “No one ever does. Life exists to thwart us and throw us curve balls. I’m pretty sure my father secretly has a horrible sense of humor and no one ever called him out on it, because nothing else explains it.”
“I think you might be right about that,” I replied, his words drawing a tiny smile out of me. I was a mess, but at least I’d figured it out before I could do too much damage. That had to count for something.
“Thanks, though,” Lucifer offered. “Seriously, thanks. I know you don’t like using your power, but I do feel better.”
The ‘you’re welcome’ was on my lips, but it never came out. Lucifer approached me yet again, and his aura of threatening seduction returned with a vengeance. “Although now that I’ve held you, I confess I don’t feel very inclined to let you go. In fact, I think we both need a reminder on who you really belong to.”
Alarm bells starting ringing through my head and I began to protest. “Lucifer, I’m not yours.” I couldn’t be, not with my power looming over us like an ominous cloud.
He didn’t agree. Before I could try to reason with him further, Lucifer shoved me back and pinned me against the wall in a hold that was both a threat and a seduction. “Of course you’re mine, dearest,” he said, his eyes glowing like twin suns. “You just don’t realize it. But you will.”
“This isn’t what I—”
He didn’t let me finish my sentence. Instead, he crushed his mouth to mine, claiming ownership of me and shattering my resolve.
I should’ve perhaps fought him, but the moment our lips made contact, I lost all desire to do so. This kiss was very different from the others I’d shared with him. It held an edge of savage desperation that reminded me of my lovers, a whirlwind of explosive need I couldn’t resist. When he thrust his tongue into my mouth, my brain stopped working properly. The only thing I could focus on was how much I wanted him.
He pulled me closer, and I could feel his erection against my hip, practically begging for my attention. He ground against me and the sexual energy he emanated was so intense I was afraid I’d melt.
The kiss seemed to go on forever, to the point that I began to have trouble breathing. Or maybe he was the one taking my breath away. In any case, I decided oxygen was overrated and I wouldn’t have minded suffocating if I could keep kissing him forever.
When he tore his mouth away from mine, I moaned in protest, instantly missing the taste of his passion. But he wasn’t done with me, not done by far. He swirled his tongue around my ear lobe, making little shocks of electricity erupt through my body. My nipples tightened and my pussy throbbed with the need to be filled.
As he nibbled on my ear, he slid his hand underneath my shirt. Another cry escaped me when his wicked fingers zeroed in on my nipples. The pleasure-pain that coursed through me took my breath away and I pulled him closer, trying to get him to touch me where I needed him most.
He obliged, and before I knew it, he was unzipping my jeans and sliding his fingers underneath, toward my pussy. It was as his hand made contact with my wet panties that I realized what I was doing.
I’d sworn to myself that I wouldn’t do this, that I’d stay away from my lovers, at least sexually. No matter how much I wanted them, I had to remember that they weren’t completely in their right minds.
Having sex with them would mean taking advantage of their condition, of the horrible thing I’d done. It would also make it much tougher for them to recover. I couldn’t allow that.
Lucifer wasn’t my lover, not really, but he deserved the same courtesy.
Finding a strength I hadn’t known I had, I tore myself out of his embrace. He let me go easily, although it was obvious that he didn’t want to. “Lyssa.”
It was the first time he’d called me by the shortened version of my name and I liked the way it sounded on his lips. Even so, I hated that it had come at such a terrible moment. “I’m sorry,” I said between gritted teeth. “I can’t… I can’t do this. It feels wrong.”
Without knowing what influence my power had over him, it felt too much like rape. I’d managed to get over the mental manipulation the others had cast on me because they’d never actually forced me to be attracted to them. If they had, I could only imagine how violated I would’ve felt.
Lucifer took a deep breath, trying to rein in his desire for me. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry,” he replied after a few seconds of pause. “I knew how you felt. It’s simply a little frustrating.”
It was very frustrating, not just a little, and I was happy he didn’t resent me for the whole episode. But this incident made it clear that we needed to reconsider our approach. “I think you should go. This was a bad idea from the beginning. There has to be another teacher at the school who can help me with my mind magi
c.”
“Lyssa…” Lucifer whispered, and he sounded wrecked.
“Please. You know I’m right. I’m bad for you and you’re bad for me. We need to keep our distance from one another.”
Lucifer pressed his lips together in a grim line. I half-expected him to try to protest again. He didn’t.
“You’re right. There is. I admit I was selfish to ask for this. Okay. I’ll go. I’ll give you some space. But no matter what you think about all this, our feelings won’t change.”
He didn’t wait for me to answer. His body started to glow and he vanished, like he hadn’t been there at all.
In the wake of his departure, I was left feeling even more tired and upset than before. I returned to the bed, lacking all motivation to reach for my books again.
Shiro emerged from under the table and joined me on the mattress. “That went well,” I told him. “How do I always manage to make things so much worse than they already are?”
Shiro whined and gave me a sad look. I buried my face in his fur and tried not to cry. This sucked so much.
I needed to get my life back under control. I needed to learn how to wield this magic I’d been cursed with. But how?
Fear the Reaper
Samhain came and went and this time, I spent it with Stefan’s pack. Their celebration reminded me of the year before, when during this night, I’d cast a ritual that had almost broken Stefan’s mind.
If they knew about it, they didn’t show it. Instead, they invited me to dance. “Come on, Alyssa,” Alpha Emil said with a cheerful laugh. He was like that, very cheerful for a hell hound who was likely at least two hundred years old. “Don’t be so dour. It’s a night of celebration.”
“I haven’t had a lot to celebrate lately,” I replied.
“Nonsense.” Emil clicked his tongue. “You’re alive and you’re here with us. You’ll soon find the male you want to be with. There’s plenty to celebrate.”
I didn’t have the heart to argue with him. And so it was that I ended up dancing with several members of Stefan’s pack.
They were all respectful and kept their hands to themselves, so it was nice, sort of. But the whole evening reminded me even more of my lovers, and the next morning, I woke up to a wet pillow, the tears drying on my cheeks. I must’ve dreamed, but I didn’t remember it.
“What am I doing with my life, Shiro?” I asked my beloved pup. It was a question I kept stumbling into often as of late, and that was not a good sign.
“You’re learning,” he told me. “You can’t be expected to know every single thing, Lyssa, especially when people keep so many secrets. It’ll get better. You’ll find another teacher to help you.”
Shiro’s words proved to be somewhat prophetic, as a few hours later, I received another visit. This time, I wasn’t in my bedroom when it happened. Instead, I was outside the caves, walking Shiro and getting some much needed Vitamin D.
“I see you’re doing well, Ms. Michaelis. This pleases me.”
Professor Grim popped up by my side out of nowhere, as was his habit. Today, he wasn’t wearing his customary black robes. Instead, he had on a striped suit that reminded me a little of the Godfather.
The new outfit fully exposed his skull-like head and made me feel like I’d fallen into some strange, creepy dream. Maybe I had. It would make far more sense than me being the incarnation of the Apple of Eden. Or whatever The Watchers had called me.
Shaking off my stupid thoughts, I focused on my teacher. “Professor Grim, hello. What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to give you a few lessons on how to control your powers, of course,” he answered.
“Oh. I didn’t realize you wanted me to continue going to Necromancy.”
I felt a little awkward as I said the words. Since I’d already passed his class the year before, I’d set it aside entirely throughout my time here. I didn’t know how to tell him that, though. Leaving aside the fact that I respected him as a teacher, he was the fucking Grim Reaper, and it was a bad idea to be rude to him.
I needn’t have worried. “I’m not going to teach you Necromancy, but Psyche Manipulation. Because of my unique nature, I don’t have a physical body you can affect like you would any of the others. And so I’ll be giving you a hand with your lessons.”
An overwhelming feeling of relief flooded me at his words. “That’s very kind of you. Thank you! I had no idea what to do.”
“Well, that’s why we’re here, Ms. Michaelis, to guide you through these things. You have a heavy burden to carry, but you don’t have to do it alone.”
He waved his fingers and his scythe manifested out of thin air. “Now, let’s see how you are, physically. All this stress can’t have been good for your health.”
The weapon waited until Shiro padded away from me. Then, it started to rotate around me, just like it had when I’d woken up from my coma. This time, I was a little more patient. With the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of several hell hounds watching the whole process. I suspected they weren’t very thrilled with the idea of having death itself on their territory, but there was nothing they could do about it.
“It looks like you’re recovering nicely from Eve’s attack,” Professor Grim declared. “You’re as healthy as you can be at this time and you’re certainly capable of learning how to control your magic.
“It will not be easy, especially with me as your teacher. But we can do it.”
I knew it would be tough, but the idea of hard work didn’t scare me. “Yes, Sir. I’ll do my best. I won’t disappoint you.”
“I know you won’t. Now, let us begin.”
We sat together on the grass, ignoring all the eyes on us. “Give me your hand, Ms. Michaelis.”
I didn’t hesitate, but maybe I should have. The moment my fingers made contact with his bony ones, a wave of icy magic flowed over me and something at the back of my mind snapped.
All of a sudden, I was back at the academy, held down by a ghost turned flesh. I was being torn apart and eaten. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. The world was gray and muted, slipping away from me, cracking around the edges.
A familiar voice reached out to me through the darkness. “Lyssa! Lyssa! I’m here! Don’t be afraid!”
At first, the presence was distant and blurry, but that soon changed. I recognized Shiro and I could’ve sobbed in relief as I felt his warmth and affection flow over me through our bond.
Eve’s memory vanished and gradually, I began to recover. When I came to, I found myself curled against a tree trunk, blindly hugging Shiro’s neck, feeling like I’d just run a marathon and had been run over by a car right before the finish line.
In the background, I could hear the sound of raised voices. “You might be the Reaper, but she is under our care,” Alpha Emil was saying. “This is unacceptable.”
I had to give him credit for his courage. Not many people would’ve been willing to stand up to the incarnation of death, especially not for someone they barely knew. I needed to be more appreciative of my hosts.
Also it would be a good idea if I intervened now, before Professor Grim decided he was offended by Alpha Emil’s hostility. For now, he didn’t seem angry, but that could change.
“I’m afraid your opinion isn’t something I have to take into consideration,” he said. “Ms. Michaelis can make her own decisions.”
Professor Grim’s words gave me the perfect opening to step in. I got up, leaning against the tree when my shaky balance and weak knees almost made me fall over. “Alpha Emil, please. This isn’t his fault.”
Everyone turned to look at me. “His touch triggered a fit unlike anything I’ve seen before.” Alpha Emil growled. “Nobody but your familiar could approach you. Of course it is the Reaper’s fault.”
I wondered if I’d had a seizure and it was something he hadn’t been prepared for. I tentatively pressed my tongue against my teeth. It didn’t hurt, but that was no guarantee.
While I was trying to figure out how b
adly I’d fucked things up with Stefan’s family, Professor Grim analyzed my condition once again. “Hmm. It would appear that interaction with an alien form of mind magic, especially one related to death, brings forth memories of the incident at the academy, when you were attacked by Eve. You’re not prepared for this exercise.”
A part of me was screaming, “No shit, Sherlock!” The other was just pissed off that once again, I was being thwarted by my own fears.
“No! I can do this! I can. I just need you to show me how, to give me a chance.”
Professor Grim shook his head. “I’ve already given you a chance, although in my heart, I was reluctant. I think I understand why The Brightest Star agreed you needed some time away. Even if you’re studying now, you need to put your thoughts in order.”
“That’s what I’ve been doing throughout my stay here,” I replied, a little desperately. “You said you’d respect my decisions, Professor Grim. Please don’t take that from me.”
“I have no desire to, but I can’t in good conscience allow you to jeopardize yourself. I can understand what you’re trying to do and everyone appreciates your dedication. But you won’t be able to use powerful mental magic if you’re suffering from a mental wound.
“I advise you to take a step back. Talk to someone. Internalizing these things will permanently cripple you.”
As he spoke, Sophia appeared from… somewhere and made her way to my side. “I have to agree with him, Alyssa. If you let this injury fester, it could kill you. Not every disease is physical. You need to weed out the poison so you can heal.”
And how was I supposed to do that? Who was I going to talk to here? Her? The Alpha? They were nice enough, but I didn’t know them that well and I wasn’t comfortable sharing my trauma with them. Alpha Emil obviously wanted to protect me and Sophia had been very kind. But that didn’t mean I could dump my troubles on them or on any of the others.