The Forest Ranger's Husband

by Leigh Bale

  “Thanks for coming, everyone. Have a safe trip home.” Cal stood and paused. “Matt and Andie, would you remain behind for a few minutes? I need to speak with you briefly.”

  Andie felt her throat sink to her feet. Maybe things hadn’t gone as well as she thought.

  The room soon emptied, leaving Andie alone with Matt and Cal. Matt remained where he’d been sitting the entire meeting, and Andie sensed his leg must be hurting him. A blaze of sympathy tore through her when she considered that he must be living with severe chronic pain. How did he do it every day without complaining?

  Cal and Andie took their seats.

  “What’s up?” Matt opened the discussion by leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table.

  Cal’s chair creaked as he sat back and looked at them, his forehead furrowed with concern. “It may be nothing, but I sense some hostility between you two. There’s no easy way to say this, but do you two have a problem working together?”

  Oh, boy. Andie’s mouth dropped open in surprise, but Matt’s face remained passive. Unlike Andie, he’d always been good at hiding his emotions. Under the circumstances, Andie figured they’d done quite well today. She didn’t think she’d been rude in questioning Matt’s judgment, but perhaps her demeanor and harsher tone of voice had given her away.

  Matt spoke first. “No, sir, I have no problem at all working with Andie. In fact, I count myself lucky to be able to work with such a qualified ranger. I have nothing but respect for her.”

  Wow! What could Andie say to that? Likewise, she believed Matt was perfect for the job of FCO. Just not on this national forest. Not here with her. But she had to get along.

  “I agree that I have no problem working with Matt.” She looked at her husband. “I apologize if I sounded rude when I questioned your judgment earlier. I intended no harm. I know you’re looking after the best interests of the entire forest.”

  He flashed her a crooked smile. “No offense taken. You were also just doing your job.”

  “I agree,” Cal said. “Maybe I’m overreacting, but I sensed an undercurrent here that perhaps doesn’t exist. Have you two met before you accepted your new assignments here?”

  Andie bit her bottom lip. Cal didn’t know they were married because Andie went by her maiden name.

  “Yes…we first met long ago in college,” she said.

  Okay, it was the truth, although she omitted the part about getting married and having a child.

  “Ah, then you do know each other.”

  Matt nodded. “Yes, quite well.”

  “Then I’m not going to worry about it. Our forest is lucky to have you both, and I’ll trust that you’ll get along and work together for the greater good.”

  “Yes, sir,” Matt said.

  “Absolutely,” Andie agreed.

  Cal stood. “Good, then. I’ll let you get back to work. Thanks for staying behind to have this chat.”

  A rush of relief fell over Andie. She tried to swallow, but her throat had a lump in it the size of Kansas. The room seemed to close in on her. She had to get out of here. Now.

  Because of his leg, Matt moved more slowly. Andie stood and shook Cal’s hand, then made a hasty retreat. She planned to take Davie to the movies tonight with Sue and Brett. Matt wasn’t coming over to practice baseball with Davie, and she looked forward to the reprieve. She needed time to clear her head and think.

  She needed time away from her husband.

  At the movie, Andie went with Brett to get seats while Sue and Davie bought popcorn. Andie led the way up the dimly lit stairs, followed by Brett, who carried little Rose.

  “Is this okay?” She indicated some rocking seats midway up the theater.

  “Yeah, Davie should like this.”

  She chuckled. “He’d have me go all the way up to the top if I would. That boy is just like his father. Always wants the biggest, fastest, highest possible.”

  Brett sat in the aisle seat while Andie moved over two seats so that Sue could sit next to her husband, with Davie beside Andie. “Sounds like Matt’s an adrenaline junky.”

  Andie crossed her legs and rested back in her chair. “He used to be, although I think the last wildfire he was on may have cured him of that.”

  “You mean the one that injured his leg? Sue mentioned it to me.”

  “Uh-huh. He won’t talk about it, but I’ve heard a few things that make me wonder what happened. I know it was serious enough to take the life of one of his crew members and nearly kill him.”

  Brett shifted the baby in his lap and handed her a bottle. “Andie, what happened to make Matt leave?”

  “Sue didn’t tell you?”

  He smiled with compassion. “Yeah, she told me, but I’d like to hear your version.”

  She glanced at him, then stared at the advertisements flashing across the wide movie screen. She spoke low so other people around them wouldn’t overhear. “We had a fight. A bad one.”

  “What about?”

  She released a deep sigh. “He’d put in on a hotshot job without my knowledge. When he got the job, he wanted me to just pick up and move with him to Oregon. I knew what it would lead to. Constant absences as he deployed on highly dangerous jobs.”

  “And?”

  She squirmed. “And I told him no, I wouldn’t go.”

  “So he left you?”

  “Not exactly. I told him to leave, and he did.”

  “Is that what you really wanted? For him to leave?”

  She brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes, an excuse to absorb the tears beading in the corners of her eyes. Hopefully the dim theater hid her expression. “Of course not. He should have known that. I still can’t believe he left without saying goodbye. Without talking it over some more.”

  “How could he have known if you didn’t tell him?”

  She realized the part she’d played in Matt leaving, and it wasn’t pretty. Knowing she was partly to blame in their separation didn’t make his return any easier. She thought she’d sorted all of this out. Apparently not. Old feelings of longing came crashing down on her, leaving her feeling more bereft and lonely inside. It’d been so easy to blame Matt for the rift in their marriage. To excuse her own part in his leaving. But if she were honest, she had to admit she’d pushed him away. She could have called or gone to see him, to say she didn’t really mean it. And if her marriage was the most important thing to her, she should have gone with him, knowing it meant so much to him. Instead, she’d waited for him to make the first move. Finally he had, and still she pushed him away.

  “It’s not too late, you know?” Brett interrupted her thoughts.

  “It’s been more than five years, Brett.”

  “So? He’s here now, you’re here, you’re still married and you created a beautiful little boy together. Matt obviously wants to make things right again. He made the first move to make things right. So what’s stopping you from telling him you never wanted him to leave?”

  Fear! Distrust! She wanted to scream.

  What if Matt changed his mind and decided to leave again? She couldn’t take that hurt and rejection all over. It was too late for her and Matt. But Davie adored his father. If Matt left again, her son would be devastated no matter what she did.

  So would she.

  So what should she do? Sue would tell her to avoid Matt at all costs, but that would do Davie no good.

  Andie thought of confiding in God, but she didn’t know how anymore. It’d been so long since she’d prayed or let God into her life. So long since she’d felt the Comforter near. She’d blamed both Matt and God for the loss of her marriage. She’d blamed them for every problem and sadness in her life. Her anger had caused her to lose her trust in the Lord and in humanity. It’d taken the birth of her son to bring her joy again, and even that event had been bittersweet, knowing Matt wasn’t there to share it with her.

  “Are you telling me I should make a go of my marriage to Matt?” she asked.

  “I’m not telling you a
nything. I’m just suggesting that you might give Matt a second chance.” Brett reached across the seats and squeezed her hand.

  “Did he talk to you?”

  “No, but he looks at you like a lovesick puppy dog.”

  Andie laughed. The lovestruck look Brett claimed to see written across Matt’s face could be nothing more than indigestion.

  “You’re a romantic, Brett.” Dear, gentle Brett. A large man filled with a big heart.

  He shrugged one shoulder. “Guilty as accused. But don’t tell Sue. She doesn’t think I have a romantic bone in my body.”

  Sue appeared at the bottom of the theater, holding Davie’s hand as they climbed the stairs up to their seats.

  With his wife near, Brett clamped his mouth closed on this subject. Andie didn’t blame him. The topic of Matt made Susan furious. Andie was the eldest, but she’d come to depend on her baby sister since Matt had left. Sue meant well.

  “What candy did you choose, champ?” Brett rested a large hand on Davie’s shoulder as the boy squeezed past his knees to reach his seat beside Andie.

  “Goobers.” Davie held the package up for Brett’s inspection.

  “Give me that. I want it.” When Brett made a playful grab for the candy, Davie squealed and dashed toward his mother.

  Andie laughed as they settled down to watch the movie, a children’s flick that would undoubtedly put Brett to sleep within ten minutes.

  As the movie commenced, she couldn’t help thinking Matt would love to be here with them. Discovering he was a father had changed him so much. He seemed such a natural dad with Davie. She longed to help Matt find peace of mind over what had happened on the wildfire, and yet that effort seemed like the blind leading the blind.

  Until she could accept God back into her life again, she realized she wouldn’t be able to heal or forgive Matt. Or herself. There would be no peace in her heart.

  Chapter Seven

  On Saturday, Andie had to do some quick maneuvering on the bleachers so Matt wouldn’t sit beside her during Davie’s T-ball game. She climbed up high where it would be difficult for Matt to follow on his bad leg. To her horror, her son came racing over just before the game started and greeted Matt at the top of his lungs.

  “Hi, Dad. You made it. Hey, Brian! This is my dad. I told you I had a dad. This is him.” Davie pointed at Matt and everyone in the bleachers turned to stare.

  Brian nodded, not looking too impressed.

  Andie’s face burned with embarrassment as everyone then turned to look at her. Friends and associates. People from work and church. She could see the questions in their eyes as they whispered together about this revelation. Had she divorced Matt? Or conceived her son out of wedlock?

  Turning away, she fumed silently to herself. Let them wonder. She didn’t care what people thought. She owed them no explanation. This wasn’t Matt’s fault, but she wished he hadn’t come today.

  And then she felt guilty. Matt sat on the bottom bleacher, his back straight, smiling at his son. He looked lonely down there, yet he didn’t seem to mind. She should go down and sit with him. She should be more charitable.

  “You don’t look happy about Davie’s announcement. You okay?” Sue scooted in beside Andie, with little Rose and a fat diaper bag in her arms. The baby wore a warm cap and coat against the chilly breeze, though the sky above showed nothing but blue.

  “Yeah, I’m just dandy.” Andie stared at Matt’s broad back as he leaned his cane against his leg. His presence here today felt like a sharp sliver in her foot. A painful annoyance.

  “I didn’t know you were divorced.” Brian Phelps’s mother, Claudia, turned around and leaned toward Andie. “I thought you were a widow.”

  Andie met the woman’s stare with cool disdain. Claudia taught Sunday school at church and was also the wife of Ted Phelps, the forest engineer. “I’m not a widow.”

  “Then you’re still married? I had no idea Matt Cutter was your husband.” Claudia’s nasal voice sounded loud enough for many people around them to hear.

  It was on the edge of Andie’s tongue to deny it. But why? She’d married the right man at the right time in the right place. She’d done nothing wrong. “Yes, we’re married.”

  A Cheshire cat grin spread across Claudia’s face. “How interesting.”

  The woman turned back around and Andie felt a sinking feeling of dread. Ted worked in the S.O.’s office. Andie wondered how long it would take for the Forest Supervisor to find out she and Matt were married. How could she explain to her boss that she and Matt were married in name only and no longer lived together? Would it matter?

  Matt tossed a worried glance her way, and she realized he’d also heard Claudia’s comments. No doubt he didn’t want trouble, either. If they were lucky, the issue wouldn’t come up again.

  “The old biddy. She should mind her own business,” Sue whispered beneath her breath.

  Andie squeezed her sister’s hand before reaching to take Rose into her arms. For several moments, she kissed and snuggled the baby. How she wished she could have more children. Having Sue here to offer quiet support brought Andie more comfort than she could say. Even Sue’s dislike of Matt was only because Sue loved and wanted to protect Andie. Andie felt lucky to have a sister like Sue.

  They watched the game for some time, cheering when one of the boys on Davie’s team stole a base. Then they yelled their displeasure when the ref made a bad call.

  And then Andie got the startle of her life. The best player on the other team hit a long ball, and Davie caught it in midair.

  “Yer out!” the umpire called as he dragged his thumb toward the dugouts.

  Andie cheered her head off. Happy pleasure suffused her entire body. Davie had gotten an out. He’d caught the ball. Because his daddy had been practicing with him for two weeks.

  Matt stood on his wobbly leg, his face beaming a wide smile. He clapped his hands and turned to look at her. She couldn’t help returning his smile. For the first time since he’d become aware that he had a son, Andie shared something special with him. They were both Davie’s parents and buoyantly pleased with their little boy’s accomplishment.

  Davie’s team won by two points. Following the game, Davie ran immediately to his father, throwing his little arms around Matt’s neck and hugging tight. “I did it, Dad. Did you see me?”

  “I did, son. You were great.”

  Andie couldn’t help feeling a bit snubbed. In the past, it had always been her that Davie ran to. And yet, she couldn’t begrudge Matt this honor.

  “Hey, Mom! Aunt Sue! Did you see me catch that ball?” Davie waved at them.

  “Yes, we saw you. Well done.”

  “I’m out of here. I’d rather not make chitchat with your rotten husband.” Sue spoke to Andie as she gathered Rose into her arms and stepped past on the bleachers.

  “See you tomorrow.” Andie kissed her sister on the cheek, then went to join Davie and Matt.

  “I did just like you told me and kept my eye on the ball,” Davie said to his father.

  “I know. You tried very hard. And then you got a home run. You were great today.”

  Oh, no. Andie inhaled sharply. All this time, she’d been worried about Davie falling in love with his daddy. But when she looked at Matt and saw the warm devotion glittering in his eyes, she realized she hadn’t contemplated Matt loving Davie. Yeah, most parents loved their kids. But for a long time, she had been the focus of Davie’s life. Now someone else in this world adored her son and would do anything for him. This seemed to bring Matt and Andie even closer. Their son was a bond they shared with no one else and could not deny.

  “You want to come to church with us tomorrow?” Davie asked Matt.

  “Davie, no. Your dad doesn’t go to church.” Her son seemed to have developed a habit of inviting Matt to anything and everything in their life.

  “Actually, I’d like that.” Matt looked at her with deep honesty.

  “You would?” How many shocks could she absorb?


  “Yes, I would.”

  How could she tell her husband that she felt unworthy of God? She hadn’t really lost her faith in the Lord, but somehow over the past few years, she’d become apathetic. God hadn’t been there for her when Matt left and Davie was born, nor when she’d gotten her new promotion. As a busy career woman, she’d let life crowd out the Lord. It’d been so long since she’d prayed with earnestness. But she needed to teach Davie about God. There might come a day when her son needed Him in his life, and if she didn’t teach Davie, who would? People who didn’t believe in the Lord?

  “But you never used to believe in God. Or at least you had no use for Him. I always had to go to church alone when we were…” She left that thought hanging.

  “That’s changed,” Matt said.

  Hmm. Andie had missed quite a bit of church. She definitely believed in God, but she figured she couldn’t harbor hate in her heart toward her husband and still have room for the Lord. She wasn’t sure she was ready to let it go.

  “We’ll see you there, then. Come on, Davie. We need to get home.” She took the boy by the hand.

  “But what about pizza? You promised we’d get pizza after the game.”

  Andie almost groaned out loud. How she wished Davie had forgotten about that. Now he’d probably invite Matt along, and she didn’t want to appear rude when she told him no.

  “You two have fun,” Matt said.

  “You can come with us, can’t he, Mom?”

  Yep, just as she’d predicted. She shifted her weight, trying to think of a polite way to say no.

  “Sorry, hotshot, but I can’t.” Matt smiled down at Davie.

  “Ah, how come?”

  “I’ve got work to do. But maybe another time, okay?”

  “Okay,” Davie grumbled.

  Andie met Matt’s gaze, realizing he’d made this easier on her. Worse than inviting him along for dinner, she now felt grateful to him. She shouldn’t feel grumpy about it, but she’d been on her own with Davie for so long. She admitted silently to herself that she felt threatened by Matt. She didn’t like competing for her son’s affection.