by Sydney Lane
“I’m in Knoxville, and I wondered if you might want to go to lunch?” I really need to study, but I don’t know when I’ll get this chance again.
“Sure. When do you want to go?” We make plans to meet outside the dorm in a few hours, and I really am happy to see her again. I’m just not ready to have her in my personal space after what happened last week.
When I hang up, I catch Jenna staring at me. “What?” She’s making me nervous, and I steel myself for a lecture about Katie.
Her eyes narrow as she absently plays with her phone. “You just amaze me. It just hit me while you were talking to her that I’ve never known anyone who has been through so much. Yet, you never let it get you down.” So not true. I’ve just learned to hide it better than most.
“Jenna, everyone has their own problems. Some are just worse than others.” It’s what I’ve told myself my whole life. I have repeated it enough times that you’d think I believed it. The truth is that everyone does have problems, but deep inside, my own weigh me down. Sometimes, I just want to throw in the towel. Besides, Jenna is my glass half full person. She should be agreeing with me.
“I’m just telling you how I see it.” She reluctantly stands and gives me a quick hug. “Love you, girl.”
“Love you, too.” For the hundredth time in my life, I wish Jenna and I had been sisters. That’s just not right.
When I step out on the sidewalk, someone grabs my hand and pulls me between two buildings. Startled, I try to pull away. I open my mouth to scream when Brody turns me to face him. “Brody! You ass!” I punch him in the shoulder.
“I couldn’t let my girl walk by without a kiss, could I?” The corners of his mouth twitch and his eyes work their magic on me. Well, shit.
Throwing caution to the wind, I throw myself at him. He stumbles back against the stone wall and wraps his arms around me. The wind is blowing, and I can just feel the whispering of his hair blowing against my forehead. His hands twist in my hair and tug gently. He tastes like mint. I could do this all day. All. Day.
We jump apart at the sound of someone clearing his throat. Holy hell. It’s our psych professor, Dr. Grimes. He shakes his head and walks past us with a smug grin on his face.
As soon as he rounds the corner, we both burst out laughing. With tears running down our faces, any passerby would think we look like a happy couple enjoying an inside joke. “Baby, that was hot! You should have seen the look on your face.” Laughing, Brody reaches and slides my backpack down my shoulders. He throws it over his shoulder, along with his own.
“Ha, ha. You’re so funny.” I attempt sarcasm, but I can’t wipe the smile off my face. I have never done anything like that before. Other than a little embarrassment, I survived.
Walking to class with Brody feels so normal. The weather is milder now, making the heat bearable. The mornings and evenings are cool, but the heat of the day can still be intense. The breeze feels wonderful, blowing my hair away from my face. I sneak a look at Brody as we walk, and I realize this is the most relaxed I’ve ever seen him. The day is definitely looking up.
When we walk into class, he pulls my backpack off his shoulder and hands it to me. He jokes about Dr. Grimes getting an eyeful, and we share a knowing smile on our way to our seats.
I hesitate when I see Declan. He is already seated, and he’s watching us. His eyes narrow as they move from Brody to me.
I catch up to Brody and sit in my normal seat next to Declan. Brody sits beside Eric. When I smile and mumble a ‘hello’, his face clears as he smiles back at me. I love that smile, dimples and all.
Our professor walks in and announces a pop quiz. It takes me by surprise, and I hope I remember enough to pass. Studying is first on my list of things to do. I’ve never been unprepared for a quiz in my life, and it makes me feel anxious.
Dr. Grimes looks around the room, and he pauses when he sees Brody and me. He looks back and forth, with Eric and Declan between us, and shakes his head before moving on. Yeah, it doesn’t make sense to me either.
During class, I notice Brody texting on his phone. I hate myself for wondering who he’s talking to. A minute later, my phone vibrates.
Brody: Some girl attacked me on the way to class 2day
I smile before texting back.
Me: Some guy attacked me. Coincidence?
He picks up his phone and snorts when he reads my message.
Brody: Want me to kick his ass?
My smile widens. I want to believe he thinks I’m worth fighting for. I haven’t ever been in a fight, but I sure wanted to rip that girl, Whitney’s, hair out. When I peek at Brody, I notice Declan looking between us again. Shifting in my seat, I concentrate on my notes the rest of the hour.
After class, Declan hangs back to walk to my next class with me. I wave to Brody and Eric, hoping they will take the hint. Brody has a thunderous expression on his face, and Eric looks downright pissed. What a pair.
Declan doesn’t take my hand like he used to, but he walks close to me. “Did you have a good weekend?” He sounds hesitant, almost nervous.
“I did, but I missed your calls.” I nudge his arm with my shoulder. When I look up at him, a smile spreads across his face.
“Yeah, well, I missed you, too.” He nudges me back, and the world seems a better place.
We walk in comfortable silence, but I suddenly remember my lunch date. “Katie called. She’s in Knoxville, and she asked me to go to lunch later today.” I sigh. “I want to see her, but I dread the walking on pins and needles. I mean, she hasn’t called since that day she showed up here. I don’t even know what to expect.”
“I wish you didn’t have to go through that. I would do it for you if I could.” He sympathetically pats me on the shoulder. I draw such comfort from that small touch.
“I know you would. She actually seemed pretty normal, and I’ve missed her.” And that is why I know I have to see her.
Once we reach my building, Declan stops and pulls me into a comforting hug. “Good luck, Quincy. Call if you need anything.” Again, I understand why he is the chaplain of his fraternity. He always seems to know exactly what to say, and he says just enough without saying too much.
I watch him walk away, and I wonder if it’s possible to love more than one boy at a time. Because I sort of do.
I sit through English Lit and study until lunch time. I have been so anxious that I am relieved when Katie pulls up outside my dorm.
The windows are down and the music is turned up loud. The smile on her face is priceless, and I am filled with love for the girl sitting here with me. We decide on a place to go, and I find myself staring at Katie while she drives. She looks so carefree, so much like she did before she got sick, that I cannot take my eyes off her. She is beautiful.
Sitting on the patio at my favorite bistro, we laugh and gossip like old friends. “You will not believe what Aunt Tammy did the other day!” She squirms in her seat, bursting at the seams to tell me. “Mom made us lunch, and we were all just sitting there in the kitchen. All of a sudden, I smelled the worst smell I’ve ever smelled in my life!” I am already laughing because I know where this is headed. “I swear I was either going to gag or bust a gut! She lied about it, but she practically shit on us right there in the kitchen!” Now, we both have tears running down our faces. “And you know me. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t talk, and Mom got mad at me because I couldn’t stop. Tammy was madder than hell. But what the crap? Who does that?”
I laugh so hard I know my sides will hurt tomorrow. “Stop it, Katie, stop! I’m going to pee on myself.” Only Katie can get to me like this. When she’s on, she’s on. But when she’s off, she’s way off.
We laugh and visit for a couple of hours but I know I have to get back. I’m way behind on my studies, and it’s making me paranoid.
The drive to Baxter Hall is quiet, and it hurts to watch her drive away. I don’t know when I’ll see this Katie again. I just want to hold onto her for a while longer, but I already feel h
er slipping away.
Chapter 39
When I walk into Player’s Wednesday night, I don’t expect Brody to be working. I traded nights with another girl so that I could have Friday off. I am taking an order at a table when I look up to find him staring at me. Immediately, my whole body tingles and becomes warm. It’s as if he caressed me from across the room.
Distracted, I have to ask the customer to repeat his order. After I place the order, I make my way to the bar. Brody is talking to several girls who are vying for his attention. Geez. It’s Wednesday night. Don’t they have to go to church or something?
As I approach, I have a slightly sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. But when Brody turns and sees me, his face transforms into a sexy smile. He excuses himself and saunters my way. “I wondered how long it would take you to notice me.” He leans toward me, one hand on the bar. “I was getting lonely over here.”
I raise my brow skeptically, “Yeah, right. I see your fan club waiting for you.”
“Ah, but that’s the thing, Quince. I only see you.” And he does make me feel like the only girl in the room. “Come here.” He leans across the bar. I look around to see if anyone is watching, and I lean over the bar toward him. He stares into my eyes as he presses a quick but gentle kiss on my lips.
He abruptly turns and walks back to the girls. They are staring at me with disbelief and envy on their faces. Secretly, I am ecstatic. I want to jump up and down with my fist in the air. Instead, I smirk and walk away. Take that.
Alex meets me in the kitchen. “Uh, huh. You finally going to come clean or am I going to have to torture you for the truth?”
Everything is going so well, I don’t want to jinx it. But I can’t keep my secret any longer. I smile so wide my face hurts. “I guess we’re just seeing where things take us?” I didn’t mean to pose it as a question, but I don’t have a cookie-cutter label to put on it. “I mean, you know he doesn’t really date, but well… I really like him.”
The look of skepticism on her face almost makes me laugh. “No way, girlfriend. You must not see the way he looks at you. I’m pretty certain this is more than just ‘seeing where it leads’ because I’ve never seen him act like this.”
I want to believe her, but I just don’t know. I let out a deep breath and challenge her, “Really? Alex….”
“Girl, don’t tell me you can’t see it!” She cuts me off before I can finish my thought. “That boy is whipped.” She shakes her head in disbelief, “I never thought I’d see the day. You lucky bitch.”
“I’m just trying not to read too much into it.” I feel as if I already have one foot out the door, like I’m waiting for the other foot to follow. Turning her back to me, she dismisses me.
Earlier today, we had class together. He maintains his distance around Declan, but his eyes are weary. His patience is growing thin.
Throughout the night, I feel Brody’s eyes on me. Whenever I approach the bar, he finds a reason to touch me, even if it’s just a brush of the hand. My body is hyperaware, anticipating each caresss, but longing for more. That’s it. I drank the punch. I joined Brody’s fan club.
After I cash out, Brody walks me to my car. It’s dark, but the sky is alight with stars. Leaning against my car, he pulls me to stand between his legs. I suddenly feel self conscious and look down at my feet, but he puts a finger under my chin to left my face. “Don’t hide, Quince. I need to see your eyes.” He pulls me close, and I press a quick kiss to his mouth. When I pull away, he shakes his head. In slow motion, he pulls me to him again. “Oh no, that was not enough.”
His mouth covers mine, teasing my lips open. I forget where we are and what we’re doing. Everything fades away as I pour myself into his kiss. I only hope he can feel what I don’t know how to say.
I finally pull away, but he continues to hold me close, my face against his chest. He kisses the top of my head and whispers into my hair, “Quince, I don’t know how much more I can take.” I know exactly what he means.
Chapter 40
As the weekend gets closer, I dread the idea of going to Collier. It’s not like I don’t want to see my family. It’s just that I want to see Brody more. And if that doesn’t make me feel bad enough, the other reason I want to stay is to make sure Brody doesn’t get tempted.
I trust Brody, but I’m not sure I trust the girls who hang around the house. They throw themselves at him, and I don’t know where we stand on that. He said he wouldn’t share me with someone else, but he never made any promises to me.
And then there is the pathetic truth. I don’t look or act anything like those girls, and I’m afraid I don’t measure up.
After working with Brody on Tuesday, he has texted me every night just to say ‘goodnight’. Just knowing that he’s thinking about me ties me in knots. It’s not a lot, but it means the world to me.
Things with Declan aren’t as uncomfortable as I had thought they would be. We talk and laugh the same as always, but he doesn’t reach for my hand or kiss me anymore. I miss his easy, carefree way. When he smiles, it doesn’t always reach his eyes, and I hate myself for changing him. Why can’t he be enough?
By Thursday, I am ready to release some tension. Jenna and I have already made plans to go to Club Bliss since we will be out of town all weekend. Honestly, I just want to let go and dance my ass off.
One of the best parts about going out with Jenna is getting ready to go out with Jenna. She always finds a way to make me look beautiful. Tonight, she has chosen dark skinny jeans paired with a simple white shirt for me. I wear silver sandals, and though understated, I do look simple and pretty. I braid my hair to the side, apply some lip gloss, and I’m ready to go. No make-up to worry about when I start sweating.
Jenna looks like she walked straight out of the pages of a magazine. If she weren’t my best friend in the whole world, I’d be insanely jealous. And there is the added benefit that being with Jenna lends me confidence that I wouldn’t normally have.
When we walk in, the club is already packed. The smell, the noise, the lights… My heart rate picks up, and my body buzzes with excitement. I’m ready to dance. Jenna takes my hand and pushes through the crowd to the stairs.
We are meeting Eric on the second floor. Jenna mentioned that some of the guys were coming, but I have no idea who will show up. I didn’t mention it to Brody because I didn’t want to look clingy. It doesn’t stop me from hoping I might see him tonight. I didn’t ask Declan because I just don’t think we’re back to that stage yet. But that doesn’t keep me from missing him.
When we reach the second floor, Jenna leads me to a dark corner where Eric is waiting for us. Several tables are pushed together, and they are crowded with the guys and their dates. Trying to act uninterested, I slowly scan the crowd for Brody or Declan. When my eyes meet blue ice, it’s as if we are the only people in the room. I cannot look away. For what seems like minutes, our eyes burn into each other. Slowly, I become aware of our surroundings.
Jenna gives my hand a quick squeeze before letting go. We find seats near Eric, but all I can think about is getting closer to Brody. He is at the other end of the table, and I couldn’t sit by him without being obvious.
A glance in his direction makes my blood boil. He hasn’t taken his eyes off me, despite the girl who is leaning into his side. Her boobs are about to fall out of her too-tight shirt, and she has enough make-up on for three people. She doesn’t seem to notice that he isn’t paying her any attention at all. Dumb bimbo.
The thought crosses my mind that maybe he brought her here. He didn’t know I was coming because we never discussed it. Another glance, one more peek, and I notice Brody putting some distance between them. He even scoots his chair away, but she follows. She is as tenacious as a dog with a bone. As I watch, I have the sudden urge to laugh. If I wasn’t so pissed, I would find the whole thing funny. If.
Jenna yells, “Quince, you need a drink?” I nod, but I know I probably won’t drink it. I am the self-appointed DD. After my las
t experience with alcohol mixed with jealousy turned into a freakin’ disaster, I can’t even think about it. Nope. No desire to repeat.
The next time I look for Brody, he is gone. The bimbo is still sitting with her friends, a pout on her lips. A giggle escapes me before I can contain it.
“Play nice, Quince.” Brody leans over my shoulder to speak into my ear before plopping down in the chair next to me. I shiver despite the heat, but I refuse to look at him.
Pulling his chair closer to me, he says, “I have been waiting for you to get here all night.” I risk a glance in his direction. Big mistake. His hair curls on the ends and whispers across his brow. The royal blue shirt he’s wearing enhances his eyes, making them almost translucent. I take a deep breath, and I inhale the scent that is uniquely his. Big. Mistake.
“Right. You didn’t even know I was coming, Brody.” I wonder what would have happened with the girl if I hadn’t shown up. I hate feeling this way, but I can’t seem to control it.
“Eric said he was meeting Jenna. I knew you’d be wherever she was.” He looks so proud of himself, so smug. But I can’t deny his logic. Relaxing in my chair, I smile at him over my shoulder. “I didn’t even want to come, but I couldn’t resist an opportunity to see my girl dance.” Damn it. Even his voice gets to me.
Suddenly, I am aware of how we must look to everyone. I look from face to face, but no one appears to even notice us. Brody doesn’t seem to care, so I relax, enjoying these moments of normalcy.
Eric and Jenna return with our drinks. I watch as Brody takes a long swig from his beer. His lips wrap around the bottle and the muscles in his throat move when he swallows. I can smell the beer on Brody’s breath when he talks to me. Funny how I always thought beer was nasty, but it somehow smells delicious on him. Oddly enough, I finally understand why men think those super bowl commercials are so hot.
A few small sips of my beer help me relax, and I loosen up while we talk. I wonder what we look like to the people who walk by. A happy couple? Friends? Maybe we just met. Or maybe we’ve known each other for years. I’d love to write our story.