by J. L. Ostle
What the fuck is going on with us?
I take a step back and tell him I’m going to the bathroom; the alcohol I have consumed is making my head fuzzy and making me want things I know I can’t have. I head to the girl’s room and look in the mirror, my makeup still looks freshly applied, but as I look into my gray eyes, I feel like crying. Who am I? I’m just going on auto pilot and I know I’m going to snap, I’m going to scream. I’m hoping I’m alone when this happens.
I take in a few deep breaths to calm down and head back out. A few people come to me telling me what a good dancer I am, how beautiful I moved. Yeah, that’s probably the only beautiful thing about me. I head back to the bar, assuming that’s where Jonny went, and as my eyes lock on him, I freeze.
God, I feel so stupid.
Just a few feet away from me is Jonny, kissing a girl. Well, more like groping.
This is who he is. Why would I ever think differently? I head back to the dancefloor and start to dance to Mr. Vain by Culture Beat. I try and let the music do its thing but, every time I close my eyes, I see his eyes staring into mine.
Stupid fucking eyes.
Wish I could just stab those beautiful eyes.
Jonny
When her body was moving along with mine, it felt like it was made for me, she just fit perfectly. Seeing her smile as we moved across the floor. I’m surprised that people moved for us, it reminded me of a movie, but I’m glad they did. I could sense how relaxed she felt and when she stopped and looked at me, I couldn’t move. I felt her breasts pushing against my chest. I so badly wanted to press my lips against hers, but I couldn’t. Even if this is what she thinks she wants, it will be something she would regret.
I did the right thing; I know I did.
I watch her as she walks to the bathroom and head to the bar, ordering two bourbons and downing them as quickly as they came. I order another two, and by the time I’ve drank them, my body starts to go numb. I’m looking out to the dance floor waiting for Raven to return when a blonde sits next to me. I try to ignore her but her body is pressed to my side. I turn and see the light blue eyes looking into mine. I can tell she wants me; she would let me fuck her right here if I asked.
“Would you like a drink?” she asks me. I nod, she orders the same again for me and she gets a vodka and coke. I take a sip from mine, not feeling the burn anymore.
I look back into this girl’s eyes and she smiles at me before standing and stepping in-between my legs. I should tell her no, I should be waiting for Raven since I’m here with her, but all logical thoughts have gone. I let her lips touch mine; she presses in harder and I can’t help but to react to her. I fist my hand in her hair, pulling her in closer, hearing her moan in my mouth.
She rubs herself against me, causing my dick to grow harder. I stop kissing her and lift her legs up so she straddles me. She looks at me in shock on how effortlessly I lifted her. I press her down onto my cock and start kissing her again. If we weren’t in a public place, I would unzip my pants and thrust inside her. Feeling her rub against me feels so good. I need a release so fucking badly.
Raven really has done a number on me.
Raven, Raven, fuck, where is Raven?
I stop kissing the girl sitting on my lap and look around. The girl continues to ride my dick as I try and concentrate on what is going on around me. I spot her on the dance floor with a drink in her hand and I relax, knowing she is okay. She must have seen me with this stranger and left me to it. I don’t know if I should feel grateful or annoyed.
Why am I annoyed? What did I expect her to do, come over and tell the girl to go fuck herself? I stand up with the girl still wrapped around me. I grab one of her legs to bring her feet to the floor.
“Want to go back to my place?” I ask her and she nods, smiling at me. “Let me go get my friend, be right back.” I head to the dancefloor knowing the girl will wait on the spot for my return. I see Raven moving her hips, her hands in her hair, and I feel my dick grow harder, watching her move that sinful body.
Fuck, this is torture.
“Raven, we’re going home,” I shout in her ear. She turns and looks at me, then over my shoulder.
“You go ahead; think I’m going to dance for a little longer.” She turns back around. Did she just turn her back on me?
“Raven, I said we are going home, I’m not leaving you here.” I spin her around so she is looking at me.
“What, we have to go home just because you said so? Just because you want to leave to fuck some girl? You either go and leave me here or wait until I’m ready, it’s up to you.” I growl at her, but she looks at me with indifference, and that just pisses me off.
“We are going,” I spit out.
“No, I’m not, you can if you want. Now go get an STI and leave me alone.” She is about to spin around again, but I stop her.
“We’re going.” I lift her up and carry her over my shoulder. I feel her hitting my back and ass but I ignore her.
“Let me go, you big ass.” She literally slaps my ass. We walk to the girl I’m going to be sleeping with and tell her to follow me, she looks from Raven back to me, shrugs and walks behind me. Raven is still kicking off but I know she’ll probably pass out once her head hits the pillow.
Jonny
I’m sitting in a cab with a pouty best friend and a touchy feely girl who I’m going to fuck. Raven won’t talk to me, and I don’t think the girl sitting next to me is helping. What a fucked up situation to be in. The girl's hand rubs against my thigh, near my crotch area. Normally I would be all for it. I don’t give a damn if I’m in a cab and I know if I asked Raven to watch, she would. She knows my main turn on, and that’s her watching me fuck someone.
Yes, it’s fucked up.
No, it can’t be just anyone to watch, it has to be her.
When I first asked her, she looked at me in disgust and walked away. When I tried to talk to her about it, she shut me down, saying she isn’t into the watching thing. She was so angry at me for asking. I knew then that she doesn’t belong in my sexual world. She’s vanilla and I accept that; nothing wrong with it.
I just have certain tastes that I like to have met.
But a year later, we were at a club in L.A. and we got very drunk. I took a redhead back to my hotel room and she asked Raven if she wanted to watch. I was going to tell her no when Raven surprised me and said yes. She said she wanted to conquer something within her. I guess she wanted to climb out of her safety bubble or something, but she watched us.
She watched me fuck another girl. I swear it was the hottest thing ever. I never came so hard in my fucking life.
I could feel Ravens eyes as she watched me touch the girl; I had made sure I went slowly, teasing the redhead, but deep down I was hoping I was teasing the girl that said no. My eyes bored into Ravens as my dick was thrusting hard and fast into this girl I knew I was using. When I came, Raven stood and left.
I ask her now and again to watch me and she does; She sits on the comfortable chair in the corner of my room, her legs tucked under her as if she is about to watch a movie. She doesn’t play with herself, doesn’t moan, she just sits and watches. When I come, she always leaves right after.
So right now, if I fucked this stranger, I wouldn’t care since Raven has watched me numerous times. But right now is different; she’s mad at me, and now that I’ve sobered a little, I can tell why. I made her leave her night out just because I wanted to wet my dick. This was meant to be her night for helping me with my studying and working with me on the accounts for my future empire.
God, I’m a huge dick. No pun intended.
I lean towards Raven, about to apologize, when Miss. Stranger plunks her ass on my lap, sucking and kissing my neck. Part of me wants to push her away from me. I don’t think I can have sex with her now. Maybe I should just take her home.
“You two look so down, why don’t we take the party back to Mr. Tall, Dark. and Sexy’s place. You can join us if you want.” I roll my eyes, that
’s one thing that will never happen. If I can’t fuck her now, like hell a threesome is in the cards.
“Why don’t I watch you fuck him.” I look at Raven but she isn’t looking at me, she’s looking at the girl straddling me.
“You can play too,” the girl purrs.
“No, I just want to watch you ride him.”
Raven
I’m angry with myself that I am letting this bother me. He isn’t mine, and I know he brings women back to his apartment all the time, but I feel weird about it. I don’t know if it’s the girl, the alcohol or just me. I watch from the corner of my eye as she touches him, feels him. I need to get him out of my system. I need to put him in that friend zone I’ve kept him in the last few years.
When Miss. Blonde asked for a threesome, I was going to tells her no thanks, but then a thought popped into my brain. I need to watch him fuck someone so I can see him as he truly is; a player, a guy who fucks around. Yes, I have watched him have sex a couple of times. When I watch, I can see a sensual side to sex, and it has helped me face some inner demons.
People watch porn, so it’s not really any different than that.
I read a book recently about girls paying to watch guys touch themselves over the internet, so it’s not really a big deal these days.
The first time Jonny asked me to watch him, I felt like I was having an anxiety attack, remembering how that bitch forced me to watch her. Watch her as she sucked a guy off and watch him then go down on her. She really did do a number on me, scarred me emotionally and mentally. She made me believe that certain things are wrong, but they aren’t if you agree with what you are doing.
One night, I felt brave enough to conquer my fear, to not let Lindsey win, and it helped I was super drunk. I watched and saw a sweeter side to sex, to touching, even if it was a one-night stand. It was all consensual, not forced.
I need to watch Jonny now so I can drum into my head that this is who he is.
We get to the apartment and I get out of the cab first and I can hear them both follow me. I wave to Peter the doorman and head to the elevator, pressing the button. When it comes, I step in and turn, facing Jonny and his girl for the night. His eyes are looking into mine, asking questions, wanting answers to questions I won’t let him ask.
We get to his floor and I watch him put in the card key and we all walk into his home. I head straight to the kitchen, opening the far cupboard, taking out the vodka, and taking a deep drink. The liquid really burns my throat but I take another. I take the bottle with me and head back to the living room where Jonny is leaning against the wall opposite me; the girl is looking around in amazement.
Yeah, I remember, I had the same look when I first came here.
So much has changed since then.
“This place is huge,” the girl says, walking seductively to Jonny. His eyes look down at her then back to me. I just watch. I take another sip from the bottle and head to his room. I sit in my usual spot and wait.
A few minutes later Jonny walks in, holding the girl's hand as they stand in the middle of the room. Jonny looks like he doesn’t know what to do. He turns to me again and I raise an eyebrow, telling him to get on with it. He looks pissed off. He turns away from me and slams his mouth on the girl’s lips. Kissing her with everything he has. From the sound of her moans, I’m sure it’s a good kiss.
“Strip,” Jonny tells her. He takes a few steps back and unbuttons his grey shirt but leaves it on. Her eyes watch his every move. She brings her hands behind her and I hear her unzip her dress, letting it fall on the floor until she is wearing only a red bra and matching thong. She starts to walk towards him but he tells her to stop. “Touch yourself.” She looks at me and her hand glides down her stomach until her fingers are in her panties, fingering herself. She spreads her legs open wider and I can see her hand moving faster.
“Stop,” Jonny growls out. He walks around her so he is behind her, takes off her bra, and with a quick movement, he rips her thong off her, causing her to moan again.
“Please,” she begs him. He turns her until she is facing him again and pulls at her nipple, making her cry out, reaching down with his other hand to cover her mound and she arches into his hand.
“You are so wet,” he says in her ear.
“Yes,” she whispers.
“Bend over.” She does and he lifts his hand and hits her ass, the echo vibrating around the room. I look on in shock. He just hit her. She cries out, but not in pain. That was pleasure. “Again?” She nods, he hits her.
I’ve never watched him hit a girl before. She cries out, begging for release, begging to be touched, but he just teases her. He looks up at me and I watch as he pulls his jeans down. Normally he just unzips and leaves his pants on, but this time he takes them off, his boxers too, and I can see his cock. It’s so big and thick. I try not to look affected but I am. How can that fit inside a person?
Jonny
Right now, I don’t give a fuck if I’ve crossed a line. Seeing her eyes on my dick makes me even harder. I can feel it pulsing, waiting for its sweet release. The girl, who I haven’t cared enough to ask the name of, is bent over, her ass in the air. When I first slapped her ass, I wasn’t sure how she would take it, but she found it pleasurable so I did it again, enjoying seeing that flawless skin redden.
I rub my dick along the girl’s wet folds, teasing her. I can feel how hot and wet she is. She is whimpering for my cock to be inside her. I slip a finger in her pussy and add another, then another, stretching her. She moans into the sheets of my bed. I slide in and out, take my fingers out and slide the wetness back and forth and enter her again. When her legs start to shake, I stop.
“Turn around,” I tell her. With shaky legs, she stands and turns, only wearing her heels. I go on my knees, her pussy is clean and shaven. I suck on her swollen clit first and she fists my hair. I lick along her pussy, adding two fingers, causing her to beg for more. Pleading to come.
I withdraw my fingers and push them back in when she whimpers at the loss. I make sure to hit the walls, reaching that spot that is making her body shake with need, building more pressure for her. My fingers are soaked with her juices; I know she’s close. I replace my tongue with my thumb, rubbing against her bud, and I stand up and bite her neck. She holds onto my shoulders so she won’t fall down. I increase the tempo and I hear her scream as she finds her orgasm.
I grab a condom from my drawer near the bed, rip it open with my teeth, and roll it on. I push her on the bed and she giggles as she bounces before looking at me like a cat in heat. I climb over her and with one quick motion, I place my tip into her opening and thrust inside her, causing us both to groan. I push myself until I’m fully inside her. She arches off the bed, I pull out slowly and enter again. I want to make sure she adjusts to my size. I like a good fuck, but I want to make sure the person I’m fucking enjoys it too, and when she screams for more, I ram inside her, pushing her a little up the bed by the force.
She wraps her legs around my waist as I thrust in, harder and faster. I feel sweat forming all over my skin, but I don’t care. I can hear her wetness slurping my dick, but I don’t care.
I simply don’t care.
I roar as I pound into her, the bed starts banging against the wall. She screams out my name, I can feel her pussy tighten around my cock on her release, I go faster if that’s even possible and after a few more thrusts, I come inside the condom. I keep ramming into her, until my dick is drained.
I lay on top of the girl, catching my breath. She is shaking her head in amazement. I know how to please a woman, and once I’m inside them, it’s like this animal comes out. I haven’t met a woman who doesn’t enjoy what I offer, apart from one. I lean up and finally crawl off the bed. I turn around, remembering Raven, but when I look at the chair, she isn’t there.
She left. Again.
Raven
High School – Senior Year
“Have you got a date to the school dance?” he asks me, brushing my hair as i
t’s the only thing I find therapeutic.
“No, who would ask the nerdiest kid in school to the dance? Especially the one that gets picked on and bullied constantly.” I tell him. This is the school dance before Prom, before school finishes for good. Prom. I don’t have a date to that either.
“Just think, you go to college soon and can start fresh,” he reassures me, but I think even when I do go to college, there will probably be another bully waiting to torture me, but hopefully they won’t be as bad as the nasty trio.
Nothing can be as bad as they are.
“Yeah, I can’t wait. I can’t believe I’m going to college. A college girl.” I dance a little on the spot. He chuckles at me.
“Just glad you’re staying here, though, what would I do without you? Who would keep me company and deal with my boringness?” I turn around and hit his shoulder.
“Don’t be stupid, you’re not boring, you’re awesome. I can’t imagine leaving home, I know Mom and Dad work loads, but moving away is too scary to even think about. At least here I know where things are, I know the area,” I babble on.
“True, so it’s not me you’re staying for.” He pretends to look hurt and I shake my head at him.
“You’re such a doofus.”
“A cute doofus.”
“If you say so.” I laugh at him. He lifts me up and places me on the bed and starts tickling me; I scream and laugh, begging him to stop.
“Please stop!” I cry out.
I wake up in a sweat, my clothes clinging to my body. I run straight to the shower and put the water on, making sure it’s really hot and step in. I let the water fall down on me as I try and wash away the dream. I remember that day clearly. I finally made the decision on what college I was going to and I thought that Lindsey and her girls would have gone somewhere else. Away from me. I hate that even my innocent memories are tarnished by what happened.