Little Conversations

by Matilde, Sibylla

  Chapter 11 – Barroom brawl

  Devin and Joanie followed Amy through the crowded bar as they sought out the guys. Amy had been going on and on all day about Matt, whom she had just found out had actually moved back to town a few weeks ago after finishing up school last spring. Shane had neglected to tell her, or rather, hadn’t really wanted her to know, especially after seeing them together the other night in the mountains. Protective big brother was kicking in—hard! He knew she’d been crazy about the guy when she was younger, and Amy had made no secret of the fact that she was pretty sure Matt had gotten even hotter over the past few years since he’d been away.

  There was a live band covering songs spanning decades, and the dance floor was currently packed with couples swaying away to a great rendition of Eric Clapton’s Angel. As the three girls skirted the dance floor, Devin uncomfortably looked away from the attention they garnered from a group of cowboys who smiled at them in invitation. Damn! She should not have let Joanie pick out her clothes. A short skirt and mid-calf boots were sending all kinds of signals that she didn’t want to deal with.

  And Jake said he’d stop by tonight. Melanie had left today, and he wanted to talk. Devin just wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what he was going to say. He’d probably have a thing or two to say about her outfit.

  “Oh my gosh! There he is! Isn’t he just so… hot!?” Amy exclaimed, stepping back between Devin and Joanie and looping her arms through theirs. She pulled them towards the bar where the object of her affection stood laughing with Ronin, Joe, and Shane.

  “Heyyyyy Matt,” Amy purred loudly. “Wanna dance?”

  “Well, if it isn’t little ol’ Amy,” Matt grinned. Shane looked horridly uncomfortable for a moment, shooting Matt a warning look. Matt rolled his eyes. “Dude, cool it. She’ll be just fine,” he reassured Shane. Amy grabbed his hand and began to tug him towards to the dance floor.

  “Matt,” Shane warned

  “Back in a few minutes, girls,” Amy tossed a smile in their direction, but she didn’t take her eyes off Matt as she pulled him away.

  “Well, my guess is we won’t see much more of Amy tonight,” Devin muttered. “She’s been talking our ear off for the past couple hours about oh-my-gosh-he’s-so-gorgeous Matt.”

  Shane looked positively nauseous and sucked back his Jack and Coke.

  “Here, honey,” Ronin said, pushing his beer towards Devin. “May as well have a drink. She’s latched onto this guy pretty tight, so I’d be willing to bet you’ll be here a while. I’ll keep an eye on the bartender and grab it back if he heads this way.”

  Devin smiled at Ronin and raised the bottle to take a long drink while Joe leaned forward to block the bartender’s view. She savored the bitter taste and took another swig before handing it back to Ronin. A hint of a smile played at his lips as he finished it off himself before the bartender walked over.

  “Want another, Ronin?”

  “Maybe in a bit, Todd. I’m going to try and get this little lady out on the floor.” Ronin smiled at Devin as he stood and slipped his arm around her shoulders, guiding her toward the dancing couples.

  Devin felt a shiver course through her at the first awareness of his arm around her, his lazy gait taking them a few steps away before he turned her and pulled her against his broad chest. The music changed slightly, the course strains of a cover of ZZ Top’s Rough Boy rang through the room, prompting them to gently rock together—fluidly as one.

  Devin rested her head against his shoulder and focused on the beat of the music together with the beat of his heart. Ronin’s lips brushed against her temple as his hand slid low on her back, settling just below the curve of her spine. Through the smoky air of the bar, unable to resist the temptation, she pressed her face up against his neck, smelling the warmth of his skin. She inhaled the scent of soap and fresh air and… Ronin. Her eyes drifted shut and, just for a moment, she pretended this was real. She wondered what it would be like if she wasn’t still so messed up over Jake—if Ronin wasn’t still battling his own ghosts.

  Ronin enveloped himself around her as though he was doing the same, and Devin drew even closer to him. Flush up against him. She lifted her head, her eyes meeting his. Her lips parted with the soft expression she caught there. And then he kissed her gently, slowly, lightly… lovingly.

  Their bodies continued to sway to the slow beat as Ronin lifted his head a touch, his lips barely an inch away, breathing in her stilted gasps of air. His eyes glinted in the hazy light of the bar, and he studied her for a moment. Unsure what to think or how to feel about the way he looked at her, Devin dropped her gaze and rested her head against his chest. She faced the entrance to the bar—and spotted Jake angrily walking back outside.

  “Shit! Jake!” Devin jolted back away from Ronin. She stared at him in a moment of agony before turning on her heel and running outside after Jake. He was about to step off the corner to cross the street when she caught up with him. “Jake! Wait… where are you going?” she asked.

  Jake turned around and looked her up and down, obviously displeased with her appearance. She hoped her lips didn’t look as bad as they felt, still burning from Ronin’s sweet kiss.

  “You said you were going to be in the bar,” Jake started, looking at her distastefully, “but I didn’t see you in there.” His voice was dangerous, cold.

  “I was out on the floor,” she mumbled, “dancing.”

  “Dancing!?” Jake asked, incredulous. “You? You were dancing? With who?”

  “Jake—” Devin tried to soothe the detestation in his eyes.

  “No! Tell me, Devin. Who were you dancing with? Or do you even know his name?” he sneered.

  Devin crumbled at his anger with her, with his expression of such disgust. It had been a while since he’d displayed this vehement reaction to her behavior, but here it was again, forcing Devin’s subdued response. “Ronin,” she whispered. “I was dancing with Ronin.”

  Jake scoffed. “Ronin, huh? Fuck, Devin, what the hell were you dancing with Ronin for? I came here tonight, just to see you. You knew I was coming to see you. And you are out slutting away with Ronin.”

  “Jake,” Devin whimpered. “Don’t get so mad. It doesn’t mean anything. We’re friends.”

  Just then, Joe’s voice from just inside the doorway brought Devin’s attention to their little audience. “What are you doing out here, Ronin?”

  Devin’s breath caught in her throat, wishing him away.

  “I’ll tell you what, Joe. This jackass out here is really starting to piss me off,” replied Ronin, leaning up against the doorway, his ball cap turned around backwards, a telltale Montanan sign that he was ready to tussle.

  Devin blanched. Jake bristled.

  “What the fuck did he just say?” asked Jake in a low voice.

  Devin didn’t take her eyes off Jake as she shook her head. “Jake, please… let’s go talk. C’mon,” she begged as she took a step closer.

  “Did you hear what the fuck he just said? You do have something going on with Ronin, don’t you!?” Jake ground out, getting angrier with every word.

  “We’re just friends, Jake. It’s not what you think! I love you. You know I love you!”

  Jake turned on his heel and crossed the street to his pickup. Stopping by his driver door, he glared back at her before he got in. “Are you coming, or not?” His level gaze was furious. Not waiting for an answer, he abruptly got in his truck and slammed the door.

  Devin glanced back at Ronin for a second as he leaned against the door to the bar. An unreadable expression marred his face. His eyes were bitter, cutting through her. “I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head, and she ran across the street after Jake.

  Devin didn’t say a word as Jake pulled away from the curb. She had learned over the last couple years that, when he was like this, it was better not to talk. It didn’t seem to matter what she said, it was always the wrong thing.

  He drove them back to her house, pulled into the driveway, and sh
ut off the engine. Devin could practically see the fury rolling off him as he stared ahead through the windshield. After what seemed like forever, he turned to cast an icy look in her direction.

  “So, you got something going on with Ronin?”

  “He’s a friend.” Devin chewed her lip.

  “A friend, huh?”

  Devin nodded in a jerky movement.

  “A friend.” He stared at her pensively, and the air sparked with his anger. “So, where have you been sleeping, Devin?” he asked in a dangerously biting voice. “Because I’ve come by here three times this week, and you weren’t here any of them.”

  Honesty is the best policy. The truth will set you free. Devin wanted to believe these things, except that being straightforward didn’t seem to make anything better with Jake, and she knew her honest answer would make him even more enraged than he already was. She was suddenly exhausted. She didn’t say a word.

  “Tell me! Where were you, Devin!?” Jake roared as he hit the steering wheel, causing Devin to jump in her seat.

  Devin was veritably afraid to speak, so she didn’t. She just waited for him to continue.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing,” Jake said through clenched teeth. “I should just let you go. I always thought we’d end up together. Now things are so complicated.” He looked over at her. “Do you even love me anymore?”

  “Do you love me, Jake?” Devin asked. “Really? Because, I sort of feel like, if you did, Melanie wouldn’t be an issue.”

  “Melanie… I’ve been thinking of you so much lately, Devin. You know I almost called her by your name?” Jake shook his head, as if he could barely believe it himself. He paused for a moment. “I miss the way things were between us,” he finally said softly. “Part of me really wants to break up with her. But, Mel? She’s going through some really tough shit at home. Her dad, he’s a real dick. She’s scared of him—physically. She needs to get away sometimes.”

  “So you fucked her because you felt bad?” Devin snapped quietly. “Sweet of you.”

  Jake’s eyes widened in surprise at her hushed, yet brash, retort.

  “God, Devin, it’s not like that! And what about you? Are you going to tell me where you’ve been staying? Seriously, Devin. I’ve been by here almost every night. Almost every night! Even with Melanie in the car, I drove past your house. I can’t stay away from you.” Jake studied her long and hard. “Where were you?”

  Devin took a long, deep breath. “We’re friends—” she started with a whisper.

  Jake glowered at her, appearing completely disillusioned. “Ronin! You have been staying at Ronin’s.” His voice shook as the anger built back up in him.

  “We’re friends, Jake,” Devin repeated firmly.

  “Just how friendly are you?” he asked through clenched teeth. “And how many other friends do you have?”

  Devin just shook her head and choked out a bitter laugh. She opened the pickup door and climbed out. Holding the door open, she leaned inside for a moment. “I would say we’re probably not as close as you and Melanie,” she said as the tears began to collect in her eyes. She slammed the pickup door and walked to her back porch. She heard the driver door open and close, heard Jake’s footsteps behind her. As she unlocked her deadbolt with her house key, she felt Jake’s arms slip around her stomach, pulling her against him.

  “I’ll get this figured out,” Jake whispered. “Don’t turn away from me.”

  Devin’s body stiffened at the underlying harshness of his command. She got the door open, and slipped out of his arms to step inside. Jake followed her in and trailed her as she walked back to her bedroom. She felt numb inside as Jake stepped over to her and brushed her hair over one shoulder. “I mean it, Devin.” He kissed the sensitive skin on her neck. His touch disturbed her, clenched her stomach. The sensation was surreal, as though it was no longer Jake kissing her. The emotion she normally felt wasn’t there. The tingles and the breathlessness and the butterflies in her tummy. None of it. Just an empty dread.

  “Please, Devin,” he whispered against her ear. “I love you.”

  He began to pull at her shirt.

  “Jake,” she said, taking a step away, towards the wall. “Stop.”

  She heard nothing in response. Not a movement or a breath. Nothing. She slowly turned to look at him. She’d never seen this visage on his face before. She wasn’t even sure what it was. His features were contorted, horrified, angry, incredulous.

  “You fucking whore!” he ground out.

  Her courage disintegrated at his grating intonation, and he violently pushed her back up flush against the wall. Like a slow motion movie sequence, she saw him bring back his fist. She closed her eyes and turned her head slightly, as if his anger was blinding her. Her knees gave way, and she began to slide down the wall to kneel on the floor. As she dropped, she heard a crack to the side of her head and felt bits of sheetrock dust her shoulder.

  Jake stood above her for a breath. “Oh my God,” he breathed in shocked revulsion. “God, Devin.” He looked down at her crouching on the floor before him. “See what you do to me? Why do you piss me off like this? You always do this. God, I almost hit you.”

  Devin’s chest felt constricted. She’d never been hit—ever. Not even spanked as a child. The aftermath of the last few seconds began to build in her, her breathing became jerky, and she frantically tried to calm herself. Jake stared at his hand, a little scraped and bloodied from the spackled texture on the wall. He stared through the darkness of the room at the shadow of a hole his fist had left. “God,” he breathed again. He got down on his knees, and clasped her face. “Jesus, Devin.” He kissed her. “I’m so sorry. God, I just love you so much…” He kissed her again. Devin let him, too shocked to respond. She didn’t push him away. She didn’t kiss him back. She just stayed there, appalled by what had just transpired.

  Jake stood, and pulled her to her feet. She stood emotionlessly. He wrapped a hand around the back of her head and he kissed her hard. His lips slid down to her neck. The tears in Devin’s eyes began to fall as he unbuttoned her shirt. He tugged at her skirt until it dropped to the floor. He slid her shirt from her shoulders and pushed her back towards the bed. Devin didn’t fight him. She was on autopilot. She felt outside of her body, as though she was looking down and watching this in horror, watching as she shamefully gave into him… gave herself to him. Again. Her tears streamed down the sides of her face as Jake slipped on a condom and took her, quickly and forcefully.

  When he was done, he fell to her side. Devin turned her head away, her mind reeling. What had just happened? What kind of fucked-up parallel universe was she in?

  “Devin?” Jake mumbled sleepily.

  “Yeah?”

  “You kinda smell like a smoky bar.”

  Devin eased out of the bed and crept to her bathroom. She started up the shower in a daze and climbed inside. As she closed her eyes to position her face in the spray, her mind flashed to see Ronin standing in the doorway to the bar tonight. She had barely glanced at him when he had spoken, but she could see him so clearly in her mind now, as if it were a photo, larger than life. She saw the indecipherable look on his face. She heard an echo of the strange lilt in his voice. She felt the burn of tears, her breath hitched. And in the shower, naked and alone, she wept.

  “Last call!” Todd hollered from the back of the bar.

  Ronin sucked down the last of his beer and looked over at Joe. “Ready?”

  Joe looked at him intensely. “I’m driving, Ronin,” Joe warned. “You haven’t left that stool all night, and, it seems like every time I have seen you, you’ve been finishing off another beer, like you’re mad-drinking or something.”

  “Fuck off, Joe,” Ronin responded and he stood. Or he tried to stand, but the floor felt like a trampoline, and he weaved, barely able to balance.

  “Holy shit, Ronin. Matt, Shane—get the fuck over here and help me.” Joanie and Amy stood to the side and watched with worry as Joe lifted Ronin’s arm
to cross his shoulders. Shane grabbed Ronin’s other arm and did the same. Amy held open the door to the bar, and Joanie ran ahead to open the passenger door of Ronin’s truck so the guys could push him in.

  “You got him, Joe?” Matt asked.

  “Yeah, I’ll just walk home from his place,” Joe responded. “It’s only a couple blocks.”

  “I’ll ride along,” Shane offered. “Amy, can you get my truck and pick me up at Joe’s?”

  “Yeah, I can do that, big brother,” Amy quietly murmured.

  Ronin was slouched in the middle of the bench seat, his head lying back against the headrest.

  “Fuck,” Joe muttered. “I haven’t seen him like this in years.”

  Joanie stepped forward, reaching in and across Ronin to buckle his seatbelt. “More to keep him in his seat than for safety,” she said looking worried.

  Shane and Joe climbed in the pickup on either side of Ronin, and Joe backed it out of the parking space. The streets were relatively quiet. It was just before two o’clock in the morning, and the bars hadn’t started to kick out their patrons yet.

  “Turn here,” Ronin slurred in his drunken stupor.

  “We’re taking you home, Ronin,” Joe replied.

  “Joe, turn,” Ronin said more forcefully. “Turn right and then left in three blocks.”

  “Ronin, buddy, I don’t think you wanna see what you’re gonna see,” Shane warned.

  “Fuckin’ turn,” Ronin muttered angrily, starting to sit up and reaching for the steering wheel.

  “Christ, okay!” Joe ground out. “Just sit back and keep your God-damned hands off the wheel.”

  Joe turned, following Ronin’s directions. He slowed as they drove quietly passed Devin’s place. Ronin again raised his head a touch and looked down the driveway. Jake’s truck. The lights were off. He was evidently spending the night. Right now, Devin was probably blissfully wrapped up in his arms. Ronin swallowed hard, dropped his head back, and closed his eyes.

  “Okay, Joe. Take me home.”