Nobody's Baby

by Jane Toombs

  What if I’m wrong and Talal doesn’t return? Danny never will have a father. Not unless Karen marries someone.

  That scenario didn’t appeal to him at all. The thought of Karen in another man’s arms and Danny calling that man “Daddy” shook him to the core.

  No way. As he made that vow, the penny dropped and he understood exactly what his sister had urged him to do. He hadn’t understood what she meant at the time, but now he’d come to the same conclusion on his own.

  Rising from his chair, he hiked up his drooping sweatpants and headed for the shower. He had a hell of a lot to do in the next couple of days if he meant to get out of here by Christmas Eve.

  In the late afternoon of December 24, under Danny’s fascinated gaze, Karen put the last decorative ball on the little spruce tree she’d set up on an end table. She turned on the lights, and when they began blinking on and off he chortled with glee, banging a plastic block against the tray of his high chair.

  “Your very first Christmas tree,” she said. Unexpectedly, tears came to her eyes and she did her best to blink them back.

  What was the matter with her? Lately everything seemed to make her weepy, when she had nothing to cry about. Danny had recovered from his accident and they were together, a family of two, ready to celebrate his first Christmas.

  “We’ll sing carols,” she promised, “but no more Santa Claus, not till you’re older.”

  She’d taken him to one of the malls to see their Santa Claus—a complete fiasco. One look at the white-bearded Santa and Danny had begun to shriek in fright, sobbing all the way through the holiday crowds until they reached the car. It had occurred to her on the drive home that it might have been Santa’s beard—he hadn’t liked Talal, who wore a beard. Even though one beard was white and the other black, perhaps he associated beards with men he didn’t like.

  “We don’t need anyone, do we?” she asked. “Not when we have each other.” As she spoke, her gaze fell on the blue octopus in the playpen and she closed her eyes, knowing she lied.

  The doorbell rang. Karen frowned. She wasn’t expecting anyone. Two of the women she worked with had invited her to spend Christmas Eve with them and their families, but she’d told both of them she wanted to be alone with Danny for his first one. Who could be at the door? Maybe UPS with a belated package?

  She peered through the spy-eye and drew in her breath. It couldn’t be! Her fingers seemed to be all thumbs as she fumbled with the lock, finally releasing it. Her heart hammering, she opened the door.

  “Da!” Danny cried as Zed walked into the apartment, carrying a large Christmas bag.

  “Hello, Karen,” he said, setting down the bag.

  Restraining her impulse to fling herself into his arms, she smiled and said, “Merry Christmas, Zed.”

  “Da!” Danny cried again, holding up his arms. “Da, da!” Zed crossed to him, slid the tray out and lifted him from the high chair.

  “Hey, Tiger,” he said, hugging the boy. “I’ve missed you.”

  Danny patted his cheek with enthusiasm. Zed sat down and jogged the boy on his knee, chanting a nursery rhyme about a horse named Dapple Gray.

  “I’ve got a gray pony at the ranch,” he told Danny. “You’re a tad young at the moment, but pretty soon you’ll be riding him. We call him Windy for a reason I won’t reveal quite yet.” He slanted a glance at Karen and grinned.

  What was he talking about?. Danny wasn’t likely to be at his ranch now or later. But she said nothing. At the moment it was enough that Zed was here.

  “There’s a pizza in the car,” he told her. “I knew you wouldn’t be expecting me, so I came prepared. I’d better go and get it before it cools off too much.”

  When he tried to hand Danny to her the boy clung to him and refused to let go. Zed shrugged. “Okay, Tiger, you can help carry up the pizza,” he said, slinging him under one arm. As he opened the door, he said to Karen, “I hope Mrs. Hammond doesn’t misconstrue this.”

  So did she. Lucy, the policewoman, wouldn’t be welcome at the moment. She had no intention of sharing Zed with anyone except Danny.

  As she helped Zed dig in to the pizza, Karen decided it was the best Christmas Eve supper she’d ever eaten. Afterward, he reached into the Christmas bag, brought out presents for Danny and put them under the tree.

  “When does he get to open them?” Zed asked.

  “Wait until I put on a Christmas carol CD,” she said, “and we’ll gather round the tree.”

  Since the boy insisted on staying glued to Zed, he sat on Zed’s lap while she handed him the wrapped packages one by one. Zed did nine-tenths of the unwrapping, allowing Danny to tear some of the paper, which he did with great enjoyment. In fact, he seemed to get more of a kick out of the unwrapping than the actual presents.

  Karen looked on, the carols playing softly in the background, and understood what had been, missing before. Though single parents could and did raise healthy and happy children, a family really wasn’t two, it was three—mother, father and child.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” she said spontaneously. “We both are.”

  His smile, warm and tender, glowed in his eyes, as well. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

  As the evening drew on, Danny began to droop, and Karen tried to take him from Zed to give him a bath and get him ready for bed, but he made it clear that Zed had to come along or he wasn’t going. In the end, Zed had to put him into the crib and stand there patting his back ana singing carols to him until Danny finally fell asleep.

  “At least someone likes my voice,” Zed told her when they were back in the living room.

  “He’s afraid to let go of you in case you disappear again,” she said.

  Zed shook his head. “I won’t.” Putting his hands on her shoulders, he eased her down onto the couch. To her total amazement, he proceeded to get down on one knee in front of her. Taking her hand in his, he said, “Marry me, Karen. It’s the only solution for us and for Danny.”

  In her shock, his words jumbled in her head. Marry him? Best for Danny? Yes, he was right. Danny needed a father—specifically, he needed Zed for his father. She must agree, she wanted to agree, she would agree. Gladly. Yet where were the other words, the ones he hadn’t said? What about love?

  He didn’t love her—that’s why those words were missing. With tears of both joy and anguish misting her eyes, she chose her words carefully. “We’ll marry you, Danny and I. He does need you.” And so do I, more than you’ll ever know.

  Rising, Zed sat beside her on the couch and removed-a small velvet box from his pocket. He took out a ring and slid it onto her left hand. “I had to guess at the size. It can be made bigger or smaller.”

  Karen gazed at the diamond nestling among aquamarines in an imaginative gold setting. “It’s a perfect fit,” she said huskily, tears threatening.

  “I chose the aquamarines because of your eyes,” he said.

  Unable to bear any more—he was being sweet and considerate but what she really needed was his love—she began to cry.

  Zed pulled her into his arms, holding her close, murmuring soothingly. Why was she crying? he wondered. Certainly not because she was overwhelmed with joy because he’d asked her to marry him. She’d made it very clear that the only reason she’d agreed was for Danny’s sake.

  That wasn’t exactly why he’d proposed. What he wanted was her. And Danny, too, of course, but Danny was a bonus. Was she upset because she’d said yes?

  “I’m s-sorry,” she said shakily, easing away to pull a tissue from her pants pocket and wipe her face. “I’m not usually such a weepy-time gal. You probably won’t believe me, because I seem to water your shoulder regularly.”

  “When I start to wear a slicker you’ll know it’s getting to me,” he said, smiling at her. He rose and dug in to the paper bag again, lifting out a bottle of champagne.

  “Let’s drink a toast to us,” he said. “To us and to—” He hesitated and she caught her breath, waiting for his
next word. Would it be love?

  “To Christmas Eve,” he finished.

  He opened the bottle with a satisfying pop. She provided two stemmed glasses and he poured the pale bubbling wine into them. While he was pouring, Karen brought in a plate of colorfully decorated Christmas cookies and set them on the low table by the couch.

  He raised his glass. “To Karen and Danny,” he said, touching her glass.

  “And to Zed,” she added before taking a sip. She sat on the couch and drank more of her champagne. Glancing at the beautiful engagement ring Zed had given her, she sighed. She’d had a wonderful Christmas Eve and she had just promised to marry the man she loved. Why wasn’t she delirious with happiness?

  Zed sat down next to her, champagne bottle in his hand. “More wine?” he asked.

  She nodded.

  He filled her glass and topped his own, then reached for a cookie. Wasn’t he even going to seal what she could only think of as their bargain with a kiss? Feeling the beginning of resentment as she watched him munch on the cookie and reach for another, she swallowed more champagne.

  Zed knew he didn’t dare touch her. One kiss and he would have all her clothes off before she had time to catch her breath. So he drank another glass of wine and ate two more cookies. “These are good,” he said belatedly. “Are they homemade?”

  She nodded, finished the last drop in her glass and set it on the table. He lifted the bottle to pour more but found the bottle empty.

  “When?” she said, folding her arms across her breasts as she sat back.

  “When?” he echoed. As she opened her mouth to answer, he decided he knew what she meant. It was about time! He was almost ready to explode.

  “When are we going to—?” she began, and got no further. Zed pulled her into his arms, kissing her with all the pent-up need that had been collecting for weeks.

  For a fraction of time he thought she meant to resist, but then her lips softened under his, responding to his kiss. They parted, inviting him in, her tongue welcoming his as her hands rose to caress his nape. He slid his hands under her fuzzy red sweater, wanting to touch her skin, wanting to touch her everywhere.

  It was as though he’d lit a match and set off a fuse connected to dynamite, Karen thought dazedly as she felt desire rocket through her, fueled by his passionate kisses and intimate caresses. Clothes were in the way, his and hers, she needed to be closer, she could never get close enough to him.

  Off came her red sweater, then he unhooked the red bra that matched it and flung the bra aside. He tugged at her black velveteen pants until they came down and off. Her remaining garment was her red-and-black bikini. Meanwhile she finally got all the buttons on his shirt undone and slid it off his shoulders. When the shirt was gone, she unsnapped the band of his pants and reached for the zipper.

  “Better let me,” he rasped, easing the zipper down, When he yanked the pants off, his shorts went with them and his arousal told her why he’d wanted to be careful with the zipper.

  He groaned when her fingers closed around him, but almost immediately he removed her hand. “I want to make it last,” he whispered against her lips. His.hand, hot through her bikini, cupped her mound, igniting an inner blaze, making her mindless with need.

  “Zed,” she murmured helplessly, “Please, Zed, please.”

  He’d’ been dying to hear those words escape from her lips, was his last coherent thought as he tore off her bikini and plunged inside her, her soft heat surrounding him, giving him a sensual rush, sending him up the steep incline toward release, her undulations and little moaning cries assuring him she was with him all the way.

  Much later he shifted her so she lay on top of him, both lazily watching the Christmas tree lights blink randomly. After a time he said, “What was that question you were asking a while back?”

  “What question?” she murmured-drowsily.

  “As I recall, something about when we were going to get around to this. The truth is. I was ready the minute I walked in the door, but Danny was still up.”

  “Oh, that question,” she said. “Actually, that wasn’t what I meant.”

  He ran his hand over the curve of her hip. “No? You could have fooled me.”

  She nuzzled him. “Well, I sort of meant it, but that wasn’t what I was asking. It was about the date.”

  “What date?” As soon as the words were out, he picked up on her meaning. “The wedding, right? How about tomorrow?”

  She poked him in the ribs, making him shudder and laugh. “That tickles,” he accused.

  “You know we can’t get married on Christmas Day,” she said. “Besides, whether Nevada does or not, California has certain legal requirements. It takes a couple of days. Anyway, I need some time to think about this and to get ready.”

  “Okay, then, come back with me to Nevada and we’ll get married there. Jade can help with whatever arrangements you decide to make.”

  Her first impulse was to say she couldn’t, but then he kissed her and the hot rush of desire burned through her all over again. His slow, tender caresses blanked her mind until nothing existed but Zed and their lovemaking. This time they explored and tasted, in their mutual pleasure delaying the climax while they savored each kiss, each caress, each sensation.

  No one had ever made love to her, with her, so completely and wonderfully. The first time had taken the wild edge off their passion, so she could better appreciate and caress him while he discovered all her secret places.

  The trip up was slower but no less magic.

  Afterward, Karen realized she had no heart to stay behind in San Diego while Zed flew back to Carson Valley. Wherever he was, she wanted to be. Needed to be. Even if he didn’t, love her.

  “All right,” she told him, “but I want to plan our wedding, not rush through it. My parents will need time to get to Nevada, for one thing.”

  Zed sat up, pulling her with him, and grabbed the throw hanging over the back of the couch, wrapping it around them. “I can see this is going to be more complicated than I thought. I sort of had in mind going into one of those little Nevada chapels—there’s one up in Tahoe—and getting it over with quickly.”

  “I don’t get married every day! And neither do you. We’ll do it right or not at all.”

  Danny cried out, a frightened cry, sending them both scrambling off the couch. They rushed into the bedroom. When Karen switched on the light, Danny, clutching the bars of his crib rail, stared from her to Zed, his sobs easing.

  “Mama,” he said, raising his arms. “Dada.”

  Karen’s heart turned over. As she lifted Danny from the crib, she knew she’d made the right decision. For Danny’s sake as well as hers.

  Danny was content to be with her for only a moment or two before demanding that Zed take him. After that, he refused to be separated from Zed, setting up a terrible fuss when Zed tried to put him back into his crib.

  “No sleeping in bed with us, Tiger,” Zed told him. “I’m not about to let you start that bad habit.”

  “So what do you intend to do?” Karen asked as she slipped into a nightgown.

  “Rock him to sleep and then spirit him off to the crib while he’s out of it.”

  “Naked? You, I mean.”

  “What’s wrong with that?”

  Karen shrugged. “I guess I can live with it.” Actually, she enjoyed watching him walk around without any clothes on. He had a beautiful, masculine body—wide shoulders tapering down to hips that wouldn’t hold up sweatpants. She smiled at the thought.

  “How about some Christmas music played low?” she asked when he’d settled himself in the chair with Danny in his lap.

  “Can’t hurt, might help.”

  “You must have brought clothes with you. Are they at a motel?” she asked after putting on carols.

  He shook his, head. “In the car. I drove straight here from the airport.”

  She shot him a mock frown. “Pretty sure I’d ask you to stay here, were you?”

  “No, n
ot really.” He grinned at her. “Otherwise I’d have brought my bag in with the Christmas stuff and the pizza.”

  He began to hum “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas,” then began to sing it along with Bing Crosby, rocking as he sang. Softly, fortunately, because he was off-key. Danny didn’t seem to mind, though.

  “I’ll put on a robe and go down and get your stuff,” she offered.

  “Thanks. Keys are in my right pants pocket.” He told her what make and color the rental car was and where he’d parked it.

  By the time she’d got her robe and slippers, located his car and come back to the apartment with his bag, he’d stopped rocking. Zed wasn’t singing along to the Christmas carols any longer, either. Danny was sound asleep in his lap and Zed’s eyes were closed.

  “Zed?” she said softly. When he didn’t stir she knew he slept. She stared down at the two of them,’ smiling and shaking her head.

  Lifting Danny carefully from his lap, she carried the boy back to his crib without rousing him. Returning to the living room, she arranged the throw over Zed, then brought a blanket and pillow to the couch. She curled up there while the lights of the tree took turns going on and off, watching Zed sleep and listening to the sound of Christmas.

  Chapter Thirteen

  A week later, at Zed’s ranch, Jade and Karen sat at the kitchen table making lists. “I’m up to fifty relatives and guests,” Jade said. “Can you think of any more names you’d like to add?”

  Karen started to shake her head, then paused. “Wait, don’t you think we should invite George Stone and his wife?”

  “I’m sure Zed will want to. I’ll put them down.” After doing so, Jade gave her an assessing look. “You seem kind of out of it. Don’t worry, Danny’s fine—Zed won’t let anything happen to him.”

  “I’m not worried about Danny,” Karen insisted. “I’m sure he’s having the time of his life out there in the snow with Zed.”

  “Then what is bugging you? And don’t tell me nothing is. You’re drooping like a frostbitten plum blossom.”