The Zygote Crystal

by Ashley Thomas

  “Look,” interjected Cat, “We don’t have time for this right now. The Zygote Crystal is, as Joosthava has said, a very special crystal. You won’t have one in your collection at home. Can we leave discussion about the Zygote Crystal there for now and perhaps try to explain it to you later, very slowly?”

  I looked most indignantly at Cat and was starting to work out something really horrible to do to him, when he and Joosthava quickly shoo’ed Krokus along to take us to the remaining Mud Lizard eMDaDD machine.

  The Mud Lizard’s eMDaDD machine

  He took us to a chamber on the station where the remaining Mud Lizard eMDaDD was. The eMDaDD in front of me was much bigger than the one we had seen earlier in the year, when Cat and I had visited the Play Planet, Vaxium 98. From what Cat said the eMDaDD machine in front of us had been modified to work with mined time packets and enable movement of larger objects and more lifeforms in one go.

  “Hah!” I exclaimed triumphantly, “I told you that adding movement in time capability to an eMDaDD was a good idea!”

  “Yes, ok, well done you amoebal human,” said Cat.

  Joe then continued and told us that the Mud Lizards had left using the other eMDaDD machine the day before. Cat quickly went to work and examined the data records of the remaining machine. From these he was able to confirm the target date for the Mud Lizard’s vault, which was 176,786,933 years before the current year of 2224. He also confirmed that the target ‘place’ was Earth, specifically the Jurassic Period on Earth!!

  “Right,” said Joosthava, “We must use this remaining eMDaDD to follow them and stop them from possessing the Zygote Crystal.”

  I blinked at Joosthava and said slowly, “Why do we need to care about them messing around with this Zygote Crystal, whatever it is, in the Jurassic period on Earth. That was ‘yesterday’. We need to worry about today.”

  I suddenly realised how daft saying that the Jurassic period was yesterday must have sounded, so quickly added, “Look, I’m sure they can’t do any harm back there. After all there were no humans in the Jurassic period so they can’t hurt anyone.”

  I realised I wasn’t going to win this discussion without really revealing my yellow streak, when Joosthava moved to within an inch of me. Eyeball to eyeball, she invaded my personal space as though she were an integral part of my being and said, “Maybe the accidental blow to your ‘underbelly’ is still affecting you? When the pain clears I’m sure you’ll realise too that, whatever it is that the Zygote Crystal does, it must be significant. Mr. Cat wouldn’t be getting us to go to all this trouble if possession of the Zygote Crystal by modern day Mud Lizards wasn’t a possible threat to humankind and indeed the Universe.”

  My ‘underbelly’ I thought. Hmmm, I’d never heard it called that before……

  I then found my voice and said “Yes, I guess we do need to nail this one down. If we can. So, what a shame we don’t have any time packets to use to follow the Mud Lizards back that far in time.”

  I felt triumphant, having managed once again to cover up in front of Joosthava my abject terror at what was being proposed. My clever realisation that it would be impossible in practice for us to follow the 2 Mud Lizards, as they would have taken with them all of the time packets available, was I thought inspirational.

  At that very moment however, Cat piped up with “Ok, Joe has shown me all of the spare time batteries he’s got stashed away. There are plenty for us to use. More than enough to get all of us to the Jurassic period and back. Especially bearing in mind the additional source of power we will get from Joosthava’s personal time shifting capability.”

  My heart sank as I realised that unless I could break some essential part of my anatomy quite soon I was going to visit Tyrannosaurus rex again, just as I had on the recent mission at Dinosaur Skyland. This time however I would be seeing Mr. and Mrs Rex in their own genuine bona fide 100% real backyard. Great. Yippee. How jolly exciting.

  I grinned at Joosthava and, through expertly disguised quavering lips, managed to say “Excellent news.” Before adding, “Perhaps Mr. Cat would care to explain why this ruddy Zygote Crystal is so important, before we set off so far back in history I’m likely to forget who or what I am?”

  Cat responded by saying “I so wish we could all forget who you are. Explanations will come later. Like I said, I don’t have a moment right now to explain what the Zygote Crystal does to a twit like you. Just do as you’re told and play your part.”

  “What part would that be?” I enquired.

  “Mud Lizard bait,” responded Cat.

  Chapter 7 - The Zygote Crystal

  Back in time

  So this was it then. I was surely going to die. A relatively young man with a promising career trajectory, was about to step into the black abyss of time travel yet again. Not only was I going to endure the ‘underbelly’ wrenching sensations that accompany the whole disassemble/reassemble process, assuming I did reassemble, I was going to arrive in ‘dinosaur land’.

  Standing and staring at the eMDaDD that was going to take me to T. rex, I realised that I’d never really thought about one of these bigger devices. I only had Fastmove travelling experience via the small handheld eMDaDDs that Cat had manufactured. And of course I had ‘time and space’ travelled now several times via Joosthava’s unique methodology which was different to Fastmove, but even more vomit inducing. I wasn't really sure which of those two modes of time/space travel was actually worse. Each gave me much cause to regret I'd ever existed l have to say.

  Anyways, it had never occurred to me that the much bigger eMDaDD would provide a very different user experience. For one thing, it had a large inside which I hadn't realised. Joosthava had opened a hatch on the side of the eMDaDD and explained that this device worked by transporting occupants in one piece in time and space, rather than disassembling and reassembling an individual's molecules. So, in essence, it was the eMDaDD itself in this case that underwent the major molecular transformation, not so much the individual. Thank goodness I thought. Maybe this time I would not throw up!!

  Joosthava ushered me through the hatch and it was only then that I fully appreciated how spacious it actually was inside. There were six chairs fixed to the floor in two rows of three facing other and banks of screens and controls around the internal walls. In addition, over to one side was, thank goodness, a portable SaniDroid unit.

  Once we had all climbed inside the eMDaDD, Cat had busied himself making preparations for our mega time vault with Joosthava. She had been sitting cross-legged on the floor of the eMDaDD for some time now apparently composing herself. I wished someone would compose my bowels I thought, as I came out of the SaniDroid for the seventh time in as many minutes.

  After our encounter at Messier 31, Krokus Joe had decided to come over to our side and was now working with us. This was partly because he didn’t really want to see the human race wiped out by the Mud Lizards. However mainly I think it was because Joosthava had hung him upside down on Messier 31 for several minutes by one leg with one massively long hawser of hair, whilst throttling him with a separate, slightly less thick strand. He had turned an astonishing blue colour before he agreed to help Cat collect together all the time batteries that he had hidden on the mining platform.

  Ready to go?

  “Right, almost ready,” said Cat.

  “You might be, some of us are still readying themselves,” I responded as I dashed through the body permeable door of the SaniDroid again and whipped down my trousers, before seating myself on the faecal disposal unit. My bowels were doing high scoring gymnastic moves and this was before we’d even started time vaulting! My innards shook violently again and I thanked the inventor of the SaniDroid for the noise and scent dampening capabilities incorporated into the units, without which space travel would be rather embarrassing in circumstances like this.

  Just at that moment though, as another flush of watery excrement left my body, the low steady hum of the SaniDroid stopped and the electronic vanity door
that shielded me from the outside disappeared, as the internal light went out. I tensed as some residual gas that had built up left my body, but could do nothing to prevent several loud reports from reverberating across the eMDaDD through the now essentially open door of the SaniDroid.

  Fortunately, as the internal light of the Sanidroid had gone out at the same time as the door had disappeared, I doubted that anyone could see me sitting there, with my tunic trousers and smallclothes around my ankles. Just at that very moment however, Cat appeared in the doorway shining what seemed to me to be the kind of searchlight you might use to spot hovercars in the sky on a very dark night and said,

  “Sorry about that, but I needed to focus all power available on the eMDaDD. Are you done?”

  He then screwed up his nose and added “Great Galactic Anomalies. What in all that is known to the Universe is that smell? How the heck you have the nerve to complain about my gaseous expellations is beyond me!!”

  Next, Joosthava’s face appeared in the doorway and I’m guessing she was going to say ‘Everything Ok?’ but it came out as “Everything OHHH…. that's bad but could be handy if we encounter any Mud Lizards,” before turning quickly on her heels with the words “Well, I’m ready to go if you guys are.”

  As I wondered if that was a pun, since I'd been going non-stop since the plan to go back in time a kazillion years had emerged, I stood up, before bending down to pull up my clothes. For some reason though, I tried to take a step forward at the same time and I tripped and fell towards the floor and entrance to the SaniDroid. Fortunately for me, as my face accelerated towards the floor, Cat had not moved and consequently his soft Rubanon body cushioned the landing that my face made. He flattened from the impact as I found my nose and mouth deeply embedded in Cat fur. I tried to speak but couldn't really. I desperately wanted to say how much I hated him at that moment in time, but my voice was totally muffled by his fur. So instead, as my mouth was open, I took the opportunity to bite him as a means of dispelling and making clear my anger. I have to say I hadn’t really expected Rubanon to taste so foul.

  I rolled off onto my back, tugged up my trousers and sat up before slowly rising to my feet. I wasn’t sure now what was bothering me most, the remaining gurgling going on in my abdomen, the memory of the embarrassment of being a SaniDroid exhibit or the taste now left in my mouth. Cat stood up too and shook himself saying “Was that absolutely necessary?” He then added, “Come on we need to go. Get a move on.”

  I walked over to the seats in the middle of the eMDaDD and said to Cat and Joosthava “Ok, so what now? How do we get this show on the road?”

  Off at last

  I sat down in one of the eMDaDD seats whilst Krokus and Joosthava settled into two others. Cat jumped up onto Joosthava’s lap with a small round black medallion I’d never seen before hanging from his neck. I noticed that Joosthava had a similar device hanging around her neck. In an instant, Joosthava’s eyes fluttered and closed and Cat stood up on his hind paws so that his front paws rested on her chest, just below her neck and shoulders. Then the two black medallions touched each other and there was a bit of a flash and a sense of being pushed back slightly in my chair. Once more I thought, this was it. I bet Joosthava had been wrong. Any moment I was sure my stomach was going to become a largely independent entity, floating around as my eyes passed by and looked back at it. A horrendous sensation that I really wished I didn't have to experience again. I clenched my hands and closed my eyes and then the next second I heard Cat’s voice,

  “All change please. We've arrived.”

  ”Seriously,” I responded in a surprised tone, “That's brilliant. I felt nothing. Are you sure we moved?”

  “Yes,” said Cat “The chronometer shows the date as minus 176,786,933.”

  Good Cosmos I thought and then with startling understatement, I said, “Imagine that, I haven't even been born yet. In this World there are no humans, no airstars, no interplanetary football and best of all, no ruddy robot cats!!”

  Cat looked at me sideways and replied, “No, but there are plenty of single celled amoebae, so there will be lots for you to relate to.”

  Before I could grab him by an ear I noticed that Joosthava seemed to still be in her trance like state. “Is she ok?” I asked Cat.

  “Yes,” he said, “It will just take a while for her to come around. Contributing to a vault of this magnitude she has to focus her mind very deeply. It takes a lot out of her.”

  “Are we sure she'll be OK to manage the return trip?” I asked hesitantly.

  Cat sighed and said “Don't fret just yet you lilly livered Splart.”

  He’d definitely called me a Splart before but I didn't remember him linking that word to the phrase ‘lilly livered’ on previous occasions. “I may be a Splart, whatever that is, but I'm not as ‘lilly livered’ as you might think. I am merely concerned for this poor child's well-being,” I said indignantly.

  “Yeah right,” said Cat sarcastically and so I threw the contents of my water bottle at him, completely missing that he was by then perched on Joosthava’s motionless lap. Naturally the water totally missed him and instead hit Joosthava in the face, before starting to trickle to the floor to form a slowly enlarging puddle. Boy, did that turn out to be mistake!

  A hairy experience

  Whilst her eyes remained closed, the water hitting her had the effect of waking up her hair. Within an instant a thick bunch of it was around my waist and I was being lifted up several feet above the floor and basically waved around the inside of the eMDaDD. I tried to look down at Cat but the constant swaying of my body made this difficult. My momentarily calm stomach started to do somersaults and backflips again, as giddiness consumed me.

  “CATTTTT,” I wailed, “Can you please do something?”

  I then became aware of what can only be described as noise abuse. Cat had started to sing. Or at least that's what he called it when he did it at home. I tended to call it an offence that deserves swift and merciless execution of the noise producer. As I intermittently caught glimpses of him, whilst being flailed increasingly quickly and randomly through the air, I noticed that he also seemed to be dancing.

  ”Oh grief, what are you doing,” I groaned.

  Cat stopped singing, looked up at me and said “Well I'm singing you idiot.”

  ”WHY!!” I half screamed and cried.

  “You said do something. So I'm singing and dancing. Is it not helping?”

  “No it jolly well isn't you ma…….” The rest of my sentence was cut off by the pain of my head smacking against the ceiling of the eMDaDD.

  As my head spun even more I heard Cat say, “I thought it might distract you from your current situation. You see there's nothing else I can do really. We just have to be patient and wait for the dear child to wake up when you will surely be released from her rather expressive hair. This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't rather stupidly tried to soak me with water.”

  Before I could contemplate a reply I hit the floor with an alarming thud. At this point, Cat, who was sitting on his haunches with his front paws covering his eyes, exclaimed,

  “Ouch!! Bet that hurt. Still, you have landed on your head so there’s obviously no significant internal organ to damage. You’ll be fine.”

  I lay their groaning again as a now awake Joosthava rushed over to me and said in a most concerned tone,

  “Oh my dear Inspector, what has happened?”

  Naturally before I could speak Cat interjected with “He's behaved like a total twit as usual and is paying the price.”

  Joosthava helped me to my feet and as I glared at Cat she said, “I think we should get outside as soon as possible and try to find the Mud Lizards.”

  I was about to say that we would have been outside by now if she hadn’t spent the last 10 minutes waving me around the room like a flag, but then I fully realised what she’d said so instead I replied,

  “Surely there’s no rush to find the Mud Lizards is there? I mean we ought to spen
d a bit of time planning what we’re going to do when we do find them.”

  Cat raised his eyes to the ceiling once more and said “Don’t get the ‘wind up’ brainless. Joosthava means Jurassic Mud Lizards and all that we know tells us that they are friendly. So no need to have an attack of the vapours just yet.”

  I looked quizzically at both of them and said in response “I don’t understand. All the Mud Lizards that I’ve ever seen are blood thirsty, vicious murdering brutes. And that’s when they’re in a good mood!! How do you know that Jurassic Mud Lizards are nice for goodness sake.”

  “It’s simple Inspector,” said Joosthava.

  “You’re telling me,” interjected Cat, “but simple is an understatement when it comes to him.”

  I glared at him and said “Shut up,” before turning to Joosthava and saying “Please continue Joosthava. Hopefully the whiskered dustbin will keep its trap shut while you explain this time.”

  Jurassic Mud Lizards explained

  Joosthava looked slightly puzzled at our exchange but then continued, “You see Inspector I have been here before on my own to reconnoitre and the Jurassic Mud Lizards are indeed quite friendly. However, for a full explanation of why they are so friendly and became intelligent enough to become the dominant species on Jurassic Earth, I’m afraid the ‘whiskered dustbin’, as you jokingly refer to Mr. Cat, will need to not shut up.”

  ‘Huh’, I thought, ‘If only she knew how little I was joking’. I then turned to Cat and said,

  “Well, go on then ‘sage of the Universe’, tell us.”

  Cat started to explain things saying, “The Jurassic Mud Lizards at this time are still very friendly and gentle. They have not yet turned into the modern day Mud Lizard. That only starts to happen when they leave Earth and colonise Plasmolidium.”