Outing of the Heart

by Lisa Ann Harper

  Sid decided to try the bed, although it was only a mattress on a box spring. She bounced up and down; stretched out on her back and jumped again to her knees. ‘It’s good,’ she declared: ‘Doesn’t creak or complain. I like that.’

  Ten laughed. ‘Oh, you think sleeping is a noisy business do you?’

  ‘I intend to give it a good workout,’ she replied archly, a wily look escaping from beneath hooded lids. She reached out her hand. ‘Come here,’ she said simply. Ten slid the crutches to the floor and sat beside her. She pulled her down and suddenly, they were in each others arms, lost in a deep kiss, oblivious to their new surroundings; bewitched by Sappho’s spell, devoted to giving and receiving with a finely tuned receptiveness. At last they drew apart and Ten, taking a deep breath remarked: ‘Yes, the bed will do very well.’ She looked conspiratorial, letting a small smile play about the corners of her mouth. Sid sat up, drawing Ten with her. She said, full of enthusiasm: ‘It’s not late. Let’s shoot over to your place. We’ll do some more packing for you. Oh yes,’ she added as an afterthought, images flashing through her brain at a great rate: ‘We should make a list of the things we need.’

  ‘I think we’ve probably packed enough for today, Honey,’ Ten temporised. ‘But let’s go back and I can make us drinks while we plan.’ She gathered up her crutches and tucked one under each arm. It felt strange to Sid to be locking the door behind her, knowing her belongings were there and she’d not be in contact with them until week’s end.

  It was actually later than she’d thought. There was only time to have coffee and make a few jottings. ‘I don’t want you cracking up on me,’ Ten scolded, trying to look stern, with a fierce frown on her face. It didn’t come off.

  ‘I won’t,’ was the calm reply. ‘I know how to catch up on my sleep.’

  ‘Yes,’ she agreed, ‘but that’s when I’m not around. Otherwise you make the drive downtown and get involved in other things such …’

  ‘Speaking of other things …’ she interrupted, as she put an arm around Ten’s waist, ‘ …what do you think of this idea?’ She’d pulled her down onto her lap, since there was only the one easy chair.

  ‘What idea’s that?’ as she nestled in more snugly.

  ‘Well, my Sweetness, we neither of us has loads to pack, so we can spare one evening to take in a movie, eh?’

  ‘Oh yes,’ she responded, full of excitement.

  ‘I noticed that the UPTOWN is re-showing, ‘Salmonberries’. Now I missed it when it first came out. Did you get to see it?’

  ‘No, I didn’t. I don’t even recognize the title,’ she admitted.

  ‘Well, it’s k.d.’s movie,’ she explained. ‘I’ve heard the gang talk about it. Some thought it absolutely great, others were disappointed.’ She looked at Ten and gave the soft part of her ear lobe a gentle nibble. ‘I’d rather like to judge for myself,’ she declared, settling back to regard her intently. She was the most fortunate girl alive. To have found someone to love so totally. She had given her heart to this woman and she had absolute, but absolute confidence, she would never be betrayed. Would never have cause to regret this final submission; her complete capitulation to another. In the past she had kept something back, her reservation, to a greater or lesser degree, depending on the person. Even with Karen. She knew it had been hurtful. But if it wasn’t there then she couldn’t pretend. With Ten it felt so right, so perfect.

  Ten was looking speculatively back. ‘You were miles away, Honey,’ she said. ‘Where did you go?’

  She laughed. ‘I’m here, Babe. What do you think? We could catch the early show Tuesday, which is half price and then go somewhere for dinner afterwards.’ She gave Ten’s ear another nibble as if to start eating her, but she twisted her head around and laughing, began a similar activity in retaliation.

  ‘Sounds like a great idea,’ she agreed. ‘Just think, now I’m back in town we’ll be able to do lots of things together. Do you like Art Galleries?’ Suddenly she realized she knew little of Sid’s tastes and interests. They had only talked of more personal and/or pressing issues. At last they could begin to get to know each other fully. She loved sharing and to have someone as wonderful as Sid to share with … life was joyful. Artistic things delighted her, be they paintings, jewelry, clothes or sculptures, but they had to be small. Having scant ability with her own hands, she admired and appreciated the products of other people’s. Women’s ceramics really appealed, managing as they did to blend texture and color with such novelty.

  ‘Well,’ Sid responded hesitantly: ‘I have to admit I’ve not had much experience in that line. I guess I’ve always been too busy with sports and that kind of stuff,’ she ended vaguely, feeling somehow she’d let her down. ‘But I’m always willing to try something new, especially if it’s something you enjoy.’ This sounded more positive; she gave her an extra hug.

  ‘Well, we’ll see. If something catches my eye that looks good, then we might go along,’ Ten amended, not wanting her to feel obligated.

  ‘OK Babe.’ She gave her ass a little pat. I’d better make tracks. Now, you’re all organized for tomorrow. Mrs. S. has set up enough provisions for you and I can pick up anything else you need on my way in. I’ll phone you after work to check it out.’

  Ten laid her cheek against the top of Sid’s head. ‘Don’t fuss Honey, I’ll be fine. Just call me when you can and I’ll see you when I see you.’ She got up and Sid handed her her crutches. They moved over to the door where she kissed her tenderly on the lips and smiled into her eyes. ‘Go safely Sid, and I’ll be here when you call.’ She clung to her, not wanting to let go. Sid felt the reluctance, but what could she do?

  ‘Bye. I’ll let myself out.’

  She was gone and she was alone again, but this time there was no desolation. Only one sleep and Sid would be back by her side. She got herself ready for bed and soon was dreaming blissfully.

  CHAPTER 13

  Tenille awoke to the jangling of the telephone and looked across at her clock. So early on Monday morning. Mrs. Sandrelli didn’t usually get calls at this time. Following these musings there was a brief knock at the door.

  ‘Tenille. Can you take the phone, or should I take a message?’ Serafina’s voice came clearly through the particleboard.

  ‘Who is it, Mrs. Sandrelli?’ she called out, sitting up and reaching for her robe.

  ‘Thea Phillips. She says she can call back.’

  ‘No, it’s okay. Ask her to hold please. I’ll be right there.’ Tenille’s voice was breathless as she tried to hurry, getting herself organized with the crutches.

  ‘Damn things,’ she complained, truly out of breath by the time she finally made it to the phone.

  ‘Hi Thea. Sorry to keep you waiting,’ she apologized, speculation rife.

  ‘No, I’m sorry,’ Thea amended. ‘I’m only ‘phoning so early ‘cause I wanted to catch you before you might go out, or Sid was there.’

  ‘Oh.’ she exclaimed, quite taken aback. ‘Is there a problem?’

  ‘No … no nothing like that. I just wondered if it would be all right with you if I arranged a surprise party?’

  ‘A surprise party?’ she queried, completely surprised herself.

  ‘Yes. It’s Sid’s birthday, Saturday.’

  Tenille was stricken. They’d never gotten around to discussing birthdays. ‘Thea, it would have been dreadful had I missed this. Thank goodness you phoned. How old will she be?’

  ‘Nineteen.’ She paused. ‘Now I’m not wanting to take over your lives, you understand me. It’s just that’s the day of your move and I thought you might be too tired to do much about it,’ she explained.

  ‘Yes you’re right. I think you have a great idea too. Tell me, does she like surprises like this?’

  ‘She does indeed.’ Although Tenille couldn’t see her, Thea was nodding her head emphatically. ‘She’ll find any excuse for a party. Well, since this is okay with you, what I need you to do is somehow arrange it that you go out Saturday night for d
inner, or whatever. Then tell her you have to pick up something from me. Do you think you could swing it?’ She knew she was asking a lot. ‘Sid’s not an easy person to manage, but you could probably cajole her if anyone can.’

  ‘Mm..m. Don’t know,’ she was dubious. ‘I’ll give it the old college try. I should be able to come up with something; I don’t want to be the one to ruin the surprise, do I?’ She thought some more. ‘I’ll not be able to get her to dress up. She just might want to stay in her old duds.’

  ‘Don’t worry about that, everyone’ll be casual anyway. It’s so hot these nights,’ Thea reassured her.

  ‘What time do you want us to show up?’

  ‘Definitely not before nine.’ Thea was adamant. ‘I’ll try to get the women here by about eight to eight-thirty, but you know lesbian time … usually running half an hour behind.’ She gave a little chuckle, then continued. ‘This is really okay with you, Ten?’

  ‘Yes, cool. I love the idea and if Sid is going to be happy over it, it will be a great night,’ she responded effusively.

  Reassured, Thea asked if she could help in any way with the move.

  ‘Thanks Thea. I’m really quite organized.’ She hesitated a beat then continued. ‘I would like to ask a favor of you, though.’

  ‘Name it and claim it.’

  ‘Well … I need to get out to shop for Sid’s gift and card. I’ve been depending on her for mobility, but this time of course, I can’t.’ She hated to impose, but she could see no other solution to her dilemma.

  ‘Yes, I understand. That’s no problem.’ Ready to tackle any situation head on, Thea moved right in to the logistics. ‘What time will Sid be by tomorrow?’

  ‘We’ve not made a plan, but she tends to get over here by about two.’

  ‘Great,’ Thea, was pleased. ‘That’ll give us lots of time. I’ll arrange for a half workday tomorrow and we’ll shop in the morning. I’ll pick you up about nine, get you back say twelveish. Ca marche?’

  ‘Wonderful. You’re such a good friend.’ Tenille was relieved.

  ‘Cool. Well, that’s settled.’ She was about to hang up when she realized she didn’t know the address. Tenille told her and they said their goodbyes.

  Returning to her room, Tenille’s thoughts prowled restlessly over what she could choose for Sidonie. It would have to be something special. It couldn’t be expensive, but something tailor-made. She would have to think hard.

  * * *

  ‘Yes, it’s still showing,’ Sidonie called out to Tenille who was finishing up the last dishes and hopping along the counter as she wiped up.

  ‘You put your foot down just then, I saw you.’ She accompanied her reprimand with a stern look and wagging finger.

  ‘Only lightly on my toe,’ she defended herself hastily.

  ‘You’re still NWB, so lightly on the toe’s not on.’ She’d not give in.

  ‘Oh, that reminds me – my next Doctor’s appointment is Thursday. They’re going to change the cast and bring my foot up a bit.’ She returned from the kitchen and lowered herself into the easy chair, putting her leg up on the bed..

  ‘Well, you don’t want to ruin the healing process, do you?’ she admonished.

  ‘No, I don’t,’ she agreed, ‘but when I feel so good in myself, it’s hard to have to go slowly,’ the complaint accompanied by a grimace.

  ‘I know, Sunbeam, but these things take time. You just can’t hurry them. Anyway, going to the movies will take your mind off all of that.’ She looked at her with that easy grin and she noticed how it lifted one corner of her mouth.

  Sidonie had been stretched out on the bed and was checking the current movie listings in the local paper. Showered and changed into a fresh white T-shirt parading the Blue Jays logo, she had teamed it with her favorite khaki aggie-baggies and thick white socks with desert boots, making her legs look strong and muscular. Tenille liked what she saw, her face showing it in her eyes.

  SALMOMBERRIES was still on, but at the Crest, not the Uptown. Sidonie was going to take them to the four o’clock screening. The pungent aroma of Viennese beans filled the air and they were enjoying a light lunch. She had stopped on her way over to buy fresh rolls and Tenille had made a large pasta salad. It was fun, going off for the afternoon with dinner to follow. A little after three o’clock, Tenille appeared all set to go crutches in place, her light summer purse slung crosswise. She had selected a sleeveless linen top with a tailored collar in pale rust. The shorts were also tailored linen, but in a pale beige.

  ‘That’s it, Sid I’m ready,’ she announced.

  ‘Good,’ she jumped up and bounded over to her side. ‘A kiss before we face the world,’ she demanded. She turned her head and Sid’s eyes zeroed in on a mouth, offered with trusting eagerness, as she closed her eyes.

  The weather was hot, hazy and humid, with a slight musty odor in the air. They had sweaters for the theatre knowing how fierce the air conditioning could be. Although arriving in good time, a crowd had already gathered, waiting for the doors to open. Tickets in hand, they made their way to the coffee lounge to order chilled, strawberry milk shakes and with satisfaction they looked about, studying posters of the forthcoming attractions. One particular movie caught their eye: a new screening of the old western classic THE SEARCHERS. Apparently the quality of the acetate had been restored to its original condition, presenting as clear a picture now as it had all those years ago. This movie theatre specialized in unusual showings. It was an ‘independent’, not part of the commercial chain. It had been a sad day, Sidonie observed, when Canada agreed to the system whereby big American production studios also owned the theatres. ‘Yet again another example of how Canada has become yoked to the ‘American Way’.’ Tenille nodded. ‘Independents struggle to keep afloat, but fortunately,’ she added positively, ‘there are enough discerning movie buffs in Toronto to keep a few going.’

  Tenille wistfully recalled her visit to the Roxy, with Ingrid and Wendy to see BLOOD WEDDING. How long ago it seemed now. She’d not thought of her dancing for a while. Sidonie, catching the look in her eyes of things unspoken, asked if there was anything wrong. ‘You look doleful,’ she observed and reached out her hand. Immediately Tenille brought herself back from that dark sea..

  ‘No, Honey. Not at all,’ pulling a grinning face to show that all was well.

  ‘Good,’ grinning too. ‘We should go buy our movie supplies,’ she suggested, collecting up their cartons to drop in the garbage bin.

  ‘Movie supplies.’ she asked, taken by surprise. ‘What supplies do we need?’

  ‘Well …’ stopping in her tracks: ‘Hot buttered popcorn: maybe a candy bar: usually a coke, but we had the milk shake first. What do you like?’

  Tenille joined her, laughing. ‘I don’t take in anything. I thought that was just for kids.’

  She stared horrified, bright specks of pale green floating in azure depths. ‘Just for kids. This is part of the movie viewing ritual. You at least have to have popcorn,’ she stated emphatically.

  ‘All right, all right. I’ll have popcorn,’ she conceded, her smile pure sunshine.

  They settled into their seats, Sidonie liking to be fairly near the back, but not the last row itself; too much action off screen for her liking. Once the lights dimmed she reached out her hand. They sat close, to enjoy the unfolding of this unusual tale. As the movie proceeded there were the odd bursts of embarrassed laughter as people watched the two women together. As far as Sidonie could observe however, no one walked out. Not like when she’d been to see DESERT HEARTS. Of course, that had been the first of the lesbian movies for popular consumption with intense ‘hype’ preceding it. Why people should have been so indignant she couldn’t fathom. She’d just been a young teenager when she saw it for the first time. As she recalled the sex scenes had shown nothing below the waist, but they’d been talked up as being explicit. Most of what people thought about the sex must have been in their head, she reckoned.

  Once more in the light of day,
she asked Tenille her opinion of the movie. They were at the intersection, waiting for the lights. She was slow to answer as she looked about at the people swirling past, hurrying along in the rush of life.

  ‘I’m not sure,’ she demurred. ‘I liked the beginning, not the end. I wanted more for the young character, I guess.’

  ‘Yeah, me too,’ she agreed. ‘I don’t think I’ve seen a lesbian movie yet where the ending was: ‘and they lived happily ever after.’ Perhaps GREEN FRIED TOMATOES, she thought, but there the women’s relationship was not acknowledged. Oh, she shouldn’t forget BOUND. It was after seeing that, she’d gotten her tattoo. ‘Quick Ten, let’s establish ourselves.’

  They walked up to the car, parked only a short distance away. She revved up. ‘Know where you want to eat?’

  ‘Not really. You know I’m happy to leave it up to you.’

  ‘OK Babe. I’ve heard from Skye that Rogues, at St. Clair and Yonge is really good. How about I drive down and we check it out?’

  ‘Sounds good to me. After all that emotional turmoil we’ve watched, I think we deserve a satisfying meal.’

  ‘You got it,’ she assured her, as she eased out into the traffic. Right at the lights, they headed south on Yonge. Progress was slow; too many people going downtown for the evening. Parking at St. Clair would be a nightmare. She decided to pay the price for a public park. Easy access and proximity would be well worth the cost. Tenille noticed they were not far from Devon’s apartment block.

  Neither had been to Rogues before and it was better than Skye had described. Although busy, they’d received prompt attention and now sat nursing drinks, not minding the wait. When it came time to order, Tenille selected from the seafood section, her fancy taken by the offering of Saumon Frit à la Japonaise. The salmon steaks were deep fried in fresh breadcrumbs and garnished with hajikami, the menu explaining these to be pickled ginger sprouts. The accompanying vegetable was a baked potato drizzled in Mayonnaise aux Ciboules; a scallion mayonnaise concocted on the premises using Dijon mustard.