Clinging to Rapture

by Megan D. Martin

  My heart beat at a staccato rhythm, in time with Cole’s trembling hands. I had no words. I barely had a thought in my head, I was reeling with emotion and understanding.

  “That’s why you brought me here?” My voice sounded like a pathetic sob.

  “I could try to buy the world, Julia, but it will never change the things that happened here.” He mashed his lips together and brushed a tear off my cheek. “But that’s not really why I brought you here.” He paused, sucking in a deep breath. “I can see your scar. I wanted you to see mine.”

  This should have seemed strange—wrong. I shouldn’t have been here, staring into Cole’s eyes, but I was. And even though I should have known better, I didn’t stop. And I let him into my heart, right then and there sitting on the porch steps of his childhood home. The tight lock clasped around my pathetic organ was ripped open and thrown aside. He’d been fiddling it for months, since the moment I saw him, but I hadn’t truly let him in. Not until now.

  I couldn’t tell him. Things were far too complicated for that, so I didn’t. But I sat there and looked into his eyes, seeing the real Cole for the first time. This man who had stalked me, claimed he loved, controlled my body with the flick of his wrists. I could see him, bare and open, not unscathed by life at all, but a broken man. Broken like me, by those whom he loved.

  And all I wanted was to be the pieces that put him back together again.

  SEVENTEEN.

  Nine months ago

  “I think I better take you back to ya condo.”

  This isn’t happening. I refused to accept it.

  I didn’t even look at Randy, but instead stared hard at the buff douche-bag climbing out of a truck some thirty yards away. We were down in the parking garage of Hillside Condominiums, of which I had owned for the last three months. Julia’s apartment building. She shared the condo with the man she fucked every month at Rapture X, Victor Marlin, and Victor’s boyfriend Chris. But neither of them were the guy who climbed out of the truck. This guy was new. This guy was here to take Julia on a date.

  Rage swam in my veins. It’d been building since Leon called me earlier with the news. He and Randy were in close proximity to Julia now that I owned her condo. Leon worked the front desk and Randy was the elevator operator. They both talked to her on a daily basis. They weren’t hiding in bushes anymore, they knew her. I was desperate to know her, and these men had gotten there first. Leon had heard her talking on the phone when she came into the lobby earlier in the day. She’d been giggling, he said, and telling the person on the other end that he was a naughty boy.

  Just the idea of hearing her say those words made my dick throb—and she wasn’t even saying them to me. Fuck.

  She was off the phone by the time she was on the elevator and Leon had shot Randy a message about it. Randy had then questioned her innocently about her plans, and she’d spilled that she had a date.

  “She was excited to go out with this fucker?” I asked, my eyes not leaving the douche with his fake tan.

  “Yeah, I knew it was a bad idea to let ya come out here.”

  “Let me?” I whipped my head around to stare at Randy in the driver’s seat. “You don’t control me, Randy.”

  “Somebody’s got ta. You lookin’ at that guy like you wanna fuck him up.”

  I didn’t deny it. It was true. I hadn’t had to deal with this before. She hadn’t gone on any dates since I had started watching her. She spent all her time with Vic and Chris. At first I had been insanely jealous of both of them, figuring they both fucked her at home, that it was one big threesome all the time. But I had a girl who worked for me go undercover and talk to Julia a little and the guys too, revealing their relationship was strictly platonic. The only time anything sexual went on between them was during their routine at Rapture and the sex at Rapture X. I didn’t like their living situation, of course. That was something I was working on as well—getting rid of Victor and Chris. I could accept their presence for now. I didn’t want them gone until I was good and ready to set everything into motion.

  But this new guy. Fuck. It was different. She would probably fuck him for pleasure, not for work or money, but because she wanted his dick inside her.

  “Seriously, fuck this.” I hopped out of the car.

  “Wait, man. What the fuck? Where ya goin?” Randy’s door popped open behind me, but I didn’t wait for him. The douche bag was already at the door that led to the lobby.

  I opened my mouth to call for him, but stopped myself. I watched him disappear. I ran toward the big truck he’d just hopped out of. I reached into my jeans pocket and extracted my pocket knife. I clicked the blade into place and made no hesitation as I plunged it into his back right tire. The sharp blade tore through the thick rubber material like it was butter. I raked the weapon up and down creating big violent slashes. The air leaked out, deflating in a rush that made my heart pump excitedly. I repeated the action on the other three tires.

  “Feel better now?”

  I jumped at the sound of Randy’s voice and glanced over my shoulder. He stood behind me with his arms crossed over his chest. He still wore the blue and red uniform I made him wear to work in the elevator.

  “What the fuck is going on?” I glanced to my left to see Leon approaching. His black hair was slicked back revealing his Spanish features, his uniform similar to Randy’s.

  “Our boy is jealous, and just went ape-shit on the dude’s truck.”

  Leon glanced from me to the truck and back again, a smile cracking across his lips. “Feel better?”

  I looked back at the truck and realized I was panting. The big 4X4 looked pathetic without air in the tires. “As a matter of fact I do. That douche thinks he can take my Julia out—”

  “Your Julia?” Leon cut in with a quirked brow.

  “Yes.” I dared him to say otherwise.

  Leon didn’t. He was different. I hadn’t found him in prison like I did Randy, but instead he was one of Randy’s friends on the outside and any friend of Randy’s was a friend of mine. Randy didn’t fuck with people who weren’t real. I wasn’t as close to him as I was Randy, but I trusted him and that was enough.

  Leon pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit up, taking a long drag. “Well, you better get the fuck out of here. I’m sure they’re gonna be back down here soon.”

  I shoved the blade back in my pocket and started for the car.

  “But really, do you feel better now that you murdered those tires? Expensive tires at that,” Randy asked.

  “Where the fuck did she meet that guy, Randy?” I slammed the door hard. “She had to have met him somewhere. You or Leon or one of the others on the team should have seen her interact with him.” My heart was thudding hard in my chest, so hard I was certain it would explode.

  I can’t lose her, not yet. She’s not mine yet.

  She’s a fucking whore, practically a prostitute.

  Why do you even want her?

  Why?

  Why?

  Why?

  Asking myself those questions helped calm me a bit. I’d wondered these things a million times. Still no answer.

  “She met him at a bar last week. Robbie saw them talking, but it was a minor chat, he didn’t think it was anything serious, much less a date.”

  “Why wasn’t I told about this?” I ran my hands through my hair.

  “We have to report to you every little thing she does, as simple as having a short conversation with someone at a bar?”

  “Why are you questioning me? I don’t pay all you fuckers top dollar for you to question me!” I clenched my hands into fists.

  “Somebody’s got to. Robbie reported it to me. The report was made, I just chose not to tell ya. Ya on edge when it comes ta this girl, man. I didn’t want to tell ya about something that wouldn’t amount to shit. You feel me? It was my bad. I won’t let it happen again.” He paused. “Ya need to talk to her.”

  I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and scrubbed my hand
s down my face. I was exhausted, though I didn’t know why. “I know. Soon.” I let my eyes linger on the lobby doors a few seconds longer. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

  Randy popped the Mercedes into drive and zoomed out of the parking garage.

  “And make a phone call. Get those tires replaced.” I didn’t want to replace them, I wanted them to stay flat forever so the fucker could never drive Julia anywhere, but I knew that wasn’t realistic or a sane way to think. Julia would be mine. She deserved better than some fake-tanned asshole. I could give her that. I would give her that, and no one would stand in my way.

  EIGHTEEN.

  I stared at my reflection in the Victorian-style mirror, wondering if I had lost my mind. I’d put makeup on for the first time since I woke up in the hospital, and dyed my hair back to vibrant blue. Bye-bye, blond roots. I’d even curled it into big fluffy curls that made me feel stunningly beautiful.

  A pink chiffon dress clung to me like glue, accentuating the curves that thousands of men had paid to see dance and fuck. But tonight I was dressing for Cole. The pink lipstick on my lips, the blush on my cheeks, it was all for him. I slipped my feet into sparkling heels that matched my dress.

  Did he pick this outfit out himself? I really doubted it. It was only one of several formal dresses that had been packed in my bag.

  I stepped out of the bathroom and into the bedroom of my suite. Cole and I had separate rooms conjoined in the center by a door we could both lock. I stared at the dark wood, my lock still in place. He was just on the other side, probably dressed in some suit that would make my toes curl. My heartbeat accelerated and I wrapped my fingers hard around my clutch.

  Earlier, after we left Cole’s childhood home, we had ridden to the hotel in silence. The only thing different about this ride from the previous one was our hands. I held Cole’s right one, refusing to let it go. His revelation in front of his house changed everything.

  I can see your scar. I wanted you to see mine. Those words played over and over in my head as I’d gotten ready. They propelled me down to the hotel lobby to make a request for the hair dye.

  He brought me here to show me his scars, so I would feel better about mine. I couldn’t shake the thought. At first I thought he had brought me to New Orleans for… well, honestly I didn’t know what motivated him, but now I knew. The reality of it made me want to laugh and cry at the same time.

  A soft knock at the door jerked me from my thoughts. Suddenly, I was nervous. When we parted ways earlier I felt exhilarated and ready for the night, especially when he said to dress up for dinner, but now was a different story.

  I opened the door cautiously, revealing Cole on the other side. I sucked in a deep breath at the sight of him in a simple black suit and tie. His hair was tied back at his nape and his face was freshly shaved. All of a sudden my skin felt too hot for my body, and goose bumps sprang up on my arms. He was utterly perfect. I watched his gaze roam from the top of my head down to my toes.

  “Julia.”

  I jumped when he said my name, the sound sending white hot moisture flooding to my pussy.

  “You look beautiful.” He held out his arm. “So beautiful. I knew that dress would look perfect on you.”

  He did pick it out.

  I looked down at my feet and blushed. “Thank you.”

  I closed the door to my room and took his arm. Together we made our way down the plain hallway. This building on the Quarter was one of the oldest hotels. It was simple, but elegant in its glamour.

  “So where are we going?” I asked to cut the silence while we waited on the elevator. Also to keep my mind off the warmth that reached through his jacket to my skin. I chewed the inside of my cheek.

  Cole looked at me and smiled. “It’s a surprise that I know you’re going to like.”

  “Oh my goodness, you have got to be kidding!” I squealed while a hostess led us to our seats. But they weren’t just any seats. They were the only two seats on a high deck built over a Louisiana swamp. Sparkling white lights intermingled with hanging moss on trees surrounding the wooden porch. A simple breeze made them sway ever so slightly, but it wasn’t windy enough to blow out the two white candles on our table. “This is really a swamp?” I scuttled as quickly as my heels would permit to the railing, and took in the twilight view of the marshy land some fifteen feet below us.

  “Yes, it is,” Cole said from behind me.

  “Are there alligators?”

  He stepped up next to me and I glanced at him, breathing in deeply, taking in the night air mixed with his musky cologne. Heaven. I let my eyes flutter shut.

  “Look, there.”

  I popped my eyes open and followed his finger. Not far away, resting on a rock, was an alligator longer than I was tall.

  “Woah! It’s real?”

  I turned to Cole who was looking at me. “Of course. I wouldn’t bring you to see fake gators, would I?” He chuckled.

  “No, I guess not.”

  He offered me his arm again, like he was a King and I was a Queen. The thought gave me a certain thrill.

  A waitress waited for us back at the table, holding two menus. We ordered our drinks and she left us alone.

  “Is this a normal restaurant?” I glanced around at the empty porch.

  “It is, but I rented it for the night.”

  “The entire restaurant?”

  He chuckled. “Yes.”

  I rubbed my fingers along the laminated menu. “Why?”

  Cole shrugged. “I don’t know. I just…wanted to.”

  I nodded, as if his revelation was completely normal. “Do you do that kind of thing a lot?”

  “I…” He hesitated, his gaze flicking from me to sky. “I don’t.”

  I pinched my brows together. “Really?”

  He did this for you. He wanted you all to himself. I wanted to smack my subconscious for coming up with such a ridiculous idea. One that made my hopes soar higher than they should.

  “Yes.”

  The waitress returned just as he answered and I pulled my thoughts together as I browsed the succulent dishes in the menu, all of them making my mouth water.

  Dinner went on with surprising ease. Cole and I talked about food, New Orleans, the swamp, how he found the restaurant, and a number of other simple topics that kept me entertained. I even laughed when he told me a story about falling into a swampy area when he was a kid. For once I let my worries about all the things wrong in my life evaporate and embraced the moment. The white wine tasted sweeter with each glass I drank and before I knew it my tummy ached from all the laughing I was doing.

  Cole was even more charming than I knew. His handsome smile was plastered across his lips all night, though I did catch him looking at me with surprise more than once. Am I making myself look like an idiot? Probably. But I was past the point of caring.

  “I want to go down to the swamp,” I said while our server cleared away the plates.

  “Do you?” Cole quirked a brow at me. He’d removed his suit jacket and slung it over the back of his chair. The night was warm, even with the slight breeze. He’d rolled his sleeves up at some point during dinner, revealing his muscular, tattooed forearms, covered with a dusting of dark hair. I chewed the inside of my cheek and had to continually remind myself not to stare.

  “Yes. I want to put my feet in the water.” I took a sip of my wine. I wasn’t drunk but I was definitely buzzed.

  Cole snorted. “You want to put your feet in the water? You do realize this isn’t the ocean, right? This is dirty, mushy, swamp water that’s relatively stagnate. Something totally different than a beach.”

  I set my glass down and a slapped a hand on my chest. “Why Cole, I’m offended you would think I didn’t know that!” I said with mock offense.

  “And you still want to put your feet in?” He laughed. “What for?”

  “So I can say I did it.” I rested my elbows on the table and studied his handsome features openly. “I want to tell the world how I
made a swamp my bitch.”

  He burst out laughing and banged his hand on the table. “Now this I’m looking forward to. How are you going to make it your bitch?”

  “I’m not really sure yet. But it’s gonna happen, Cole! Don’t you doubt it.”

  “Well, let’s get this show on the road then.” Cole stood and tossed his jacket over his shoulder.

  “Wait, you’re really going to take me down to the swamp?” I had just assumed he was humoring me.

  “Of course, what Julia wants, she shall have.” He smiled down at me, the warmth in his eyes making my insides smolder. “Plus, I have to know how one makes a swamp ‘their bitch’.” He made air quotes as I stood and playfully slapped his arm.

  “Follow me and you’ll see!”

  “Is it your bitch yet?” Cole called from behind me.

  “Shush, you’re ruining the moment.” I took another step into the slippery mush of the swampland. It was disgusting, and I wished I could blame this decision on alcohol, but I couldn’t do that either. I was ankle deep in a swamp because—why the hell not? I’d always thought of myself as a risk taker. I had long since concluded I had to be. I was a stripper. I had sex in front of hundreds of people once a month, therefore I had to be a risk taker. But I realized during dinner that I was wrong.

  I’d taken a risk when I started those things, but I hadn’t since then. I had let myself become comfortable in my space, and the moment I felt that space was corrupt or invaded I bailed—by getting a job at the gas station. It was the only place I applied. I didn’t try to get a better job. I didn’t try to take a risk to do something more with myself. I let myself get swept away with the rest of the world by settling for something I didn’t want to do just because things hadn’t gone my way.