Clinging to Rapture

by Megan D. Martin

  He grabbed my hand back and pulled me closer to him, wincing.

  “Sir, you have to be still. This should be done at the hospital, you know,” the paramedic muttered.

  Cole had refused to go to the hospital, shelling out money right there in the middle of the parking lot for the paramedic to stitch him up.

  Before Cole could say anything a police officer approached. I had already given the basic details of what had happened, not that there was much to tell. Cole had offered his side too, which was just as limited. He’d been on the phone when pain ricocheted through his head and everything went black.

  “Can I speak with the two of you again, together?”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “I have both of your statements, but this is clearly a very personal crime. Do either of you have any idea who might want to do this kind of thing?”

  I opened my mouth, but Cole cut me off.

  “Jennifer. Jennifer Maddon,” he said with utter conviction.

  I looked at him sharply. “Who is that?” A sick feeling settled in my gut, but nothing prepared me for the words he uttered next.

  “She’s my mother.”

  TWENTY-FOUR.

  Five months ago

  Tonight was the night. I stood in my worn jeans, a black zip-up hoody the only clothing on my torso. My body vibrated with excitement. I was nervous, terrified even. I was bitter, angry. So many emotions swirled around in my tormented mind. I’d been waiting almost two years for this. Two years to touch her. Tonight I would get that chance. I was going to dance with Julia Collette. Rapture’s Jewel of the Sea.

  I hadn’t planned for it to happen this way. I had intended to talk to her. But I waited too long. I couldn’t just talk to her now. Not after all this time. I couldn’t just walk up to her and start up a conversation. What would I say? What would I do? What would she say when she recognized me as that stupid sap who promised her the world two years ago? The guy she turned down.

  Would she laugh in my face? I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t know what I would do, but I knew I couldn’t handle it. That’s why it had to be this way. I had to show her I was better than that fucking tool bag Victor she fucked every month. I had to prove to her she made a mistake that night. That she missed out on something she could never have again.

  That’s right. Tonight would be the only night I got to touch her. That’s it. The words grated against my mind; I wanted to reject them. This can’t be it. But it would be. I would show her what she was missing and I would walk away. I owned Rapture. I owned her loft apartment building. I knew everything about her, what she did on a daily basis. Her life, her friends, I knew it all. I owned everything. Everything—except one thing. Her body. That was all that was left for me to take. Once I had that, I would be satisfied.

  No you won’t.

  “Fuck you!” I shouted at nothing. I balled a fist and punched the drywall in my new office. My hand went through the material like it was nothing.

  I would own all of her and that would be enough. I didn’t want someone like her. Not really. She was a stripper, a whore. She was wrong for me. But I had to know her this way.

  I’m going to make her cum without even seeing my fucking face. I smiled and flexed my fingers, pulling them out of the wall. When it’s over and she sees it was me, she’ll regret everything, and I’ll just walk away. I’ll be done.

  My cell phone chimed on my desk and I snatched it up without even looking at it.

  “Yeah?”

  “Oh, Cole you answered!”

  Fuck. “What do you want, Mom?”

  “I’ve been so worried. You haven’t talked to me in months.”

  “Like I said, what do you want?”

  “I miss you,” she said, her voice cracking dramatically. “Elaine misses you too. She’s been a mess, Cole. A mess! I don’t know what to do with her. She hasn’t been eating right. She’s wasting away to nothing. It’s terrible. She needs you in her life!”

  “Elaine is fine, Mom.”

  “She is anything but fine. I don’t see how you can avoid the one person who is right for you. For this long! I know you’re a man and you want to fuck around, but for God’s sake just come home, marry the girl. You know she will turn a blind eye to your side conquests. She always has.”

  I wanted to stare at my phone in disbelief, to throw it across the room angrily. But I couldn’t. I wasn’t surprised at all. “What do you think I am?”

  “Oh please, Cole. Come on. I know. Elaine knows you fucked around with other women while y’all were together. It’s what men do. Us women can accept that. She always accepted it. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

  A bitter laugh escaped my lips. “That’s what you want for me?”

  “What—”

  “That’s the kind of relationship you want for me. You want me to be miserably unhappy with Elaine and fuck other people. That’s what you want for your son. That’s the happy ending you picture for me?” I sounded like sap, I felt like one. I should have been happy with the prospect of having Elaine as my wife. She was beautiful on the outside. I could have her when I wanted and fuck any woman in the world. But I wasn’t like that.

  “What are you, a fucking little girl? Most men would kill to have a woman as beautiful as Elaine, much less the acceptance of fucking your little whores on the side!” Mom hissed.

  I didn’t know what to say to her. I wanted more than Elaine’s hateful companionship. I wanted more than faceless women I would never see again. I wanted so much more. I wanted to love a woman and have her love me back. I wanted to be so consumed with loving her that no one else in the world would do. I didn’t want to look at others, to have flings on the side, I wanted one woman—the one. Julia’s face popped into my head and I pushed it away immediately. Elaine would never be enough.

  “I want more than a loveless relationship.”

  “This is all about her, isn’t it? You’re still in Texas, aren’t you?”

  Anger bubbled under my skin. “That’s none of your—”

  “Oh shut up, Cole. I know you are. What is it about that little whore that turns you inside out? Do you really think she could give you what you want?”

  “Why do you fucking care?” I shouted.

  “You’re going to regret all of this.” She chuckled. I despised the way she cackled as if she believed she was superior; that laugh was edged with loathing, pure hatred.

  The sound took me back to my childhood, back to the day I went into her room while she was sleeping to steal money out of her purse. Me and my siblings hadn’t eaten in over a day. Sandy was so hungry, so young. But Mom caught me. And she cackled like that before she slapped me.

  “Just remember, Cole. Once a whore, always a whore.”

  “Yeah, well, you would know.” I hung up, slamming the phone down on my desk.

  Flexing my hands, I paced up and down the cluttered office. Boxes were still everywhere and I kicked the closest one. “Fuck her. Fuck both of them,” I snapped angrily. “They know nothing. Nothing.” The urge to rip something apart became overwhelming. I almost laughed out loud at the thought. It would give credence to my stage name. The Ripper.

  It seemed fitting. After all, it was what I did best. I ripped women apart, tore their hearts up. Turned them into vicious, empty versions of their former selves. I had fucked my share and left them wanting more, their hearts aching.

  I’d hurt Sandy so badly she killed herself.

  Yes. I was the Ripper.

  I glanced at the clock on the wall. It wouldn’t be long now. In less than thirty minutes I would step on that stage with my Jewel of the Sea.

  I would destroy her for all men after me.

  I would own her. She would be mine.

  Not for long, my mind whispered.

  “For now,” I answered. And in that moment, that was all that mattered.

  TWENTY-FIVE.

  “What do you think?” Cole asked.

  I glanced
around the apartment, shocked. “You did this?”

  “Well, I had my men do it, but yeah, I told them where to put things.”

  It was my old apartment. The one I had shared with Vic and Chris for over two years. Everything was how I remembered it, or close to it. The old flower-patterned couch was back inside along with the other things I took with me when I moved. I had left a bunch of stuff here in my haste to get out, knowing Cole and his men would be the ones to clean it up. Just something a bitter heart did. But apparently he hadn’t moved it, as if he knew I’d be back.

  “You had my things moved from my old apartment.”

  “I did. The guys brought it all over this morning.”

  “Meow.”

  I turned to see Weasley hop up on my recliner. “Awww, you brought Weasley here too?” I snatched him up in my arms and snuggled him against my chest. Holding him was a balm to my wounded heart.

  “Of course. This was your home for a long while, I thought it might make you feel better to come back here.”

  I stared at the ugly flower-print couch, Vic’s couch, and remembered how he, Chris, and I would sit on it and watch our stupid reality shows like the Bad Girls Club and Real Housewives. Things were so simple then. Good God, what happened?

  “Are you going to tell me now?” I asked as I stepped into the bedroom. My bed was in there, pushed against the wall opposite where I’d once had it.

  “Tell you what?”

  I dropped Weasley on the floor and turned around. “Why you think your mother had something to do with this.” I pressed my hand against my neck. Mandi’s lifeless eyes haunted me, and I squeezed mine shut wishing that was enough to make the horrible image disappear. A little over twelve hours had passed since I woke up with her corpse on top of me. A little over twelve hours since my friend was murdered while I slept in the bed next to her, never hearing a sound. After showering, Cole and I had spent the day at the police station going through several rounds of questioning.

  “I don’t know that it was her, but she…” He ran a hand down his loose hair. “She hates me.”

  “What? How could she hate you? She made your life miserable.”

  “Things have happened.” He hesitated. “A lot of things since I grew up.”

  “So you’ve still talked to her all these years?”

  “I have.” He sat down on the end of the bed a few feet away. “She’s fucked up in the head, Julia. She’s a bad person.” His gaze focused on my dresser, his mind seeming far away. “But she’s my mom. At the end of the day, she’s the only one I have. I couldn’t abandon her like she did me.” The pain in his voice made my heart clench.

  He reached out and snagged my hand, pulling me to him. “I never wanted to believe she would do something like this. When you were first attacked I looked into her. I had her bank accounts checked just like Elaine’s. But all of her money was sunk into other things, her fucking plastic surgery, her expensive clothes. Nothing out of the ordinary. Plus she had no reason.” He paused, seeming to mull over his words. “I gave her what she wanted.”

  I expected him to say more, but he was silent, staring up into my face. “What did she want?”

  “Elaine.”

  “Elaine? But—”

  “She wanted me and Elaine to be together,” he said sullenly. “All she ever wanted was a family. Even though she hated me. She knew I was the only person who could give her that.”

  “But you have a bro—”

  “I have no brother.” He cut me off, standing abruptly.

  I frowned but said nothing.

  “She would do this. She would do something fucked up like this to get her point across. Elaine must have told her I was talking to you again. It makes sense.”

  “But you weren’t talking to me when I was first attacked,” I added, trying to make sense of that.

  “I know, but…I don’t know. She knew about you. Maybe she waited for the right time to get rid of you, once my protection was pulled.”

  I should have felt afraid, terrified that someone out there was planning to hunt me down and murder me, but I didn’t feel anything. I was numb. I wanted to laugh because it sounded so ridiculous: why would anyone care who Cole was with, or how he lived his life?

  “You don’t need to worry about her. I’m not going to leave your side.” He gave me a reassuring smile.

  I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. I didn’t like what I was going to have to do. All day I’d been thinking about it. It was the only way. “No.”

  Cole raised his eyebrows. “What?”

  “I don’t want you to stay with me.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “This thing between us is done.” The words came out hard, like I didn’t care, even though my heart was breaking on the inside.

  He smiled sarcastically. “So this is what you were going to do. That’s what’s been going on in that pretty little head all day.”

  “You should go.” I turned around. My heart broke, but this was for the best. I wouldn’t have him dying because of me. Whoever wanted me dead could come and have their beef with me, but I wouldn’t risk Cole or anyone else. Not again.

  “Julia.” He grabbed my arm and stopped me. “Don’t be like this. You’ve had a hard month. Don’t push me away because of that.” His gaze was pleading.

  “That’s not why I’m pushing you away.” It is exactly why I’m pushing you away. “You’re getting married to someone else.” And that was true. He was still going to marry that bitch.

  “You have got to be kidding me. You want to do this now?” he retorted angrily.

  “When else did you want to do it?”

  “On a day when you’re thinking clearly, once we get all this shit figured out!”

  I rolled my eyes. Trying not to let the pain show. “What happened between us in New Orleans didn’t change anything.” It changed everything.

  His eyes darkened, a fierce expression coming over his face. “How could you say that?” His voice cracked, like his heart was breaking.

  “You’re still going to marry her,” I said quietly, never breaking his gaze.

  “I never said that.”

  “You never said it was going to change.”

  “I didn’t think I had to say it. I thought what happened between us was clear.”

  My heart jumped. Did he mean what I thought he did? I gulped, knowing I had to let him go regardless. I had to save him. “It was just sex. That’s it.”

  “It wasn’t just sex, Julia. Not for me.” He was breathing hard. “It wasn’t just sex for you either. I fucking know it wasn’t.”

  “You don’t know anything.” I jerked away from him and walked into the living room.

  “Don’t walk away from me.” His voice was lethal, but I ignored him.

  “Just go, please.”

  “You think I’m just going to leave? After everything that’s fucking happened, you think I’m just going to leave you here by yourself?”

  “Yes!” I whirled around. “That’s exactly what you’re gonna fucking do. This is done.” I narrowed my gaze. “We are done. It’s been fun, Cole, really, but just go.” I gestured toward the door.

  He stalked toward me slowly, a sinister grin masking his face. “So this is how it’s going to be, huh? This was your plan.”

  “Just get out!” I shouted.

  “You were going to give some bullshit reasons and push me away to try to protect me. Try to piss me off and run me out so I wouldn’t get hurt, right?”

  “Those aren’t bullshit reasons, Cole. You’re getting married. We fucked. That’s all it was. Now it’s over and I don’t want you anymore.” My heart pounded in my chest as he stalked closer.

  “You don’t want me anymore.” He smirked. “Liar. You want me.”

  He stepped up, backing me against the counter. He trailed his fingers up the outside of my bare thigh below my running shorts. Heat tingled across my body and my breath hitched.

 
“See, you want me right now,” he whispered.

  “I don’t.”

  “You do.” He leaned in and brushed his lips against my ear. I shivered. “You love me too.”

  “Fuck you, Cole. Get out.” I shoved against his chest.

  “Admit it, Julia.” He towered over me, his big body pulsing with barely contained energy. “Admit you love me.”

  “I don’t love you.” I looked right into his eyes. “I don’t.” The lie slipped out so easily, I almost believed it myself.

  Cole’s face fell for a moment before he pulled it back together, masking the emotion that stabbed at my heart. “Fuck you, Julia.” His words were ragged. “You love me.” He nodded his head. “I know you fucking love me.” He snaked a hand into my hair and mashed his lips roughly against mine, prying my mouth open, forcing me to take his tongue. His cock pressed hard against my belly.

  Vicious, all-consuming heat drenched my panties. Want him. Need him. Love him. Yes. Protect him. The last two words echoed in my mind. The only way I could protect him was if I pushed him away. I turned my head away from him, rejecting his kiss.

  “No!” He turned away from me, shoving the recliner, toppling it over. “I won’t let you do this. I won’t let you fucking do this!” he shouted.

  “Go home, Cole,” I said sadly. “Go home to your future wife.”

  “She’s not my future wife!” He squeezed his hands into fists.

  “Then why are you engaged, huh? Why is there a big rock on her fucking finger?” I shouted back at him. I’d wanted to say that from the second he walked back into my life. “You even told me, that night in the club, she was the person you were supposed to be with. You said those words!”

  “You’re damn right I said those words. I said them because Elaine is the person I’m supposed to be with. She’s the first girl I ever slept with. She was with me before my money. She loves my mom and my mom loves her. She stayed with me through all the horrible things I’ve done in my life, Julia. If someone were to look at the shit that has gone on between Elaine and I they would say we were perfect for each other. We’ve both fucked up big time, lots of times.” He scrubbed a hand down my face. “We deserve each other. We deserve to be miserable for the rest of our lives together, because the bed we both lay in isn’t fit for anyone else. We’re both pieces of shit. And you, you Julia, you deserve better than that. Better than me.”