Scars

by Avery Ford

  Waking up in the hospital and learning that his career was over had taken a lot out of him. Every part of Caleb’s identity was grounded in his line of work. He lived for his job. But now, there were other things to live for. Caleb wasn’t sure what he would do when he was fully recovered, but there was no going back to the way he had been.

  He’d died in the fire, and a new version of himself was taking his place.

  Caleb noticed the bed shift, and he turned his head in time to see Henry reach out and brush his hand against Caleb’s. Henry was on the bed, naked and spent from their recent sex.

  “Caleb,” he said softly. “Come back to bed.”

  “I will.” Caleb cast a last glance out the window, guilty. Out there, people were working hard to keep others safe. It made him feel like a coward that he didn’t want to join them. “Get comfy. I’ll be right with you.”

  Henry seemed to be content with the answer. He settled onto the bed and waited while Caleb shook off his thoughts and turned back around. He settled into place beside Henry, and Henry snuggled against his chest. Caleb wished he could strip off his pressure garments and hold Henry the way he deserved to be held. With only one hour a day allotted to freedom from compression, he couldn’t risk taking off and accidentally falling asleep. It would reverse the progress he’d been fighting to make.

  For now, holding Henry like this would have to do.

  “What’s the matter?” Henry whispered. The snow made the world quieter than usual, like sound itself was too timid to risk the inclement weather. “You don’t seem like yourself.”

  “Just thinking,” Caleb said. He ran his good hand through Henry’s hair, amazed at how soft it felt. Henry was a wonder, and Caleb felt blessed to be able to experience him. Would he have felt this way about Henry during his playboy days, before he’d lost his looks? Caleb wasn’t sure. Considering the ‘what ifs’ was dangerous. He’d tortured himself with them too much already, thinking about what could have been if only he would have done something different at the scene of the incident.

  “Mm. Anything I need to worry about?”

  “No.” Caleb thought about it a little more. Henry had never given him a reason to want to hide away who he was. What was the harm in opening up? Not even Kota knew the full story of what had happened. “Well. I was thinking about firefighting.”

  “Oh.” Henry stroked Caleb’s chest soothingly. “Are you okay?”

  Henry didn’t push for details or try to weasel his way into finding out what had happened. The question he asked was concerned with Caleb as a person, rather than the event he’d been through. Caleb wondered if Henry knew how compassionate a question like that really was.

  “I’m okay,” Caleb said. “I didn’t think I would be, but I am. It’s just going to take some time. It’s a really strange feeling.”

  Henry didn’t say anything. He pressed his cheek against Caleb’s clothed chest and offered his support instead. The more time went on, the harder it was for Caleb to believe that he’d ever been without someone to listen to him like Henry did. Not even the bond he shared with Kota was so personal.

  “I devoted my whole life to being a firefighter. I was good at what I did. I was cocky. I thought I was such hot stuff, and that I was invincible. I lived for the adrenaline, you know? It was the kind of situation where I wanted to go against orders and go into buildings deemed unsafe if it meant I could save lives. I wanted to push the limits and be a goddamn hero.”

  “You are a hero,” Henry whispered. He didn’t pull away, keeping tucked against Caleb’s chest. Caleb held him loosely. “Don’t think you aren’t.”

  “A hero is someone who rises up to a situation despite their fear,” Caleb murmured back. “I was the kind of guy who was inviting danger into my life. That’s not hero behavior. That’s irresponsibility. What happened to me? I made it happen. But I don’t think I would ever take it back.”

  “Why?” Henry’s voice was timidly curious, and Caleb nuzzled against the top of his head. Worn out from their time between the sheets, Henry was adorable.

  “Because I saved their lives,” Caleb admitted. “The building was unsafe, and the fire was out of control, but I managed to save them. And somehow, I came out of it unscathed.”

  Henry was quiet, and Caleb spent a while holding him, reliving that night over in his head. The adrenaline was like a drug, clouding his judgment.

  “It was the middle of the summer, and we got called in for a multiple-alarm fire at a suburban residence in the city I lived in.” Caleb spoke against Henry’s hair, letting his fingers weave through the soft strands. “When we got there, there wasn’t much we could do. The structure was already compromised. One of the walls was falling in. There was this scent in the air like cat urine, and we could smell it even through our respirators. All of us knew right away it was a meth lab. At that point, the focus became containment. We needed to make sure none of the surrounding houses caught fire, and we needed to evacuate the residents.”

  Caleb remembered the events of that day vividly. It was hard to believe that he’d woken up that day and gone about his business unaware that hours later, his life would change forever.

  “I was evacuating some of the residents and setting up a perimeter with some of the other firefighters on duty, when one hysterical woman dragged at my arm and told me that there were children in the house. Two of them.” The look on her face lingered with him to this day. “The chief told us to stay out. I didn’t listen. When kids’ lives are on the line, it’s…”

  Like no other feeling in the world.

  “You found them?” Henry asked. Caleb knew he was trying to move him forward, beyond his discomfort.

  “Yeah.” Caleb closed his eyes. “I charged in. The smoke was so thick, it was hard to see, but I heard them screaming. There was a baby just wailing. Somewhere in the house, the smoke hadn’t gotten in. I made it upstairs, but the floors were starting to warp. The flames were eating the place up, but I made my way through, and in the back room were two little kids. One of them couldn’t have been older than six months. Both of them were alone. The parents were in the basement I guess, when the lab went up in smoke, and both of them were scared out of their minds.”

  All of it was a blur, like it had been a dream. Caleb brushed his lips against the top of Henry’s head. “I got them. Tried to take them back down the stairs. The house was falling to pieces, and a support beam collapsed and pinned me down. I knew that the smoke was too thick for the little girl and her baby sibling to get out, so I used my left arm to pry the respirator off my face, got it on her, and told her to run. That’s all I remember. The next thing I knew, I was waking up in the hospital feeling like I was still on fire.”

  Caleb would never forget the pain, or the procedures he’d been through during his recovery period. The time he’d spent in the hospital stretched on for an eternity, one day blending into the next. All of them were linked by agony.

  Caleb still woke up feeling it sometimes, nerves screaming in pain as he sizzled alive.

  “But they lived,” Caleb said. The words were spoken so gently he almost didn’t hear them. “Both of the kids lived. I gave them another chance. I hope both of them make the most of it.”

  “You did the right thing,” Henry said.

  “No, I didn’t.” Caleb snorted. “I was under orders not to go in. The likelihood everyone in the residence was dead was astronomical. It was a miracle they survived.”

  “And it was a miracle that you had the guts to go save them,” Henry replied. “I think, sometimes, that things work out for a reason, you know? That what we do in life, and what happens to us in life, is what’s supposed to happen. We get put on these paths, and sometimes they’re not what we want them to be, but they all have their purpose. You saved those girls, and then you got hurt, but because of it, you got to come back here.”

  The hidden meaning in Henry’s words was clear.

  You got to meet me.

  They cuddled in sil
ence. Henry kept himself tucked against Caleb’s body, and Caleb held him close. Their hearts beat in time, and their breathing synchronized.

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Caleb whispered after a long silence. “I’m broken now. I lost the ability to do the job I was born to do, and I have no idea what my future is going to look like.”

  “I know,” Henry whispered back, sympathetic. “We’ll figure it out. I promise.”

  Caleb knew he shouldn’t believe it, but that didn’t stop his heart for doing exactly that.

  Henry

  Henry listened for the rhythm of Caleb’s breath to slow as he fell asleep, but it never did. They laid awake in each other’s arms as the snow continued to fall, dampening the noise of the night. Henry listened to Caleb’s heartbeat and took simple joy in the smell of his skin. There was something familiar about it, reassuring in a way no other person’s had ever been.

  “You’re still awake,” Henry remarked.

  “Yeah,” Caleb murmured. “Still thinking, I guess.”

  “You’ve got a lot to think about.” Henry kissed Caleb’s shoulder. “I don’t blame you.”

  Caleb wasn’t the only one who had things to think about. Henry turned Caleb’s story over in his head, thinking about everything he’d heard. Caleb had run headfirst into danger against orders, but in the process, he’d saved two innocent lives. Henry’s heart bled for him. He’d made the ultimate sacrifice to save two children, and now he was paying the price for it.

  Caleb had been punished for his good deeds. Henry hoped that one day, he’d find the happy ending he deserved.

  Time ticked away. Caleb made a noise low in his chest, something between a grunt and a growl. His arm tightened around Henry, and the next thing Henry knew, they’d rolled over on the bed so Henry was on his back and Caleb was on top of him.

  Henry gasped and grinned, and when their lips met, his whole body felt light. Caleb made him feel things he’d never felt before.

  “You’re still awake, too,” Caleb said against his lips. “I’m thinking maybe what we got up to before wasn’t enough to tire you out. Why don’t we fix that?”

  “Mm?” Henry lit up. Eyes closed, he smiled against Caleb’s lips. “Yeah? What do you propose?”

  “What do you think?” Caleb said with a laugh. “We’ve got that whipped cream in the fridge now…”

  “No.” Henry said sternly, but then he laughed, too. “Not this late. Maybe tomorrow?”

  “Sounds like a date. I guess that until then, we’ll have to improvise.”

  They didn’t have a relationship, but there was a connection between them that Henry had never shared with another man. When Caleb rolled them over again so Henry was on top, he felt he knew exactly what Caleb wanted.

  “Do you want to lube me up?” Henry murmured. He shifted his hips and ground against Caleb’s groin. It was likely that he was still slick from before, but he didn’t want to chance with maybe.

  “No,” Caleb replied. He kissed the side of Henry’s mouth, the touch vulnerable. “I know that you haven’t had it so easy, either. I want you to know that whatever it is, I’m there for you. I’m not only interested in you because you keep my sheets warm, or because you feel so good.” Caleb trailed off. “I want you to take me, Henry.”

  Henry blinked, taken aback. He preferred to bottom, but if it was what Caleb wanted, he wasn’t going to deny him.

  Henry smiled. He ran a hand along Caleb’s left cheek, his touch tender. There was no desperate need between them, or any crushing sense of urgency. In that moment, they were themselves, and Caleb was bare to him.

  They kissed. Caleb’s touch was still firm, but there was a certain leniency to him that Henry hadn’t seen before. Henry ground down against him gently, the friction stirring his erection back to life. The idea of taking Caleb heated his blood and settled in his bones. It didn’t matter what they did in the sheets, so long as they did it together.

  Henry reached for their bottle of lube, then set it down and carefully removed the pressure garments covering Caleb’s lower half. The kiss continued, slow and sweet, and Caleb lifted his hips to help Henry work. Henry drizzled lube on his fingers once the garment was off, but hesitated before he prepped Caleb. The kiss ended.

  “Are you sure?” Henry asked.

  “Yeah.” Caleb replied earnestly. “I want whatever’s between us, for as long as it’s going to last, to be equal. This is the best way I know to prove to you that what I’m saying is true.”

  Henry nodded. Carefully, he ran his fingers around the circle of Caleb’s entrance. The rim felt tight, and Henry was worried that Caleb might not be ready. Henry had been stretched prematurely too many times, and he knew how agonizing it was. That wasn’t something he wanted to burden Caleb with.

  Henry gingerly inserted his first lubed finger. Caleb moaned and tightened around him, and Henry took the chance to resume the kiss. It was as though they were inexperienced and fumbling with each other, neither sure of their roles in the bedroom. Pritchard had kept Henry submissive to him for so long that Henry wasn’t sure how to progress. He’d never had another lover.

  Henry worked his finger slowly, pushing it in and twisting it to get Caleb used to the intrusion. When he curled his finger to work against Caleb’s prostate, Caleb moaned into Henry’s mouth. His dick jumped. Henry knew first-hand how amazing it felt, and he hoped that Caleb would continue to feel amazing as time went on.

  “I’m okay,” Caleb whispered. His body was still tight, and Henry wasn’t sure he believed him. “I’m ready for more.”

  “You never need to push yourself when you’re with me,” Henry whispered back. The falling snow outside made the world silent, and their whispers carried loudly enough for them to hear clearly. He twisted his finger, and Caleb moaned again and arched his back. Some of the tension eased from his body. “We’ll take it slow. There’s no rush.”

  Henry played with him, twisting, turning, sometimes pushing deep and other times pulling back to just barely stroke at Caleb’s entrance. Caleb gasped and moaned beneath him, the noises quiet and intimate. How much time passed, Henry didn’t know, but eventually Caleb’s body gave in to him. Once he was relaxed, Henry slipped in the next finger and started the process all over again. Caleb’s cock drooled precum, and Henry wasn’t much better off. Dominating a man wasn’t something he typically fantasized about, but seeing Caleb give in to him and trust him so deeply resonated inside of him and hardened him like nothing else.

  Henry worked his fingers deeper, and Caleb crowed out in pleasure and twisted on the bed.

  “Henry, please, take me…”

  “Not yet.” Henry didn’t want to rush. If they were going to do this, it needed to be something special. “I want to make sure you’re ready.”

  “I am,” Caleb insisted. Needy breathlessness punctuated his words.

  “Not yet.”

  Henry had never felt more powerful. The affection they shared was as much in his hands as it was in Caleb’s, and for the first time in a long time, Henry didn’t feel afraid to take control. Caleb gave him confidence. Caleb gave him courage. As Henry applied more lube and worked it into Caleb’s body, he realized how important both those traits were.

  Before long, he’d be going out into the world and forging his own path. The confidence and courage Caleb inspired in him now would take him far.

  The kiss resumed. Henry’s balls begged for release, but he refused to tend to his own needs before he considered Caleb’s. When Caleb at last relaxed, Henry knew he could make his move.

  He withdrew his fingers, leaving Caleb panting for breath. Henry fumbled with the drawer of their bedside table and took out one of their condoms. He tore the packaging and slipped it onto his own cock. Wearing a condom after bottoming for such a long time was strange, but Henry didn’t mind it.

  For Caleb, he’d do just about anything.

  Caleb’s thighs were spread, and he perked his ass upward to present himself. Cautious of his
scars, Henry lowered himself to get into position. When he pressed forward, Caleb’s body was receptive. Henry pressed inward until his crown disappeared inside of Caleb, and he had to take a moment to pull himself back together. Caleb was tight, and hot, and wonderful, and if Henry wasn’t careful, he knew he’d come right away.

  “Is this okay?” Henry asked. Drawing breath was difficult, and he knew his chest was heaving already.

  “Yes,” Caleb said, voice dipped with pleasure. “Henry, please, I need more.”

  Henry hoped he could hold on.

  The inward motion rocketed pleasure through Henry, and his throat clenched as he fought back orgasm. Inch by inch, Henry buried himself. Once he was in as deep as he could go, he drew back and pushed forward again.

  Caleb moaned. The sound was delicate and burdened with emotion. Henry took things slowly, never pushing too far or too fast. Their bodies worked in unison without words necessary, their wants and needs so finely attuned that there was no need for speech.

  Henry rocked into Caleb, and Caleb arched his back and moaned. Their hearts beat as one. The longer they spent coupled, the less Henry could cling to control. Penetration wasn’t as pleasurable for him as being penetrated was, but it demanded a different kind of impulse control that Henry wasn’t used to wrangling. More than once, his balls tightened and rode up as he worked himself into Caleb, and he had to slow down and pull himself back from the edge.

  The muted sounds of their breathing and the startled, pleasured grunts and gasps that accompanied each thrust filled the bedroom. Sweat gathered on Henry’s brow, and he felt himself start to tumble over the edge once more.

  “Caleb, I’m gonna…”

  “Come,” Caleb begged him. “I wanna feel it.”

  Henry choked out a groan as he came. Caleb’s body tightened around him, and Henry pushed into it as deeply as he could go. The pleasure blinded him to anything else — all Henry could focus on was Caleb. Tight. Warm. Handsome. Heroic. Sensitive.