Scars

by Avery Ford

  Henry didn’t notice that Caleb had already come. His hand clutched his base, but his dick was softening. Henry kissed Caleb hard, then pulled free and settled on the bed next to him. He took off the condom and disposed of it.

  “You’re worth more than you give yourself credit for,” Caleb told him as their heart rates slowed to normal and they caught their breath. “Everyone makes mistakes or gets sidetracked. Everyone. The people you don’t think have ever struggled? I promise, they have. Some struggles are just more obvious than others.” Caleb reached through the dark and took Henry’s hand, and Henry held it loosely. Exhaustion was beginning to take hold. “Don’t let anyone else tell you that you’re not worth it.”

  “And don’t let anyone think that you’re less of a person because of your mistakes,” Henry replied. “Because what you see on the outside? That’s not the full story.”

  Through the dark, he saw Caleb smile.

  That, in itself, was enough.

  Caleb

  The snow fell for two days. By the time the storm was over and the streets were cleared, Caleb was antsy. Before the accident, he’d never been one to stay at home. Losing himself to daytime television wasn’t what he considered a good time, and he had few other hobbies to keep him occupied. Henry was a fine distraction, but there were times Caleb’s dick didn’t want to perform. Henry was more than content to curl up with a book or otherwise occupy himself, but Caleb needed something more.

  He needed people.

  It was hard to internalize, after so many months spent brooding about rumors and how people stared, that he was lonely. Social interaction had once been a core pillar of Caleb’s life, and he found himself missing it. The trips to Crossroads had helped fulfill his social cravings, but speaking to Mrs. Turner for a few minutes at a time wasn’t wholly satisfying.

  Caleb wanted conversation.

  Henry was curled up on the couch in the living room, a Kindle propped up against his thighs as he read. Caleb had just finished showering and moisturizing his burned skin, and he lingered by the door, looking out at the yard. The snow was still present on lawns, but it was gone from the streets. There didn’t seem to be any ice.

  “What do you want to eat for lunch today?” Henry called lazily from the living room. “I have some oven pizza we could heat up, if you want. Or... how do you feel about something lighter? We’ve got those salad greens in there we should use. I can make some chicken strips and we can have salads.”

  “Why don’t we do that for dinner tonight?” Caleb asked. “I’ve got something else in mind.”

  Henry laughed. “I am not putting out again until at least mid-afternoon. I want something real for lunch. Sex is good for dessert, but it does nothing for my stomach.”

  “No, I mean, let’s go out. Let’s go to Crossroads.” Caleb knew that he wasn’t going to find anyone willing to converse with him there, apart from Mrs. Turner, but getting out of the house would help to relieve some of the stir-craziness he felt. Getting in some exercise would be good. “I’ll buy, if you’re worried about money.”

  “No, that’s not it.” Henry’s voice drew nearer. He rounded the corner and joined Caleb in the hallway. “I’m just surprised, is all. Usually you don’t invite me out with you when you go out.”

  “I thought it might be nice to go together. We could sit in a booth, enjoy some time outside of the house, talk…”

  Henry placed his hand gently on Caleb’s back and leaned against him from behind. “Like a date?”

  Caleb pursed his lips and tried not to let the idea thrill him. He hadn’t meant for it to sound like a date, but if definitely had come across that way. The no-strings-attached fling they’d agreed to was shaping into something a lot more real.

  Caleb found he didn’t mind.

  The future was uncertain, and he knew there was the possibility for heartbreak, but to deny himself a good time with a man he was attracted to simply because he was afraid didn’t make sense. He nodded and scrunched his lips together to hold back a grin. “As long as you make it a real date and put out afterward.”

  “Jerk.” Henry slapped him on the back, and Caleb noticed he was careful to stick to the left side. “When do you want to go? It’s closing in on lunch now, and it’ll probably be busy. If you want to avoid the crowds…”

  “No.” Caleb shook his head. “I want to go now, as long as that’s okay with you.”

  “Sure. I’m starving.” Henry stepped back and grabbed his coat from the hall closet. “Is your face going to be okay with the cold temperature?”

  “What do you mean?” Caleb turned to look at him. Henry dropped his gaze sheepishly as he pushed his arm through the sleeve of his coat.

  “Well, I was kind of reading about, um, recovery, you know, to see if there was anything I could do to help… and I read that extreme temperatures can be painful for burn victims because the skin is so thin and delicate.”

  Caleb’s heart fluttered. He smiled. “Is that so?”

  “Yeah.” Henry’s arms were through the sleeves, and he zipped up the front of his coat. “Kind of like when you have a blister and it pops, and the skin beneath is very soft and delicate. Over time it’s supposed to toughen up, but it takes time, and so hot and cold are supposed to be avoided.”

  Caleb was impressed. He didn’t think that even Kota had gone through lengths like that to understand what he was going through. “It burns, but it’s only a small percentage of my skin exposed. I can deal with it. We’re out for what, ten minutes? Fifteen if we walk slow? I’ve dealt with worse pain.”

  Henry pulled a pair of gloves from his pockets and slipped them on, then fitted a hat onto his head. It clung snugly against the ridges of his ears. “As long as you’re sure.”

  “I’ll wear a scarf, if that helps you feel any better.” Caleb stuck out his tongue. He took Henry’s place and dressed himself for outside. Once he was done, he led Henry out the door and down the driveway. Henry had shoveled earlier, and the way was clear.

  It wasn’t until they were a block from the house that Caleb realized he wasn’t wearing his hood.

  With the scarf wrapped high on his neck, shielding his cheeks from the cold, Caleb knew his disfigurement wasn’t plainly obvious, but without a hood to hide beneath, his imperfections were much more visible than before.

  Henry walked by his side, chatting about the book he was reading, and what he was thinking about making for dinner, and how beautiful the snow was, but Caleb was only half listening. The rest of his focus was on the traffic up and down the street, and whether cars slowed so people could get a better look. So far, he couldn’t tell.

  Caleb turned the corner onto the main strip. Traffic increased. Henry chattered on. Caleb watched the cars as they passed and saw some slow. The drivers had to be looking at him, longing for a good look.

  Caleb lifted his head higher and let it roll off his back.

  Letting go wasn’t easy, but it was the only thing he could do. In fact, if he didn’t, he knew he’d slip back into the miserable man he’d been prior to meeting Henry. Caleb’s time to mourn his old life was over. He had to be proud of who he was. The scars he bore wouldn’t go away, although they would get better with time. One day, the eye patch would come off. Life would return to normal, and the suffering he endured now would be a distant memory.

  Caleb knew if he let himself dwell on it, he’d never get better. The same uncertainties would eat him from the inside out. But just as Henry was worth it, so was Caleb. He needed to live by his own words.

  “Hey,” Henry said. “Are you listening?”

  “Not as well as I should be.” Beaming, Caleb turned his head to look at Henry. His cheeks were reddened from the cold, and his silken brown hair was windswept and adorable. Henry’s wide brown eyes looked Caleb over curiously. “But you’ve got my full attention now.”

  “I was just saying that I know it’s kind of cold, but I’m feeling like ice cream. Do you want to share a milkshake when we get to Crossroads?�
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  “Yeah.” Caleb said. “What’s your poison?”

  “Vanilla.”

  Vanilla sounded great.

  One of Mrs. Turner’s waitresses — a young woman who looked barely older than eighteen — seated them at a back booth. She smiled and winked at Henry, gave them some menus, and disappeared to get them each a tall glass of water. Caleb’s skin was still defrosting from their walk, and the cold air worsened the condition of his lungs. Water sounded fantastic.

  “So I was thinking,” Henry said. He folded a straw wrapper over and over until it was folded too many times to bend. “I mean, only if you want to… we should go do something again like this sometime. Maybe we can drive to the city and see a movie, or catch a play, or go to a museum.”

  “Are you asking me out for a second date when we’re two minutes into date number one?” Caleb asked, amused.

  Henry’s cheeks were still red from being outside, but Caleb saw them get redder. “Well, I know that being in town for so long makes me a little bit eager to get out and do something, so I can’t imagine how it must be for you. Before I moved in, you must have lived a pretty regimented life, right? Between all the hospital visits and rehabilitation appointments and everything else?”

  Caleb couldn’t argue.

  “So I think it’d be fun for both of us to get out, and to do it together. It doesn’t have to be a date, you know, because we’re not really doing the relationship thing, but I think it’d be a good time. I like having you around.”

  “I like having you around, too,” Caleb said.

  From the first moment he’d laid eyes on Henry in this very diner, Caleb knew that he was special. He would have never guessed that Henry would have such an impact on shaping his life.

  “So, let’s make plans then, before the end of the month.” The declaration had unspoken undertones. Caleb knew that Henry was hoping to land a job and move away. Henry hadn’t talked about it extensively, but Caleb understood it was what he was aiming for. “We can have a full day out. I’ll even drive both ways, if you want.”

  “Sounds great.”

  Business at the diner was picking up. The booth in front of theirs was seated, and Caleb was sure he saw one-half of the couple look his way with disgust. He tried not to let it get to him.

  “I’m really interested in modern art,” Henry said. “If that doesn’t sound too boring to you, maybe we can find an exhibit. Or there’s that horror movie coming out in a few days…”

  “Did you see that?” The man in the next booth asked. A chill ran down Caleb’s spine.

  They’re talking about you.

  He nodded along to what Henry said without really listening. Strong as he’d felt on the streets, it was different to hear someone gossiping about him not even three feet away.

  “What?”

  “The thing.”

  “Joe, you’re not making sense.” The woman Joe was with sighed.

  “You know, the thing everyone’s been talking about. I just saw it.”

  Henry reached out across the table and dropped his hand on top of Caleb’s, and Caleb’s gaze refocused suddenly. He didn’t realized until Henry touched him that he’d been staring into the distance.

  “You don’t look well,” Henry said softly. “Do you want to go? I’m not going to be upset if it’s too much and you change your mind.”

  Caleb didn’t think Henry heard the conversation going on one booth over. Caleb wished he didn’t hear it at all.

  “No.” Caleb had to face his fears if he was to live in Blue Mountain for an extended amount of time. People would always talk — he had to learn not to listen. “I just need some air. When the waitress comes, order for me, and make sure you get that milkshake you want. I’ll be back soon.”

  Caleb didn’t wait for Henry to reply. He stood and made his way to the front of the diner, boldly walking past the other patrons. Heads turned to look at him. Someone snickered. Caleb held his head high.

  Outside the diner door, in the small buffer area between the outside and the diner itself, was a claw machine. Eager for something to distract himself with, Caleb loaded coins into the input and navigated the claw and the bright lights blinked patterns. The machine was filled with tiny stuffed animals that would easily fit in the palm of an adult hand. Positioned in the perfect place was a small stuffed bird made with natural browns and whites that looked timid and sweet. Caleb jiggled the claw into position, stepped back, and leaned from side to side to check his angles.

  He was wrapped up in the game instead of his own thoughts, and it helped to ease his anguish.

  Caleb pressed a button and the claw lowered. The hooks closed around the bird, and Caleb watched as it was lifted up as the claw recoiled. Claw and bird both navigated their way back to the original position, and the claw released the bird. It tumbled down the prize chute, and Caleb reached in through the flap to retrieve it.

  Caleb looked it over closely. The quality was higher than something he expected out of a claw machine, and there was a serene quality to it that put his heart at ease. Caleb felt settled. He returned to the booth he shared with Henry as people whispered and laughed.

  Caleb set the bird in front of Henry, and Henry looked down at it, then up at Caleb with wide eyes.

  Caleb sat down. “No matter what you do, no matter what anyone says to you, never stop singing.”

  They were words Caleb hoped they’d both never forget.

  Henry

  Henry woke up when the doorbell rang. Blinking the sleep out of his eyes, he yawned and pulled himself away from Caleb’s side. It was almost two in the afternoon. After lunch at Crossroads they’d come home, fooled around, and then fallen asleep holding each other. Henry was naked.

  He picked up his boxers from where they’d fallen on Caleb’s floor and wiggled into them.

  “Are you getting that?” Caleb asked. He yawned.

  “Yeah. It’ll be faster for me. You’d have to get dressed all the way to hide your pressure garments. I’ll just throw your robe on and go see who it is.”

  “Mm. Probably should get up anyway, or we won’t sleep tonight.”

  Henry grabbed Caleb’s robe on his way to the door and put it on as he went to answer the door. He tightened the cloth belt and opened the door, expecting to find someone looking to sell them a service.

  Henry wasn’t expecting to see his parents standing on the stoop. Gloria and Victor’s faces were impartial, but Gloria quickly brightened and smiled. Henry was sure it was put on.

  “Henry,” she said warmly. “It’s nice to see you.”

  “M-mother,” Henry stuttered. He stepped back from the door instinctively, and his parents took it as an invitation to enter. Henry watched them look this way and that, faces obviously critical of the house. “Father. I… what are you doing here? Why didn’t you call?”

  “We did call.” Gloria said. “You didn’t answer. Your father and I were in the area and we figured we might as well drop by.”

  “How did you find this place?” Henry asked. He still couldn’t believe they were standing there. “I never told you where I was living…”

  “There aren’t any secrets in Blue Mountain,” Victor said sternly. He straightened a crooked picture frame by the door, then held his hand stiffly and grimaced in disgust. He wiped his hand on the side of his pants. “The people in town have been talking, Henry. Is it not enough for you to come home and bring your drama with you?”

  “Victor,” Gloria scolded him. She shook her head. “Let’s not bring it up now. Let’s give Henry some time to explain himself first.”

  Explain himself? Henry backed up a little further, wanting to keep his distance. There was something going on right now that he didn’t understand. It wasn’t like his parents to be ‘in the area’ and to hunt him down. Henry had checked in once a week through phone calls, and he figured that was good enough. It had always been good enough when he was at Pritchard’s.

  “I’m not sure I understand what you mean
.”

  “Word’s been spreading very fast around town that you’ve been out and about with this… man.” Victor said sternly.

  “Heather Turner called me, you know,” Gloria said. “She told me that the two of you were in the diner, holding hands? Sharing a milkshake?”

  Henry’s blood chilled. He swallowed hard, and his mind instantly started to look for an escape. What he had with Caleb was complicated, and his parents didn’t need to know that they were fucking without worrying about the trappings of a relationship.

  “Yeah, I mean, we went out for lunch today.” Henry ran his tongue nervously against the roof of his mouth. “We went to Crossroads. We’re friends. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “Friends don’t hold hands over lunch, Henry,” Victor said. Henry shivered. There was anger hidden beneath the frost in Victor’s voice. “I have never shared a milkshake with my friends, or felt compelled to touch them.”

  What was he supposed to say? Sticking to the story that Caleb was his roommate invalidated everything they’d shared together, but if Henry introduced him as his boyfriend, then what? Caleb had made it clear he didn’t want anything more, even though they had feelings for each other. The future was too uncertain to predict.

  Henry’s thoughts went to the small stuffed sparrow Caleb had given him at the diner that now resided with the rest of his memories. No matter what the future held, the memories he’d made with Caleb would stay with him forever.

  “I’m sorry that times have changed since you were young,” Henry said with some finality. He straightened his posture and did his best to assert himself. While wearing only boxers and a tied bathrobe, it was harder than it looked. “There’s nothing wrong with what we did. The people in Blue Mountain like to gossip too much for their own good.”

  Neither of his parents looked convinced. Henry refused to back down. What Caleb had said to him in the diner stuck — he had to keep singing. Henry was in his mid-twenties, and he refused to let himself be bound by his parents’ influence anymore. The independence he’d gained from living with Caleb was life-changing. He wasn’t going to let them manipulate him back into living somewhere he didn’t want to be.