From my purse, I grip the handle of my compact handgun. The cool steel calming my nerves. My other hand holds the keys as I unlock and open the shop doors. Until the other artist shows up, I leave all the other doors locked now. Gone are the days of feeling safe and secure. You just never know.
Three tattoos later and my stomach growls. I need food, and I need it now. To my delight, Angie walks in carrying a bag of take out and a grin. “You can totally bribe me for details if you give me what is in that bag.” I point, and she holds the bag out. Taking the food from her, she follows me to my office and holds me hostage while I take large bites into my mouth.
“You must be hungry because if I were a guy, I would be totally turned on watching you shove that big roll into your little mouth like that.” She raises a brow.
“Don’t judge me, I burned a lot of calories.” Choking, I hold back the laughter that wants to escape.
“Hmm, and would these be burned with a handsome dark and dangerous man named Spider?”
Swallowing the last bite, I nod. “Yeah, but Ang, what if it all goes to shit? Just like it has before, I don’t want the same messes to clean up. It seems like everything starts to work out and then I’m ripped back to right where I started before. That shit is exhausting.”
Angie’s face falls just a bit. She had a front-row seat to everything. She sat in darkness with me while I cried and lost hope. Angie was there and knows how much I have to lose. “Life is never easy. Not for any of us. We all lose some, and some we win. But if we stop fighting, it is the only time we lose. Put your heart out there Jazz. You never have. Since your dad died, you have only given a portion of yourself in relationships. Because love feels fragile like a bomb. The ones that really matter have the power to detonate that bomb. But it is also so strong. Love gives you wings to fly and feel the world in a way nothing else can.”
“I felt that I never loved the same after dad died. I could never unlock that part of myself. Then when my baby came, it changed. It all grew back and I craved it so desperately. Then, it felt like it was stolen from me; just ripped away.”
Angie frowns and listens with her whole heart and feels every ounce of my hesitation. It shines in her eyes like mine do. “Jazzy, don’t quit. You needed time to find the little girl that lost herself when her dad died. Time to heal after the pain of losing your little one. Grow into the woman you are now. Believing in things like love that can change your world. I don’t think Spider would change his life around and come here, to not claim his woman. God, what I wouldn’t give for that.” She teases, but Angie loves hard. Most men run away when they figure out how strong she is. I keep hoping that she finds what she fights so hard for. “Give him time,” she pleads. “Don’t run until you know what he really wants.”
“Who are you and what have you done with my friend?” Never has she fought for me and Kilo, or any other guy before him.
“He looks at you with such intensity, it’s different. It’s a look of devotion. You may not love him today, but he is here to find out if you will.”
“I’ve always had a connection to him, I thought it could be love. But you know these guys like I do, most don’t love the women they sleep with. They get bored and leave.”
“Honey, I don’t think he just moved here for a quickie. Seriously, give him a shot at winning your heart for real. Take down the no cocks allowed sign from your heart and open it just a teeny tiny bit. Just a little to let him in enough at a time. Make him earn your devotion back.”
“God, okay, I get it,” I snark back, but I’m grateful that I have a best friend that loves me enough to not let me shut her out. If she weren’t such a tenacious bitch, I would never listen. I am fully aware of how stubborn I can be. You do the best you can. Finding your way through bumpy roads is never an easy one to travel.
I did need time alone to find the girl I lost and the woman I have become. After all of it, I didn’t recognize myself or trust my instincts. As much as I need to learn to open up, I need to learn to trust myself too. Who is the woman that stands and breathes after the fire has burned her? Leaving the ashes of her heart in the aftermath of pain. Can I sweep them up and throw them away into the trash, just toss away the past and start over?
Chapter 27
Spider
Fuego sits at the head of the table with my former Prez, Blade. He came in to give his support for my transfer to this chapter. He understands why I’m here, and we both know I’m never going to leave. Jazzy is here, and my deepest regret was not seeing what was in front of my face this whole time; her. Blade being here is a show of real respect and brotherhood. We know the sacrifices we make in this life and this is the reason I did what I did. My brothers are my family.
Fuego throws down his gavel and starts the meeting. “You all have met Spider and Blade. I waited until today to make an announcement. Spider is requesting a transfer from Reno to here. Let’s go around the room for a vote. All in?”
The room echoes an “Aye.” One by one, and they resound, except one. I don’t need to look to know what is coming. “Nay.” Kilo’s deep, growling voice interrupts the momentum. “We usually have time before a vote is cast on who can be up for transfer. This is bullshit. Why is he here?”
Fuego stands tall and tilts his head back. “You question me? Why I would allow this today? Pinche pendejo, this is my club. He’s not new to us or the Battle Born MC.” His face is pure anger and disappointment. “Finish the vote,” he states to the room, but his glare never leaves Kilo. No one else votes against me. “Bueno, Spider, welcome to the Sacramento Chapter.”
Blade pulls his knife from its sheath and tears my Reno rocker patch from my vest. With it in his hand, he grips mine in a shake and pulls me in for a hug. “Brothers till we die, Spider. Even if you don’t ride in my chapter, always my brother by choice.”
My chest burns with an ache I have never experienced. I would say the exact same, but he already knows. Blade has been my friend before we were prospects and then members. Tank, Axl, and I were at his back all the way to the top because we all knew that was where he belonged. Blade walks past and sizes Kilo up as the gavel hits the table. My friend sees the man as a threat, and knowing Blade, he’ll have a plan by the end of the day.
Not knowing who Kilo is close to, I hold back any reactions. Watch the brothers come at me with handshakes and wait for any tells. If there are any more possible threats, they'll join forces with him. I’ll be ready. Nothing I haven’t seen before or can’t handle. Snake stands at my side, a stance that lets his brothers know where he stands. Between Snake, Blade, Fuego, and Ghost, I know I have backup, but I make a point to always take care of my own. Your enemies look for your weaknesses and they won’t find it here. Coyote is their tech guy here and he and I have worked together. He slaps me on the shoulder. “Looking forward to the help. You know what you want to do around the club yet?”
“Nah, man, whatever help you guys need, I’m game for. A break from the screens wouldn’t hurt me a bit.”
“Good. I have a lot of questions.” Coyote is a few years younger than me and is giving me respect by inviting me in to his responsibilities. “I’ll be in touch.” He strides out to the bar and the rest follow, including myself. I accepted the normal bullshit that follows after a meeting. We each run off to do our respected jobs as assigned.
What I didn’t expect was to see the bar area packed with my brothers from Reno. Even Cowboys’ ugly mug, Tank, Axl, Pawn, and Saint crowd a table. Beers in hand, they hold them up to me. Tank clears his throat, and the room quiets down. “I know, I know, you all were waiting for me to toast. So, here it goes. Spider is a nasty, grumpy bastard. Congratulations on gaining his pain in the ass temperament.” He smiles wide and flashes his white teeth. “But- he also is the hardest working, most loyal brother you can gain. We couldn’t let you leave without a proper send off. You tried to sneak out of Nevada without a goodbye. Not going to happen. You know I always get the last word and it will never be goodbye. Bro
thers till the end. To Spider.”
The room erupts into cheers and snickers. As much as I want to hit Tank for always being the obnoxious ass he is, he never gets old. Taking a beer from Blade, I clink my bottle against theirs. “Thank you.”
“That’s it?” Axl chuckles. “At least give us hugs and profess your undying devotion back.”
“Not fuckin’ likely, but it was a hell of a solid thing to come all this way.”
Saint nods, “Spider, after all the shit you went through to get us to where we are, we owe you the world. It’s time you chase down your own. I just hope Jazzy is prepared for what’s coming.” Saint is Jenn’s old man and one of the newest members. He and Jenn almost didn’t make it to the end of their crazy story.
“I think she still needs work. One way or another, I’ll get us there.”
Pawn claps my shoulder. “We’ll back you, whatever you need.” And I know their words ring true. My brothers were born from the battles, we all have survived fighting until the end.
“Spider, I have a job for you,” Fuego states with a shit-eating grin. “I need pickups done, ride with Snake. Take whoever else wants to tag along and later we’ll have more food ready. Abuela will sew on your new patch tonight. Snake,” he hollers across the room. “Take este and Gringo with you. Show him the territory, si?”
“Sí, Prez. Vamanos cabrones.” Snake laughs. “Let’s go, assholes, in case you and the white boy didn’t get that.”
“He’s white?” Tank asks what we were all thinking. Gringo has a mix of heritage, you can tell, but you just can’t pinpoint exactly what.
“These cabrones have called me Gringo since I ran around here as a kid. Just stuck. Let’s hit the road, yeah?”
Tank is a road dog and is always up for a ride. Axl offers to tag along too while the others hang back. The five of us get to work collecting debt to take back to my new home in the Sacramento Battle Born MC.
The phone rings in my hand while I wait for her to pick up. I’ve tried reaching Jazzy three times today and left her a text message to call me. If I didn’t have so many eyes on me at the clubhouse, I would run over to her shop and teach her what it means to be my woman. My temper sizzles but I also realize this is all new for her.
If there wasn’t another party tonight to officially welcome me as a member, I wouldn’t even bother to show up. In no way would I disrespect Fuego for leaving too early. Essentially, I’m stuck here at the clubhouse for a few more hours. Before I lose my mind, I focus on what’s in front of me. I spent the day with Gringo, a man I know I heard the Ol’ Ladies stating he had a hard-on for my woman. He made no obvious move to show how he feels about me being here.
Kilo, on the other hand, is reckless. His intent to bury me has been easy to spot. If looks could kill, he would have stabbed me to death already. Bitches stand at his side, pawing for his attention. Good, he can keep the club pussy. I stick close to Snake most of the time. Not willing to give my back to anyone else. Women also sway by Snake, reaching for any attention he may offer. He has my same mindset for now and brushes them off, being his charming self. Kilo is creating a stir of attention with his anger. The room can feel the distinct attraction of brutality in the air. They party but the awareness is there, ready to roll if a fight breaks out.
A hand crawls around my side. My nerves are on fire and I snatch the offending touch with a fierce grip, tugging the woman to stand in front of me. From the corner of my eye, Kilo watches closely, waiting to see if I take the bait so easily. “Don’t fucking touch me, ever,” I snarl in her face. She’s just a puppet, a plaything for a predator, an unwelcome distraction in my presence.
“I was just told to welcome you to the club,” she spits back, ripping her hand back.
“Message received. Now, spread the word, hands off. I’m not here to fuck, get me?”
“Asshole,” she murmurs, walking away in her underwear. As if I need help to tap that slut.
“Everyone already knows,” Axl hollers after her. “Except you.” He chuckles when she glares back. He waves her off, giving me a nudge. “Keep it cool, brother.”
“I ain’t here to be a fucking playboy. Best they all know that shit upfront. Fuck’em all.”
“Some have,” Snake quips, holding up his beer and tapping it to my glass. The crowd picks up their chatter and Snake talks around the lip of his bottle. “Fucking asshole.” He glares at Kilo’s back and the hair raises on the back of my neck. The first time in my life, I feel the darkness behind the secrets that I don’t want to uncover. Turning, I find Abuela smirking from the corner. There is definitely more at play here than I understand. She may be the sweet old woman that cooks, cleans, and takes care of her family. But that smirk say’s that Snake has inherited more from her than I realized. A chameleon that adopts to everyone and everything, making you see what they want you to see.
Chapter 28
Jazzy
“Spider, why in the hell does my key not work in my door? And why is there a new lock installed with a key code?” I snarl into the phone. It’s hard to hear because he’s at the clubhouse. Voices filter through the line of what sounds like a party, fantastic. My nerves are shot after a long day at work. My emotions are stung the hell out and I do not need to be locked out of my apartment. I do not need to be curious as to what the hell he is up to. No fucking way will I ask. If he wanted me, he would be here.
“If you would have answered my texts and called me back, I would have told you.”
“I’m asking you now.”
“See how it works? You call and I answer my fucking phone. It worked pretty well to communicate.”
A low growl escapes my throat. “Spider, I’m tired, my back aches, and I’m starving. Please do not mess with me right now.”
“I’m not.” He’s silent for a second and grinds out, “The key code is 19-20-18 and then hit the top button.” Spider hangs up before I can chew his ass out more and I throw the door open. I toss my bag to the couch along with my useless keys. Slamming the door shut, I tear off my clothes on the way to my bathroom. I turn on the music and blast my playlist while I turn the tub on. I leave all the lights off and light several candles before dropping in a bath bomb.
Slowly, I lower into the hot water to relax my muscles. Grabbing a washcloth, I soak it in the bath and wash my face. The hot water steaming from it is comforting. I follow this process one more time before I wring out the excess water. And fold it over my eyes. Leaning back, I rest my head and muscles. Every breath, I concentrate on breathing out the day and in the aroma around me. Escaping from the worries and unknown.
Calmly, I drift to a different space and clear out all the doubt. My center comes into focus and I feel like since yesterday I can finally exhale. “What the fuck!” I screech when a hand touches my shoulder. I use my wet rag like a weapon and snap it at the intruder in my bathroom.
A crack of my towel whip echoes in the small space followed by a, “Are you kidding me? You gonna whip me to death with that? Woman, we need to teach you to be ready with a Glock, knife, taser, or just about anything else.”
Spider holds a scowl and a raised brow and I crumble. I wasn’t prepared and he just shattered my world. How will I ever feel safe in my world again, and what if Kilo comes back to hurt me now that he’s out? My lip trembles and my body starts to shake. A lone tear drips down my cheek. Spider squats and runs a thumb over my cheek. “What happened right now, where did you go?” He coaxes, begging me to reveal the deepest part of me; my worst fear and shame.
I shake my head and another tear falls. Having him in front of me, destroys any wall I had to hide behind. Being here with him forces the truth to be free along with the agony that accompanies it. He doesn’t say another word as he pulls the plug to the bath, then lifts me from the tub in his strong arms. Spider sits on the toilet and lays a towel over my body.
“It’s okay, Jazzy. I’m here. I’ll take care of you.”
Holding onto his shirt, I stare into his eyes and my he
art wants to believe him. More than anything I want it. If I share what happened, will he hate me? I’m scared and confused with all these raging emotions circling all at one time. My blood pressure starts to slowly decline, and I rest my forehead against his. “If I tell you, you may leave for good.”
Spider stands and I wait for him to unwrap himself from me, but he doesn’t. He carries me to the bed and sits down resting against the headboard. “That’s a loaded statement, Jazz. I came here to make things work between us and try. So, unless it’s you telling me you don’t want this, it will depend on what my reaction is.”
“I don’t want you to leave,” I whisper. “You know that I lost our baby. I just didn’t tell you how.” I couldn’t be more naked than I am right now. Before he runs out, I need to touch him one last time. The towel drops to the floor and I straddle his lap. I start at the beginning. “My dad died when I was really young. Fuego and Ghost did what they could to be the father that left me. Every game, school meeting, one of them would be there. They supported my mother and me with everything they had. My mom would get looks, and she would brag that she had the best brothers in the world.” Spider’s lips lift slightly and he rubs my thighs. He gives me the courage to keep going.
“I had the best support in the world, but still, I was lonely. I didn’t realize until now how lost in the world I was, dealing with that kind of pain as a child, and I never dealt with it completely. Abuela always told me I would know what to do when the time came. She could see the little girl trapped inside my grown-up body. She hated that I dated Kilo at a young age. Fuego tried to steer me from him, but I never listened. It was like I wanted it because being with him was like being lost, and that was what I understood. For years, I drifted, worked hard at building who I was as a professional. I ran after those ambitions to be better because that was easier to focus on. I was good at that.”
Claiming His Forever (Battle Born MC Book 8) Page 15