by H. Lane
Fuck me.
For the first time in months the shade and heaviness that hounded her attraction to Jason lifted. Freedom filled her in its place, as if she were flying. There would be no more lying to him, concealing what was natural, or feeling ashamed with herself. She could be herself around him, and with his obvious attraction to her, he could do the same.
Jason’s hands went to her shoulders. Sam was ready to shuck her jacket at his touch, but his grip tightened and he pulled her off. His face was an mélange of emotions, shock tinged with anger and the unmistakable signs of lust. Not that she needed to see his expression to know that he wanted her – all the proof she needed for that was between her legs.
“What the hell,” Jason muttered.
Sam licked her lips and ground herself against the bulge in his pants. The blush that ran through her cheeks and the warmth it provided paired well with the tightness that blossomed between her legs. “I’d ask if you liked what I did, but it’s pretty obvious from where I’m sitting.”
“What are you thinking? Why now? Why me?”
“How couldn’t I?” she said. “You’re amazing, Jason. What’s not to love?”
Jason stood, pushing her away but still holding her at arms length. “I’m your brother.”
Sam rolled her eyes and shifted her arms against his hands. “Stepbrother. There’s nothing wrong with what we were just doing—“
“What you just did,” Jason said, eyes snapping back onto her as fire rushed into his voice. “I didn’t invite you to stick your tongue down my throat.”
“You didn’t seem to mind.” Sam reached out toward his crotch, grazing his erection before he pushed her back. She stumbled before righting herself, licking her lips and savoring the taste of him on her mouth. “Don’t lie to me.”
Jason’s clenched teeth shone in the faint light. “So what was your plan, exactly? Hope your big brother—“
“Stepbrother.”
“Decided to take you up on your offer for… do you even know what to do?”
Sam crossed her arms, lips pursed. She didn’t have much experience with men, but Jason was being too damn pedantic; no one was born being an expert at doing it. “Do you?”
Jason’s blush was obvious even in the darkness. “And then what?”
“We’ll love each other,” Sam replied. “That’s the most important thing.”
Jason covered his face with his right hand. “I don’t know what to say.”
Sam took a step toward him. “Say you love me,” She reached out and caressed his chest, so firm and warm beneath her touch. “Just do what your body is being honest about and everything will be better.”
Chapter 13
Jason shook as Sam moved against him and caressed his chest with broad but still-tantalizing strokes. It was impossible to think of anything but her; she dominated his thoughts as thoroughly as the sun filled the midday sky, and was twice as beautiful. Tension and lust threatened to tear him apart, and there was no chance to escape or decrease it. He needed to make a decision now.
How can I do this? What’s the right thing to do?
Sam shrugged her jacket off and pushed her breasts against his chest. Even through the rain and the clothes her body was hot. She could be the new Mother Teresa, reincarnated Buddha, and the next Albert Einstein combined and he’d still only be thinking about how he wanted to make love to her on the spot.
“I know you want me,” she murmured, voice husky. “I promise it’ll be good for both of us, forever.”
How can’t I do this?
Jason shook his head as if his infatuation for his younger sister could be shaken off like a bad dream. Sam was obsessed with him and unthinking of the consequences. There might not have been a great age difference between them but the gap in experience was substantial. He knew how relationships could break when new complications arose and alter everything for both people involved – he’d broken one up by being born. And every attempt at forming one of his own with another woman had failed; he couldn’t see any other with Sam besides one where he hurt her.
Now that he was older and it was his choice, he could prevent the damage that would be done from whatever Sam wanted their relationship to become. Because it would do damage. Their parents would disapprove, society disapproved, and Sam was still too young to make this kind of decision. As much as it hurt him to deny her and himself, he needed to stop the idea of a relationship before it could bloom.
Sam stepped back and put her fingers beneath her tank top’s strap. She twisted it for a moment before slipping it down her arm, eyes on him all the while. He’d seen her bare shoulder before, but now it took on a charged tone that made his already hard cock almost painful. “I’m gonna get cold like this,” she said. “Maybe we could somewhere warmer?”
Jason gulped. I need to do this now before I give in.
“We should get home,” he muttered. “Get you to bed to sleep this off.”
She tilted her head. “We’re not gonna be doing much sleeping. Besides, I’m worried about being loud. Amanda said her brother and his girlfriend make a lot of noise whenever they do it.”
Fucking Amanda.
“We’re not going to ‘do it’,” Jason said. He tried injecting as much authority into his voice as possible, but couldn’t eliminate the quaver that resulted from trying to suppress his lust. “We’re going to go home, pretend this night never happened, and move on with our lives.”
Sam narrowed her eyes. The sternness reminded him of his mother before she went in for the kill, but even that un-sexual comparison wasn’t enough to kill his erection. His sister was beautiful in all definitions of the word; strong, talented, and bold, refusing to play games with her feelings or those of others. She deserved better than being hurt for the rest of her life by a single mistake – the mistake of being with him.
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that because you’re hot,” she said.
“Just like you’re going to pretend we’re not siblings?”
She flashed her teeth for a moment like a predator. “It doesn’t matter if we’re stepsiblings! It’s not even illegal!”
“Is that all you care about?” Jason said. “How do you think it’s going to look to other people? What do you think they’ll say when they find out?”
“They can go to hell,” Sam spat. “What do they matter?”
God damn it, Sam. How am I supposed to get you to back off when you’re so headstrong?
“What about me?” he asked. “Did you ever think about how I feel about this?”
Sam jabbed a finger at the bulge in his pants. “You’re saying you don’t feel anything when that’s out in the open?”
Heat rushed into Jason’s cheeks. If it was difficult hiding his emotional attraction to Sam, it was impossible hiding how much he lusted for her body. She would continue to bring it up against him unless he convinced her it was nothing.
How am I supposed to do that?
“I’m getting tired of standing around out here,” she said. “If you want to do stuff here, that’s fine, but if I get sick I’m blaming it on you.”
She’s really determined. Unless I do something she can’t forgive or excuse away, Sam will keep trying to approach me. And if she ends up making a scene in front of other people, then there’ll be a shit storm without a relationship.
Am I going to have to hurt her to keep her safe from me?
Sam strode forward and in a swift motion stuck her hands down his jeans. The shock of her action and the coldness of her skin was more than tempered by their contact. Even through his boxers her touch nearly drove him to a climax, his cock reaching its complete hardness against her fingers.
“Just get it out,” Sam murmured. “I’ve read about doing stuff.” She leaned in and kissed his chin. “I promise it’ll be good.”
Jason pushed her away. She stumbled, the front of his jeans opening. Stuffing himself back in and doing them up again, he brought u
p the most noxious images he could to bring his erection back down. No matter how disgusting his thoughts turned – road kill, Donald Trump, his biological father – he still couldn’t completely dampen his lust.
Sam straightened herself and looked at him with wide-eyes. Hurt and shock filled her face, shadows accentuating the emotions like a magnifying glass. “The hell?”
For the first time since she’d kissed him, Jason’s erection finally diminished. I guess this is what I need to do. I’m sorry, Sam.
“What?” he said. Thoughts of his biological father stirred in his head as he tried to channel the bastard’s authoritarian tone and brusque manner. “You think I like it when my baby sister tries to feel me up?”
Sam arched an eyebrow. “Uh, yeah?”
Jason grabbed her hand and put it on his now flaccid groin. “Oh yeah. Getting felt up by a little girl gets me so hard.”
“You’re just trying to—“
“Trying to what?” Jason snorted and pushed her away again. “The only thing I’ve been trying to do is to tell you that I don’t want to be some sick freak who likes his baby sister.”
“I’m not a freak!”
Jason shrugged, his shoulders heavier than after a night of gymnastics and martial arts. “Then what do you prefer? ‘Messed up little girl’? ‘Creepy teenybopper with a big brother fetish? How about—“
The force that Sam hit his cheek with only matched the speed of her punch. Jason’s vision spun as he struggled to keep his balance in the muddy ground. The right side of his face was numb for a moment before exploding in bright pain that sent spots into his eyes.
I guess I’m getting somewhere.
“Shut up,” Sam snarled. “Shut up right now.”
Jason straightened up and put a hand on his injured cheek. He regretted doing so when a new shock ran through his jaw, the pain almost as bad as unleashing his vicious tirade had inflicted upon himself. I need to do this. It’s for her own good.
He spat out a glob of blood from his mouth and stared Sam in the eye. “Touch a nerve? I’m surprised that didn’t make you happier – it’s the closest thing you’ll ever get to laying a hand on me again.”
“You like me,” Sam said. “I’ve noticed you watching me—“
Jason snorted and wiped blood from his lip. “Wow, I’m looking at my little sister once in awhile. Gosh, I’m looking at her now! That must make me some sick, deviant little freak, right?”
Sam bared her teeth, fists trembling at her sides. “You don’t always act like I’m just your little sister. Like when I was practically riding you – you had a boner that was ready to pop straight out.”
“I’m a fucking guy,” Jason spat. “Everything gets me hard, even when a gross little girl almost breaks my hip when she tries to act like a cheap porn star.”
“But—“
“I can’t believe you thought you’d be a good lay. Hell, I bet all the stuff you ‘read’ was just some stupid fanfiction.” He tried to sneer, but the right side of his face screamed in pain when he tried. “Well? Am I warm?”
“You’re an asshole,” Sam snarled.
Jason gestured to himself. “I’m the asshole? I try to be a good big brother – not her fucking boyfriend – but all the while, the only reason she’s being nice to me is because wants to do is jump my bones like I’m a piece of meat?”
“I’m not like that!”
“You’re exactly like that.” Jason gave a small shake of his head. “You know what being that is called? An asshole.”
“I love you!” Sam shouted. Her voice echoed through the park, loud as thunder in Jason’s ears. “I loved you, you asshole!”
The breath in Jason’s lungs froze and jutted out into razor-sharp icicles. He’d hurt her, but it wasn’t enough. There was one final coup de grace he needed to deliver before he could be sure Sam was put off him. Anything less meant she might find herself attracted to him again.
I’m so, so sorry, Sam.
“Love?” Jason said. “You’re nothing but a kid. You wouldn’t know that kind of love if it shat on you.” He rolled his eyes, bile rising from his stomach. “Get dressed. We’re leaving.”
Tears fell from Sam’s eyes and mingled with the rain. Her demeanor was anything but despondent, though – the rage that flowed radiated off her could’ve melted a glacier. “I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“You have two options.” Jason lifted a finger. “One, you get in the car with me and I take you home so our parents can rail you like you wanted me to do you—“
“You said you wouldn’t,” Sam muttered.
So now I’m a double liar. Fits for a bastard like me.
“That was before you tried being Ceresi with me,” Jason said. He lifted his other finger. “Other option is I go home alone, tell the parents where you are, and they come to drag your sorry ass back home.”
Sam walked up to Jason and spat in his face. “Just go.”
For the first time tonight Jason was glad it was raining; it helped to camouflage the tears swiftly filling his eyes. “We’re never talking about this again,” he said, voice weak. “Never.”
She let out a harsh breath from between her clenched teeth. “Like there’s anything to talk about.”
Jason turned around and walked away. Tears continued to flow down his cheeks, but he only allowed himself to truly cry when he reached his car. Every breath he took was deep cut to his chest, but worse was the knowledge that he’d hurt Sam. She was his sister, the girl he wanted to love, but instead of returning it he’d shoved it down a pit. And it was one he’d need to continue deepening, just to make sure nothing ever bloomed between them.
I’m sorry, Sam. I’m doing this for your own good. I hope you can realize that someday.
Chapter 14
* * * Present Day * * *
Sam lifted the bow from her violin as the final note of her piece echoed in the small office. Opening her eyes, she tucked her instrument beneath her arm and regarded the sole member of her audience, Professor Barch, a thin man with graying hair and green eyes, watched her in turn. After a long moment that made a bead of sweat drop down Sam’s brow, the older man applauded.
“An excellent performance of an excellent piece, Ms. Jacobs, although I don’t believe you mentioned its composer,” he said. “Who was it?”
“Reginald Jacobs,” Sam said, breathing a sigh of relief.
“The conductor?” Barch tapped his chin. “You’re related to him, I take it?”
Sam nodded and sat down. “My dad. The piece was a gift to my mother for their first anniversary – it’s one of my favorites.”
Barch “ahhhh’d” and nodded. “Ah, I see why your play style was so familiar. I went to your mothers’ last performance – it left quite the impression. She was an incredible musician, and I can see where your talent comes from.”
Sam blushed. “Thank you, Professor. I’d like to think I can one day equal her.”
Barch smiled. “I’m sure you will.” His eyes went to the clock on his computer. “Unfortunately, I have a faculty meeting to attend.” He shook his head as a shadow crossed his features. “Bunch of sociopaths, all of them.”
“I’m sorry I took up your time,” Sam said, grimacing.
He waved his hand. “Not at all. I’m always happy to listen to prospective students, and your piece was a welcome relief from the tedium of grading papers. If you’ll still be here on Thursday, I’d be happy to discuss my curriculum and the music program here with you.”
Sam couldn’t contain the massive grin that exploded across her face. “I’d love to, Professor.”
Barch returned her smile with his own and extended his hand. “Then I’ll see you on Thursday at noon, then.”
“Thank you so much, Professor.”
Sam packed up her violin and headed out of the office. Julia was sitting on the floor across the hall with a computer in her lap. She looked up when Sam exited. “Well?” Julia asked.
<
br /> “He said he wanted to talk to me on Thursday,” Sam said. She tried injecting as much of a “don’t give a fuck” attitude in her voice as possible, but failed when another massive grin bloomed across her lips. “I nailed it.”
Julia laughed as she picked herself up and punched Sam in the shoulder. “Well, duh. Momma Jacobs didn’t teach no slacker, did she?”
Sam’s smile waned. “She didn’t. I just wish she could see me now.”
“I’m sorry,” Julia said quickly. “Didn’t mean to say it. Well, for it to hurt.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “You get what I mean.”
Sam gave a weak laugh. “Yeah, I do, and it’s fine. Are you hungry? Because I’m hungry.”
“Yeah, we need to hit the Student Center anyway.”
She packed her laptop up and headed out of the music building with Sam. A warm breeze accompanied her as they walked across the campus. Small pockets of other students congregated beneath trees and out of the sun while what looked to be a drama class put on a play in a recessed area that doubled as an amphitheater.
“So, what do you think about Hartford so far?” Julia asked.
Sam rubbed her chin. “Is ‘completely and totally in love with it’ too strong an answer?”
Julia laughed. “I think if you had a boy or girlfriend they’d be jealous.”
“Well, good on their hypothetical asses,” Sam said. She swept her arm across the campus, taking in tall office buildings, theaters for massive classrooms, and large public art works. “Seriously, this place is great.”
“What do you like most?”
“The attitude,” Sam replied. “Everyone here is just so together, you know? They know why they’re here and what they need to do to get it done. It’s not like high school at all.”
“To be fair, there are a few people here who probably shouldn’t be here,” Julia said. “I mean, it’s not like we don’t have slackers or party assholes.”
“Yeah, but at least the campus is big enough so you can avoid them.” Sam took a deep breath and glanced over her shoulder at the music building. “And the teachers here are great. Everything the biology professor this morning said made sense, and I hate biology.”