Towards a Dark Horizon

by Maureen Reynolds

  ‘Mr Pringle, it’s Ann. Maddie’s baby has started to come and I don’t know what to do.’

  He was calm and that helped. ‘Now listen, Ann. Tell Maddie that we’re coming for her in the car to take her to the nursing home. Just keep her calm and we’ll be there in a few minutes.’

  Maddie was really distressed by now and she was pacing back and forth across the floor. I repeated her father’s message. I also knew petrol was scarce and rationed but he must have kept some in his car for this very reason.

  I laid her case on the chair and went into the tiny bathroom to get her facecloth and toothbrush and paste. There was a small flowery case on one of the shelves so I put the things inside it.

  Suddenly she started crying for Danny. ‘Where is he, Ann? Where is …’ She stopped as another pain swept over her.

  I felt so helpless as I put my arm around her shoulders but I couldn’t answer her question.

  ‘I’m leaving the house and I haven’t heard from him. I feel as if I’m betraying him by going away. Where is he?’

  I tried to get her to sit down but she said walking around was more comfortable so I walked beside her, trying to soothe her cries for the missing Danny. ‘He’ll turn up, Maddie – just you wait and see. He’s a survivor.’

  Oh, my God, I thought, why did I say that? And at this crucial time as well.

  Thankfully I didn’t have time for more regretful thoughts because her parents came hurrying through the door and took charge. Before leaving with her, Mr Pringle said, ‘Can you wait till I’ve taken Maddie to the nursing home, Ann? I’d be very grateful.’

  I nodded wordlessly.

  I wandered into the small kitchen and made myself a pot of tea. I switched the light off and opened the curtains. The sleet clouds had passed away and the sky was now clear. A pale silver moon shone over the river and although it looked lovely I had read about the dreaded ‘bombers’ moon’. It was ideal weather for the Germans to fly their planes and drop their deadly cargo of death on the cities and their innocent populations.

  I kept hearing Maddie’s cries for Danny and I wished I had stayed silent when she had asked me months before if I thought he was dead. Why, oh, why had I pinned her hopes on my stupid intuition? Had I wanted to impress her with this secret thing I shared with her husband? Had I wanted to show off?

  My thoughts were interrupted by Mr Pringle’s return. I quickly closed the curtains and switched the light back on when I heard the key in the lock. He looked tired. ‘Thank goodness you were here, Ann, and we’re both so grateful for all the help you’ve given Maddie over these awful months.’

  I muttered that it was no problem.

  ‘Well, now that she’s out of the house at last we are hoping she’ll stay with us. Can you pack all her clothes, Ann, and I’ll take them with me? Then we’ll lock up and I’ll get the plumber to turn the water off.’

  ‘How is Maddie?’

  He seemed rueful. ‘Well, you know what matrons are like – they whisked her away and told us to phone tomorrow morning.’

  I was shocked. ‘Tomorrow morning?’ I said in amazement. One thing was clear as crystal – I was terribly naive when it came to childbirth. Then I remembered Mum. I had thought at the time what a long drawn-out process it seemed to be and I also remembered how astonished I had been then.

  I gave a small laugh. ‘Oh, I thought the baby was coming there and then – in this room.’

  He smiled. ‘If only it was that quick!’

  I did the packing for him and we both stood on the landing as he locked the door.

  ‘This is the second time we’ve both locked up a house, Ann, but maybe you’ve forgotten?’

  But he was wrong. I remembered the time quite clearly when we had locked up Mrs Barrie’s house after her tragic death. I also recalled how I knew at that moment I would never again go back to her house. Would this be the same? Would I ever be back in this flat? More painfully, would Maddie?

  18

  Maddie had a son. Hattie arrived at the shop just before dinner-time, red faced and out of breath, and it was clear she had been hurrying around with the news of her grandson.

  ‘Maddie had a son this morning at eleven fifteen,’ she said. ‘He weighed seven pounds, eight ounces and his name is Daniel James Patrick Ryan.’

  Connie laughed. ‘That’s a big mouthful for a wee bairn, Hattie.’

  Hattie smiled weakly – it was her social smile. ‘Well, he’s named after his father and his two grandfathers.’

  ‘How does it feel to be a granny, Hattie?’ asked Connie.

  Hattie’s face was a mixture of emotions – obvious joy at the baby’s birth but annoyance at Connie for calling her a granny. ‘It’s a new experience for both me and Mrs Pringle – it’s her first grandchild as well.’

  I finally managed to get a word in. ‘Is Maddie feeling fine? When can I go and see her?’ I still remembered her distress from the night before.

  For the first time, Hattie’s social mask slipped and she looked tired and drawn. ‘Maddie is fine. She’s very tired but the nursing staff are very happy with her. The baby is lovely and she’s over the moon with him.’

  I noticed she hadn’t answered my question. ‘When can I go and see her then?’

  Hattie gave me a disapproving frown. ‘Oh, not today, Ann. I’ll speak to the sister in the nursing home and she’ll maybe let you visit her next week.’

  I was really unhappy with this and I said so. ‘I would really like to see her as soon as possible. I’ll not stay long and I’ll not tire her out, I promise.’ By now, we were out on the street, standing on the wet pavement with a cold, vicious wind swirling around us.

  Hattie didn’t seem to notice it. She whispered, ‘It’s like this, Ann. She’s been crying for Danny ever since she was admitted. She keeps calling out for him and asking where he is. Quite honestly, her mother and I are at our wits’ end with her. I didn’t want to say too much in front of Connie because she’s such a gossip.’

  I almost stuck up for Connie but I was too worried about Maddie to say anything. I felt my throat become dry with anxiety. ‘Well, that’s all the more reason for me to see her as soon as possible.’

  Hattie didn’t give me much encouragement. ‘The staff don’t want her to be disturbed. She needs all the rest she can get and it’s only the close family that are allowed to visit.’

  ‘Oh, thank you, Hattie! And what am I? Some far-flung relation from another planet?’

  She gave me another disapproving frown and hurried off down the hill. She was soon lost behind a crowd of people and my heart sank at her parting words. I had hoped Maddie’s distress last night had merely been her labour pains and that she would feel better when the baby was born but it seemed her distress hadn’t gone away.

  After leaving Mr Pringle last night, I had hurried home to tell Dad and Lily about the imminent birth. Lily was so excited and began asking all kinds of questions.

  Dad said, ‘She’s a bit early, is she not? I thought she was due on Hogmanay.’

  Later that night I told them the good news of Maddie’s son. ‘He’s to be called Daniel James Patrick Ryan,’ I told a wide-eyed Lily.

  I didn’t sleep very well that night. Then, in that strange time of black stillness just before dawn, a dim memory surfaced in my brain – something I had overheard a few years ago and had forgotten. It was just a snatch of conversation but it all came back to my mind. That was why I was planning to visit Lochee that afternoon. It had crossed my mind that Hattie may have already called there with the good news but, if she hadn’t, then I could be the glad messenger. I could hardly wait for the morning to pass until I was finished in the shop.

  Ever since Hattie’s arrival with the news, Connie could speak of nothing else. ‘Seven pounds, eight ounces is a good weight for a bairn. He’ll have a good start in life at that weight.’

  To be honest, I wasn’t really listening to her. My mind was full of Maddie’s distress at her missing husband. Then, as soon as
I finished work, I didn’t even bother to go home. Instead I hurried off to Lindsay Street and the Lochee tramcar.

  It was a typical December day – cold, wet and murky – and the pavements were slicked with rain. Huge black clouds hung overhead in the sky and the amateur street weather prophets were forecasting snow before the evening.

  I remembered the day of Lily and Joy’s births – how hot it had been with a blue cloudless sky and a bright beaming sun. Still, that had been July and this was December. Christmas was almost here and then it would be Hogmanay. It would be quiet again this year – no bells or hooters or any celebrations at New Year and no greeting the midnight sky with fun and frolics. We were at war and all the things we’d enjoyed before were only a dim memory. There would be no sound of bells until this war was over because that would be the signal should Germany invade our island.

  I tried to forget this depressing image and concentrated on the task ahead of me. I sat huddled in the cold tramcar and it seemed to take ages to reach my stop but, when it did, I hurried up the street towards Kit’s house. She came to the door, carrying Kitty who had obviously just had her dinner. Her little mouth was stained orange. Kit laughed. ‘She loves beans on toast.’

  She gave me a quizzical look but, when I told her about Maddie’s baby, she gave a loud yelp of joy.

  ‘A wee laddie – that’s grand news. What’s his name?’

  I said, with a laugh, ‘Well, Connie says it’s a mouthful, Kit! He’s called Daniel James Patrick Ryan and he weighed seven pounds, eight ounces.’

  ‘Heavens, that’s a good size especially when she was nearly a fortnight early.’ She looked at Kitty. ‘Do you hear that, my wee pet? You’ve got a brand-new cousin, isn’t that braw?’ She turned to me. ‘Ma will be chuffed by this news, Ann.’

  I sat at the fire while she put the kettle on. Kitty was put into a large wooden playpen which took up almost all the floor space in the small kitchen.

  ‘Is Maddie fine? I hope she didn’t have a long or hard labour because it’s a right bind, I can tell you, Ann.’

  I repeated my story of being with her. ‘I honestly thought she was having the baby there and then, Kit, but Hattie said he wasn’t born till eleven fifteen this morning.’

  She gave me a rueful look. ‘Aye, bairns don’t come till they’re ready, that’s for sure.’

  I was hesitant about my request. ‘Kit … Kit, Maddie is really distressed about Danny and she keeps calling out for him. She did it last night and now Hattie tells me she’s still the same. I don’t know what I can do to help her but, during the night, I remembered something I heard in your house years ago.’

  Kit’s eyes were wet when she faced me and I knew they missed Danny as much as we did. ‘What was that, Ann?’

  I hesitated again, unsure how to begin. ‘Well, do you mind when I came here one New Year’s Day with Danny? It was years ago and Ma warned me about being in danger from a blackbird. Do you mind that?’

  Kit nodded.

  ‘Well, I was wondering if I could ask her about something she said on another day. She was speaking to you and I overheard a wee snatch of the conversation.’

  Kit seemed puzzled but she said, ‘She’s in her own house but, if you keep an eye on Kitty, I’ll run over and get her.’

  She darted through the door and, within five minutes, was back with Ma in tow.

  ‘Kit’s told me the braw news, Ann. Maddie’s had a wee lad and he’s named after his father and grandfathers.’

  I noticed she didn’t say his late father which was encouraging.

  When she was seated with a cup of tea in her hand I said, ‘Ma, I was here one night with Danny and as I left I overheard you telling Kit something about Danny and a foreign country. Now I didn’t hear the entire story because George was arguing with Sammy Malloy on the night we heard about Kathleen expecting the baby and I only caught a few whispered words.’

  Ma gazed at me for a full minute. I wondered if she was debating whether or not to tell me. I knew she didn’t like to broadcast her sixth sense – not unless it was important which it had been in my case because I was in real danger at the time.

  As the silence grew I became more desperate. ‘It’s just that Maddie’s breaking her heart about Danny and I don’t know how to help her, Ma.’

  She continued to gaze at me, her dark eyes inscrutable. Then she said, ‘You don’t believe he’s dead, do you?’

  I said that I didn’t but that I wondered how I could justify this feeling. What if I was wrong?

  ‘I heard you tell Kit that Danny would be in another country but that he would come home. Is that what you think, Ma? You see I have either to give Maddie some hope for the future or else tell her he’s dead. She would have to accept it then and try and rebuild her life.’

  Ma gave a huge sigh. ‘Aye, it’s true what I told, Kit. I don’t think he’s dead because I could see him coming home in the future but I don’t like to say too much about this feeling because I sometimes only see snatches and not the whole story.’

  My face fell.

  ‘Still I have to say I feel it in my bones that he’s still alive.’

  I could have kissed her. That was enough for me. I stayed about another hour, catching up on all the news of the family.

  Thankfully Belle, Lizzie and the men were all working now and they had wage packets coming into their houses after years in the wilderness of the Depression. Just having money for everyday items once more – it was a pleasure they had almost forgotten.

  Kit chuckled. ‘How’s the granny? How is Hattie?’

  ‘Well, Connie says she’s pleased with the baby but not so pleased about getting older. Still, if Mrs Pringle doesn’t mind being called a granny, then I think Hattie will be the same.’

  Both women laughed.

  ‘Aye, she’s a great case is Hattie,’ said Kit but it was said with affection and not rancour.

  Thank goodness the bad old days of the family feud were over. It didn’t mean that Hattie was forever visiting them or living in their pockets but relations between them were now friendly.

  ‘When can we go and see Maddie and the baby?’ asked Kit.

  I repeated what Hattie had said – that it would probably be next week some time. What I didn’t say was that I intended to visit her the next day, no matter what Hattie or the nursing home sister said.

  On that note, I made my departure. I had got what I came for and, although I had no firm foundation for my intuition or Ma’s sixth sense, I still felt strongly about Danny’s survival.

  The next day saw me at the nursing home and there was some bother about going in to see Maddie.

  The sister had a well scrubbed but stern-looking face and she was prepared to stand her ground. ‘No visitors except close family,’ she told me in her clipped voice. ‘You can come back next week and visitors will be allowed in then.’

  What a dictator, I thought. Sister Napoleon. I was just on the verge of leaving and feeling most unhappy about my non-visit when Mrs Pringle came out through the foyer.

  She looked tired but smiled happily when she saw me. ‘Oh, Ann, are you going to visit Maddie? She’ll be so glad to see you.’

  ‘The sister won’t let me in, Mrs Pringle,’ I told her truthfully while the woman almost went as white as her uniform.

  ‘Oh, Sister, you must let Maddie’s friend in. She was the one who lived with my daughter all those months and she looked after her so well. It was Ann who called us out when Maddie went in to labour.’

  The woman gave me a smile. It didn’t reach her eyes but I didn’t care – I was going to be admitted.

  Maddie was in a lovely bright room and there was a large bunch of bronze and yellow chrysanthemums arranged in a crystal vase by the side of her bed. Her face lit up when she saw me although her eyes had that red-rimmed look as if she had been crying recently. Still, she gave me a bright smile.

  ‘Oh, Ann, it’s good to see you.’

  ‘How are you feeling Maddie? How is wee Dan
iel?’

  She laughed. ‘Well, let’s just say I’m glad to be able to see my feet again!’

  It was my turn to laugh. ‘Aye, you were really big but it’s been worth it to have wee Daniel, hasn’t it?’

  ‘Yes, it has. He’s a lovely baby and maybe you’ll be able to see him shortly. He’s in the nursery but he’s due for a feed in half an hour.’

  That was good – just time for a short visit and Hattie couldn’t accuse me of tiring her out.

  Maddie clutched my hand and her eyes became watery. ‘You’re the only person who understands how I feel, Ann. Everyone is telling me to pull myself together for the sake of the baby. It’s almost as if they’re telling me to forget Danny but I can’t. If only I knew the truth about him, then I know I could cope. It’s this not knowing …’ She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

  I was in a quandary. I didn’t want to mention my recent visit to Lochee to see Ma Ryan. What if Hattie was right when she said Ma’s sixth sense was all mumbo-jumbo? Also Hattie didn’t believe in my feelings about things. Was that also mumbo-jumbo? Worse still, was I deluding myself too thinking I knew about Danny?

  Maddie heard the footsteps before I did. A nurse popped her head around the door.

  ‘Can your visitor leave in twenty minutes as it’s time for baby’s feed?’

  Maddie nodded. ‘Can she see Daniel? Just for a moment?’

  The nurse looked at me but she remained silent, her face a closed book.

  ‘Ann is my husband’s cousin – she’s the one who’s been looking after me,’ explained Maddie, giving the nurse her charming smile.

  The nurse relented. ‘Just for a brief moment before baby’s feed.’

  She disappeared from the door and went away down the corridor.

  ‘I have to be careful not to let the nurses see me crying, Ann, because they tell me off. My mother is the same – they just tell me to buck up and look after Daniel.’ Her face twisted with annoyance. ‘As if I wouldn’t look after him properly in spite of grieving for Danny.’