The Heart of Winter

by Emma Hannigan

  Skye cried until she felt she might die of a broken heart. Eventually, exhausted and utterly miserable she fell into a restless sleep.

  The ball had gotten underway and Joey was doing his best to clamber back into favour with Clive and Janet.

  ‘I’m so sorry Skye had to leave. She started vomiting and I knew I had to get her out of here, pronto.’

  ‘She didn’t even have time to change into her gown, poor love,’ Janet said.

  ‘Well that’s the way it goes sometimes,’ Joey said. He was so torn between telling Janet to go and swing and wanting to shake Skye for making a scene. Every time he thought of his grandma’s ring zipped into the inside pocket of his tuxedo jacket, he placed his hand there to ensure it was still there.

  How could Skye have lied? She was pregnant and hadn’t told him. What else had she been concealing? Suddenly, he didn’t know this woman any more. How had they reached this point? He thought they had it all sorted. That they could tell one another anything . . .

  Feeling guilty and angry in equal measure, Joey couldn’t ignore the horrible voice in his head that taunted him and told him that he’d dropped the ball. He’d been so intent on making his mark at work and getting Huntersbrook up and running, he’d taken Skye for granted.

  The evening turned out to be a dreadful chore. He had to run from Billy to Jack looking after clients and balancing tray after tray of drinks as he plamaused the customers.

  Once the band struck up and most of the couples were on the dance floor, he slipped to the bar and ordered a double whiskey. He downed it in two large gulps. It burned the hell out of his insides, but the horrible sensation fit his mood. He pulled his Grandma’s ring from his pocket and examined it in the light. It was stunning. All at once memories of Grandma came flooding back. What would she think if she saw him now, he wondered.

  He thought of his parents and sisters. They’d all have rather a lot to say about him and Skye breaking up. He looked around at the other women. Each was more polished than the next. They were huddled in groups guzzling champagne and admiring one another. Their easy laughter and obvious enjoyment of the event made him scowl. He loved Skye. But she’d never be able to do what these women were doing right now.

  If he stayed with her, he’d have a lifetime of either going to functions alone or having her there looking like a fish out of water . . .

  He’d been so happy until this evening. His five-year plan had been working out so well . . . He was managing to juggle all this workload with project Huntersbrook and he’d thought he had it all sussed.

  The thought of becoming a father made him want to vomit. How was he supposed to do it all? He wasn’t ready, was he? The only answer was to order another drink. He decided on a brandy and port. He had some vague recollection of it being a medicinal cure-all type thing . . .

  Lainey

  PIPPA WAS MAKING A MASSIVE EFFORT TO HELP OUT and spend time with her family. Even though there were tons of Christmas drinks parties on the go in Dublin, she was intent on helping at Huntersbrook.

  Things were ticking along nicely with Danny and she’d asked him to come and join them this evening, but for now she wanted to help prepare the house for Jodi’s wedding.

  ‘Have you had some sort of epiphany?’ Holly asked.

  ‘Why do you ask?’ Pippa said.

  ‘Well it’s Saturday. It’s December and you’re here helping and correct me if I’m mistaken but you don’t even have a hangover. Have you and Danny split?’

  ‘No, actually we’re getting on really well. I’ve kind of burnt myself out with that clubbing scene in Dublin. Danny’s going to come down later if that’s cool?’

  ‘Of course,’ Holly said smiling. ‘We’d be delighted to see him.’

  ‘I’m starting my cookery course after Christmas,’ Lainey said. ‘Dr Cumisky says I’ll be well enough by then.’

  ‘Good for you,’ Holly said.

  ‘It’ll give me something positive to focus on, seeing as my life is pretty much in the toilet right now,’ she said.

  ‘Ooh, it’s Jodi!’ Pippa said as her mobile rang and she ran from the room.

  ‘Perhaps we can nail down some details now,’ said Holly. ‘We need to know where she wants the ceremony to take place so I can decorate accordingly.’

  ‘Where have those men gotten to?’ Sadie said. ‘They went to get the Christmas tree nearly two hours ago.’

  ‘I asked them to get a few bags of holly as well,’ said Holly. ‘No doubt they’ll be back soon. If they’re not, believe me I’ll be up that back field in a jeep to hunt them down!’

  ‘Ouch, my arm is literally going to fall off,’ Lainey complained. ‘Will you come and give this pudding mix a final stir, Sadie?’

  ‘Mama out!’ Ely said throwing himself at the back door. ‘Cows?’ he added with his eyebrows raised in hope.

  ‘Ah bless him,’ Holly said. ‘Why don’t I take him out for a bit of air? He must be fed up in here. Come on pet, Grandma will bring you out.’

  ‘No you won’t,’ Lainey said.

  ‘Why ever not?’ Holly said in exasperation. ‘Lainey, he’s . . .’

  ‘I don’t need you tell me about my own son, thank you.’

  ‘Lainey . . .’

  ‘So!’ Pippa burst through the door oblivious to the tension. ‘It’s decided. Jodi will have the ceremony in the hallway. Then we’ll clear that while they do drinks in the living room and move on into the dining room . . . What?’ She looked from Holly to Lainey and down to Ely who was trying to pull on his own tiny wellingtons.

  ‘I want to take Ely out for a bit of air but it seems that’s against the law according to Lainey.’

  ‘How can you be so flippant?’ Lainey said as her voice rose to a yell. ‘You could’ve killed Ely and you wonder why I’m not delighted about letting you off with him? Get a grip, Mum.’

  ‘Lainey, I’ve told you a thousand times I’m sorry for letting Ely out of my sight when you were at hospital. Nobody feels worse about it than I do.’

  ‘That’s not true,’ Lainey said. ‘Believe me, Mum, it keeps me awake at night thinking that I could’ve lost my only child.’

  ‘Lainey, I know you’re hurting. I understand this is a really hard time in your life. But you can’t punish everyone else. Let me help, please.’

  Holly almost toppled backwards as Lainey stood up with force and her hand on her hips.

  ‘You have no idea how I feel,’ she yelled. ‘Nobody does. Everything I’d dreamed of has been ripped away. I was in the process of organising a builder to make new bedrooms for our babies. I had everything to look forward to. Now we have nothing.’

  ‘Ah now girls,’ Sadie said. ‘Let’s try and sit down and have a calm chat here.’

  ‘There’s no calm chat required,’ Lainey spat. ‘I’ll hand my son over to people who know how to mind him. End of. It’s hardly rocket science.’

  ‘OK Lainey, this needs to stop right now,’ Holly said. ‘Don’t you think I’m punishing myself enough for what’s happened? I still don’t sleep. I would curl up and die if anything happened to Ely.’

  ‘Amazing seeing as he’s my child. I could understand if he were Pippa or Joey’s child. But not anything belonging to me.’

  ‘That’s not fair.’

  ‘Isn’t it?’

  ‘Lainey, we’ve chatted about our differences. I thought we’d agreed to try and be civil?’

  ‘That’s all fine and well, but I can’t just wipe the fact that you’ve made me feel less loved than the others for my entire life. It’s not a secret that you resent me. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve that, but it’s a fact.’

  ‘Maybe it’s because I wasn’t well. We missed some key time when you were a child . . .’

  ‘Or maybe, Mum it’s because you blame me for the fact that you had postnatal depression?’

  A horrible silence filled the air. Holly didn’t answer.

  ‘Wow,’ Lainey said. ‘That was your opportunity to tell me I’m
wrong. To say that you love me and it couldn’t possibly be my fault. Well now we all know the truth. God, you’re a sad, selfish woman, do you know that? Stay away from me and stay away from Ely, you hear?’ She marched toward the door.

  ‘Go, if that’s what you want. But not before I say what needs saying.’ She took a deep breath. ‘You’ve always been the same, Lainey. You’ve tried to blame me for everything that goes wrong in your life. No matter what you have it’s never enough. You spend your time looking on the dark side of life. You can’t blame that on me or my postnatal depression. That’s simply your personality and you have to be aware of and work against it.’

  ‘That’s not true,’ she shouted.

  ‘Isn’t it? Look at Matt . . . He’s terrified to say anything to you. We’re all walking on eggshells when you’re around. Nobody is allowed to say or do anything that might set you off. Well it needs to end here and now, Lainey. What’s happened is awful. But we all feel the loss too. It didn’t just happen to you. It involves Matt too and he’s struggling right now. He’s no idea what to do to make this better. Be careful, my girl. You could drive him away and believe me I wouldn’t blame him if he ran for the hills.’

  Holly glanced over at Ely who was cowering in the corner looking terrified.

  ‘Now look at your son,’ she said through her teeth. ‘He’s totally confused and shocked. It’s not just up to you whether I see him or not. He’s Matt’s child too and furthermore Ely loves me. I’m his grandma. The day he got lost will be branded in my memory forever. I still wake at night crying over it. I will never forgive myself for letting him out of my sight. But it was an accident . . . A mistake . . . If you want to punish me for the rest of my life for it, I can’t stop you. But never forget that I love you and Ely.’

  Holly walked over to little Ely and bent down.

  ‘You’re going home with Mum now, lovie,’ she said. ‘But I’ll see you soon, OK?’

  Ely looked from Holly to Lainey in utter confusion. ‘It’s OK, Ely,’ Lainey said scooping him up. ‘Let’s go now.’

  As they walked back toward the farmhouse Holly sobbed as if her heart were breaking. She hated conflict and certainly hadn’t wanted to say the words she’d just spoken.

  She had no idea what Lainey would do now. But she sincerely hoped her daughter would take stock and perhaps try to fix things.

  Joey

  MATT AND JOEY PUT THE FINISHING TOUCHES to the outdoor lights. They’d done a lot of work today. Holly seemed pleased with the tree and was busy decorating it inside. Joey had asked Pippa why their mother had red eyes and she’d shook her head mouthing that there’d been a row with Lainey – again.

  He and Matt had made the executive decision to stay outside doing the lights. But as the temperature dropped and the light began to fade, Joey felt a sudden need to get away from the house. It felt oddly empty without Skye waiting for him inside.

  ‘I don’t suppose you’d like to go for a sneaky pint, would you?’ he asked Matt.

  ‘I’d love it,’ he said.

  They asked Paddy and Jacob if they’d like to join them, but they were happy sitting in front of the fire reading the papers. They walked to the farmhouse to square it up with Lainey.

  ‘Hey sis,’ Joey said. ‘I’m looking to snatch your hubby away for an hour. Is that OK with you?’

  ‘Yup,’ she said curtly.

  ‘I won’t go if you need me here,’ Matt said looking at Joey.

  ‘It was only a thought,’ said Joey. ‘We can stay.’

  ‘I said it’s fine,’ Lainey spat. ‘We’re only having spaghetti bolognaise for dinner, so it can be ready at any time. Go.’

  ‘What’s up?’ Matt asked.

  ‘Not a single thing,’ Lainey said, bashing a pot down on the cooker.

  Matt turned and strode from the house and Joey decided to follow. They didn’t talk much during the fifteen-minute walk to the local pub. But it was bitingly cold and didn’t exactly promote chat.

  ‘We should have a hot whiskey,’ Joey joked.

  ‘Good plan,’ Matt said and ordered them. The barman said he’d bring them over as soon as they were ready, so they found a table in the corner.

  Joey was lost in his own thoughts when Matt shifted in his seat and dragged his hand wearily across his face.

  ‘Joey, do you mind if I say something?’ Matt began. ‘I don’t know what to do. I’m getting to a stage where I can’t deal with Lainey. She’s so bitter and angry all the time. She won’t let your mother near Ely and she’s acting as if she’s got the worst life. I’m at a loss.’

  Joey didn’t answer for a second.

  ‘Sorry,’ Matt said. ‘I shouldn’t dump on you. You can’t really say much, being her brother.’

  ‘Ah it’s not that at all,’ Joey said. ‘It’s more that it’s all a bit close to home. Skye and I are actually on a break . . .’

  ‘What?’ Now it was Matt’s turn to look shocked.

  ‘At least Lainey is shouting at you. Skye won’t even talk to me. I’ve been staying at a hotel.’

  ‘No way,’ Matt said. ‘I’d no idea.’

  Joey explained what had happened last weekend and how he’d upset Skye and was now in turmoil trying to figure out what he wanted.

  ‘And she’s pregnant,’ Matt said. ‘Wow.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Matt. I know that’s probably the last thing you need to hear right now in light of Lainey’s surgery and all that . . .’

  ‘Hey, I’m delighted for you guys. That’s not the issue. I’m more worried that you get things back on track. With a baby on the way, it’s a real shame that you’re fighting.’

  ‘Tell me about it,’ Joey said. ‘I’ve tried every day to get Skye to talk to me, but she’s not interested. She says she needs to take stock of the situation. She’s adamant she’s not bringing a child into a situation where things are fraught.’

  ‘Well I can understand that,’ Matt said. ‘But you’ve got to try and work it out, Joey. Being a dad is the best job in the world. Nothing comes close to it, man . . . Ely is just the most incredible thing that’s ever happened to us. That’s why Lainey is hurting so much right now. She wanted half a dozen Ely’s . . .’

  ‘I know,’ Joey said.

  ‘More than that,’ Matt said sadly. ‘She wanted Ely to have a little brother or sister so he’d have someone to play with. Just imagine how cool it’d be if your little fella or lady were here instead?’

  ‘My world is different from yours though, Matt. With all due respect, I’m up in Dublin in a high-powered position and I’m still climbing up that ladder of success. Babies were nowhere on my horizon if I’m honest.’

  ‘You’re just not getting this,’ Matt said. ‘I’m not trying to insult you here. But none of that shit you’re talking about makes any sense if you’re alone. What are you planning on doing? Having a big flat with gold leaf wallpaper where you can sit every evening and count your money like Silas Marner?’

  ‘No . . . But . . .’ Joey was suddenly at a loss.

  ‘I’m all for ambition, Joey. Don’t get me wrong here. It’s great to do well. Money helps a lot of situations, but it doesn’t even compare to holding your own flesh and blood in your arms. To hearing a little gremlin-like voice say “dada” for the first time.’

  Joey nodded.

  ‘We had that hideous period of time where we wondered if Lainey was going to live or die. I sat and thought about how I’d cope. How I’d manage to carry on. I even thought of whether or not I ought to remarry so Ely would have a mother. I couldn’t bear to bring that thought to a conclusion. Nothing and nobody could replace Lainey. If our family means three people, that’s a damn sight better than two.’

  ‘And Skye isn’t sick, nor is she asking for anything other than love,’ Joey concluded. ‘I’m a fucking asshole . . .’

  ‘I won’t answer that,’ Matt said with a grin. ‘But I will buy us both a pint.’

  Pippa

  AFTER THE TERRIBLE ROW WITH LAINEY, PIPPA w
as feeling torn. She’d driven back to Huntersbrook from Dublin for the weekend and intended trying to help build bridges. She was feeling a little bit like Bob the builder in fact, as she had a little building of her own to do too.

  The doorbell rang and she ran through the black and white chequered hallway to answer it.

  ‘Good morning, Sir!’ she said kissing Danny and inviting him in. ‘Come this way please.’ She took his hand and led him to the dining room where she’d laid the table with a crisp white cloth and her mother’s good china service.

  ‘Wow, this is fancy!’

  ‘Breakfast fit for a king,’ she joked.

  ‘I’d prefer if it were morning-after-the-night-before brekkie where I’ve worked up a serious appetite with you,’ Danny said nuzzling her neck.

  ‘All in good time,’ she said winking. Pippa was thoroughly enjoying wooing Danny. He was playing a blinder, too. He’d sent her flowers at work with a hand written note, telling her he loved her. This was her love-volley to keep him going. She was longing to give in and jump between the sheets with him, but she knew this was the best way to take things.

  As they finished their coffee her mobile phone rang.

  ‘Hey Jodi,’ she said cheerfully. ‘No, it’s a good time to chat. How are things?’ They had a quick chat and Pippa agreed to call to Jodi’s house the next day and go through the final details for the wedding. As she hung up Danny was laughing.

  ‘Ooh look at you with your A list friends!’

  ‘She’s so bloody cool. I want to be her,’ Pippa said. They decided to clear the breakfast things and go for a stroll up the fields.

  As they walked back into the kitchen Holly was on the phone. From the conversation Pippa deciphered it was Mrs Hogan from the mini supermarket in the village.

  It seemed her son was returning from five years in Australia with his Aussie wife and two-year-old son.