Pride and Passion

by Jenna Bayley-Burke

  Lily’s throat tightened at the words. Thalia was so warm and welcoming, she wanted to throw herself at the older woman’s feet and confess everything that had happened the last few months, to see if a lifetime of experience saw a better end than she did. But this was Jake’s grandmother, and likely to see everything he did through rose-colored glasses.

  She cleared her throat, hoping she wouldn’t sound strained. “Jake told me about his mother. He said finding you has been a comfort to him now that she’s gone.”

  Thalia smiled, her pale cheeks warming to a rosy pink. “I’m glad. I only wish we could have done more for our Rebecca, and for Jakob. It was a hard life for them and I think her pride must have kept her from coming home. It was hard to forgive her for what she put him through. As a mother, I don’t understand how she could stay with a man who would be so cruel to her child. There is a limit to what love allows, you know?”

  Lily nodded, her image of Jake changing in her mind. She’d known his childhood hadn’t been easy, but she hadn’t imagined the depth of darkness Thalia hinted at.

  “I suppose in the end justice was served. I think Jakob should have let the beast rot in a state hospital, but after the accident he moved him to the finest care facility he found. I couldn’t do it. I don’t understand why someone who routinely beat his son for defending his mother is allowed to live, even as a vegetable. It’s amazing how someone whose parents were so awful can still be a good son.”

  Lily blinked, recalling how Jake had said he wished his father were dead. Their history explained why, though it didn’t account for why he made sure the man was cared for now. Shouldering responsibility was so ingrained in him he’d take care of a man who’d had no regard for him even as a child.

  “My daughter must have done something right as a mother for him to be such a champion to so many. All those girls from his old neighborhood that he supported through school or helped get set up in business have been his way of keeping them from the fate his mother suffered. Every new job she got, that man accused her of having an affair. I wish she would have, maybe then she would have found the strength to leave him.”

  “Situations like that can be so complicated,” Lily offered, unsure what to say. It was hard to think of anything but a tiny dark-eyed boy trying to stand up to a grown man. He’d had to learn as a child the injustice of the world, had to see his mother punished for crimes she didn’t commit, had to shut down parts of himself to get through the abuse. It was no wonder he could throw a wall down around his emotions. He’d been doing it all his life.

  Thalia nodded. “Jakob likes to say it’s important for a woman to know she can take care of herself so she doesn’t feel trapped with a man she needs to escape. It’s very forward thinking of him. We fought for that in my generation, so it makes me proud that he lives the change.”

  Was that why he’d given her time to finish her degree and learn to work these last few months? She’d felt ensnared, but he was the one who’d made sure she knew what to do if she cut herself free.

  “Oh dear, I’ve distressed you with all this. I shouldn’t have started.”

  Lily shook her head, blinking back the tears prickling her eyes. “It’s not you, honestly.”

  “He’s still holding back from you. He hasn’t told you he loves you, has he?”

  She shook her head again, letting out a slow breath and reining in her emotions. “He wants a life with me.”

  “He loves you, dear. I promise. Sometimes with very strong men it is hard for them to risk sharing how they feel, especially if they are unsure you feel the same.”

  “But I—”

  “You love him, I know. There was some advice my mother gave me once that kept me going through my marriage. She said that a successful man can make you believe anything he says, but if you want to know if that man actually loves you, you look at how he treats you and not at the words he uses.”

  Lily smiled, having never received any motherly pearls of wisdom before. She had to admit that his harsh words aside, Jake treated her like a princess. Still, she wondered how he treated his other women. She understood so much now, even his need to have many women love him. The one woman who should have loved him enough to protect him hadn’t, and so the love of one woman would never be enough to make up for that.

  “Thank you for the advice.” Her chest tightened as the need to unburden herself swelled inside. “Jake wants things that I want, but there are people who will get in the way of that. I mean, right now he’s gone off with Mikayla to do—”

  The older woman’s brows knit together. “No, he didn’t. He took her to her parents’ house on his way to run errands. She’s already called to tell me his mood had not improved any and he’d simply dropped her at the door.”

  Lily tilted her head to the side, unsure what to think. Maybe his grandmother sensed trouble and wanted to cover for him. Still, a part of her hoped the older woman was right. Learning that Jake helped out women from the neighborhood might be able to explain away his relationship with Susanna as well, but nothing could rationalize Dee Gibson.

  Before she could think of something to say, Jake appeared, a scowl still on his face. “Merry Christmas, you two. Have you been enjoying your morning?”

  “Yes, we’ve been chatting away,” Thalia replied, smoothing her hands over the book she’d been reading when Lily came in.

  “I see Lily has been schooling you on her favorite subject. She is quite the expert on both pride and prejudice.”

  Lily furrowed her brow, only then noticing his grandmother had been reading a copy of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. She rolled her eyes at his attempt at sarcasm.

  “It’s too bad you weren’t reading Sense and Sensibility, Thalia. Sometimes Jake could use a bit of both.”

  Thalia laughed as Jake’s scowl deepened. “I think perhaps you both could use a little Persuasion. Anything to get you in a festive mood before tonight.”

  Jake’s harsh demeanor lifted. “The two of you have decided to band together. How am I supposed to compete with that?”

  “You’re not, darling.” Thalia smiled up at him, adoration evident in her gaze. “Just appreciate that we get on so well. I can’t wait to introduce her to everyone tonight.”

  “What happens tonight?” Lily asked.

  “My grandmother invites everyone she knows to dinner and gets to tell them how wonderful I am. It’s the highlight of her year, isn’t it?”

  “I’m not as bad as all that usually, but this year you’ll have to forgive me. My grandson is getting married and I’m thrilled.” She folded her hands in her lap and turned to Lily. “We’ll exchange our gifts before everyone else arrives. In fact, with so much to look forward to, I think I’ll have a rest now. I want to be fresh for tonight.”

  “Would you like me to help you?” Lily asked, concerned since the nurse was absent.

  “No need, dear.” She accepted Jake’s arm as she stood and then smiled at them both. “Besides, I think the two of you need some time to yourselves.”

  Lily forced a smile, knowing what she wanted was anything but time alone with Jake, especially with her mind so muddled.

  “I’m going to check out a few properties on a neighboring island tomorrow and we’ll fly home the next day. I’m sure you’re in a hurry to get away.” Jake wrapped his hands on the railing and looked out without seeing anything. His mind hadn’t stopped working since last night, and still he was no closer to a solution. He’d hoped looking in on the families that kept an eye on his grandmother might shine a light on his own problems, but they’d only darkened his mood.

  “There’s no need to rush back on my account. Unless there is something you need to do, someone you need to see.”

  He turned around, pinning her to the chair with his gaze. “Is there something you want to ask me, Lily? Or would you rather be cool and flippant? I suppose it doesn’t matter since you make up your own story anyway.”

  “What would you have me do? Live in the dark?
You obviously don’t trust me with the truth.”

  “You don’t trust me at all, so I suppose that makes us even.”

  “Yes, we do seem to be equally miserable, don’t we?” She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth in a gesture he’d come to learn meant she had more to say, so he waited until she spoke again.

  “Your grandmother told me about your father.”

  He nodded and narrowed his eyes. “Is that why you were sitting with her, pumping her for information so you could be justified in thinking me beneath your notice? I told you he was a troll. Did you need more details than that?”

  “Would you stop putting words in my mouth? I’m not some elitist using that as an excuse not to marry you. You don’t love me and you’ll never care to. It’s as simple as that.” Lily stood, smoothing her hands on her white slacks. “I was merely going to ask why you feel responsible for so many. I’ve only ever had to look after myself, and you had to teach me how to do that, so I don’t understand why you hold yourself accountable for others.”

  Jake watched her as she stood perfectly still and poised, as if she hadn’t just asked the hardest question he’d ever had to answer. “What exactly did my grandmother tell you?”

  “Enough so that I know you only tell me what suits you. I do find it strange that you can rail at me for acting jealous about Mikayla and then turn around and instigate it by saying you’re going out with her.”

  “I did—”

  “Drive her to her parents’ house? Really, Jake, your definition of the truth needs a little work. You said you would always be honest with me, but can you even count the number of times you’ve lied?”

  He shook his head. “I’ve never lied to you. Some of your invented stories have been so ridiculous they didn’t deserve a rebuttal. It’s not my fault if you believe your own fiction.”

  “I suppose the blame is all mine. I’ve known better from the very beginning. I think your grandmother had the right idea. I’d like to rest before the party tonight.”

  She walked past him and he fought the urge to grab her, to communicate with her on the one level they always connected on. But he couldn’t, not trusting himself to stop before it went too far.

  “Jake?” He looked up at Lily as she stood, one hand on the glass door leading inside. “I need to know how to act at the party. Will we be pretending to be in love tonight?”

  For the first time in over a decade he felt a pressure behind his eyes and a betraying tightness in his throat. Instead of speaking, he shook his head and turned around, wondering just how he could have allowed one small woman to bring him so low.

  ***

  Lily watched the sun bounce on the surface of the sea, looking for answers she knew she’d never find. Jake Tolliver was an enigma, and trying to understand him or how she felt about him only led to a headache.

  She turned back to the room, checking her reflection in the full-length mirror angled against one wall. The cream pleated chiffon of her dress swirled to mid-thigh, a black satin bow highlighting the empire waist. Even with her hair twisted to one side, she thought she looked too young. Youth could be an asset, but it seemed to make Jake’s women dismiss her on sight. Really, what she needed was a tight red number, but spending money on clothes was out of the question right now. Besides, Hawaii was more casual than most places and she was here to meet his grandmother after all.

  She didn’t need to worry about Jake’s women dismissing her. He seemed to have done that himself. It cut like a knife, but she knew it was for the best for them both. Now that she knew more about his past, she knew he’d never be able to give up the others, never be able to commit himself fully to one person. He’d never had a single person to trust, had never been shown how to rely on anyone but himself.

  While she’d spent a lifetime trusting others to care for her and indulging herself. The last few months had turned that on its ear, but she was an intrinsically trusting person. So much so she sometimes forgot to protect herself from what she felt for Jake.

  Not that it would matter now. Even he’d given up his relentless pursuit. Lily walked to the bed where she’d laid out the gifts she’d brought, her mind falling back to the thoughtful gifts Jake had bought her in the past. This was the first time she’d ever had anything to give him in return.

  Laughter in the other room caught her attention. Mikayla’s trill cackle wafted through the walls and Lily steeled herself against the night. She knew how to do this, mingle at parties and pretend to be having the time of her life. What she was unsure of as she gathered the gifts was how to keep Jake believing she was as indifferent to him as he thought while Mikayla wrapped herself around him.

  Lord help her, she was jealous. And in love. A feeling as unknown and exhilarating as it was dangerous. She was about to act the part for the world, while maintaining her indifference to the man she loved. An actress with a shelf of awards would probably be just as nervous as she as she made her way to the great room.

  Of course, Mikayla stood next to Jake, her hand on his arm as she posed in an exquisite emerald gown. To his credit, he excised himself from the situation and was by Lily’s side with a glass of champagne by the time she’d set her gifts next to the others on the table.

  “We should have a toast before the crowd arrives.” The resignation in his voice rang oddly in her ears. She took the glass from him, her fingers tingling where they touched.

  “It’s not a crowd, Jakob. Just my closest friends.” Thalia grinned from her chair.

  “You have over a hundred close friends, and those are just the ones coming tonight.” He pasted on an indulgent smile, but Lily could tell it was forced.

  “Really, Jakob. You’re going to scare Lilianna.”

  The corner of his mouth twitched. “Lily doesn’t scare easily. She may look slight, but she can work a crowd of socialites better than both of us combined. Too bad it’s Christmas, or you could have had her bleeding the wallets of everyone for your literacy project.”

  Lily pursed her lips together, unsure what to make of the backhanded compliment. “I don’t make anyone’s wallet bleed.”

  His gaze dripped over her from head to toe, making her squirm in her kitten heels. “You do make people think huge donations are their idea, so I’m sure they don’t notice. At least the husbands don’t.”

  Thalia laughed, cutting the tension. “A fool and his money are soon parted, right dear? Especially when the man has enough money to do some good. It’s one of the finer points of fundraising.”

  Jake looked from his grandmother to Lily and smiled, a true one this time. “I’m never going to win between the two of you, am I? All right then, we’ll drink to that. Lily, what was the toast your father did?”

  Her throat thickened as the image of her father looking down from the staircase on their guests at last year’s party flashed in her mind. She put the staggering wave of emotion aside and lifted her glass.

  “May you never forget what is worth remembering, and never remember what is best forgotten.” They all took a sip which gave Lily a chance to step out of her grief.

  “Now for my favorite part,” Thalia said. “The presents,”

  “I think that is everyone’s favorite part of Christmas.” Lily passed out her gifts as everyone took a seat on the sofas. When Thalia opened the package, her eyes welled up as she stared at the silver frame.

  “How did you manage such a lovely portrait? Jakob hates to have his picture taken.”

  Lily grinned, watching as Jake stretched to see the picture she’d given his grandmother. “It’s from a benefit ball last year. I don’t think he knew it was being taken.”

  “I didn’t.” He leaned back in the seat next to her and lowered his voice. “I was too busy looking at you.”

  Her cheeks heated at the insinuation. Lily took the last of her gifts from the table and handed the oblong package to him.

  “You got me something?” Jake said under his breath.

  “It’s about time, don’t you th
ink?” she whispered back.

  He stared at her with a bewildered expression that shamed her to her core. After all he’d been through, having been so coldly treated by her in the past had to have been an icy slap in the face. She hadn’t known, and she couldn’t take it back, but she wanted to all the same.

  He peeled back the silver paper with precision. Each second was torturous as she waited to see if she’d done the right thing. Jake lifted the stacked frames from the paper and set them side by side on his lap, never saying a word.

  Finally, Lily couldn’t take it anymore. “It’s just a print, I didn’t damage the original. I promise.”

  “What is it, Jakob?” Thalia asked, leaning forward. Mikayla followed suit.

  Jake turned the frames to face the other women. “It’s the floor plans and renderings of the house, the originals on one, and a remodel idea I had on the other.”

  “That house is huge.” Mikayla exclaimed. If Lily hadn’t been so worried by Jake’s reaction, she might have smiled.

  “It’s gorgeous, Jakob.” Thalia reached out for the frames so he set them in front of her. “Why are you changing it?”

  He opened his mouth to respond, but shut it again and turned, his gaze piercing through Lily. “The house isn’t set up for a family, so one day I played with moving the master suite upstairs. Where did you find the plans?”

  “In your desk at the penthouse. Planning needed the River House designs and they weren’t in the office and I knew you’d taken them home, so I had to go find them and came across these at the same time.” She pressed her fingernails into her palms, trying not to panic. Even if he were truly angry at the intrusion, he wouldn’t yell at her in front of his grandmother. Would he? “I thought you could hang these at the penthouse so you could think of the house while you are in town during the week.”