Pride and Passion

by Jenna Bayley-Burke

  She followed him past the grassy drive where they’d parked to the entry of the house hidden beneath the graceful bamboo. Being here was like walking through a kaleidoscope, with purple bell-shaped flowers on one side and pale blooms that looked like stars on the other. Tiny yellow birds fluttered about a bush with red blossoms as big as dinner plates.

  An elderly woman pulled open the door, her pale face brightening as she reached for Jake. She was nothing like what Lily had been envisioning. Jake talked of his background as being so poor and such a struggle she never imagined his family would have had any other life.

  As soon as she saw the woman, Lily knew the opulence of the house was intrinsic to her and not something Jake had provided once he’d become successful. There was nothing about her that was oppressed or ill-used. She looked just like the grand dames of the charity set Lily had been so used to, the kind of woman her own grandmothers would have been had they lived long enough for her to have known them.

  The glassy dark gaze turned from Jake to Lily as a wide smile caused her wrinkles to deepen. “My goodness, Lilianna. You are even more beautiful than Jakob claimed. I’m glad you could join us this year, though I wish it were for a better reason. The first holiday season after a loss is always hard. At least you’re still with family.”

  Lily blushed and twisted the ring on her finger. Maybe for the few days she was here she’d let this woman be her family. It certainly felt like the right thing to do.

  Jake’s arm snaked around her shoulders. “Angel, meet my grandmother, Thalia. She seems to have adopted you already.”

  “Of course I have. I’ve been waiting for far too long for someone to bring you to your senses.”

  “Nana, let’s not pressure Lily to have to do the impossible.”

  Thalia waved her thin hand through the air as she walked deeper into the house. “There’s a ring on her finger, so I think she is quite capable of what many thought unattainable.”

  Under any other circumstances Lily might have laughed at the compliment. But it only served to remind her how Dee Gibson would likely give her closet of designer shoes to be standing on the polished concrete floor next to Jake.

  They followed Thalia past the entry to where the house opened up and became a windowed showcase of all the island had to offer. Lily wandered past the comfortable Balinese furnishings to stare at the view of the ocean below. A path seemed to start at one end of thick vegetation and end at the horseshoe beach. As tired as she was after a day of traveling, she wanted to explore, to surround herself with the tropical elegance around her until she couldn’t think about all she’d lost, and what she was about to.

  “Lilianna.” The frail fingers on her arm turned her attention back to the other occupants of the room, which seemed to have increased by one tall, exotic beauty while she’d been enthralled with the scenery. “This is my nurse, Mikayla. She stays here with me to keep Jakob from worrying.”

  Lily put on a smile as she was forced to watch the beauty embrace Jake, squeezing him with more than familial comfort. He’d been coming here for years, coming to her. Lily’s blood iced in her veins. She’d been looking forward to not sharing him for a while, and all along he’d known he still had his piece on the side.

  Thalia linked her arm with Lily, waiting for Mikayla to let go of Jake and turn to them. “Lilianna and Jakob are getting married, soon I hope. Isn’t she stunning? And she’s never been to the island. Jakob will be quite busy making sure she loves it here. That way I know they’ll visit often.”

  “Of course they will.” Mikayla passed her discerning gaze over Lily, making her feel as if she were up for auction and found overpriced. “Jake, why don’t I catch you up on how things are going here while Lily settles in?”

  Lily blinked at the dismissal, looking to Jake who seemed to agree that she should be sent to her room and kept out of the way for his reunion with yet another lover. A minute ago she’d been glad she came, but now she wondered why she’d bothered when nothing would ever change.

  Thalia showed her to a cozy bedroom with another amazing view of the tropical foliage and a bed covered with oversized pillows. It looked so lush and inviting she nearly dove in, wanting to cover herself and hide away.

  “I can’t tell you how happy I am to have you here.” Thalia took both Lily’s hands in her own. “You’re all Jakob ever talks about and I can tell just from meeting you how much you’ve changed his life. After all he’s been through, he deserves the kind of happiness only finding love can bring.” She squeezed her hands and then released them. “Once you’ve settled in I’d like for us to sit down and have a chat. I know Jakob wants you to himself, but we’ll carve out some time.”

  Lily held her smile until Thalia left her alone, and then regret washed over her. She turned to the window, only to see the reason why. Jake and Mikayla were laughing on the corner of the lanai, her hand on his arm. Her heart ached as she thought of how rarely Jake laughed with her. And when he did, they usually wound up fighting anyway.

  She stepped back and sat on the bed, hating how jealousy consumed her. She couldn’t live like this, she’d surely go mad. She wanted to run, but pride had her wondering if it might not feel better to take him from one of his mistresses for once, rather than fading into the background the way she had for the others. Maybe if he were sleeping with her, he might stop always finding it elsewhere.

  “Are you tired, Angel?” Jake came into the room, rolling her bag behind him.

  Lily didn’t reply, still toying with what her next move would be.

  “What do you think of my grandmother?”

  “She is definitely your greatest asset.” Lily turned one knee on the bed so she faced Jake.

  “For now.” He joined her on the bed, his leg brushing hers.

  “Did you get what you needed from Mikayla?”

  His eyes narrowed. “It wasn’t the best news, but it’s what I expected. Do you want a detailed report?”

  She shook her head, hating to think of what he might say.

  “Good, because there is something I need to do.”

  She expected him to get up, but instead he leaned forward and surprised her with a chaste kiss. He pulled back with a smile, but she wasn’t ready to lose his attention yet. Placing her hands on either side of his face, she pulled him to her. She tasted his lips, smiling as he opened for her and slipped his hands around her waist. She leaned into the kiss, deepening it as her hands drifted down his body, her palms resting over his racing heart.

  “There you are, Jake.”

  They broke apart to see Mikayla standing in the open door. Lily kept her hands where they were, not wanting to cower the way she had when Dee had broken in on them.

  “Do you want me to take your bags to the bungalow?” Mikayla asked as if she hadn’t just interrupted. “I could help you unpack.”

  “I’ll take care of anything he needs, thanks.” Lily said, plastering on her best debutant smile.

  “Okay. Jake, if you need anything else, you just let me know.” The woman wiggled her fingers in a wave before she finally left.

  “If you weren’t so damned sexy when you’re jealous, I might tell you to knock it off.” He tried to kiss her again, but Lily stood up and crossed the room to close the door.

  “You don’t stay in the house?”

  He shook his head. “I designed a bungalow a few years back. Want to see it?”

  “Did you build it so you’d have more privacy with your Amazon friend? You have a woman everywhere you go, don’t you?”

  The cold veneer washed over him once more and he sighed. “You should write books instead of reading them. You have an amazing imagination. I’m not going to be rude to Mikayla just to make you happy. I trust her with my grandmother, and I don’t do that lightly.”

  “You talked me into coming and into wearing your ring so your grandmother and I could have a better Christmas. If I catch you with Mikayla, I’ll tell Thalia everything. Absolutely everything. Won’t she be proud
of you then?”

  Jake stood and walked past her, not even pausing as he walked through the door and out of the house.

  Chapter Ten

  Dinner was short and terse. Thalia might be frail, but she wasn’t stupid, and Jake knew she sensed the tension. They both knew Mikayla liked him more than she should, they’d even talked about it before, but it was Lily’s taut reaction whenever Mikayla tried to speak to him that had Thalia narrowing her shrewd eyes in a way he knew was an order for him to solve the problem. He wasn’t at all surprised when she claimed a headache and asked Mikayla to help her to bed.

  Lily rose to do the same, but he grabbed her hand. “Let me show you the beach.”

  “It’s getting late, it will be dark soon.” She blinked her big brown doe eyes at him, almost petulant in her excuse.

  “There’s a full moon. We’ll be fine.” He tugged her off the veranda and onto the grass before she could launch further protests. If she wanted to have it out with him, she could do it on the beach, not in his grandmother’s home.

  He found the path leading down to the secluded strip of shoreline with ease, guiding her through the dark ferns and overhanging branches of the koa trees. She kept pace with him, so he didn’t stop until he kicked off his sandals and dug his toes into the still-warm sand.

  Lily stepped away from him, staring at the ocean as the white sand glistened in the waning light. The gentle waves lapped at the sand, the white foam decorating the shoreline like lace. The moon lit the crests of the surf, making them glitter an eerie silver. Above them the stars studded a velvet sky.

  Jake stood behind her and wrapped his arms about her waist, not letting go when she stiffened. “She thinks we need time to make up. We can’t go back right away. We should do something to pass the time.”

  “Mikayla is the kind of woman you do to pass the time, not me. You should have asked her.”

  “If I wanted her, I would have.” He rested his chin on her shoulder. “Do you really think I would do that to you?”

  “Of course you would.”

  “I know that you believe that up here.” He tucked her hair behind her ear and then nipped at the lobe. “But what about here?” His palm cupped her breast, able to feel her heart pounding beneath his hand.

  “You and all your women won’t fit in there.” She tried to wrestle herself free, so he used the momentum to spin her around in his arms.

  “What if it’s just me?”

  “It never has been, it never will be, and I’ll never be able to live with it, no matter how much money and power you have.”

  “I’m telling you, it’s just me.”

  She raised her chin, assuming the regal dignity he usually admired. “And I’m telling you, I have eyes. I’ve watched you tell people what they need to hear at work to make a deal. I’ve watched the way women look at you, the way they look at me like some stupid twit because I can’t possibly know what you do with them when I’m not around. Except I do know.”

  “You don’t even hear me. When are you going to listen?” He frowned in complete exasperation. What would it take to get through to her?

  “Me? I’ve been telling you for months that I won’t marry you, and today you put a ring on my finger.”

  He shook his head. “You’re not listening to yourself. If you would just get past the jealousy things would be so much easier.”

  “For you!” She twisted herself free and stalked backwards, away from him. “Do you think about how this would be for me at all?”

  “All I do is think of you.” He pushed a hand through his hair, trying to come up with something, anything to make her believe him. And failing. He never failed.

  “Then how can you ask me to live like that? Is it some kind of thrill for you, to see how low you can bring me? My father may have lost our money and our standing, but nothing you do will cause me to lose myself.” Her brown eyes glowed with a savage inner fire.

  She tried to flee, but he caught her by the arm.

  “I recall a few times when you nearly lost yourself, were more than willing in my arms.”

  “That was just sex, Jake. Surely you know all about that. Isn’t that why you have so many women? You didn’t think your prowess had to do with anything more than experience, did you?”

  He pushed her arm away from him and let her go, reeling back as if she’d hit him with far more than words. Perhaps Dee had been right all along and Lily had been playing him for a fool. His instincts had never been so wrong. He watched her start back up the path to the house, but he didn’t follow.

  Instead, he turned back to the surf and sat down, letting the water play at his feet. He still wanted her, wanted her to see him as worthy and capable, and he hated himself for not being able to walk away. He should, but he’d been trapped by the same emotional minefield that had ensnared his mother and stifled Will Harris. He tried not to, really put every effort into not loving her, into keeping her an obsession, but now he was stuck beneath the weight of his own want, with nothing to ease the burden.

  He knew better than to try to appease her each time she flew into a jealous snit. It never worked. Each rage would only intensify until one day he’d be as defeated as his mother had been. Yet he knew living without Lily was impossible. He’d seen how Will had tried to move through life without Lily’s mother, and had sunk into a life where nothing could fill the gaping hole left in his heart.

  Jake wanted a different life than the trap his mother had been snared in. He wanted a real family, but for the life of him he couldn’t see that without Lily. Until he met her, children had always been an abstract thought, but now they had her dreamy smile and soulful eyes. He didn’t know if he could trust another woman to have his child. If he turned into the kind of father his had been, he needed a woman strong enough to leave him. That left him alone, mourning the loss of a woman he never had.

  There had to be a better way, but for the life of him he couldn’t see it.

  ***

  Rays of sunlight warmed her face and Lily woke to a new morning. As her eyes came into focus she gasped, pulling the sheets around her. Jake sat next to her on the bed, his face set in a grim scowl.

  “Did you cry yourself to sleep for me or because of me?”

  Lily pressed her hands to her eyes, indeed finding the telling puffiness. Last night had been horrid, her worst nightmare come to life. He’d brought her all the way here, had her feeling that there might be a chance for them to be happy together, and then swept it all away when she found he had a woman everywhere he went.

  Last night he’d tried to finesse her the way he did a business deal and she’d nearly succumbed. Somehow she’d found the strength to stand up for herself, but in so doing she’d seen how deeply her words had cut him. Her eyes grew heavy now just thinking about the look on his face.

  “I have some gifts to deliver to the families who help look after my grandmother. Mikayla is leaving with me, so if you need anything you’ll have to fend for yourself.”

  She took her hands away from her eyes, wondering why he would rub salt in the wound like that. To tell her he was taking his mistress out on Christmas morning was completely unnecessary, unless he was trying to punish her for last night. She supposed she should be grateful he’d at least heard her when she threatened to tell his grandmother everything if she had to watch him and Mikayla together.

  Lily sat up, watching him as he stood. “What have you told Thalia? I don’t want us to have conflicting stories.”

  He shook his head, his hand resting on the doorknob. “I’m telling the truth, Lily. I wish you knew how to listen to it.”

  She wanted to ask which truth, but he was already gone. As she showered and changed, she wished she could think of something besides Jake and Mikayla sharing a passionate embrace deep within the jungle.

  The image sickened her. She didn’t understand why there was no room in her mind for any other man, and yet he could have a different woman in his bed every night and not think anything was
wrong with that. It might be the fundamental difference between men and women, but she couldn’t let that be an excuse.

  She hated herself for hurting him, even in self-preservation. She hated him for being wonderful one moment and dreadful the next. It was such an unhealthy place to be in, she made up her mind to move out of the house as soon as she got back. The reprieve he’d offered in exchange for wearing the ring would only make matters worse. They had to cut their losses now before any more damage was done.

  She wondered what he’d tell Thalia when everything was over. Lily had always wanted a grandmother, wanted someone older and wiser to confide it. She didn’t want to become too attached to Thalia, but it felt wrong to brood in her room while the older woman was alone, so Lily went in search of her.

  Thalia sat in a plush chair on the veranda, the rays of sunlight filtering through the leaves overhead that shaded her from the heat. She looked up from her book as Lily stepped outside.

  “Are you all right, dear? Jakob said you weren’t feeling yourself this morning.” Her pale face drooped with worry.

  “Just a little jet lag, I think. Fresh air is the best thing for that, don’t you agree?” Lily gave her best smile and took the seat next to the elderly woman.

  “Of course. Jakob was concerned, but he is prone to worry, always trying to be responsible for everyone. You’ll have to help him make sure he looks after himself. He’s always so busy trying to lay the world flat for his friends. He winds up climbing every mountain alone.”

  Lily wasn’t sure what to say to such a glowing opinion of Jake. “He was very kind to me when my father passed. I don’t like to think of what it would have been like if he hadn’t been there.”

  “Of course he would be there for you. I’m so thankful that you’re with him, dear. He is wonderful, but only once you get past the moat of vulnerability that surrounds him. It’s to be expected after the childhood he had to endure. It’s a testament to you that he’s been able to overcome it. I always worried he’d never be able to admit his love for anyone after the way he grew up, and no woman who loved him would be able to suffer through that. It says so much about your character that he’s been able to trust you.”