Promise: The Scarred Girl

by Maya Shepherd

  Kasia says, “How many bedrooms does the house have?”

  Arras shrugs. “No idea. I only saw two.”

  “Great, then we can share a room now,” Kasia whistles and turns to Nea. Nea cannot imagine it, just the nerve of suggesting such a thing. Arras is right though, there are only two bedrooms. “I will not share a room with you!” Nea snaps at Kasia.

  “Why not?” Kasia asks, offended.

  Before Nea can answer, Arras comes to the rescue, “Calm down! You can both have a bedroom. I’ll sleep in the living room.”

  It is actually a nice touch that he would voluntarily leave the bedrooms to the girls, but even so, Nea is not satisfied. While it looks like he has done her a favor, she does not want to be deeper in his debt than she already is.

  “No need. I can sleep in the living room,” she announces and stomps into the house. Surprisingly, Arras does not comment that she’s being childish and silly. He can see through her actions. She is disappointed that he does not enter into an argument with her because to argue with him would be better than to continue to endure his silence.

  In the living room, Nea stops and looks around. The room is clean, but everything is under a thick layer of dust. The dust in the air is so thick that preventing a sneeze is difficult.

  A few minutes later, Arras enters the room.

  “Come on, let’s go looking for food!” he asks Nea.

  Surprised, she looks up. “What about Kasia?”

  “She can stay here. We’ll be close.”

  Without waiting for her, he leaves. Nea can hardly believe her luck. At last he asks for her help, even if he did not directly ask. She hurries after him and sees him enter the next house over. She quickly runs after him and almost runs into him as he stands in the hallway of the next house. This house is silent, just like the one they just left.

  They quietly walk to the kitchen and open one cabinet after the other. All are empty. This also explains the broken doors. Someone else beat them here and has already taken all the food.

  It does not look better in the next few houses either. Although none of the homes have been devastated from the inside, each has been plundered to the last box. They stop at the last house on the street and Nea can see the narrow path that leads down to the lake shore. She has not washed for days and stinks of sweat. A bath would be pleasant.

  “I can catch us some fish,” she suggests. She wants to impress Arras, who has already given up.

  “And what about Kasia? She will have to eat something.”

  Nea sighs, annoyed. “A little bit of fish should not hurt her.”

  “Any excitement could harm the child,” Arras replies. “I am also not going to force her to eat.”

  Nea rolls her eyes, but suddenly has an idea. “We could search for a garden. Maybe someone has grown a fruit or vegetable garden.” She is proud of herself for the good suggestion, but Arras just shrugs his shoulders and starts walking back toward the house. Nea turns her back to him and starts walking to the lake shore.

  There is a small lake. More of a pond really. Nevertheless, Nea slips out of her boots. She hesitates for a moment, but then removes her jacket and her pants, so that she is dressed only in her underwear. Even if Arras were to see her, she is sure she would not interest him. Nea is convinced he does not have an interest in her personality or her appearance.

  As Nea reaches the middle of the lake, the water is shoulder-deep. She takes a deep breath and dives under the water. It is so cold that her teeth chatter against each other when she comes back to the surface. She quickly tosses several fish out of the water. It’s too late to have a towel or basket to put them in.

  Freezing, she makes her way to the muddy shore. The fish in the pond are not large, but they are big enough for a meal.

  Nea stood on the shore and stepped into the waves with uncertain feet. She had her pants rolled up to her knees. Sweat rolled down her back. Eagerly she looked at Miro, who had just ducked his head under water. Had she not been such a damn coward, she would now be in the sea, instead of sizzling in the sun. But she did not have a bathing suit, not to mention she was in the middle of her menstrual period. In addition, she was ashamed in front of Miro. What if he did not like her? She did not have a plump bosom as some of the other girls who so willingly ensnared Miro.

  “Come on, or do I have to come get you?” Miro called and splashed water in her direction.

  “It’s too cold,” Nea lied. Nervously she ran her hand over her damp neck. Actually, she felt as though she were cooking.

  “Do you think I’m stupid? I can see the sweat glistening on your forehead from here,” Miro said and then came running toward her.

  Automatically, Nea backed up a few steps and turned around abruptly. Miro was naked and he obviously enjoyed embarrassing Nea.

  “What’s wrong? Have you never seen a naked man before?” He teased, amused. He knew the answer. Nea was as blank as a white sheet.

  Of course, he did not let that stop him. He marched around her. Annoyed, Nea immediately covered her eyes up with her hands.

  “Miro, stop it!” She shrieked and looked through a silt in between her fingers to see where Miro had gone.

  “Take your hands down, Nea.”

  Nea dropped her hands from her eyes and concentrated to look Miro in the face.

  “If I say I am not hot, then I am not hot, got it?”

  “You’re just shy, that’s all. I don’t understand why. We’ve known each other so long; I’ve seen you naked lots of times.”

  “That’s not true,” Nea defended herself immediately and crossed her arms over her breasts.

  “Silly, when you tell a man that he should turn and look away, you can be sure that he will watch anyway. That is the natural rule of man, the unwritten law.”

  Outraged, Nea can feel her cheeks turn red. “I am not warm,” she blurts again, unable to say anything else. She was still ashamed.

  “Shall I perhaps help you?” He offered her a grin and walked up to her, to take her by the hand.

  Nea panicked and wanted no more from him. “Leave me alone,” she hissed and left Miro standing alone on the beach.

  Nea lay with her back to Miro. She felt his gaze on her neck and narrowed her eyes even tighter. However, she tried to breathe evenly. She did not talk to him. She did not see him. Neither today nor tomorrow. However she knew herself that she would not endure this forever. The latest she had gone so far was a week. She wanted to beat that record. She would probably give in earlier, but not at this moment.

  He stroked her shoulder. A pleasant shiver ran down Nea’s spine. “I’m sorry.”

  He felt not the least bit sorry. He would do this again and again. She stifled an angered groan and instead concentrated on breathing.

  “Nea, I know you’re not really asleep. If you were really sleeping, you would be snoring,” Miro giggled and Nea could see his face clearly there before her. Instead of giving more effort, he tried to make the situation silly. That was typical of him, but she would not crack. If he believed he could cajole her into breaking her silence, he was wrong.

  “Your snore is not loud like a bear, more like a small cat. Kind of like a snort. When I caress you, you being to purr.”

  Nea could go ballistic with rage. She would love to turn around and shake and slap him. What a liar!

  “You know, I really did not want to kiss that girl. I only kissed her because she wanted to, but the one I really wanted to kiss, she showed me the cold shoulder.”

  Miro’s hand remained at Nea’s shoulder. She tried to think of who he meant, but did not let the thought materialize. She and Miro were friends. Nothing more.

  “She’s quite a shrew, but I really like her. She is always honest with me, even if I do not always want to hear the truth. She would never lie to me, I trust her blindly.

  Nea felt the anger inside of her smolder. She tried to hold onto it. It was easier to be angry with him than to love him.

  “She’s the One. You k
now what I mean? The One I would give my life for.”

  ‘These are just empty words,’ Nea thinks to herself, do not be lulled. If they tried to have a relationship and it failed, their friendship would also be destroyed. And Nea could not bear the thought of losing Miro.

  “Nea, are you really asleep?”

  A part of her wanted to finally admit that he was the One for her and always would be, but she said nothing.

  “I think that's enough.” Suddenly Nea heard Arras’ voice as she hurled the sixth fish ashore. Startled, she turns around and sees him standing at the shore. He stands directly in front of the fish. In his hands he holds a cornflower blue towel, which he holds out to her. Next to him on the ground are her garments. She crosses her arms over her chest and emerges from the water. Nea can feel her cheeks glow as she receives the towel from Arras. But he considers her no different than a tree or other object. He is completely indifferent to her female form.

  Nea clears her throat while she wraps the towel around herself.

  “Did you find something in the gardens?”

  “More than enough,” he replies. “That was a great idea!”

  Nea can hardly believe her ears. Was that really a word of praise from Arras’ mouth?

  She does not notice how she stares at him in disbelief. Only when Arras contorts his mouth into a wry grin does she start to laugh. She brought a grin to his face, a small one, but it’s a start.

  Thirteen

  It is quiet and Nea lies on the sofa in the house. She closes her eyes, but sleep does not come. She had been looking forward to her first night in a real house for months and expected that she would fall asleep quickly. But she does not feel safe or protected. She feels caught. She is worried that she cannot hear the call of the birds or the rustle of leaves in the wind. The dead silence weighs on her heavily and demands her full attention. She cannot stop listening for suspicious noises in the silence. Moreover, the house is darker than any forest where a weak beam of moonlight penetrates the trees.

  Finally, she gives in and gets up. She lumbers into the kitchen barefooted and looks out the window at the deserted street. She can hardly see anything. It is reassuring because it would scare her a lot more if she suddenly saw torch lights. Everything is too quiet.

  Sighing, she walks back to the living room and opens the window. A cool wind immediately blows in. She inhales greedily. It smells of grass. Her arms and body begin shivering, but she keeps the window open. Suddenly she hears a creak and turns around in alarm. Someone is coming down the stairs. Judging from the sound of the steps, she realizes it must be Arras. Although he is much heavier than Kasia, his steps are quieter and more attentive. Just like Nea, he seems to always be on his guard.

  When he enters the living room, her guess is confirmed. His tall figure stands like a dark shadow in the doorway. Nea cannot see his face, but he remains petrified for a few seconds before he clears his throat.

  “I heard you walking around down here and wanted to see if everything was in order.”

  He must have been listening to the silence just like Nea. Otherwise he would never have heard her silent steps, even though she was one floor beneath him.

  “I cannot sleep,” Nea apologizes and steps away from the window. She sits down on the couch where here sleeping bag and a pillow are spread.

  “Neither can I,” he admits.

  Arras sits on the chair across from her. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a candle that he lights with a match. The flame flickers in the wind.

  He puts the candle on the table between them. Nea now sees that he is not wearing a shirt. This is the first time she has seen his bare chest since they met. His arms are muscular, which she had already suspected. On his upper right arm is a tattoo that can hardly be seen in the dim light on his dark skin.

  From his other pocket, Arras pulls a silver flask and reverently screws off the lid before taking a big gulp. He reaches across and hands Nea the flask. She hesitates because she does not like alcohol, but she does not want to be rude toward Arras, and therefore takes the flask. She takes a short sip, but that is enough. The liquid burns in her throat, but leaves a pleasant, warm feeling in her stomach. She contorts her mouth and hands the flask back to Arras. The corners of his mouth are warped slightly. Meanwhile, Nea realizes she is developing a knack to make him smile. Maybe he thinks she is funny.

  “May I ask you something?” She breaks the silence with almost a whisper.

  He shrugs and looks unusually relaxed. Is it the alcohol? He could not have drank much, even before coming down here as the flask is nearly full.

  “As long as it’s not about Promise again.”

  Nea did not understand why he mentioned it if he did not want to talk about it, but that was not one of her questions.

  “Why are you helping us?”

  “I am helping Kasia,” he clarifies and just as Nea begins to feel offended, he adds, “You do not need help.”

  It’s kind of a compliment. Nea is powerless against the smile the creeps up on her face.

  “Why are you helping her?” Nea is curious.

  “Why are you helping her?”

  The point goes to him. Of course she cannot tell him that she intends to exchange Kasia and the child for a route to Promise. He would probably be horrified.

  The silence descends like a wall between them again. They are not ready to have a good conversation.

  Nea feels that she is very tired now. She pulls the sleeping bag a little tighter, but does not lie down. That would be rude.

  “Where are you from originally?” Arras asks suddenly. Nea is not sure whether he is genuinely interested to know or just wants to break the uncomfortable silence. However, she tells him about the town she grew up and about the sea. You can feel the longing resonate in her voice. It has not been long since she left, but she longs for home. She is certain she will find a new home in Promise.

  “If you love the sea, why did you leave?” Arras asks. Nea cannot tell him the truth. The truth is that she could not stand it without Miro. The truth is that if she had not left, she would have killed herself.

  But she does not say that. Instead she shrugs her shoulders. “I wanted to start a new life.”

  Arras does not ask anymore. He has his own topics which he does not discuss, such as Promise.

  “Do you think you can sleep now?” He asks instead. Apparently he sees the fatigue on her face.

  What else can she say? Can you stay with me until I fall asleep? Probably not!

  “I think so. And you?”

  “If you do not mind, I’ll stay here a bit.”

  She immediately shakes her head. “Is that not uncomfortable?” She points to the chair.

  “I’ve spent the night with much worse,” Arras replies with a smile.

  Nea smiles and snuggles deeper into her sleeping bag. Hearing Arras’ breathing in silence has a strange calming effect on her that she cannot explain. She knows nothing about him, is not even sure she can trust him, yet she feels safe and secure in his vicinity.

  The next morning, Nea is startled awake by a loud clang. Panicked, she immediately looks around the room. It is already light, so she must have slept much longer than normal. Arras is still sitting opposite her in the chair. He looks at her questioningly. Kasia enters the room. She shrugs her shoulders apologetically and lifts up a pot. “Sorry, I did not want to wake you, but if someone makes me a fire, I can cook potatoes.”

  Nea breathes a sigh of relief. She had been expecting the worst: An attack of Carris. Her heartbeat slowly calms down.

  Arras stands up and silently walks out to start a fire. Nea looks in Kasia’s direction and immediately notices her cheeky grin. “What is it?” Nea asks, irritated.

  Kasia runs to her and sits down beside her on the sofa. “You like Arras,” she notes.

  Nea’s cheeks turn red and immediately protests, “You’re crazy! I do not even know him! He’s as dumb as a fish!”

  “That doesn�
�t mean anything,” Kasia replies, unfazed. “He’s nice, good looking... why not?”

  “He’s not my type!” Exclaims Nea, remembering his face, half of which is completely distorted by the large scar. He would certainly be flattered to hear Kasia thinks he is still handsome.

  “He likes you,” Kasia replies.

  “He doesn’t even speak to me,” contradicts Nea.

  “He’s just shy,” Kasia defended him. “He slept with you.”

  Now Nea knows to certainly not make the mistake of admitting to Kasia that she was afraid at night. “It's because we were not used to sleeping indoors. That's all!” As she says it, she realizes that is probably close to the truth.

  However, Kasia sees it differently, “You have a lot in common and would go great together.”

  Nea shakes her head firmly and is slowly getting mad. “Now stop it!” She screams and jumps off the sofa. As she does so, she looks straight into Arras' dark eyes. He had stepped onto the terrace and was now in the door. Uncertain, he looks back and forth between Nea and Kasia.

  Nea does not want to offend him. Actually, their argument had nothing to do with him. It's not about Arras, but Miro. She is far from ready to be able to fall in love with another person, and may never be ready. She has always loved Miro, and will remain loving Miro, even if that means she must spend the rest of her life alone.

  “The fire is burning now,” Arras interrupts the tense mood. Kasia stands up from the couch. Every day each step seems harder and harder for her to take.

  Nea crosses her arms over her chest and turns her back to the two. She does not want Arras to see her flushed cheeks. In addition, she feels a thick lump in her throat and does not want to allow it to burst into tears.

  She listens as Arras and Kasia go back outside. Once they are gone, Nea allows herself to breathe deeply. It would be easier if she could tell someone about Miro, but no one would understand. They would condemn her. What she did is unforgivable.

  Lost in thought, Nea does not notice the passage of time. When she hears Arras clear his throat loudly behind her, she turns around, startled.