Remember Me Always

by Renee Collins

  I grab his hand. “It’s as much for me as for anything else. I never should have let you pay the price for me. And I love you for doing that for me, for loving me that much. But I’ve given this a lot of thought, and it’s the right thing to do.”

  “What about the talent scout? What about everything you’ve been working for?”

  “Those opportunities will still be here when I come back.”

  He searches my eyes. “And what about us?”

  My heart sinks. I’d been hoping to stall this conversation as long as possible. But Auden’s not a fool. He senses it coming. I know he does.

  “We can never be what we were, Auden.”

  He doesn’t ask what I mean. His face is stricken with regret. “Is it because of your memory?”

  “No. In a way, I’m grateful my memories were erased. It gave me a chance not many get. A chance to look back with fresh eyes. Sometimes I think people get so caught up in their history and the emotions of those experiences that build, layer upon layer, that they can’t even see what actually happened anymore. I got the chance to see us, Auden. As we really are.”

  He stares out over the dark lake. “And what did you see?”

  “I saw a fire. Beautiful and bright and warm…but wild. Destructive.”

  He shakes his head, as if fighting what he knows is coming. “No…”

  I grab his hand. “We love each other, Auden. Our feelings are real and powerful, but we can’t contain them. Not here. Not at this point in our lives.”

  “How can you say that?”

  I caress his face. “I know you see it. Just like you see that this town is too small for me. Our love is the opposite. It’s too much.”

  “Don’t do this,” he says softly.

  His pain burns into my chest like a brand. It will leave a mark. I kiss his cheek. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I hate that I’m going to hurt you. If I could, I’d give you everything you wanted. But I can’t. And you know I can’t. You knew it all along. I need to be my own person, away from Mama. Away from anyone. Even you.”

  “We were going to do it. We were going to get out of this town and make a life together.”

  I shake my head. “It never would have happened. I was going to back out, but then everything exploded with Mama.”

  Auden wipes tears from his face. Seeing him cry crushes my heart with pain. I put my arms around him.

  “I do love you, Auden. Never doubt that.”

  “I know,” he whispers. “Will you ever be ready for this? Will you ever want to try again?”

  I touch his beautiful, sad face. “When I’ve found myself. When I know who I am. Come to me then, Auden. I’ll be ready for you then.”

  He smiles wistfully. “I’m holding you to that.”

  I latch my pinkie with his and press it to my chest. “It’s a promise.”

  Auden and I hold each other. Together, we cry tears for everything we’ve lost, for everything we are about to lose. We stay together until the sun shifts into the watery light-blue of dawn. And then, as the sun rises, we drive to the police station and walk through the doors, hand in hand.

  Epilogue

  Even though it’s nearly summer, the mornings are still cool and dark. I breathe in the chill, rich with the smell of oak and pine. I want to remember this, the smell of Orchardview. The smell of home.

  I load the last bag into the trunk. Grace slams it shut. “You sure you got everything?”

  “If I forgot something, it’s too late now.” I grin. “Besides, I think they have a few stores in California.”

  Grace laughs but then bites her bottom lip. Her eyes are already bright with tears.

  “Grace.”

  “I know. I know. No crying.”

  “It’s not like I’m dying. I’ll be a flight away.”

  She nods, but I know the words don’t comfort her.

  I already hugged Mama and Blake in the house. Mama hates goodbyes, so we kept it brief. I promised to video call her every weekend. And to come home to visit every holiday. Grace is the only one who demanded to see me off. It was very generous of her to get up so early, since we had yet another graduation party yesterday that went late into the night.

  Mama says it’s too abrupt to leave like this, less than a week after graduation. But she had to have seen this coming. The day I finished my community service hours, I was packed. I only stayed for the graduation ceremonies and parties for Grace’s sake.

  Not that she really needs me. She and Brad seem to be joined at the hip these days. I’m a little surprised he isn’t here right now. I grin as she goes to her car and pulls out a large, ice-cold Dr Pepper and our other favorite gas station snacks. You have to respect her devotion to ceremony.

  “It’s a little early for Dr Pepper, isn’t it?” I joke.

  “Take it,” she says. “For the road.”

  I set it in my cup holder. “It’s a long drive to California. I’m guessing I’ll only need six or seven more of those along the way.”

  We both laugh, and then a silence falls between us. Grace runs her hand along my car.

  “Do you think you’ll see him out there?”

  Auden moved back to New York in November to live with his mom. Right after Romeo and Juliet. That night on the lake was the last time we spoke. But then, in the spring, a single post showed up on his long-abandoned Instagram account. He had been admitted into the USC film school and would be leaving for California immediately.

  “Don’t know,” I say, with a shrug, pretending not to feel the excited and nervous twist in my heart. “California’s an awfully big state. I don’t think you bump into people there like you do around here.”

  A funny little smile crosses Grace’s lips. “I bet you’ll see him.”

  “Maybe one day.”

  “If you’re not too busy being a famous actress,” she adds.

  “True. I imagine my days will be booked with glamorous photo shoots and power lunches with famous directors.”

  Grace laughs, but her eyes shine. “You’re going to make it out there, Shelby.”

  “I’m sure going to try.”

  She bites her bottom lip again. There’s a knot at the pit of my stomach. In so many ways, I’ve longed for and dreaded this moment. I throw my arms around Grace in a fierce hug.

  “Take care of yourself. And…I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me.”

  She hugs me back tighter. “Don’t. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had and ever will have.” She breaks away and gives me a playful shove. “Now go. Get out of here. Go make your dreams come true.”

  I get into my car. Drawing in a deep breath, I push the key into the ignition. Grace waves from the driveway, then steps into the street. She waves until she’s little more than a speck in my rearview mirror.

  I roll down the windows and push my foot on the gas pedal. It doesn’t hit me that I’m actually going until I’m out of Orchardview’s city limits. The only place I’ve ever called home lies in the warm morning sun behind me. And ahead, nothing but open sky and California.

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  Acknowledgments

  Every time I write an acknowledgments page, I feel very aware of how lucky I am. And I feel so grateful to everyone who has helped me get to this point. First and foremost, a huge thank-you to my awesome agent, Jessica Regel. You saw the heart of this story and believed in it, and I will always be grateful for that.

  Thank you to Annette Pollert-Morgan. It’s so great to work with you again. Your insights always make my work stronger. I loved watching my story develop into all it could be.

  I’m grateful to all the people at Sourcebooks and Foundry Literary + Media. Bringing a book into the world is a serious team effort, a
nd I feel lucky to have such an awesome team on my side.

  All the love to my writer friends (especially the esteemed members of the Sandwich Club): Kasie West, Jenn Johannsson, Charlie Pulsipher, Michael Bacera, Aaron Kawakami, Tyler Jolley, Natalie Whipple, Daniel Noyes, Candice Kennington, Michelle Argyle, and C. K. Edwards. You’re all a little crazy, but I think I’ve proven that I’m the craziest. At least we’re all in this together.

  Thank you to my beautiful friends who make me laugh and help me relax when I’m on deadline: Lisa, Aubrey, Susan, and Natalie. The next round of sodas from Maverick is on me!

  Shout out to the Best Book Club Ever! I love you ladies and all your awesome support.

  A special thank-you to the brilliant experts I consulted with to make sure I had the medical and legal details right: Bryce Lee, Esq., and Dr. Brian Belnap.

  Love and hugs to my siblings: Jared, Sarah, Becca, Diana, Rachel, and Amy, along with your fun spouses and adorable kids. One day, when I’m famous, I’ll treat us all to that Fam Bash on the beach!

  As always, Diana, you have helped me in ways I can’t even express. Not just in support with writing, but in life as well. I love you and feel incredibly blessed to have you as a twin sister.

  Mom and Dad, I dedicated this book to you, because I truly feel that you have played an irreplaceable role in helping me get to where I am today. Thank you for always teaching me to explore and dream. Thank you for your love and support that has never wavered. I love you both so much!

  Finally, a huge thank-you to my wonderful family. Amber, Logan, and Ella, you kids make me happy every day. I feel so lucky to be your mom. I know you think I’m joking when I always ask, “How did I get such good kids?” But I mean it! Some days I feel like I hit the kid jackpot.

  And Ben. You are the one who sees it all—the highs and the lows, the moments of joy and the moments of stress and exhaustion. Thank you for loving me and helping me through it all. I truly couldn’t do this without you. You’re my best friend.

  About the Author

  Renee Collins grew up in Hawaii, where she played Lady Capulet in her high school production of Romeo and Juliet. In college, she decided to abandon her dreams of being a famous actress to study history and become a writer, but she’ll always have a soft spot in her heart for drama kids. Renee currently lives in Colorado with her family.

  Can her love save his life?

  Find out in Renee Collins’s

  Prologue

  The beach is empty. In the fading glow of twilight, the waves roll up to the rocks in sweeping curls of white foam. The sand glistens like wet steel. The grass bends low in the briny night wind. Always changing, yet always the same. I imagine the beach has looked like this since the beginning of time.

  Stepping onto the soft terrain, I feel transported to some ancient evening, eons ago. Long before my uncle claimed this land as his own. Long before man even dared to taint these shores.

  I wish the fleeting vision were true.

  My gaze falls to the full moon’s reflection on the water. It’s broken into shards on the black sea, tossed about with each wave. A small, white shape catches my eye. It’s in the glare of the reflection, so I nearly miss it.

  I step into the wave break. A seabird, dead and limp, is rolling back and forth in the foam. Her wings are spread open, her white-and-brown-speckled breast exposed.

  I lift the small creature into my palm. What killed her? I wonder. There’s no sign of injury. Did she drown in the sea? Pinching her brittle, fragile leg gently between my fingers, I notice a small metal band snapped around her ankle. The sight of it startles me. Examining it closer, I catch the faint impression of numbers and letters etched into the band, but something in me resists reading them. I can’t say why.

  What does it matter, anyhow? The poor creature is dead. And she reminds me that there is no going back. Time howls on, like the wind. And it is not only weaker creatures like this bird that succumb to it. Even the strongest man will fall before its crushing forward push.

  I set the bird out into the water. As the tide pulls her away, I accept this truth. Soon the summer will be over. Too soon.

  Chapter 1

  Cassandra

  Date: July 8.

  Days at my mom and stepdad’s new summer home: 22

  Hours spent at the froufrou country club: 0

  Hours spent on the fancy private beach: 0

  Hours spent lying on the couch bemoaning my lack of a life: somewhere in the 100s.

  Number of times Mom has told me to make some new friends and stop moping around: also somewhere in the 100s.

  To paraphrase Shakespeare: Oh, for a muse of fire to convey how utterly and completely bored I am.

  Given the circumstances, it should be clear that I have no choice but to try to sneak into my neighbors’ yard and swim in their pool at 2:00 a.m.

  My two accomplices are less than ideal. Travis Howard and Brandon Marks are local royalty of this ritzy, historic neighborhood slapped on the coast of Massachusetts’s North Shore. Both have the classic all-American look—tall, sparkling blue eyes, and a crop of blond hair that’s been gelled to scientific levels of perfection. But given the circumstances, they’ll have to do.

  Brandon can barely keep pace as we cut along the tailored brush that adorns the Andersons’ back fence. Maybe because he’s too busy shooting nervous glances behind us.

  “We’re being followed,” he says.

  Travis and I exchange a look.

  “Chill out, dude,” Travis says.

  I sigh. “Seriously. I didn’t pack my smelling salts, so try not to faint.”

  Travis holds out his fist for a bump.

  Brandon is resolute. “At the very least, we’re being watched. You think these people don’t have security cameras?”

  “No clue,” I say brightly.

  “Well, that’s reassuring.”

  “I try.”

  I probably should have come on my own. Trouble is, I need a pair of hands to boost me over the fence. My little brother, Eddie, couldn’t do it, since he’s three. And for obvious reasons, I couldn’t ask Mom or Frank. That left the only other person I know here: Travis.

  He and I met at a garden party. How bourgeois is that? I was so bored, I was ready to claw my eyes out. Then I saw this crazy guy doing a chair dance, to the utter shock of the local hens, and I decided he might be okay. Travis is pretty cool. He reminds me a little of my friend Jade back in Ohio—a delightful troublemaker. Having Travis’s buddy Brandon tagging along, however, has proved to be an unwelcome change of plans.

  It’s late, but humidity still hangs in the air. Not as oppressive as during the day, but enough to make the hair against my neck damp. Crickets chirp loudly in the surrounding brush, which makes me uneasy somehow, as if their incessant noise will draw attention to us. As if they’re crying, “Look! Look! Look! Look!” to some unseen guard. Brandon’s nerves must be contagious.

  Luckily, I spy the edge of the fence before I can dwell on my uneasiness for too long.

  “We made it,” I say.

  Gripping the bars, I look for a good spot to grab midway up. Travis helps me with the inspection.

  “Right over here,” he says, motioning. “The ground’s a little higher on the other side, and those bushes will break your fall.”

  “Nice,” I say, impressed. “You have a lot of experience breaking in to private property?”

  “Yeah, except we usually go for cash and high-value items. Breaking in to go swimming should be a nice change of pace.”

  I smirk and he gives me a Mr. Teen USA wink.

  “All right then,” I say. “Hoist me up.”

  Brandon steps in between us. “Are we seriously doing this? You know, your stepdad’s house has a huge private beach. If you want to swim so badly, can’t we go there?”

  “You’re missing t
he point, Brandon.”

  “You never explained the point.”

  “Only a fool asks to understand that which cannot be grasped,” I say, pretending to quote some ancient philosopher.

  Travis blinks. “Dude. That was deep.”

  “I know, right?” I turn back to Brandon. “See? He gets it.”

  “This is really stupid,” Brandon says, unamused.

  I pull out my phone. “So, I guess you don’t want to be in the group shot then?”

  Travis comes to my side and puts his arm around me. “Sweet! Selfie time.”

  I hold out my phone, and he and I make an overly enthusiastic thumbs-up pose.

  Brandon folds his arms impatiently across his chest. “Can we get on with this?”

  “Well, look who’s eager to have some fun,” I say, giving him a hearty slap on the back. “About time you came aboard.”

  Brandon shakes his head and holds out his interlocked hands. Travis stands across from him. Together, they form the perfect ladder. Pushing off of their shoulders, I reach for the top of the fence. One push and my leg tips over the edge.

  “Got it!” I shout. Perched on the top of the wall, I survey my target. The pool is lit, even with the Andersons away for the week, and it gleams an appealing turquoise blue in the dark night. If I had time and my stuff, I’d paint the scene. For now, however, an immersive, performance-art type of scenario will have to suffice.

  “Let’s do this,” I say, hopping onto the grass below. I land firmly on my feet and unlatch the side gate.

  Brandon remains frozen at the threshold. “Cass…”

  “Let me guess. You don’t think this is such a good idea.”

  Travis laughs. “Seriously, dude, don’t be such a pansy.”

  He starts through the gate when Brandon grabs his arm. “Trav. You know why we can’t.”

  Travis says nothing, but a shadow crosses his expression. I frown. “What?”

  When Travis doesn’t reply, Brandon exhales. “We could go to jail.”