by B. M. Hardin
“Who? Darling maybe you are mistaken. I don’t have a daughter named Dianna,” he said as a matter of fact.
Huh?
“You are Bishop Clarence Forney right? I was told that Dianna Forney was your daughter?” I said hoping that he misunderstood me the first time.
“Yes, I’m Bishop Clarence Forney; but I can assure you that I don’t have a daughter named Dianna, to be exact, I don’t have a daughter at all...only three sons,” he continued to explain.
What?
What in the hell is going on here?
“Would you happen to have a son named Shelton?” I asked fishing for answers but he shook his head.
“Nope, I don’t know anyone by the name of Shelton either. I’m sorry you must have the wrong Bishop...and the wrong church,” he said, and bid me goodbye.
No, it was indeed the right church...
I knew that for a fact.
But there was something fishy going on around here...and I was going to find out what it was!
I stormed out of the church on fire!
I was so upset that I couldn't think straight.
Unable to force myself to drive off, I sat there for a second to think about what I'd just heard.
You mean to tell me that both of them had been lying to me the whole time?
I guess a part of me had always known it.
I had been right about their little story all along.
So now, there was only one simple question.
Who are they?
~**********~
~If you wait long enough, you will see, find, or receive everything that you have always been meant to have. The failure comes in when you rush something...that just wasn't quite ready~
Anonymous
Chapter Five
A few weeks had gone by since I had found out that Shelton and Dianna had been lying about their entire relationship and the way they’d met.
I’d always known in the back of my mind that they were feeding me bull---but never, never had I thought that it would have been something like this.
I mean the lie was a bit extreme.
Bishop Clarence had never even heard of Dianna, or Shelton, so that means that they had some type of past together---that they both were trying to hide.
They had been covering up something the whole time.
Though it was eating me up inside, I decided not to mention my little visit to St. John or my conversation with the Bishop to Shelton; at least not until I had done my own investigation.
But one thing was for sure, and that was if Shelton had told one lie---he’d probably told many others.
That's just the way that lying worked.
And though I had my own lies and secrets; to find out that Shelton had a few of his own; just left a bad taste in my mouth.
I was now questioning everything that Shelton had ever told me.
He was a Pastor; he just wasn’t supposed to tell lies!
Hell, if you couldn’t believe a Pastor…then who could you believe?
In my opinion; if you couldn't trust a Pastor...you couldn't trust anyone.
“When will you be home?” I asked Shelton as I sat down in front of the computer.
“I’ll be home before the sun goes down, unless you need me to come home now,” he responded sincerely.
“No, I’m fine. I’ll see you later,” I said, and then we said our goodbyes.
Smiling at Mackenzie destroying the kitchen floor with her toys, I typed in Shelton's full name on a particular site on the web and what do you know…nothing.
At least there was nothing in South Carolina; older than five or six years for him.
There was no record of his birth, nothing matching his name and birthday.
It was just as if he'd popped up out of nowhere.
There were a few men with his exact same name and birthday but they were all showing pretty old in age, a million miles away...or dead.
Basically, there was no way that Shelton Cartwright was my husband’s real name.
My heart skipped a beat and I desperately tried to calm myself down.
I steadied my breathing and tried to think.
Okay, logically, I guess maybe with him being an orphan and all; maybe his name had been changed.
It was definitely a possibility and it would most certainly explain things.
That is, if he was ever really an orphan at all.
Hmm…who was I married to?
I sure as hell didn’t have a clue.
Next, I searched Dianna Forney.
And just like Shelton...nothing for her either; that was older than five years.
I double checked Bishop's story by searching him as well.
There was plenty of information on him, his church, his wife...and his three sons.
But just as he'd said; there was no daughter...no Dianna Forney.
It was as if neither of them actually existed.
I was as hot as hen piss!
I got up from the computer and headed to my secret stash for a glass, scratch that...the whole bottle of wine.
What in the hell was going on around here?
~***~
I lied to Shelton about not feeling well enough to attend church.
Will the lying ever stop?
Eventually.
Maybe.
The truth was, I had lost all respect for Shelton in a sense; and I didn’t want to listen to him preach.
He was a liar, and even though I wasn’t the most honest person, at least I wasn't calling myself a Pastor and preaching from a pulpit every Sunday morning.
I was just a side kick.
Shelton didn’t press the issue, and he and Mackenzie, headed to the church, leaving me behind.
If only there was someone that I could talk to, to help me come up with a whole bunch of maybe’s or possibilities and alternates to the truth; but I had no one---no one at all.
I just needed some answers to my questions.
There were so many things that I wanted to say but I couldn’t, or maybe it was that I shouldn’t…so I didn’t.
As I attempted to sort out my thoughts and feelings, Shelton’s phone on his side of the bed, began to vibrate.
He was going to have a fit when he figured out that he left it behind.
He never went anywhere without his phone.
Before I could pick it up, the vibration stopped.
I checked the call log and found that it was from a Private Number.
Scrolling down the list, there were numerous of Private calls; some missed…and some answered.
I held the phone, hoping that it would vibrate again, but of course it didn’t.
Who on earth would be calling him from a Private number?
Ugh...and the mystery continues.
Sadly, I was starting to feel like I was married to a complete stranger.
I’d always suspected that he may have had a few things in his past that he’d failed to mention; but who knew that he had a whole damn list!
Shelton had a closet full of secrets that little by little, were starting to surface.
All this time I wanted to know everything about Shelton and his past, and now...I wasn’t so sure.
Thoughts of Shelton and Dianna were running wild in my head.
Who were they...really?
Where did they come from?
Maybe they used to be lovers.
That was definitely a possibility.
Just thinking about it made my skin crawl.
No, it just couldn't be that.
Maybe they knew each other from his days as an orphan.
But then why would they lie about it?
Why would they lie about…everything?
About her being a Pastor’s daughter or about him ministering at the church she grew up in…everything?
I should have known that there was something else between them but I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I tried to avoid the rumors.
&n
bsp; I tried to believe whatever Shelton told me to believe because he was a saint…and not a sinner.
He preached every Wednesday night and Sunday morning.
He did everything by the good book.
He obeyed all of the Ten Commandments; so that meant that he couldn’t and wouldn’t lie to me---at least that’s what I’d thought.
So the real question was…now what?
Do I tell him that I know he isn’t who he says that he is?
Do I confront him about his lies or about Dianna, and St. Johns?
Or, do I just keep my mouth shut and continue living my life; a life with a husband who loves me and has never done anything to hurt me, at least not that he knows of?
If I called him out on his lies, it was only fair that I be honest with him about my own.
But was that something that I really wanted to do?
Was that something that I was really ready to do?
But from the looks of it...my lies were nothing compared to his.
Shelton hadn’t been the first man that I’d lied to.
I'd never been completely honest with any man, in my entire life.
Considering what I found out once Mama died about her lies about my Daddy; just maybe I inherited that horrible trait...along with these god awful, child baring hips.
For the most part, I lied because I hated to be judged.
I hated for someone not to agree with my choices, so, I’d always thought that the solution to it all was fairly simple…lie.
But on the flip side...I hated to be lied to.
It may sound a bit stupid, but it was the truth.
My truth at least.
I wanted more honesty than I was willing to give in return.
Mama would always say: Only do or say what you would want someone to do or say to you.
Let’s just say...Mama had a lot of advice that I failed to take…and evidently, she hadn’t taken all of it herself.
But at that moment, I made up my mind that it was time for the lying to stop.
It was time for both of us to come clean; about everything.
If we had any real chance of making our marriage work, it was time to start telling the truth.
Concluding my thoughts, finally I rolled out of bed, and headed to the bathroom but something just didn’t feel right.
I paused for a second to see if my head would stop spinning, but standing still only appeared to make it worse.
Just as I took my next step, my mouth started to water and I ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet to throw up.
Uh oh.
~***~
“I hope it’s a boy! I’ve always wanted a son,” Shelton squealed, rubbing my stomach.
That’s right, I was pregnant---and damn it, I wasn’t happy about it!
A baby?
Right Now?
This was the worst thing that could have happened to me!
We weren’t in exactly the best position to be having another child; whether Shelton knew it or not.
Our marriage wasn't exactly on stable ground, and a baby just made everything complicated.
Being pregnant still hadn’t changed the facts; but it had definitely painted a different picture.
I found out that I was six weeks pregnant, that same Sunday I missed church; at the hospital later on that evening.
Shelton and I never got the chance to have our much needed conversation.
Since the news, I was skeptical about laying all of our cards on the table.
What if he wanted to leave me because I wasn’t as pure as he’d thought I’d been?
And being married before...that was surely a deal breaker or at least enough to make him feel deceived.
What if he asked for a divorce?
Could I really do that to myself…and to my kids?
I had grown up without a father and I refused to do that to my own children.
A single parent home just wasn’t an option.
Still yet, keeping quiet also meant that I would never know the truth about Shelton.
I would never know who he really was or where he had really come from.
Most likely, I would never know how he and Dianna really knew each other.
And of all the things; that bothered me the most.
So, for now, the only choice I had was to pretend as though everything was okay.
“Well, you know if it is a boy...we’re done. No more babies mister,” I said in a serious tone.
“What are you talking about? I told you that I wanted a big family woman. Now if you tricked me into marrying you, the jokes on you. You owe me at least two more kids after this one,” Shelton joked.
I… tricked… him?
What a choice of words.
“Have you heard from Dianna---at all, since that day? I tried calling her, but I didn’t get an answer,” I asked deliberately changing the subject.
Shelton was silent for only a moment.
“No, I haven’t,” he responded nonchalantly, and started to kiss my lips.
It was obvious that he didn’t want to talk about her, so I said nothing else about her.
I allowed Shelton to have his way with me, but my mind definitely wasn’t on the sex.
And believe me…that was a first.
As always, once he was done, he was out cold. After he began to snore, I got up from the bed and sat in the chair beside the window.
Everything was so quiet and still; all except for the sound of crickets.
Staring up at the moon, I admired its beauty as I thought about my life.
The saying, if it ain't broke...don't fix it, for some reason kept popping in and out of my head.
Life had a way of pulling you in so many different directions, all at once.
You could only hope to choose the right path.
Lost in my thoughts, I almost missed it, but something forced me to pay attention.
Shelton was sleep talking...again.
Shelton talked in his sleep often; usually about nothing in particular, but as I paid close attention to the words that were coming out of his mouth, this time, it didn't sound too much like nonsense.
I'm sorry Maxi, please forgive me.
Shelton mumbled in his sleep.
I remained quiet.
I never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry.
It wasn't supposed to happen.
Shelton continued to mumble away.
Oh God, was he about to say something, something that I needed to hear?
Is this some type of confession?
I moved from the chair and sat on the edge of the bed.
I waited for Shelton to say something else...but he didn't.
He never meant for what to happen?
~***~
“Do you feel well enough to go to service today?” Shelton asked me concerned.
This baby was putting it on me!
It was definitely kicking my butt!
The morning, noon and night sickness was truly taking a toll on my body.
I was tired...so, so tired.
The pregnancy was literally draining the life out of me.
This baby was making me miserable.
“Yes, I’ll be there…late, but I’ll be there,” I said attempting to get out of bed.
Shelton helped me to my feet and stared at me as I made my way to the bathroom.
“Maybe you should stay home,” he suggested now standing in the door way with Mackenzie.
I didn’t say a word; I only waved him off.
I couldn’t wait for all of this to be over.
Once Shelton and Mackenzie were out of sight and out of my way, slowly, I pulled myself together and headed to the church.
I listened to the whole sermon from one of the sitting rooms in the back of the church.
After it was over, and after I puked for the tenth time, I headed into the sanctuary.
“Hey, I didn’t know that you were here. I thought you changed your mind and stayed home,
” Shelton smiled at me.
He tried to kiss me but I shook my head and grabbed my stomach, giving him a heads up that my breath may not smell the best.
Getting the hint, he frowned at me and then headed over to a few of the other members.
The Mothers surrounded me, and started giving me advice and remedies to make the pregnancy a little easier to deal with.
After a while, I tuned them out and my eyes wandered to the back of the church.
There she is…Dianna!
No…wait a minute.
That's not her...is it?
I stared at the lady at the back of the church wearing a bright red dress.
After focusing on her for just a while longer, I realized that it wasn’t Dianna.
But she looked a hell of a lot like her.
She was just as tall as Dianna was.
She was even the same golden brown.
But she wasn’t as pretty as Dianna.
She looked like her, sure, but a somewhat older version of her.
I stared a little longer and then it hit me.
Was she the same woman that was talking to Shelton a few weeks ago?
Was that the visitor; wearing what looked like the same exact red dress…the one with the questions about forgiveness?
Yes...that was her.
I'd only seen the back of her that time, but I was sure that it was her.
Shelton walked away from her in a hurry.
She stared at him as he walked away.
Her attention turned to me, and when she saw that I was already looking her way, hastily, she turned her head and headed out of the church.
Just before crossing the threshold, she put on a pair of sunglasses.
Sunglasses…
Wait a minute…
Had she been the woman that had tried to kill me?
I could see how she could have easily been mistaken for Dianna.
I mean, they did look a hell of a lot alike.
Then it hit me.
Oh my God…
Dianna had been telling the truth!
She was innocent; Dianna was innocent.
But who was this random, almost clone of a woman…and why had she attacked me in the first place?
I didn’t know…but I was going to find out!
And I was going to find out right now!
I headed toward the glass doors and the red exit sign, but Shelton stopped me mid stride.