Breathless

by Vanessa Marie

  She gave him a knowing look and he paled. "Hey pot, meet kettle."

  "I guess I deserve that." Joe reached for her hand. "We only kept it from you because you're not supposed to be under any more stress than you already are. I mean look, you're shaking."

  The sad part was that she hadn't even realized it. Her body had started revolting against her the last couple of weeks; she didn't even realize when she had the shakes anymore.

  Charlie looked over at Jules, who was a little too quiet. "What did he give you, Jules?"

  His head shot up from not expecting to be put on the spot. "Huh?"

  "What did he hand you? I saw him give you something before you slammed the door in his face."

  Reaching in his pocket, Jules pulled out a card. "His number. He said to call him if things changed."

  There was a lot to think about. The fact he wanted to apologize gave her hope that maybe things could change and he wanted to be a part of her life...of her daughter's life. Still, her gut told her she wasn't ready to let her guard down or if she was even close to letting him in.

  ✦✧✦✧✦✧

  "Please say something," Sam pleaded from the edge of the pool. After everything that had happened, there was no way anyone could have expected her to stay out of the water.

  Charlie floated on her back with the water dipping and rocking her body back and forth as she stared at the clouds in the sky.

  She wasn't ready to talk, but she wasn't really sure she even had a right to be upset with him. Hell; she wasn't sure she was even upset with him. She didn't really know how she felt other than numb.

  He'd come for her. Javier. The grandfather she's sought out and wanted to reconnect with more than she even knew until she saw him standing two feet in front of her looking back at her with the same eyes. Her bottom lip quivered and her nostrils flared as she thought about the last time she'd seen him…just standing there, doing nothing to protect her from the hate.

  "You. You...How dare you come to my home after what you took from me! That bastard father of yours took my baby from me and got knocked up with you. I told her to abort you. I told her your life was not worth risking her own, but she wouldn't listen to me…. You are evil. You shouldn't be alive. You shouldn't be on this earth. I buried my baby so you could live. I want you to live with the sorrow and the pain that I have. YOU killed your mother. Her blood is on YOUR hands."

  Gloria's words echoed in her ears making bile burn in the back of her throat. She swallowed hard trying to keep it at bay as she thrashed through the water to the edge of the pool and heaved, emptying the contents of her lunch all over the pavement.

  Sam was by her side in an instant. He pulled her out of the water like she was weightless as she broke out into hysterics. "Hey, hey... shhhh. It's okay."

  Disgusted with herself, she turned away from him and wiped a shaky hand across her mouth.

  "He didn't do anything. He just...he just stood there."

  Sam cradled her in his arms and carried her over to one of the lounge chairs. He wrapped a plush blanket around her and rubbed her arms trying to warm her up. "I know, baby. He's a coward."

  She'd been racking her brain trying to figure out why the hell he'd come for her now, after all this time. What had changed and why the hell did he have her followed?

  "I just don't understand."

  "None of us do, but I will do anything to fix this."

  It wasn't his problem to fix, but Charlie needed him to do something she was too weak to do herself. Leaning into his chest, she let out a shaky breath. "Will you go talk to him?"

  His body tensed and she was worried he'd say no. It felt like minutes passed before he finally answered. "You want me to do it? Are you sure I'm the right person to go?"

  Charlie pulled away from their embrace and looked at him with her tear-filled, pained eyes. She had to try to keep her voice steady. "There's no one I trust more to do this. This is about you just as much as it's about me. This is our life; I just don't think I have it in me to face him right now."

  "I love you," he said and kissed her forehead. The simple gesture made her melt every time. It was always a tender and intimate moment for them and she cherished every one of them.

  "I love you too."

  "I'll meet with him and I'll do my best to get to the bottom of him showing up. I promise."

  The baby flopped over in her stomach at the sound of his voice.

  She always did.

  The doctors had all said to avoid stress at all costs but how was she supposed to avoid it when that's all her life was?

  One giant cluster-fuck.

  "I know this is all really shitty timing, but can I ask you something I've always wondered?"

  "Hmmm?"

  "I know you'd never really had the desire to know your grandparents before, so what made you want to do it all of a sudden?"

  It was something she'd often wondered herself.

  "I don't know. That day at the dinner something just struck a chord with me when I saw those people with that little girl. Maybe it was because I was already pregnant and my hormones were going crazy and I just didn't know it yet." She paused to look up at him. "Once I found out I was pregnant, I'd hoped it would give them a second chance to get it right…that maybe they'd see they were wrong about my dad and they wouldn't make the same mistake with me as they did with my mom. I think in some weird way, the idea of them gave me hope, but I was wrong."

  Sam looked like he was contemplating everything she'd just said. "I don't think you were wrong. I think you were looking for something, but you were just looking for it in the wrong place."

  She knit her brows together in confusion. "What's that supposed to mean?"

  "I think you were looking for a sense of family by going there, but what you failed to realize is—"

  Charlie cut him off before he could finish. "I already have a pretty great one?"

  He nodded and pulled her into his chest wrapping his arms around her. "You do. You're surrounded by people who love you and would do anything for you."

  "Well, maybe we don't need to talk to him then."

  "I think you need closure one way or the other or it's always going to hang over your head. I'll call him tomorrow and set something up. Once and for all, the why's will be put to rest."

  There wasn't much more she could ask for. Why is what they all wanted to know.

  ✦✧✦✧✦✧

  Sam felt off. He was sitting at a different table than his usual spot at the cafe, but he wasn't about to share one of his favorite places with Charlie with a man that brought her so much pain.

  His foot bounced uncontrollably across his knee and his tea sat completely untouched as he waited for Javier to show.

  They'd agreed on two o'clock. Glancing down at his watch, it was one forty-eight.

  "Sam?" The somewhat familiar voice said from behind him.

  He went rigid and immediately stood, towering over the older graying man standing before him. Javier held his hand out for a handshake but Sam didn't reciprocate. He simply glanced at his hand and then gave him a hard stare.

  "Fair enough. Thank you for meeting with me. I assume Charlotte won't be joining us?"

  The hairs on the back of his neck stood as soon as he said her name.

  Charlotte.

  "No, she won't." He kept his answer short in fear of telling the guy to fuck off before he had any answers Charlie so desperately needed.

  Javier motioned to the chair across from Sam. "May I sit?"

  He nodded with a raised brow.

  Clearing his throat, Javier waited to speak until Sam sat back down. "I want to start by apologizing to you for invading your privacy."

  Sam wasn't sure how far in depth the PI's investigation had gone, but he didn't like the fact that anyone had been snooping around. "You had no right."

  "No, I didn't. I want you to know it wasn't malicious in anyway. I just…." He took a deep breath and looked around like he was uncomfortable. "I wasn't
sure how to approach her after everything that had happened. I wanted to find out everything I could about her life…everything I'd missed. I wanted to know who she loved, what she was doing, who she spent her time with, if Callie was still in her life…."

  The mention of Callie's name caught him off guard. "Wait, you know Callie?"

  A fond smile spread across Javier's worn face. "Of course. She and my Angie were inseparable from the time they were in junior high. I was always fond of Callie."

  "And did you come to a conclusion from your stalking?"

  "Yes. My daughter picked a better man than I gave her credit for. My granddaughter is the spitting image of her mother in more ways than one and I've made a lot of mistakes in my life."

  Sam leaned back in his chair and took a sip of his tea for the first time. He needed the distraction more than anything. He narrowed his eyes determined to cut through all the bullshit. "What I want to know how you could abandon your only child when she needed your support and then wash your hands of your only grandchild while she was fighting for her life. What kind of man does that?"

  "A coward," Javier admitted as a single tear streaked his olive cheek.

  He hadn't expected him to be so honest.

  "So why did you let your wife belittle her like that after everything she's been through? Do you know the kind of courage it took for her to seek you out?"

  Javier stared straight into Sam's eyes. "The single biggest regret in my life was not fighting for my daughter when I should have. The second was seeing what Gloria did to Charlotte because of her own guilt and grief. I will have to carry those things with me forever. It's too late to go back and change things with Angie, but it's not with Charlie.

  Charlie.

  He didn't have the right to call her that.

  Sam balled in hands into fists under the table and shifted his weight in the chair so he wouldn't pounce on the guy. "What makes you think you even deserve a second chance?"

  "Honestly? I don't. But I had to try."

  This guy was too much. Sam couldn't tell if his honesty was a ploy or if the guy was just that. Honest. "Why now? She came to you months ago."

  Javier shifted in his seat, looking uncomfortable again.

  Good. You should be, you asshole.

  "I had some things I needed to set in motion before I could come down here."

  His vague response had Sam ready to snap. He let out a long breath and willed himself to calm down. “And what would those things be? You had no issues with looking into every aspect of my life. So the way I look at it, you opened the door."

  "Fair enough. The day you came to the house, I'd already been on the phone with my attorneys. The wheels were in motion the moment she called the police." He paused like he was lost in thought, only to shake his head and sigh. "I made sure that everything I'd set up for Charlotte was protected and then I filed for divorce that afternoon."

  Sam's jaw dropped open. It was the last thing he'd expected to hear.

  "I've let her rule my life and ruin too many precious things I'll never get back. I'm not blaming her for everything. Don't get me wrong. I had my opinions about Joe. No, I didn't think he was good enough for my daughter, but I was wrong. I was too stubborn to see it and it cost me everything. With her showing up at my door, I had my second chance and I blew it. I think the shock of seeing her standing in front of me brought back so many memories of her mom and I just...froze."

  Here he was expecting to hate the man, but the only thing he really felt for him was pity.

  The despair in Javier's eyes was something Sam recognized in Joe's and he prayed it wouldn't be something that would be reflected in his.

  "I don't expect her to forgive me. Lord knows I don't deserve it. I just wanted you to know, the main reason I had her followed was to make sure she was doing well and that Gloria hadn't tried anything vindictive."

  That had Sam's attention.

  "Would she?"

  "I don't know how far she's willing to go, but I've already instructed my lawyers that if anything ever comes up about how your relationship started, it’s going to be squashed and never see the light of day." He gave Sam a knowing look.

  Sam wasn't sure if that should be something that gave him relief or if it should be taken as an idle threat. He gave Javier a menacing glare.

  "This is not meant as a threat, Sam." The look in his eyes was sincere but Sam still didn't completely trust him.

  "So what do you want, then?"

  "Nothing. You've given it to me. I only wanted the chance to explain. If she chooses to see me at some point, I'll be there. If not, at least I know I tried."

  Sam nodded. He wasn’t sure what else there was to be said. It was Charlie’s decision about what happened beyond this point, not his.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  "There you are," Sam said from behind her.

  Charlie glanced back over her shoulder to see him leaning against the doorway to the nursery, where she sat in the middle of the empty floor staring at the freshly painted lilac walls.

  "How long have you been in here?"

  She shrugged. It wasn't like she'd been keeping track of the time. "I don't know. A while."

  His footsteps echoed across the wood floor as he sat down behind her and pulled her into his lap. "Care to share with the class what's going on that pretty brain of yours?"

  The dread she'd been feeling for the last few weeks was back, no matter how hard she tried to keep it at bay. "What if all of this is for nothing?"

  "All of what, baby?"

  "The room. Decorating. A nursery. All of it. What if I don't make it that far, or what if I do but she doesn't make it home?"

  He nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck. "You can't keep thinking like that or you're going to make yourself sick."

  She sighed and felt the hopelessness wash back over her. It was like a weighed blanket she just couldn't lift off. "I can't help it."

  "Well, what do you want to do then?"

  "I don't want to decorate or buy a bunch of stuff. Can we just close this room off until we know for sure?" Her voice was desperate. She needed him to agree if only for her sanity.

  Sam kissed along the top of her shoulder. "We can do anything you want, but I think we should at least buy a crib to put in your room."

  "Our room," she corrected.

  He chuckled and squeezed her belly ever so slightly. "If it's our room, I guess that means I better start moving some of my stuff over here then, huh?"

  "Yeah, you better get on that."

  "Come on, let's get you out of here. Jules is coming over with pizza soon and he said something about watching a movie."

  Hopping up, Sam held his hands out to help her to her feet. His chivalry was one of those things she'd never get tired of.

  As they made their way downstairs, she asked, "Did you want to help me pick out a crib?"

  "I thought you picked one out already?"

  Charlie gave him another one of her signature shrugs and plopped on the couch, stuffing a pillow under her feet. That had become almost second nature and it was annoying. "No. I have it narrowed down to a couple of them, but I can't decide. I'd like to do it before Jules gets here and makes this a big deal."

  "Okay, where's your iPad?" He looked around the living room for her discarded device.

  Searching in-between the cushions, she found it and held it up. "Here."

  They pulled up the website she'd been researching on and decided on a crib and car seat. She ordered both for delivery that week and tossed her iPad on the other end of the couch when she was finished. "There, that's handled."

  "For now," he challenged.

  She rolled her eyes, not wanting to get into it with him. It was important to her to try to work through her emotions instead of sitting on them like a ticking time bomb, but it was still hard for her to do.

  Jules walked in the front door and the smell of pizza assaulted her senses, making her stomach protest in hunger. "Hey, losers. Did I mi
ss anything?"

  She glanced at Sam with pleading eyes and hoped he wouldn't say anything to Jules about the nursery. The last thing she needed was one more person trying to tell her that her feelings were unwarranted.

  "Nope, unless you count us doing it on your bed missing something," Sam retorted with a gleam of mischief in his eyes.

  Charlie wished that was the case, but he hadn't been allowed to come near her in months and she was pretty sure she was going to die from a lack of orgasms.

  "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response," Jules said as he dropped the pizza on the coffee table in front of them. He flopped down on the couch next to Charlie, but the pensive look on his face wasn't what she'd expected to see.

  "What?"

  "You're never going to guess who I saw when I was picking up the pies."

  There was only one person she could think of that would cause that kind of reaction.

  Javier.

  "Why is he still here?" She glanced at Sam.

  His brows pinched together in a tight line and he shook his head. It'd been weeks since they'd met up for their talk. She agreed with Sam that she almost pitied the guy, but at the same time, she wasn't sure that she was a big enough person to forgive him.

  Jules opened one of the pizza boxes and pulled out a slice. "I think he moved here."

  Fucking great.

  "Did he say anything to you?" Sam was clearly unhappy by the news.

  "Nah. I don't think he saw me."

  Charlie wondered if Sam knew he'd moved to town and just didn't tell her, but the longer she watched him, the more she could tell he was pissed that he didn't know.

  "Do you think you'll ever talk to him?"

  She picked up a slice and took a bite as she thought about it all and responded, "Maybe, Jules."

  The possibility was about all she could agree to.

  ✦✧✦✧✦✧

  Twenty-eight weeks turned into thirty-two. Fetal non-stress tests were done twice a week to check the baby's movements and make sure everything was okay. Charlie felt like she lived at the damn hospital as much as she was there.