Breathless

by Vanessa Marie

  Four days a week. It was too much. Heart check. OB check. Baby tests. Wash, rinse and repeat.

  It was the day of the fetal echocardiogram to check the baby's heart for any congenital problems she could've passed down, and her nerves were frayed.

  "Everything's going to be okay. We already know she's a rotten little shit like her mama, but she's not going to have your heart, all right?" Joe gave her a side hug.

  She almost felt claustrophobic in the elevator from her anxiety, but she wasn't about to complain because everyone had come to support her. Sam stood beside her, silently giving her encouragement with a squeeze of his hand.

  "Yeah," Jules chimed in from in front of her. "Who'd want a heart that cold and bitchy anyway?"

  Charlie kicked him in the calf and shot him an evil glare. Callie smacked him in the back of the head, too. "Be nice. She's stressed out and doesn't need your lip."

  Thank you, Callie.

  The door pinged and slid open to the maternity wing. They turned left off the elevator and followed the hall around the corner until they stopped in front of the registration desk.

  "Hi, can I help you?" The nurse smiled warmly.

  "Yes. I have an appointment for a fetal echo at 9:30." Charlie glanced at the clock behind the desk. They were fifteen minutes early. Jules always joked she'd be an hour early to her own funeral, which she found funny, even if no one else did.

  "Your name?"

  "Charlotte Evans."

  Jules cleared his throat and added in a sing-song voice, "Not for long."

  She donkey kicked her leg straight back and prayed he was standing within reach. Her prayers were answered when he cried out, "Son-of-a-bitch!"

  "Julian!" Callie scolded. She looked around out of obvious embarrassment from his outburst.

  He pointed at Charlie like a small child. "She kicked me."

  Sam leaned into him. "You poked the bear."

  Joe chuckled and just shook his head.

  The nurse peered behind Charlie wide-eyed. "I just need to see a copy of your I.D and your insurance card."

  Charlie produced both, not bothering to look behind her at her family. Her hands were already shaking and she felt like she was going to be sick at any moment. She swayed slightly as a sudden rush of lightheadedness rushed over her.

  The smell of Sam's cologne hit her before she felt his chest press firmly against her back and he grabbed both of her wrists.

  "You all right?” he asked in a hushed tone.

  She nodded not wanting draw any extra attention to herself. No one had noticed but him and she was thankful, since they would have made a big scene.

  "Here you go, dear," the nurse stated as she handed her cards back over to her.

  Sam took them from her with a gracious smile. "Thank you."

  "The waiting area is at the end of this hall on the left. They'll come out and get you when they're ready."

  Charlie gave her a slight nod in appreciation. "Okay. Thank you."

  "You okay to walk or you still off balance?" Sam whispered in her ear.

  Blinking a few times, she still felt off, but knew he wasn't going to let her go down. "I'm fine, just don't let go."

  They made their way to the waiting room and sat down. Jules, Joe and Callie were in some sort of semi-heated discussion she couldn't bring herself to care about. All it sounded like was mumbled background noise.

  She rubbed her belly is large, slow circles.

  We can do this, sweet girl. Please be okay. Mommy needs you to be okay. We can have a future but we need to do it together, okay? So, your little heart needs to beat like thumper and it needs to be strong. Please. Be strong. For both of us.

  "Charlotte Evans," someone called from the far end of the waiting room. Charlie got to her feet with Sam's help and turned to her family who were right beside her.

  "You guys have to stay here. You can't all come in."

  They looked dumbfounded like it hadn't occurred to them that all five of them weren't going to fit into a tiny exam room with a doctor, an assistant, and a big ass machine.

  "Well one of us get's to go in right?" Callie asked with that mama bear look in her eyes that wanted to protect her cub.

  "Charlotte Evans?" they repeated.

  "I'm here, coming," Charlie called out. She turned back to face them and grabbed Sam's hand. "Yes, one person gets to come. It's Sam, since he's the father."

  Apparently, that thought hadn't crossed their minds either. Without waiting for them to respond, she dragged Sam by the hand toward the person that had called her name.

  "I'm Charlotte."

  "Great, follow me. We're right down this hall."

  Once inside the room, she realized they probably could have all fit in there but she wasn't about to send Sam back out to tell them that. It was something she needed to face alone with him, as parents.

  "Hi, I'm Doctor Hope and I'm a cardiologist at Children's," she announced with a warm smile.

  "Hi," Charlie said.

  Sam held his hand out. "Hi. I'm Sam and this is Charlie. She's a nervous wreck, so don't mind her lack of manners."

  Lack of manners?

  Charlie glanced down and noticed that Doctor Hope had her hand extended for a handshake, yet she was oblivious. She gasped and finally shook her hand. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't trying to be rude. I'm just a little overwhelmed."

  "Don't be. It's completely understandable. I'm sure with your history you're familiar with this. It’ll take about twenty minutes and we should have a clear view of her heart and how it's developing.” Doctor Hope gave Charlie a pat on the knee.

  The swooshing noise on the monitor—the sound of a good, steady heartbeat—was like music to her ears. The sounds of a good steady heartbeat.

  They clicked buttons on the monitor and rolled the wand around her belly to push in when they got to the different spots they needed. It was uncomfortable at times, but she didn't care. Charlie would do whatever it took to make sure that Stella was okay.

  She'd hoped the doctor would give some kind of commentary on everything she was looking at, but they were only met with the sounds of whooshing and clicking.

  Charlie locked eyes with Sam a few times and they turned their attention back to the monitor together to watch their little stinker's heartbeat.

  After too long of a silence, the doctor finally spoke. "Well, I don't know how to say this than to just come out and say it…."

  Charlie squeezed Sam's hand to the point she was sure it was going to break and held her breath as she shut her eyes, preparing for the worst.

  "She's perfect."

  Perfect.

  Her eyes shot open and met his with the sudden urge to burst into tears.

  "She's fine? Her heart is normal? No tears, leaks, or gaping holes?" Charlie sputtered her words so fast she nearly choked.

  Doctor Hope smiled and cleaned the goop off her belly. "As far as we can tell right now, everything is exactly the way it should be. Her heartbeat is strong and there are no signs of any abnormalities. Now, they can't check for actual valve leaks until she's born, but I really don't think she's going to have any issues."

  With all the emotion she was feeling, Charlie did something unexpected, even for her. She pulled the doctor down into a tight hug. "Oh, thank you. You don't know what this means to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you."

  Doctor Hope laughed and pulled away. "Hey, all I did was the test. You guys made the baby, so it's his gene pool that saved the day." She sent a wink Sam's way.

  He nearly tackled Charlie on the table as they cried with joy.

  Perfect.

  She no longer thought it was a coincidence that the Doctor's name was Hope.

  ✦✧✦✧✦✧

  Thirty-two weeks quickly blurred into thirty-four. All Charlie prayed for is they could hold out for just was just one more week.

  "I don't really like what your blood pressure's doing," Doctor Cage said as she took the cuff off of Charlie and dropped the stethoscope fr
om her ears.

  Charlie rubbed her now protruding belly and prayed silently.

  One more week. One more week. Please, one more week.

  Tears pooled in her eyes as she looked back between Sam and Callie who were exchanging worried glances.

  "I'd like you to go upstairs and get an Non-Stress-Test while you're here," Doctor Cage continued while she was looking at something on her computer.

  " I have one scheduled for this afternoon," Charlie countered.

  No good…this is no good.

  Taking in shallow shaky breaths, Charlie's nostrils flared as she tried to keep her tears at bay. Her calmness had gone out the window earlier on, when she realized she hadn’t felt the baby move since the previous morning. Her kick counts were off, too, and that didn't sit well with any of them.

  Sam reached over and laid his hand across hers on her belly. His touch was all it took to calm her down a notch, but until she felt her flip flopping and acting like the circus performer she'd grown accustomed to, there'd be no such thing as calm.

  "It's going to be okay, baby," he tried to assure her.

  "Okay, the order is in. I'll have the girls call up so they'll know you're on your way up."

  This didn't seem to sit well with Callie, either. "Wait. What happens if she doesn't pass the test?"

  "Then we'll most likely admit her and induce early," she stated matter-of-factly.

  The dam broke.

  Tears spilled down Charlie's face in rapid succession as her bottom lip quivered trying to keep up with her heaving chest. She sucked in every ounce of breath she could but there didn't seem to be enough. It felt like all the air in the room was being sucked out.

  Immediately, Doctor Cage was on her knees in front of her.

  "Charlie, honey. Look at me. I'm not trying to scare you, but this is what we need to do at this point."

  She shook her head vehemently. "No…. She's not done cooking yet."

  Callie and her stupid sayings had stuck with her.

  "She's far enough along that she should be okay. We have one of the best neonatal units in the country and she'll be in the best hands possible if she needs it. Right now, though, you're my concern. Your blood pressure is too high and with her not moving, I need you to go upstairs."

  Sam's arm slipped around her waist and pulled her against him. He caressed her cheek with his thumb to wipe away her tears as she leaned her face into his palm. "We need to do what she's telling us. I got you. I'm going to be right there the whole time. You know everything there is to know about these tests. It's routine, so let's go up there and you can plan for the worst while I hope for the best."

  She snorted. "You know me so well."

  "Too well," he answered and kissed the tip of her nose.

  Doctor Cage patted her thigh. "You good?"

  No.

  Charlie nodded and looked to Callie with teary eyes. She wanted her Mom with her.

  It was unspoken, but Callie knew exactly what she needed and mouthed, "It's going to be okay."

  They called transport to take her to the next floor in a wheelchair. She wasn't sure if it was because they were afraid she was going to pop or die suddenly, but apparently they didn't want to take the risk.

  The test went just like it had every single time they'd gone for the previous eight weeks. They found the baby's heartbeat, got everything set, and then the little shit ran and hid. So what should have taken twenty minutes ended up taking an hour.

  However, unlike the previous tests, this time the techs weren’t pleased.

  “There’s not enough movement.”

  It was the last thing Charlie wanted to hear the nurse say, but they had to wait for the doctor to call the nurse back and see what she wanted them to do.

  Charlie watched the clock tick away on the wall until Callie finally broke the silence.

  "I guess this means I don't get to throw you a baby shower."

  Sam laughed and gave her a look of disbelief. "Did you really think she was ever going to let you throw her a shower?"

  "Well, I was just going to force it on her and she wouldn't have been able to escape," she admitted as she shot Charlie a guilty smile.

  It wasn't like it surprised her. Jules had told her that every time she went to the store she came back with something else for the baby.

  She had a serious problem.

  First grandchild syndrome.

  "It doesn't look like it's going to happen now. I don't even have my bag packed."

  Nothing's ready. I'm not ready. Oh, God.

  Panic started to take hold of her again as her heart thumped rapidly in her chest. The nurse came in before she had a chance to go into a full on panic attack.

  "The Doctor just called back and said you can go home. She wants you on strict bed rest until your induction next week."

  Home?

  "Wait, what? I get to go home? I thought you said the baby didn't move enough?"

  She shrugged and started wrapping everything up from the machine. "She said it was enough that she was comfortable with it, but she was very clear about the bed rest. Got it?"

  "We'll make sure of it," Sam said with a relieved smile.

  Tears streaked down Callie's face and Charlie was almost certain they were of relief.

  But if she thought for a second that she had the green light for a baby shower, she was dead wrong.

  ✦✧✦✧✦✧

  "Oh, come on! You can't tell me this isn't the cutest thing you've ever seen?" Callie squealed as she displayed yet another outfit on Charlie's bed.

  Callie may not have thrown a traditional shower, but Charlie was locked in a bed with nowhere to run.

  She was screwed.

  "Ohh! Did you see this?" She held up some sort or swaddling contraption.

  Jules and Sam chuckled from the couches. They were smart enough to stay as far away from the chaos as they could.

  "Jesus, what'd you do? Buy baby Gap?" Charlie surveyed the mounds of baby junk that had taken over her bed and the crib next to it.

  "No, but you're going to need all of these things and you're going to thank me when you have them instead of giving me grief, thank you very much."

  Charlie was grateful to have Callie to help her through everything. She knew she was going to need her more than ever once the baby was there. The thought of death had been pushed so far to the back of her mind that she hadn't allowed herself to think about it.

  "Help!" Charlie called out to the guys, feigning distress. "She's out of control."

  "She's my first grand baby. I am allowed to buy anything I want and go a little crazy, okay?"

  Charlie leaned back and yelled over to Jules. "Yeah, you hear that jackass? Mine's the first. So, she'll be the favorite. Your spawn will be the runt and always second best."

  Callie smacked the side of her thigh. "Oh stop it. Julian, I will love your spawn just the same." She giggled

  Spawn. Classic.

  His stride had purpose as he made his way over to the bed. "I'll show you spawn," he said hurling a pile of neatly folded clothes at her face.

  "Really, Julian? I just folded those." Callie smacked him in the arm.

  Turning to face Sam he shook his head. "We don't have to stay here and put up with this abuse!"

  Sam laughed. "It's not bothering me a bit."

  Narrowing his eyes at him, Jules huffed, "Traitor."

  Two days; that's all that was left until everything was going to change forever.

  Charlie leaned back against her headboard and folded baby clothes with Callie, absorbing every moment with those she loved the most. Joe walked in carrying bags of takeout, too, but he wasn't alone.

  Javier stood in the doorway to Charlie's room. He seemed like he was taking in every inch of the room and storing it to his memory like it was the only time he'd ever get to see it.

  The breath was sucked out of her lungs.

  "Why is he here?" Jules asked in a bitter tone.

  "Because I asked him to,
that's why," Joe said with an arched brow that challenged Jules to say something else.

  He didn't.

  Callie gestured to the living room area of the room. "You can come in, Javi."

  Charlie's eyes shifted to her in a hard glare. Had she known he was coming?

  A million questions swirled in her mind.

  When the hell had Joe started talking to him? What made him think it was okay for him to invite him over? Hadn't they all told her it was her decision whether she wanted to see him or not?

  She looked to Sam for help, but he wouldn't make eye contact with her.

  Son-of-a-bitch.

  He was in on it, too.

  They must have kept Jules out of the loop in fear he'd have told her and they would've been right.

  The silence was deafening.

  "Did you get any plates, Joe, or do you need me to run down and get some?" Callie asked.

  He frowned and looked between her and the bags of takeout. "It's Chinese, Cal. We usually just eat right out of the cartons with chop sticks."

  Disgust passed over her delicate features. "And what if someone else wants something that someone else has?"

  "They can grab it with the chop sticks."

  It was almost comical watching them argue over something so stupid. He was still and would forever be a Neanderthal, and Callie would try her best to teach him manners, but the part that pissed Charlie off is their usual song and dance wasn't usual.

  They weren't alone and Javier was still standing in the doorway.

  She needed to just get it over with.

  Looking directly at the old man, she didn't bother to hide her resentment. "So, when did you two become best friends?"

  Javier's eyes lit up at the sound of her voice. "I would hardly call us best friends."

  "Then what would you call it?" She wasn’t sure how she felt about him standing in her personal space.

  His lips pulled to the side as he looked like he pondered the thought. "An olive branch?"

  "And if I hate olives?" Who was she kidding? She loved olives, but he didn't need to know that.

  "I guess you have every right to," he said as the light he had in his eyes moments before fading.

  The baby kicked, hard, as if to tell her to stop being an asshole and just give him another chance. If her dad could do it after everything he'd been put through, she could too.