Damaged (Crystal Brook Billionaires)

by Blake, Jessica

  His hips went at a slow rhythm, driving deeper into me with each thrust. I ran my hands over and over his torso, reveling in his soft skin. Every part of him was tight and toned, flexing beneath my palms as he drove into me.

  “Jason,” I gasped into his mouth.

  He nipped at my lower lip, then moved his lips to the side, kissing along my jaw. He pushed deeper into me, filling me up to a depth I hadn’t known existed.

  The pleasure built in me again and exploded. I grabbed at his hair and kissed his neck, succumbing to the waves washing over me.

  He gasped into my ear then drew back, his body stilling but his weight still pressing down onto mine. I tilted my head to the side, my raw lips brushing against his.

  He tasted like warmth and release; he tasted like hope and opportunities, like the beginning of a dream I was finally opening myself up to.

  *

  When I woke in the morning, I was still on the couch. I was naked, but the thick quilt from the corner chair was draped across me. The fire still crackled, flickering with a fresh log.

  I sat up and rubbed my eyes. The bright sunshine slanting in through the front window betrayed that it was much later than my usual waking up time.

  Clinking noises came from the kitchen. I looked over the couch but could only see a sliver of the kitchen through the doorway across the hall. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, enjoying each memory from the night before as they came creeping over me in sweet succession.

  I stood and wrapped the blanket around myself. My clothes were in a neat pile on the floor near the couch, and I picked them up and padded softly down the hall.

  In my bedroom, I dropped the clothes in the hamper and grabbed a tank top and sweat pants. The back of the house was much chillier than the front, so I dressed quickly, wrapping the blanket back around myself before going into the kitchen.

  Jason stood at the stove, stirring something. At the sound of my footsteps, he turned around.

  “Nice blanket,” he smiled.

  “Thanks. I’m trying to start a new trend.”

  I sat at the little table in the corner. “You’re cooking? I didn’t realize I had anything in here that hadn’t expired months ago.”

  “It was hard, but I managed to pull something together.”

  “Hm. Impressive.”

  He turned back to the stove, and I studied his back. His hair was ruffled on the top, looking more out of place and better than I had ever seen it.

  I rubbed a sore spot on the side of my neck. “Did we really sleep on the couch?”

  “I guess so.”

  “Wow.”

  He glanced over his shoulder at me. “What?”

  “I can’t remember the last time I slept so well… and it was on a tiny couch.”

  His face softened. “I’m glad,” he whispered.

  I felt my cheeks heat up, and I glanced down, afraid that if I spent another second looking at him, I might jump up and charge him.

  “Hey,” I remembered, looking out the tiny window at the side yard. “It’s Christmas.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  I gnawed my lip. “I wonder if my parents are worried. I told them I would call if you wanted a ride back.”

  “I didn’t hear your phone ring.”

  “Oh my God,” I gasped, my hand covering my eyes. “Do you think they’re all there thinking that we hooked up?”

  Jason chuckled. “If they are, there’s not much we can do about it. And so what?”

  I groaned and dropped my head into my hands. “I don’t want my grandparents thinking I’m over here doing the dirty dirty.”

  “But what if you are?”

  I looked up and saw he’d taken a couple steps toward me. Reaching down, he took my hand in his and pulled me up to stand in front of him. The blanket fell from my shoulders as he pulled me close. Our chests pressed together, the meeting of our bodies already familiar.

  Jason ducked his head and kissed me. I smiled into his mouth, suddenly not caring anymore what anyone else thought or knew.

  “So what did you make?” I whispered.

  “An omelet.”

  I pulled back and stared at him. “No way. But those eggs…”

  “I borrowed some from your neighbor.”

  “Wow… which neighbor?”

  He nodded towards the window. “The ones right over there. By the way, I think she likes me.”

  I laughed, thinking of the fifty-something single woman who lived next door. “Julia? Oh, I’m sure she does. Did you go over there with or without a shirt on?”

  “With, but do you think she’d loan me some milk if I went over there half naked?”

  “Oh, definitely.”

  He kissed me again and then went back to the stove. “What do you want to do? Do you want to go back to your parents’?”

  I licked my lips and gave it a bit of thought. “We kind of need to. Have you seen my phone?”

  “It’s on the coffee table.”

  Grabbing the blanket, I went back into the living room and dropped it on the couch. My phone was where Jason said it was, half dead. There were no missed calls, but there were four text messages, all from Claire.

  Did you guys hook up? The first one, from the night before, said.

  And, then, an hour later: Are you having sex right now?

  Then thirty minutes later: You’re totally having sex right now.

  And then the one from an hour ago: Mom wants to know when you’re going to stop having sex and get your butt back over here.

  I rolled my eyes and called my sister.

  It rang and rang, and I almost hung up. At the last second, she answered. “Hey,” she whispered.

  “Why are you speaking so quietly?”

  “I’m in the downstairs bathroom.”

  “You answered while you’re on the toilet?”

  “No. I ran in here to talk in private. You’re going to tell me about all the sex you’ve been having, right?”

  “Mom didn’t really say that, right?”

  She laughed. “Duh. No. Are you coming back here or what?”

  “Yeah, we’ll be there soon.”

  “Okay, don’t forget to put your pants on.”

  “Bye, Claire.”

  I hung up and went back to my bedroom to plug the phone in to charge before heading for the kitchen.

  Jason was just finishing setting the table, each plate holding an omelet with diced tomatoes on the side. Behind him, the coffee pot cheerfully gurgled.

  “Wow,” I said, taking a seat.

  “How do you like your coffee?”

  “How do you even know I like coffee?” I teased.

  He smirked. “Seriously.”

  “Through an IV.”

  He grinned wider and turned around, opening one cabinet door then another before finding the mugs. “How about black?”

  “Is there any other way?”

  “You’re in quite the joking mood,” he said, filling a mug before handing it to me.

  “Maybe because I just talked to Claire.”

  “She can rub off on people.”

  “Or maybe it’s because of other things.”

  I gazed up at him, and we locked eyes. My heartbeat picked up, encouraging me to stand and wrap my arms around him. Instead, I just sat and looked, enjoying the simple sight of him. He reached down and rested the back of his hand against my cheek, trailing it down and across my jaw.

  “I had a dream last night,” he said.

  “Oh yeah?”

  He nodded slowly. “It was the same one I had the other night.”

  “Did it involve me?”

  He nodded again. Slowly. Sexy.

  “So tell me.”

  He swallowed hard, his eyelids fluttering. “We were at this beautiful house. It was spring time, and we were walking up the drive.”

  “Okay,” I said, wondering where the story was going.

  “I think it was our house.”

  I opened my mou
th to say something but felt utterly clueless. Not only that, my mouth was suddenly parched. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Like in the dream, you mean?”

  He hesitated. “I don’t know if it was just a dream.”

  A wave of nausea hit me. “Are you saying it was a premonition?”

  “Maybe.”

  “That kind of sounds exactly like what you’re saying,” I said dryly. I looked down at my lap, wondering if he noticed my sudden change in mood. He stepped away, though, retrieving forks from the silverware drawer, and when he turned back, there was a big grin on his face.

  “Thanks,” I said, forcing a smile as he laid a fork next to my plate. Did I need to say something? Or was I maybe reading way too much into the dream?

  He said it was a premonition. He said it was your house. He’s talking about marriage.

  I got busy cutting my omelet into bite sized pieces fit to feed a bird.

  “I told Claire we’ll be there soon,” I said to my plate.

  “All right. I’m ready whenever you are.”

  I ate quickly and then dumped my plate in the dishwasher. I felt Jason’s eyes on me, watching my every move. He had to know something was up.

  And it was cruel of me to not share my apprehensions with him, but I was terrified, experiencing the kind of fear that is like lead in your veins, weighing down your every thought and action.

  I wanted to get married one day. Yes, I did. At least I think I did.

  And hadn’t I been holding back in fear, waiting for the one person who could commit to me to come along.

  He’s standing right in front of you!

  And yet, for some reason I couldn’t figure out, I was terrified.

  “I’m going to take a quick shower,” I announced, still not looking at him.

  “Okay, I’ll clean up in here.”

  “Thanks.” I hurried down the hall, desperate to put some space between us.

  In the closed bathroom, I clenched the sink and looked into the mirror. What was wrong with me?

  “It’s too fast,” I whispered. “It’s moving too fast.”

  Yes, I’d wanted something real. But this whole idea of marriage… I guess it was too real.

  Maybe my desires were a whole lot more complicated than I’d thought they were. Suddenly I was rethinking and questioning everything.

  What was wrong with me? Was I really not the person I thought I was?

  I turned the shower on and stripped. How could I even begin figuring it all out?

  The kitchen was sparkling clean by the time I returned. Jason had his coat on, ready to go. I slipped into my boots and jacket, then felt in my pocket to make sure I had the house keys. I reached out for the doorknob, but he stopped me with a light touch on the wrist.

  “Is something wrong?”

  I froze. I couldn’t keep my fears from him forever. So when would be the right time to reveal them? Twelve hours after we’d gotten together seemed so cruel… but so did waiting.

  I needed more time to think things through. Needed more time to figure out how to deal with things.

  I loved Jason. In that moment, I knew it for sure. But I was also afraid, and all the love in the world wouldn’t be able to assuage such discomfort.

  “No,” I said, hating how one little world could make me into a liar.

  “Okay.” He seemed like he might say more, but he only reached over and opened the door for me, then held it while I walked through.

  The sun glinted off the snow drifts, making the town twice as bright as it had ever been. Several times, we passed groups sledding down yards and streets on hills, but other than that, the town was quiet, just like the two of us.

  Halfway there, Jason spoke up. “I feel like something is wrong, Gwen.”

  I curled my hands tight in my pockets. “I’m afraid,” I rasped. “I just… I need some more time.”

  I glanced quickly at him, but then away, unable to watch his eyes studying me.

  “All right,” he finally said. “Can I ask time for what?”

  “Time to figure myself out,” I flatly said, shaking my head. Tears sprang to my eyes. “I’m afraid I don’t know myself as well as I thought I did.”

  “Oh, Gwen,” he softly answered. “Why do you say that?”

  “Because,” my hands flew around in the air, “everything is rushing at me all at once, and it’s just really confusing.”

  Jason stopped walking and placed his hands on my shoulders. Behind him a pine tree towered up, its branches laden down with white fluff. “I love you, but I understand. If you need space, I’ll give it to you. I want you to be sure.”

  “I love you too.”

  He smiled at my words, but there was something sad resting behind his eyes. “I’m a little confused, though. I thought you wanted the opposite of space. I thought you wanted someone to count on.”

  “I do,” I nodded.

  “So what happened?”

  I blew out a heavy breath. “It was that thing you said about the dream or premonition, or whatever.”

  Realization dawned across his face. “That scared you.”

  “Yes.”

  “Ah. I see. And I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head. “Don’t be. You have nothing to apologize for. It’s all me.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  “But it is,” I nearly shouted. “I told you I was one thing, and now it seems like I might be another. Maybe I don’t really want a man in my life after all.”

  I couldn’t stand to watch the pain on his face, but I also didn’t allow myself to look away. I’d done the damage. I’d hurt him, and it was only right that I witness the destruction.

  His hand dropped from my shoulder. “Maybe you should take some time to figure yourself out.” His voice cracked slightly. “That sounds like it would be the best thing for you to do before we get any further into this thing.”

  I knew then what it was like to feel as if you were being torn in two.

  Jason turned and walked away from me. I watched him for a second, then followed.

  The space and the silence remained between us for the rest of the walk. Beyond the gate to my parents’ house, the Christmas tree twinkled in the living room window, calling us in to join it. Jason opened the door without knocking, and that simple action broke my heart.

  He’s at home here. My family has turned into his family… And I’m taking it all away.

  What was wrong with me? Was I really two people instead of one? Was that the explanation for it all?

  Or maybe I was just an awful person, doomed to do damage wherever I went.

  I took my time taking my coat off and hanging it up. I heard Jason in the kitchen talking with my dad, but their exact words didn’t carry. Something was different about Jason’s voice, though. It was tighter. His words came out faster.

  I’d probably hurt him just as much as I’d hurt myself, if not more.

  Before I could take a step, Claire came running down the stairs. Her hair flapped in a long braid, hitting her shoulder as she bounced like a jack rabbit. She pounced on me, grabbing my arm.

  “Did you or didn’t you?” she whispered.

  “Yes,” I replied sullenly. “Did Mom make Christmas pancakes? I need to go eat my feelings.”

  She frowned. “Was it that bad? I’m never wrong about those things. Maybe it was just first time nerves. It’ll be better the second time around.”

  “No,” I muttered. “It wasn’t bad. It was amazing. Where is everyone?”

  She shrugged. “Around. Waiting for you. Danny’s been freaking out because Mom said we couldn’t open any presents until you got here.” A mischievous grin snuck onto her face. “So what did Jason get you for Christmas? A nice big candy cane? What flavor was it?”

  I pushed past her and went to sit on the stairs.

  “What?” she asked. “He didn’t want to stick the candy cane in your gingerbread house?”

  I jerked my head towards the kitchen. “Be quiet,” I hi
ssed.

  She clamped her hand over her mouth as if suddenly remembering we were in the very middle of the house. She came to sit next to me, lowering her voice. “Did something happen?”

  “I don’t know if I’m ready for this,” I whispered. “I’m kind of freaking out.”

  “Huh? What do you mean? Did you stretch beforehand? You’re probably just out of practice.”

  “Can you please stop making jokes? I’m serious right now.”

  “Sorry.”

  I rubbed at my arm, feeling incredibly hot and itchy. “I thought I was ready for a guy in my life…”

  “Oh, Gwen,” she moaned. “Seriously?”

  “I’m just confused, okay? Don’t I get to be unsure about things every once in a while?”

  “You’re unsure about things most of the time. A man who loves you and is ready to be there for you is one thing you should be sure about.”

  “I told him how I feel.”

  “Ugh,” she groaned, throwing her hands in the air. “Well, damn. You just threw your own funeral. I can’t help you now.”

  “He said I should take some time to figure myself out.”

  “I bet he did.”

  I stared at the floor. Footsteps came from down the hall, and Mom appeared. “There you are! Do you need anything to eat? You’re all flushed. Did you get a chill? Let me make you some tea.”

  “I’m fine, Mom, thanks.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I nodded and a lump formed in my throat. As much as my mother got on my nerves, I also knew she was way too good to me. No way did I deserve her.

  “Well, let’s go open presents then.” She turned and called over her shoulder. “Harry! We’re all going into the living room.”

  Claire shot me one more look just to let me know how disappointed she was in me. I stood quickly, hurrying into the living room before Jason came out into the hall. Unfortunately, I got intercepted by my father.

  “Claire,” he said, making me jump. “Jason was just telling me where your car is.”

  “Yeah,” I sheepishly said. “It’s in between Queen and Monroe.”

  “We can go there later and try to pull it out.”

  Jason walked into the hallway, but I did my best to keep my eyes trained on my dad. “Okay. Thanks.”