Hopelessly Broken (A New Adult romance)

by Ward, Tamryn

  “Yeah. And I’m sorry for bringing down the mood.”

  “I asked, though. I asked what you would wish for.” He reached for her hand and took it in his. It was so small and delicate, just like the rest of her. If he could have one wish, it would be to have the opportunity to take care of her, to protect her and love her until his last breath. But, like her wish, he knew that one would never come true either. When she flipped her hand over he wove his fingers between hers.

  This was so right, being with her like this. Natural. Good. If it wasn’t meant to be, then why, oh why had he been given this case? Why hadn’t it gone to one of Samael’s other bound servants? Why?

  “What about you?” she asked, her voice soft.

  “I would…I would have you. I would have this.”

  That brought a little life to her eyes again. “That would be my second wish.” She motioned to the windshield. “The light. It’s green.”

  He hit the gas, and the car roared forward, toward his destination.

  He couldn’t make her first wish come true. He couldn’t grant her second either. But he hoped what he was about to do would make her happy.

  It was all he could do.

  He would give her everything. Everything she might have wished for. Everything he had.

  * * * * *

  The mall? He’d brought her to the mall? And not just any mall, the best mall in town—the one with the kind of stores she had never been in. The kind that carried the designer labels that advertised in fashion magazines.

  “What are we doing here?” she asked, shifting nervously in her seat. He couldn’t expect her to go in there.

  “I want to do something for you.”

  “Here?” She watched a woman stomp by on five inch heels. The shoes were crazy cool. The coat fit her slim figure perfectly. If they were a designer brand, she didn’t know which one. But the purse. Even she knew that logo. Louis Vuitton.

  “I don’t like this mall.” Feeling out of place, and conspicuous, she scrunched down in her seat. Her hand went to her hair. It was a mess. And her makeup… She’d hurried, thinking they would do something fun and casual. “What are we doing here?”

  “I wanted to buy you some things. Some nice things.”

  She smoothed her hair back. “But I don’t need Chanel or Louis Vuitton. I don’t go anywhere. What would I need with anything that expensive?”

  “But with cost comes quality,” he explained.

  “Oh really?” For the first time, she took a good, long look at his clothes. They were nice, she realized. Not fancy. But well-made and well-fitting. He had on a pair of dark-blue jeans and a black sweater. His black ski jacket looked warm but not particularly special. But she knew nothing about men’s coats. For all she knew it could be a thousand dollar parka. His boots were messy and salt-stained and worn. “You don’t shop here, do you?”

  “I do for some things, for the things that matter. Come on. I’ll take you to my favorite shops.” He tugged on her hand.

  She caught movement outside the car and whipped her head around to take a look. This time it was a woman and a child walking toward the door. Both looked runway ready. Perfect clothes. Perfect hair. Perfect accessories. “I can’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Look at me.” She extended her arms as best she could in the car. “I’m a wreck. Won’t you be embarrassed to be seen with me?”

  “No way.” His expression dimmed. “This is supposed to be fun.”

  “Yes, fun. Except I’m dressed like a homeless woman and this is the mall for the rich and beautiful.” Even as she voiced her objection, she was already talking herself into going in there with him. He looked so disappointed. Clearly coming to this mall and buying something expensive meant a lot to him. She didn’t want to ruin it.

  “You are dressed fine. Except maybe the coat. But you can take that off when we get inside. Or…” He shrugged his shoulders and she realized he was taking his off. He handed it to her. “Here, you can wear mine.”

  “But you’ll be cold,” she said, already tugging her old, ugly jacket off. This guy…where did he come from? Mars? Was he for real? He was too nice. Too generous. Too sexy. Too…everything. He couldn’t be real.

  “Nah. I’ll be fine. We’re only walking ten feet into the building. It’s hot inside.”

  The coat was beyond warm. It was so warm she didn’t even need to zip it. And it smelled really, really good. “I like this. I might keep it.” She pushed the car door open and stood.

  “It’s yours,” he told her over the car’s roof.

  “I was joking.”

  “I’m not.” They both rounded the rear of the car, walking toward the building. When they met, he extended a hand to her and flashed a smile that almost made her knees buckle. “Everything I have is yours if you want it. Everything.”

  He took her hand in his and together they walked inside the building.

  Instantly she felt underdressed. The place was spectacular. All shiny and sexy and luxurious. She’d never been in this mall. There’d been no reason to go. She didn’t buy luxury handbags or designer clothes. She hadn’t realized a mall could be so spectacular.

  She muttered a little, “Wow” as she let Aeron lead the way. They tromped past the Louis Vuitton store and Michael Kors and BCBG MaxAzria. Every now and then she’d recognize a store or brand from the racks at her favorite resale shop. Burberry. Ralph Lauren. Kate Spade. Much to her chagrin, she noticed all of the shoppers were dressed very nice, much better than she was. She was grateful when Aeron finally pulled her into a shop, where she wouldn’t be so visible.

  “This store is my go-to stop for most everything,” he told her.

  ‘This store’ was Neiman Marcus. She was a Walmart girl. This was out of her league.

  Clearly familiar with the store’s layout, he led her to the ladies’ section and stopped in the center of the aisle. “Pick out anything you want. A new coat. Shoes. Clothes. Whatever you need.”

  “But, like I said, I don’t go anywhere…” Her gaze wandered around the racks. Everything looked so fancy and expensive. She lived in twenty dollar yoga pants and oversized men’s hoodies. Where would she wear a…” She wandered up to the nearest rack and took a peek at the first price tag she touched. Where would she wear a two hundred dollar sweater? Grocery shopping? That was the only place she went these days. “Aeron, this is very nice but I don’t need expensive clothes.”

  “A coat,” he stated. “You need a coat.”

  “Sure, but--”

  “Let’s take a look.” He pulled her down the aisle, stopping in the women’s outerwear department. “What do you like? Bright colors? Black? White? Would you like a ski jacket like mine?”

  She snugged his coat around her. “Yours is nice. I like yours.”

  “This way.” He led her to a rack of fluffy ski jackets like his. “Pick one. What do you like?”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” She gravitated toward the red coat with the fur-trimmed hood. “I guess this one is nice.”

  He pulled her choice off the hanger and held it for her as she took off his coat and tried it on for size. It fit perfectly and it was snuggly warm.

  Then she looked at the price.

  Her heart literally stopped.

  “No way.” She couldn’t get the coat off fast enough, though she did it carefully. If she tore it she would have had a panic attack. She shoved it into his hands. “That coat costs thirteen hundred dollars.”

  “It’s a good coat. It’s the same brand as mine. Which you said you liked. A good coat is worth the money. They’re made better--”

  “Sure, it might be a good coat. And it might be made better than a cheap coat. But it costs thirteen hundred dollars. One thousand, three hundred. It’s too expensive. We need to leave. I can’t justify spending that much money on only one thing, even if it is nice.”

  Where was the exit? She needed to get out of this place now. She looked left. She looked right. She looked at Aeron.
r />   God, he was blinking big sad eyes at her.

  Her shoulders sagged. “I’ve ruined your fun.”

  “No, of course you haven’t.”

  She glanced at the red coat again. That pile of material and duck down cost over a thousand dollars. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t let him buy her that. But she didn’t want to spoil his day or seem ungrateful. What he was offering was so sweet and kind. She had to make sure he knew how thankful she was. “Aeron, nobody has ever offered to do something so kind or generous for me before. I’m blown away. But I can’t accept such an expensive gift.” His shoulders drooped. “But I can offer a compromise.”

  He perked up. “I’m listening.”

  “If you take me to Walmart, I promise I’ll let you spend some money. Some. Not a thousand.”

  “How about I decide how much I spend?” he countered. He was one stubborn, determined man.

  “I guess I’m okay with that. But you know I can’t pay you back.”

  “I don’t care about that. I wouldn’t ever accept money from you anyway. So we have a deal?” He offered his hand. “Shake on it.”

  She shook his hand. And then, in the hopes of making those sad eyes look a little less sad, she kissed on it too. Just a little, quick kiss.

  It worked.

  Twenty-two

  They pulled up in front of the house at three-thirty, less than fifteen minutes before Logan got home. Despite the guilt of letting Aeron spend over two thousand dollars on stuff for Logan and her, Jenn was happier than she’d ever been.

  The time had flown by. She’d laughed with Aeron and joked with him and flirted with him. He was silly and funny and romantic.

  He was, simply put, her dream-come-true.

  In between stops at stores, they kissed until her head spun so fast she didn’t even know her name anymore. In less than a day she’d fallen completely and hopelessly in love with Aeron. And, based on the way he looked at her, she was pretty sure he’d fallen in love with her too.

  When they got home, she hurried in with an armload of clothes and household goods, hauled them up to her room and dumped them on her bed. Aeron was behind her, his arms piled with new stuff too. Cojack scampered around their feet, yapping happily.

  “I can’t believe I let you buy all this stuff,” she said, staring in awe at the mountain on her bed. Still barking, Cojack jumped up on the mattress and clambered to the top of the pile. “I shouldn’t have let you—“

  “Jennifer, stop.” Aeron grabbed her arms and jerked her against him. Then, no doubt in an effort to make sure she didn’t say another word about the money, he smashed his mouth on hers and kissed her until she couldn’t think straight. She wobbled. She whimpered. She kissed him back.

  “Whoa! What’s all this stuff?” someone said.

  Aeron was kissing her. His lips and tongue were busy. He hadn’t said that. The voice was too high anyway.

  Logan?

  Logan!

  She broke the kiss. “Hi Logan.” Her voice was shaky. And her knees were soft like marshmallows.

  “Hey Logan. Check it out,” Aeron said, not sounding shaky at all. “Your sister and I bought you some things today.”

  Logan was standing in the doorway, holding Cojack. “You bought something for me? Cool! Did you buy me a new bike? Mine is broken.”

  “No, not today.” Aeron pulled a bag from the pile and sifted through the contents. “But if you want a new bike, we can get you one—“

  “Aeron,” Jenn interrupted. “Haven’t you done enough?”

  “Just one more thing, Jennifer. Just one more.” He gave her more sad puppy eyes.

  So did Logan.

  Good grief.

  She didn’t stand a chance against those two.

  Admitting defeat, she lifted her hands in surrender. “Fine. A bike. But that’s it. I mean it.” She poked an index finger at Aeron. “One bicycle.”

  “One bicycle.” Aeron nodded his head. But she saw something devious in those eyes of his. “I promise.”

  “Yay!” Logan hopped up and down like a monkey. “I’m getting a new bike! When? When can we go buy it? Can we go right now?”

  “It’s too cold to ride bikes, Logan,” she argued. “We don’t have to get it right this minute.”

  “But I want to!” Logan said, still hopping up and down. Aeron handed him a sweatshirt with a big Batman logo on the front. “Oh! Cool! Jimmy was wearing a shirt like this yesterday. Now I have one too!”

  “There’s more, buddy. Check it out.” Aeron set a bag on the floor so Logan could reach it.

  Logan dove in, yanking out one item after another, squealing in delight. Aeron had picked out almost every single piece. Clearly, he had his finger on the pulse of third-grade fashion for boys. When he hit the bottom of the bag, he launched his whole body at Aeron, sailing through the air as if he’d been flung from a catapult. “Thank you!”

  Aeron smiled at Jenn as he said, “You’re welcome, Logan. If I could, I would have done more.”

  “You’ve done plenty,” Jenn said. “Look at all of this.”

  “It’s nothing. I want to give you everything you’ve ever dreamed of. Everything I have.”

  She placed her hand on his. “You know what I want, Aeron. Stuff is nice. It’s great. But what I really want is you.”

  “The only thing I can’t promise you.” Aeron’s eyes reddened. He blinked several times. “If I could…if only…”

  “It’s okay,” she lied. It wasn’t okay. It simply wasn’t. This was so effing unfair she wanted to scream and throw things and tell Aeron’s boss to fuck himself. “We’ll make the most of the time we have left.”

  Logan’s little arms visibly tightened around Aeron’s neck, and Aeron closed his eyes and hugged the boy. “Yes, that’s what we’ll do. Make the most of what time we have left.”

  * * * * *

  Keeping true to their word, Aeron and Jenn spent the remaining days making the most of every minute that was left. They spent their days laughing together, making snowmen and snow forts and snow angels with Logan. They spent their nights touching and kissing and holding each other, exploring each other’s bodies and trying to commit every single inch to memory. On Monday, Jenn kept Logan out of school so he could spend Aeron’s last day with him. They all sat in Logan’s room and read his favorite books. They talked about angels. They played hide and seek. None of them dared mention the fact that Aeron would be leaving in less than twenty-four hours. It was too painful to even think about, let alone say aloud. When Logan’s bounce finally wore off and he fell asleep, Aeron took Jenn’s hand and led her to her bedroom. He gently removed her clothes, taking his time to kiss and stroke every inch of skin he exposed. Then he made slow, sweet love to her, over and over again until the sun rose and her alarm buzzed.

  Her heart stopped as she glanced at the clock’s glowing red numbers. “I can’t do this.”

  “I’ll help.” He pushed out of bed.

  Eyes watering, she watched him circle around to her side and extend his arms. This wasn’t fair. She could barely stand to look at him now. He was so beautiful, so perfect. Perfect body. Perfect face. Perfect heart. Perfect soul. She couldn’t lose him. Not now. Not ever.

  Unable to stop the tears, she blinked, sending them trickling down her face. She placed her hands in his. He pulled her into his arms and she closed her eyes and just breathed. They were flush against each other, his hard, hot body against her soft one. Skin against skin. To think she would never again feel this. Would never again taste his kiss. Would never again hear the slow, steady thump of his heartbeat.

  She wanted to die.

  “Take us with you,” she pleaded. “I don’t care where you go. I have to be with you.”

  “I…I…don’t know if it would be fair to take you with me. I move every twenty-eight days. You wouldn’t have enough time to make friends or settle down. No place would feel like home.”

  “Not even this place will feel like home once you’re gone.”
She tipped her head back, meeting his gaze. “You don’t want me to come?”

  He dragged the back of his hand down the side of her face. “I do. More than I can say. But…there are so many things to think about.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like what you need. What is best for you.”

  “You are what’s best for me. Aeron, I love you. I want to make you happy. I can’t stand the thought of you leaving and being alone, lonely. Without anyone.”

  “God, Jennifer. Could you be any more perfect?” He cupped the back of her head and kissed her fiercely. His tongue shoved inside, caressed hers until she couldn’t breathe and she had to cling to him to stay on her feet.

  A knock on her bedroom door cut the kiss short.

  “Jenny, do I have to go to school today?” Logan shouted through the locked door.

  Reality. It was waiting for her. Out there. On the other side of that door. Cold. Lonely. Depressing reality.

  “I would die for you,” Aeron said, kissing the top of her head. “I wouldn’t think twice about it. But making you live like I have the past ten years…? I don’t know. I…love you too much to do that to you. I love you so much that I have to let you go.”

  His words sliced through her like a razor. No. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t be. “If you really love me, you wouldn’t be able to let me go. Because if you say goodbye, you will destroy me.”

  “Jenn, please don’t say that.”

  She clung to him, arms gripping him tightly. She pressed her face against his chest. “It’s true, Aeron. I’ve already lost so much. My mom. My dad. You and Logan are all I have in this world. And I know someday Logan will leave. He’ll grow up and get married and start a family. If I lose you…”

  He cupped her chin and lifted it. “You have to keep living, keep hoping. Jennifer.” He groaned, shook his head. “If this is what you need me to say… I’ll find a way. I’ll do whatever I have to. But it might not happen right now. You can’t give up hope. You can’t give up.”

  She could barely see now, the tears were flowing so hard and so fast. She nodded. It wasn’t what she’d wanted to hear exactly, but he had told her he would come back for her. He had given her hope.