by Royal Blue
I take a few minutes to observe her. She looks winded. Her skin is uneven, and she looks smaller than she was the last time I saw her. I’ll be real. She doesn’t look well at all.
Aunt Bethany pulls a handkerchief from her purse and starts to dab at her forehead. Guilt rises. Savanna and my mama would still want me to be civil to this woman. I clear my throat, pushing off the door.
“Can I get you something to drink?” I ask.
“Please, baby. Some water,” she says softly.
Her words paralyze me for a moment. I remember when she was this gentle with me as a boy. There were times when we first arrived in her home that she was comforting and loving.
I shake it off and go to get her a glass of water. I rinse a glass, stopping to grab the edges of the sink. I drop my head between my shoulders and take a minute to collect my thoughts. I feel like an elephant has taken residence on my back.
As much as I want to hate that woman out there, she’s my aunt. The last blood relative I have outside of Mas. She looks as bad as Savanna did near the end. I can’t ignore that as much as I would like to. Pain rocks my body as I think of all my sister went through. I made sure she had the best to ease her pain.
Aunt Bethany has nothing. From what Mitch says, they haven’t released the insurance money yet. Until seeing her like this today, I told myself I didn’t care. Now, I can’t say that with a straight face.
“You always did take your sweet time,” I hear behind me.
I turn to find my aunt sliding onto one of the barstools at the kitchen island. I move to put water and ice in the glass from the refrigerator door. Placing the glass in front of her, I take the seat next to her.
“I didn’t come here to upset your life any more. I’m in no shape to take that child from you. I didn’t want to go through with it in the first place. When I found out Rodney gambled the deed to the house away and I couldn’t pull the money I needed from it, I was crushed. Then that man showed up offering us all kinds of help and information—” She breaks off to give a dry cough.
She lifts the glass with a shaky hand to take a sip of the water. Her hands are so frail.
“Don’t,” she whispers. “I don’t deserve your pity.”
“Why are you here?” I ask.
“I did my sister’s children so wrong,” she says on a small sob. “I didn’t want to believe the things you two said. Rodney was the only man I ever knew. He sweet-talked me right out of my mama’s home. Mama told me he was the devil in a dress suit. I was grown and knew it all. I wanted to be married like my big sister.
“Your daddy was so good to her. He worked so hard for you all. The night they were killed in that car accident, your father was going to tell her he got a promotion that was going to allow him to be home more, to spend more time with you kids. I knew because he’d come to me, planning something special and asked me to babysit.
“I was so jealous. I had a husband that took me to church every Sunday. He was adamant about our following the Lord, but when he wasn’t home, I knew he wasn’t working hard like your daddy. I was so guilty when your mother died.
“I couldn’t have kids of my own, so I thought the Lord was punishing me for my jealousy by making me raise my sister’s kids. You two were so perfect. It was killing me to sing you to sleep at night, braid your sister’s hair.” She stops for another coughing fit.
“So you let him abuse us because you hated us?” I say to my hands in my lap.
She sips the water quickly, then shakes her head.
“No, no, no. When I tell you I didn’t know, I truly didn’t see what was going on. I knew he was stepping out on me. When your uncle started bringing me weed and alcohol, I thought he was just trying to distract me from the woman down the block he’d gotten pregnant. At that point, I was so low, I never thought it was to take my focus off of you two.
“He’d feed me that shit, then tear me down and tell me to go to church to repent for my weak and sinful ways. I hated that man, but he always gave me enough of everything to be content. I never learned how to be on my own. I never had a job. I never paid a bill in my life until the month after that man was murdered. I had two children to look after. I couldn’t leave him.” She stops as tears roll down her face.
“You really didn’t know?” I ask with disbelief dripping from my words.
“I should’ve seen the signs. Now, when I think back, I know I should have.
“I wasn’t going to take you two at first. I didn’t feel I deserved you. He had me sold on the dream of finally having the children we always wanted. He had an entire family down the block. I thought if we were the perfect family he’d choose to take care of us, not them. It’s why I started being so hard on you two. I was so selfish,” she sobs.
“I won’t deny that,” I mumble. “Why believe me now? Is it because he’s dead?”
“That day… when you told me what he made you do. I… I wanted to believe you were lying. I went home and prayed that you were lying. It was in the middle of praying that I lost my mind and started tearing the bedroom apart.” She gives a bitter laugh.
“Be careful what you ask the Lord for. I found a hidden hole in the wall. That son of a bitch had pictures of you as a little boy, naked. My sister’s precious baby boy. That motherfucker was touching you from damn near the time you entered my home. Then I found pictures of your sister and others—other children, women, men—”
“You can stop.” I hold my hand up.
“I need to tell you this,” she presses. “I never agreed to take Mas. I never signed those papers to take him from you. Rodney went behind my back and did all of that. The day I found all of that shit, I gave up trying to save my life. I had no use for that money. This is the least of what I deserve. But that son of bitch wasn’t going to be left on this earth to bother you for another minute. I had planned to pour bleach down his throat in his sleep.
“What time do I really have left? I would have gladly finished my days in prison. That still wouldn’t be enough to right what I did or what I allowed to be done. But that smug-ass lawyer came back and said he’d take care of Rodney. All I had to do was get him to the location he gave me,” she reveals.
“But why would he do that?” My brows furrow.
“I think Rodney was threatening him for more money or to get the money that was promised to me if I went through with taking Mason,” she replies.
“Okay,” I say, looking up from my hands. “But why shame me for being gay? Why’d you take me to that church and make me feel like I was the most disgusting human on earth?”
“Damaged people damage people. I thought I did something to mess you up. I had failed my sister and her children. I truly believed God would fix you—”
“I wasn’t broken!” I bellow. Tears stream down my face. “Being gay wasn’t what needed to be fixed. I didn’t need God to make me straight. I needed to get away from your husband. For so long in my life, I didn’t want a man or a woman. I couldn’t stand to be touched. That has nothing to do with being gay. It had everything to do with being raped and molested repeatedly.”
I point to myself and continue.
“I’m a praying man. I talk to God daily. Never once have I felt in my spirit that He doesn’t love me because of who I love. You had that pastor try to break my soul because you thought I was gay. You never asked me, you never talked to me about it. I told you I wasn’t because I didn’t realize that I was. I was thirteen! I’d been confused about sex and relationships for years. Had you talked to me, you could’ve helped me understand my way through it all.
“You took that monster’s word for it. Your husband fed you that shit to taunt and abuse me and you threw me to the wolves to quote unquote fix me,” I say angrily.
“And I will forever be sorry for that,” she murmurs through her own tears. “We always take the most beautiful things and destroy them. I did that with God, you, and your sister. You’ve built a beautiful life for yourself. You were there for Savanna when she nee
ded you, and you’re doing a wonderful job with her boy.
“That—” She points to my heart. “That’s a blessing from God himself. You have a heart of gold. You always have, you always will. I didn’t come here for forgiveness, but I wanted you to know I’m sorry—”
“Well, you’ve said it.”
She purses her lips and nods her head. Lifting her handkerchief she wipes her eyes. I don’t know how to feel. I have so many warring emotions going on inside me.
“You’ve always been just like your mother. I never learned my lesson. I envied a child, and because of that I lost the opportunity to be the mother I always wanted to be. That’s the real reason I treated you so poorly. This is a house of my own creation.” She laughs bitterly.
I feel my brows wrinkle and my head jerks back. The one emotion that becomes prevalent is pity. Not because she’s dying, not because she’s sick. I pity her because she’s sitting here admitting that many lives were ruined because that narcissistic spirit lives inside of her.
“Thank you,” I hear myself say.
She looks up at me, confused. I, on the other hand, have never seen things clearer in my life. I feel like I’m seeing life for its true meaning as I sit here.
“For?” she asks.
“Showing me that it’s not about me. There are bigger things in this world, people who need us more than we need to please ourselves. Mas deserves better than me protecting me or me pleasing me. Thank you,” I say.
“I know I had nothing to do with it, but you’re a great man, Kyle. Nothing and no one can take that away from you,” she says and stands. “Whoever you find to love will be blessed to have you.”
“I know I am,” I hear Andy say.
I turn to see him standing a few feet away. I get up to walk over to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. I place a kiss to his forehead before turning back to my aunt. I’m surprised when I don’t find a look of disgust on her face.
“I’ve said my piece. I won’t disturb your life anymore,” she says.
“Aunt Bethany, wait,” I huff.
Maybe we can find a treatment for her that will help. I can do some research and make a few calls for her. I go to tell her as much, but she raises her hand.
“I’ve been sick for years. I won’t waste your time or your money. I didn’t come here for that. All I ask is you don’t let them bury me anywhere near that man. If my punishment is to see him in hell, so be it, but I will not have my bones lying next to that piece of shit,” she mumbles.
“You sure have been cursing a lot the last two times I’ve seen you,” I tease.
“I’m sure you’ve heard worse. Besides, who’s gonna spank me? My mama been long gone,” she says with a ghost of a smile. The small smile wobbles before she places her next request. “Can I say bye to the baby?”
“Sure.” I nod. “You can say hi.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE: REVEAL MY HEART
Andy
AS MUCH as Kyle’s Aunt Bethany hurt him, he still had empathy for her. This loss has rocked him. She died a few days after she appeared at the house to see him. When he received the call, he sobbed like small child.
He has shut down a bit since. I’ve been waiting him out, which is why I was thrown when the guys arrived this morning and said that Kyle had asked them all to come over. In fact, I was hurt. I thought when he was ready to open up it would be to me, not his group of friends.
I’ve tried not to let it show, but I don’t think I’m doing a good job of it. Everyone is in the living room waiting for Kyle to come out, and I’ve been in the kitchen pacing. I asked the chef to make us all breakfast, and I’ve remained in here pretending to help.
“Yo, And,” Kyle calls from the living room.
“Yeah,” I reply.
“Come here.”
I roll my eyes but turn for the living room. I enter the spacious room where I left everyone after letting them in. I stop in my tracks. I’d been so angry I didn’t notice everyone had arrived in white linen shorts and buttons-up shirts.
How did I miss that?
Now, they are all standing around the living room with light green roses in their hands, holding them over their hearts. They look like white knights, a legion of gorgeous forbidden angels or gods as Mas would call them. Confusion covers my face. I look from side to side, searching for Kyle to figure out what’s going on. Blitz’s bark grabs my attention. I turn around to find Kyle, Mas, and Blitz standing behind me. Both Kyle and Mas have green roses in their hands.
“These are my brothers, my family, the people I trust most in my life. When I need to build, I sit down with them. They help me make my best decisions. If I fall I know I can count on one of them to lift me up. There was a time I was good with that—only having my brothers as my counsel.
“Then life decided I was ready for more. That I was ready to expand my family, to grow my circle of trust. When Mas asked me when we were going to be a real family, I didn’t know what to tell him. I thought about it long and hard.
“The answer I came up with is… we already are a real family.” He says the last part as he digs into his pocket and pulls out a box. “Mas also gave me some great advice. He told me I should ask you to marry me. I think the kid is a genius—”
“Kyle,” I choke out like a warning.
“Hold on, baby. I’m not finished. I thought his advice was genius, so we went out ring shopping. Then I called my counsel, my brothers, and my family.” He takes a pause in his words.
I wrap my arms around my middle to hold myself together. My family starts to enter the room all dressed in white, holding the same green roses as everyone else. My mother, my dad, and my siblings. Daphne and Emma are right behind them.
“You see. My life has been filled with abundance since I met you. I didn’t realize it until I looked around at all my blessings. Green roses are a sign of abundance, of constant rejuvenation of spirit, the renewal of life. You bring me a constant renewal. Every time I look into your eyes, I feel rejuvenated.” He takes another pause, handing Mas the rose he’s been holding.
Everyone comes forward one by one, starting with Mason, placing the roses at my feet. Kyle begins to fill the space with the perfect melody as he croons with that rich deep voice of his. I start to laugh, a big smile taking over my face as he sings about not wanting to be right if loving me is wrong.
He once said that our love could fill a room. I can definitely feel the love everyone is sharing with us. When everyone has placed their rose down and cleared the way, Kyle is standing before me.
He lifts a hand to swipe a tear from my cheek. Still singing in that soulful voice, he locks eyes with me. Belting out the last note, he drops to one knee before me.
“I want to make my decisions with you. I want to come to you when I’m thinking about building in my life. I want to raise Mas with you and be the family we were meant to be. Andy, will you marry me?” he asks, opening the box in his hand to reveal a ring.
“Yes,” I try to say through my clogged throat.
Kyle slips the ring onto my finger, lifting to his full height to cup the back of my neck and kiss me just the way he did the very first time. Only this time, I know who I am. I’m confident in the person that stands before him, and it’s all because of his love.
“Now that’s how ya do it,” Mitch cheers.
We break our kiss as the entire room bursts into cheers and laughter. Kyle wraps his arms around me, hugging me hard enough to crush me. I embrace him just as hard.
“I have an announcement to make,” Kyle says to the room. “I’ll be retiring from the NBA. Andy and Mas are more important to me. I think it’s time I do something else.”
I pull away and look up at him. I know my face has to reveal my shock. He shrugs as if it’s no big deal. I know it’s not that simple. He loves to play. I can’t believe he’s making such a huge sacrifice.
He dips his head to place his lips to my ear. “I love you and Mas more. It’s time I focus on the things that matte
r most,” he says, kissing the shell of my ear.
“As long as you’re happy,” I say, searching his face.
“You said yes. I’m good,” he says with a sparkle in his eyes and a sexy smile on his lips.
Kyle
IT’S BEEN a good day. I took my aunt’s passing hard, but it also made me think about how short life is. I planned today as the start to the rest of my life. I was glad all of our family could be here with us. These are the people that have been there for me and Andy without question.
I look at Andy across the yard, sitting with his family and Mas. It’s like a scene out of a movie. The scene is picture-perfect, but it’s the smile on Andy’s face that’s enough to push this day over the top. All roads have led to this. Sure, there were cracks in the path, a few detours, some scrapes and bruises, but they were all worth it in my opinion. They’re my battle scars and I own them, no one else.
I turn back to my friends sitting around me. It’s that time. Our mandatory check-in. Javier pours the brandy he brought with him into tumblers, passing the glasses to the left until we all have one in our hands.
I count myself blessed for the millionth time today. These men dropped everything to be here for me. That’s more than I could ask for.
“To our brother’s new beginnings.” Javier lifts his glass to salute.
“Salud,” we say in unison and take a drink.
“This is bittersweet for me,” Ray says.
I turn to him, already knowing what he’s talking about. Ray has been holding out hope for years that we’d get to play together.
“You should be happy he’s retiring. He can stop busting our asses,” Chris says teasingly.
“Man, that’s what makes it bittersweet. On one hand, I know I can win a championship now. On the other hand, I was hoping to someday do it with him,” Ray says, looking down into his glass. “It would have been nice if we all could have pulled off getting on the same team.”
“You know that wasn’t going to happen unless you were willing to come to my bum-ass team. They paid too much for me. Nobody wants to buy out this fucking contract. I’m going to have to take a pay cut if I want out,” Chris mumbles.