The Murder of Jeffrey Dryden: The Grim Truth Surrounding Male Domestic Abuse

by Troy Veenstra

  May 23 at 5:08pm

  “We did it Honey, she plead no contest, but she will still be sentenced for 2nd Degree Murder. We didn't get to hear that word guilty come out of her mouth, but she will still have to spend at least 15 years in prison before she is eligible for parole and could spend up to life in there. We will find out in June what the sentence will be. We put some balloons at the cemetery for you. I LOVE AND MISS YOU, MOM”

  June 5 at 11:00am

  “Grandma Dryden passed away yesterday, and I am sure you were there to welcome her. I know you must be celebrating her life with Grandpa, Grandma, your Dad, and your other Grandpa. Give them all a hug for me. I Love and miss you Honey. RIP Gale Dryden.”

  June 14 at 5:36pm

  “I am so happy that this trial is over and she is sentenced to 14 to 45 years. We got Justice for you. After it was done, we went to the cemetery and sent 40 balloons up to you in Heaven. It was such a beautiful sight, seeing them float higher and higher. I Love You so much my Son. Mom.”

  June 15 at 11:40am

  “Jeff, it is the day after the sentencing and for some stupid reason, I thought I would wake up and feel so much better. That is not what happened, I just feel like I want to cry and cry and cry. Oh God how I miss you!!! Someday I hope we can both rest easy. I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS!!!!”

  June 23 at 12:45pm

  “I got an early morning phone call from Kent County Corrections, to inform me that Chiquita is traveling to Ypsilanti Prison today. She will be in quarantine for 3 weeks and then taken to another facility and start her nice long sentence. Finally Justice is served. We did it baby, we did it. It doesn't bring you back to us, but it makes me feel better. I Love and Miss you so much!! Love, Mom”

  July 9 at 1:52am

  “I don't know what it is, but lately I have been crying so much my eyes hurt. I can't sleep and I wish I was in Heaven with you. I miss you so much and it is so stressful here at home. I used to talk to you about my problems, but now I can't talk to anyone, It has almost been one year since you were taken from me, it just doesn't get any easier living without you. I love you so much”

  July 18 at 9:27am (one year anniversary of Jeff’s Murder)

  “One year ago today our lives were changed forever. You were taken from us. That bitch took you away from us. My heart is broken. I know you are in Heaven watching down on us, but I guess I am selfish, I want you here with me!! I want a hug, a kiss, and a I Love You Mom from you!! I would give anything to have you back here with me. I miss you so much it hurts. If only I could turn back time I would change so many things to keep you here with us, but I can't do that. So I just have to keep missing you and missing you. I Love You Forever and Ever.”

  September 1 at 1:24pm

  “Jason and Cierra got married today and I know you were with us in spirit. Jason wanted you there too, so he wore his IN MEMORY OF JEFF DRYDEN T-shirt under his shirt. I could see in his eyes, that he really wished you were there with him today. We all Love and Miss you so much.”

  September 18 at 12:21pm

  “I spent the day yesterday with just Jason and Noah, we went to the cemetery to visit with you. Something Jason needed to do. I think it helped him to spend time talking to you, he seems so lost without you. I love all of my kids so much. It brought back a lot of memories of spending the day just with you. Oh how I miss you!! My life will never be the same; my heart will never be whole again…,

  CHAPTER 22

  THE WISDOM OF FAMILY

  When I was a kid, my maternal grandparents made it their personal mission to have the extended family over at their house or summer cottage every Sunday. At that time, I didn’t really understand their full reasoning or the wisdom behind their mission, as I became accustomed to always seeing my aunts, uncles, and cousins once a week. It wasn’t until after their passing, after they were gone and the extended family began slipping away that I realized their true wisdom.

  “As is life,” some will say, but to me this should not be. We should not come to our family as strangers; we should not know them only in passing, talk to them briefly, when we discover them accidentally at a grocery store or mall. We should not know them only in names and pictures but know them as people, as blood.

  Through the years, I believe the wisdom my grandparents tried to leave behind has been lost. Perhaps not intentionally by everyone but at some point in everyone’s life, it became normal not to see each other every week, and then not every month… until finally, if we were to see each other once a year it was joyous and auspicious event.

  The one thing that I can readily take away from Jeff’s passing is that it has reawakened this wisdom; reawakened a sense of togetherness and longing so extensively forgotten by time. Thus, Jeff’s death, to me is not only a tragic one but one in which will always be with me. His death brought about a rekindling of family, a renewed sense of desire to know and remain in the minds of each other’s hearts.

  Though there may be some of us who have fallen back into their own world, and a few that were never truly awaken by Jeff’s passing, it will be those few that will never know the love and joy they missed until it has become far too late.

  They will forever see us as mere pictures in a photo, mere memories of a time long forgotten. Never knowing the real person we were or the mission of wisdom that was once pressed upon their hearts.

  To all my family that know me as more than a distant memory, more than a dusty picture. I want to thank you for the support you showed me while writing this book, as well as with all the ongoing issues in my personal life and though, as time goes on I may not always be there with you physically through the struggles, I will always be at your side in spirit.

  Thank you. GOD BLESS…

  CHAPTER 23:

  CHIQUITA’S FAMILY RESPONDS

  A few weeks ago I was checking OTIS, which stands for the State of Michigan’s Offender Tracking Information System (OTIS), to see if anything new had been added to Chiquita’s offender profile

  Though the guards had finally removed her hair extensions, leaving her with barely any hair left upon her head, there was nothing new on her page in regards to any fights or other issues pertaining to how she was spending and enjoying her time thus far at the State of Michigan’s Women’s Correctional Facility.

  That said, I did notice something most interesting on her page, which I thought, if anything, should be noted and shared here. On her offender page, it mentions her tattoos. One of her tattoos in particular struck a nerve in me.

  It is the tattoo on her lower back of Chinese symbols, which according to the description stand for the words “Truth and Respect.” I find it ever so enigmatic that someone of her caliber would have these, of all symbols, on her person. Especially when we take into account that from the moment she slammed the blade of that knife into Jeff’s throat, she lost all RESPECT for the word TRUTH.

  In fact everything she did leading up to that day was in lack of RESPECT for Jeff, his family, or anyone else that didn’t fit in with her chosen lifestyle. For the longest time I wondered where or who could have perverse her understanding of Truth and Respect in such a way as to allow the symbols tattooed upon her back to forget their intrinsic meaning, thus becoming only lines of paint, meaningless pictures of nothingness placed upon her flesh for all to see and wonder.

  It was not until a few days ago that my wonders ceased and my answer came to me in the form of a comment left on my publisher website. A comment left by her aunt, in regards to the concept of this very book. Though it was believe by her aunt at the time she wrote it to me that her words would never see the light of day by another, I have since shared it on my website as well as with all Jeff’s family and friends and thus I also show it to you. I leave it to you, the reader to decide its true meaning. To decipher and research the ideals and concepts of this woman’s rant.

  I leave it to you to decide whether Chiquita is killer or not as her aunt states so boldly in her sermon. To you to decide if there w
ere two victims that morning she stabbed Jeff in the neck killing him… to you to decide with your own intellect as to whether everything I have stated in this book to be lies or facts…. To you I leave her words to me with and without added comments.

  Chiquita’s Aunt Comments on This Book (without my comments… see below for my response) this is taken word-for-word with how she wrote it.

  Hi Troy: We, as the family of Chiquita, find your book very disturbing with falsifications of our beloved sister, niece, daughter and cousin. We truly understand the hurt, pain, and frustration of someone whom has lost a loved one, but yet- you all all continue to attack and frustrate us as well with what you are stating here! Write your book and post your blogs and statements, but TELL THE TRUTH!!!!! We are not blaming anyone for the passing of Jeff, yet- as a human being with sense......no one knows what truly happened that day into the early hours of that dreadful morning for both families. No one but Chiquita and Jeff. I do not post this to be cruel, insensitive or rude, but to speak out on my families behalf. We feel the pain and hurt as well, and nothing really works as far as getting through it, but God remains true and comforting. The events of that early morning will obviously- never be told truthfully, but we will remain in constant prayer for your family and ours as well. It is truly amazing how you state above about derogatory and harmful statements being posted on this blog, but yet- you call my niece a killer....which she is not. You state opinions of my family's anger through steering eyes and disturbing comments, which are not true. You claim many things that were not present, but yet- you yourself speak of God, as if-right????!!! Yes, it was a very hurtful, painful and shocking blow for us all, i'm sure of this, but the way you all have been going about this is upsetting for us as well. Who are we to blame for this horrific incident forreal. You, this corrupt society, or just the families of BOTH victims of circumstance. What happened will not be forgotten, and we hae extended our condolensces t the victims' family and even gave hugs by some of the members that were there. So, you go on and write your "tale" of one victim, instead of two. You tell your story of Jeff and his demise, but we have one t tell as well, and it will be told.....HONESTLY! I am pretty much sure that this may never be be posted because it isn't from one of your fans or friends, but God knws the truth and domestic violence just does not happen one way always, it happens both ways. Even when one out of the two is trying to protect themselves from someone who forces them to do so. Most of you knew my niece, and just as you all suffer still, so do we. I pray for the day that the real truth be told. Blessings!!!!

  Chiquita’s Aunts Comment on this Book (with my comments added)

  Hi Troy: We, as the family of Chiquita, find your book very disturbing with falsifications (what falsifications?) of our beloved sister, niece, daughter and cousin. We truly understand the hurt, pain, and frustration of someone whom has lost a loved one, but yet- you all all continue to attack and frustrate us as well with what you are stating here! Write your book and post your blogs and statements, but TELL THE TRUTH!!!!! We are not blaming anyone for the passing of Jeff, (cause the only one to blame is Chiquita) yet- as a human being with sense......no one knows what truly happened that day into the early hours of that dreadful morning for both families. No one but Chiquita and Jeff (and the evidence she left behind).

  I do not post this to be cruel, insensitive or rude, but to speak out on my families behalf. We feel the pain and hurt as well (what pain? What hurt? You can see her anytime you want to right, talk to her and hear her words, hear her say ‘I love you,” whenever you want), and nothing really works as far as getting through it, but God remains true and comforting.

  The events of that early morning will obviously- never be told truthfully, but we will remain in constant prayer for your family and ours as well. It is truly amazing how you state above about derogatory and harmful statements being posted on this blog (this is in reference to a statement I put on my blog, stating that derogatory and rude comments made about the victim and his family would not be allowed), but yet- you call my niece a killer....which she is not (yet she plead no contest and is serving 14 years for a murder).

  You state opinions of my family's anger through steering eyes and disturbing comments, which are not true (according to Paula and what I personally observed they were there).

  You claim many things that were not present (everything I stated was there), but yet- you yourself speak of God, as if-right????!!! (Yep) Yes, it was a very hurtful, painful and shocking blow for us all, i'm sure of this, but the way you all have been going about this is upsetting for us as well (not sure about that). Who are we to blame for this horrific incident for real. You, this corrupt society, or just the families of BOTH victims of circumstance (how about your niece that had the knife in her hand and lied every step of the way as to what really happened… how about we start there first).

  What happened will not be forgotten, and we have extended our condolences (ordinary at best) to the victims' family and even gave hugs by some of the members that were there. So, you go on and write your "tale" (I DID) of one victim, instead of two (Well there was only one). You tell your story of Jeff and his demise, but we have one t tell as well, and it will be told.....HONESTLY! (good than it will look just like mine)

  I am pretty much sure that this may never be be posted because it isn't from one of your fans or friends(SO… SO WRONG ON THAT ONE), but God knws the truth and domestic violence just does not happen one way always, it happens both ways (where did you get that fact? Seriously where I want to read it).

  Even when one out of the two is trying to protect themselves from someone who forces them to do so (yeah Jeff tried his best). Most of you knew my niece, and just as you all suffer still, so do we (no comment… I don’t want to be too rude). I pray for the day that the real truth be told. Blessings!!!!

  CHAPTER 24

  REBUTTAL

  To Chiquita’s Family:

  A part of me can see to some degree where you’re coming from, as you are only defending your loved one, never wanting to believe that they would lie to you, or deceive you from the truth, but know this. No matter what you say, no matter how you try to explain it, no matter how you try to phrase it, we as Jeff’s family and friends will always see Chiquita as a cold-blooded killer, a murderer that currently resides exactly where she belongs.

  To us the truth is ever so obvious, the evidence as to what happened that morning ever so clear. As evidence cannot lie, it cannot choose right from wrong, it knows no color or creed, it has no belief or bias and has nothing to lose or gain. It is what it is. To us the evidence collected that night shows beyond a shadow of a doubt, beyond reasonable doubt, that not only was Jeff being abused, but so too did Chiquita kill him that night, knowing full well what she was doing. She is no victim; she has no innocents, for all she is to us is guilt, full of lies… full of deceit.

  You should expect to see Jeff’s family, Jeff’s friends sitting across from you on January 17 2025, the date of her earliest release. You should expect to see us asking the parole board at that time if she had yet to accept her guilt for the crime for which she committed.

  For if, she has not seen the errors of her ways and admitted to her sin, her treachery. If she has remained ignorant to the truth, for which we know so clearly. Not seen the pain she caused to our family, and upon Jeff. You can expect to hear us asking that she remain where she belongs. Behind bars until her 66th birthday… still, sadly, doing much better than the life of the victim she took.

  CHAPTER 25:

  CONCLUSION

  Though this book was in part about Jeffrey Dryden and the torment and pain he and his family was to bear, this book also exposed the truth behind the veil, the truth behind the curtain of deceit and lies our society has been spoon fed to endure for so many years.

  Before writing this book, the idea of a man abused by his female lover was implausible and farfetched, at that time I was like several other people of this society. I willingly turned a blind eye to the
belief, to the eventual possibility that a man could be beaten to such a point as to be abused by a woman let alone killed by one that would allow herself to be called his lover. Yet oddly enough, there were so many things around me, so many stories in the paper, that had I took a moment to notice I would have seen it so clearly.

  For instance, I can easily recall the death of the comedian Phil Hartman, who starred on Saturday Night Live as well as the hit comedy “News Radio.” I remember only a few years ago about his traumatic murder by the hand of his wife, who after an intense argument about her using drugs again, snuck into the bedroom after he had gone to bed that night and shot him in the head killing him instantly.

  After his death, friends of the family went to the press and reported that his wife, “Had issues controlling her anger, and often times assaulted her husband in the process (STAFF, 1998).” Yet even though I knew about how he was killed and by whom the media never mentioned anything about Domestic Abuse, let alone the idea of Male Domestic Abuse and thus like so many others I went on, never thinking about it. Never paying heed to the possibility.

  It seems odd to know that Male Domestic Abuse has been going on well since before I was born. Even harder to believe that the majority of our society which so willingly believes in the tolerance of others lifestyles would so knowingly turn a blind eye at the concept, the idea of women abusing men.