Certain Sure

by Williams, Reina M.

  “I heard,” Katie said, knowing Rose loved the outdoor areas at the nearby Stanford Shopping Center. Shopping was in her blood; Maureen had taken a two-day-old Rose to Saks Fifth Avenue there on the way home from the hospital. “I’m really excited.”

  “But, will you be here?” Rose said.

  “I don’t know, my girl, we’ll see.”

  “I get to help Grandpa James and Aunt Aleen look for a new house. They want to move near everybody too!” Rose said. Fergus whispered to her and he and Maureen took her over to get her face painted.

  “You’re selling your cottage?” Katie asked her aunt.

  “Yes, James and I need more room. With the sale of my place and the Burlingame house, we should be able to get something that works for us both.”

  Katie knew James owned Fergus and Maureen’s house. Katie also knew Maureen couldn’t wait to get out of that house and into Mary’s, where Maggie and the weekly housekeeper did all the cooking and cleaning. Maureen could finally live the way she believed she should. Katie hoped it would be enough.

  “Besides, we need an extra room for you, when you fight with Pat or…” Aleen continued as Fin sat back down.

  “What room for Katie?” he asked.

  “Aleen and I are buying a house together,” James said. “We want to have room for Katie, Rose, or other guests.”

  “You’re staying?” Fin said. Katie raised her eyebrows, incredulous that he’d made no comment on his father and Aleen’s plans. “You think I don’t want you?” Katie flushed.

  “I’m sure Katie knows we all want her to stay here,” Mary said.

  “Except him.” Fin motioned to his dad.

  “That’s not true. I’m only trying to give Katie an opportunity, one she’s not getting here. I can’t help it if…” James stopped when Aunt Aleen put her hand on his.

  “Let’s not argue. Rose will be back in a minute. Katie can make up her own mind. You all stop trying to wrangle over her,” Aunt Aleen said.

  Katie chatted with everyone over dinner, except Fin, who was again unusually quiet. She guessed he had a lot on his mind with his family’s situation. She would have liked to talk to him about everything, but she couldn’t with everyone there and he stayed at the pub when it was time for her to drive Mary home. Maybe she would see him the next day, if her dad didn’t change his mind again.

  “You seem preoccupied,” Mary said as they drove. “Are you worried about Maureen and Fergus?”

  “Yes, that’s part of it. I worry about Rose, about all we do affecting her.”

  “I understand. I’ve always felt that way about my children and you, too.”

  “Is that why you stayed with Mr. Dunbar?”

  “Partly, yes. I think you know my other reasons. I hope Maureen will realize we all love her. I know she wanted to move in with us before, but James forbade it.”

  “Why?” Katie asked.

  Mary’s cheeks turned pink. “I think he was disappointed,” Mary said as she clasped her hands. Katie pulled into the driveway and turned to her. “You must have guessed we, especially James, hoped Fergus would marry you.”

  “Oh,” Katie said.

  “Perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  “It’s okay. I had guessed it, but I wasn’t sure. It doesn’t matter. Fergus and I don’t feel that way about each other. He really loves Maureen. I just wish she’d appreciate him.”

  “I think she does. Like most of us, she forgets sometimes. Don’t you worry about all of us, now. You take care of yourself.” Mary kissed Katie’s cheek. “I’ll see myself in. Give your parents my love.”

  Katie nodded and watched Mary walk inside. As she drove home, she thought about going back to the pub, but decided against it. She wouldn’t know what to say to Fin in any case.

  “How was dinner?” Katie’s mom asked when Katie shut the side door behind her. Her dad sat in the family room reading the latest Tom Clancy book.

  “Fine, thanks. Mary sends her love. And you?”

  “As usual,” Katie’s mom said as she poured a couple cups of coffee. Her dad set his book down.

  “Jim still sane?” he asked with a small grin.

  “Yes, Fin sent him home and stayed when we left. James Dunbar asked me about the job again. I told him I might stay at the pub. Am I?”

  “Ask Fin.”

  “Why? He doesn’t own the pub.”

  “No, but he’s my partner and he’s in charge right now.”

  “What about when you come back?”

  “Stop asking so many questions, girl. I tell you, talk to Fin.” He crossed his arms and turned on the television, his signal that he was done.

  “But Dad…”

  “Shush,” he snapped, as Katie expected. Still, it was worth the try.

  She sighed and sat next to her mom on the sofa, all the while thinking of what to say to Fin and trying to control her temper that she would have to ask his permission to stay at the pub. She had more right to be there than he did. Katie got up, stretching.

  “I’m going for a walk,” she said and strode out into the cool, darkening night.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Katie took another walk the next morning. She loved the summer when so many roses bloomed and the air was hot and fragrant with warmed earth, grass, and ripening fruit. On Sundays, she, her mom, and Mrs. Knight went to the farmer’s market where Katie sampled juicy peaches and nectarines, smelled ripe tomatoes and melons, and brought home bags laden with the summer harvest. Maybe they would take Rose out to Half Moon Bay again this August, where they could run in the sand barefoot, playing chicken with the waves. Katie wished she could go barefoot now, but she settled for her sandals since the pavement was no place to go shoeless. As she strolled near Mrs. Knight’s, glancing up at the clear blue sky, she stopped on feeling a presence. Fin jogged to her.

  “Walking?” he said with his grin.

  Katie nodded, quickly licking her lips at the sight of Fin, glistening with sweat in only shorts and running shoes. She shut her eyes as he appeared about to laugh at her. “I’ve been for a run. This is a great neighborhood.”

  “I know.” Katie kept her eyes on her house so she wouldn’t stare at Fin. “Do you need me at the pub today?”

  “I always need you,” he said.

  If she believed him, she’d throw her arms around his neck and kiss him right into his cottage. “What time?”

  “Whenever you want.”

  “Is that how you run things?” Katie scowled at him.

  He crossed his arms over his chest, his muscles shifting. Her pulse sped. “No, you’re different.”

  “Just treat me like anyone else.”

  “Fine, Miss Dillon, spilt shift. Ten-thirty to three-thirty and six-thirty to eleven-thirty. You can help me open and close.”

  “That’s not a regular schedule.” She frowned petulantly.

  “Are you questioning me?” He raised an eyebrow. “That’s when I need you.”

  “Fine.” Katie walked away, not looking back. She gritted her teeth, her body hot with either the desire to smack him or kiss him, a mad, dangerous, wild lip lock. She slammed the side door behind her. Her dad looked up from his book.

  “What’s eating you?”

  “Nothing,” Katie said, knowing her dad’s response if she told the truth.

  “Moody lass,” he muttered.

  “I heard that,” Katie almost shouted. “What about you? And Fin? You’ve both got me beat and neither of you can make up your minds, either. I’ve got to get ready. Fin wants me to be at the pub in an hour.”

  He held his book in front of his face, waving his hand at her in his usual gesture of dismissal. She narrowed her eyes as he had the suspicious shaking of someone hiding his laughter. Katie humphed and strode out to go to her room.

  Katie wore the same white and blue sundress she had the evening she and Fin slept together. If he felt attracted to her at all she wanted to make him suffer it, though she knew it would be she who mig
ht suffer if he decided to tease her with his closeness. However, when she arrived at the pub, no one was there. By ten minutes until eleven, when they would open, Katie paced the hall. Hearing someone at the back door, she put on a fierce scowl.

  “Hi, Katie,” Sally said. “What’s got you riled?”

  “Sorry,” Katie said. “It’s nothing.”

  “You look pretty. Special occasion?” Sally asked as Manny and Luis, the day shift cook, walked in and greeted them before going into the kitchen.

  “No, it’s been too hot to wear pants and I’ll probably be in the office most of the time, not that Fin has bothered to tell me anything.”

  Sally glanced at her with an expression between a frown and a grin as she tied on her half apron. “We all really like Fin. He’ll be a good complement to your dad when he comes back. Really knows how to keep the old guy calm.”

  Katie smiled, though her skin prickled in irritation. Still, Sally calling her dad “the old guy” never failed to amuse her, especially when Sally said it to his face. Sally was a bit older than her dad, too, though Katie wasn’t sure of her age, even after knowing her for almost twenty years.

  Sally smiled broadly. “I like your changes, especially those new waiters you hired. I stay for dinner their nights on. Some good to look at, keeps my juices flowing,” Sally finished with a wink as she patted Katie’s arm.

  “Thanks,” Katie said before going out into the dining room to see how things were, but Sally and Lettie had the room covered. After checking on Manny and Luis in the kitchen, Katie plodded into the office, where she went over the files and updated the computer accounts. Everything was tidy now. Her dad used the pile method of organization, which drove Katie to distraction. Clearly Fin knew proper business methods, she could concede that.

  Katie helped in the dining room during the noon hour before breaking for her own lunch. As she finished eating at the bar, Fin strolled in, looking spruce as usual in his black flat front Dockers and a forest green polo which Katie stared at, reading the little logo on the left side: “Dillons’ Irish Pub, Serving you since 1976, Fin” on three lines, nicely centered.

  “Afternoon,” he said. “Like the shirt? I’m thinking of tees as well, but want a catchier logo.”

  “Yes, it’s nice. I guess you don’t need me to think of good ideas.”

  “You inspire me,” he said.

  Katie still never knew when he meant what he said and when he was just being charming, or so he thought. She shot him a fake smile; his faded.

  “I’ve done some work in the office, but I didn’t know what else you want me to do.”

  “Let me check in with everyone and then we can go over some things,” he said.

  Katie went into the office, at first pacing. She sat at the desk, fidgeting with a pen trying to keep from biting her nails, which were growing out to a nice length. Fin came in, all business, talking to her about the accounts and the calls he’d made and plans he had before asking her to show him the computer and where she had everything on it. He leaned over her as she explained the different files and programs. At first, she had difficulty concentrating, smelling what she guessed was his aftershave, feeling his warmth near her, sometimes his breath moving wisps of her hair as he spoke. Then she began to feel annoyed again. He took no notes, asked no questions, and she suspected he already knew everything she told him and was teasing her.

  “Thanks,” he said when she finished. Katie scooted the chair back quickly, bumping into Fin. “Hey!”

  “Sorry,” Katie said without looking at him.

  “You can go if you want,” he said. “See you at six-thirty.”

  “Fine.” Katie grabbed her purse and left.

  Katie’s mood didn’t improve over the course of the evening. She was in the dining room a lot and she seethed watching Fin flirt and smile his charming grin at all the ladies, a grin she wanted all to herself. This only made her angrier. She hated that she wanted Fin so much knowing how he was. Sure, she’d discovered he had better qualities than she thought, but those didn’t change his ways with women. He probably bedded women every other night or something while she lay alone in her room thinking of him, wanting only him. She wanted to scream. Once the pub closed and the other staff went home, Katie asked Fin if he needed help closing. He shrugged.

  “You can go,” he said.

  “Expecting someone?”

  He shot her the Dunbar look, fierce and frowning. “Is that really what you think? I’m in here after hours screwing whoever caught my fancy?”

  “No need to be crude,” Katie said.

  “Just saying the nonsense you’re thinking. Maybe you need to get your mind out of the gutter, girlie.” He leaned his back on the bar casually, arms crossed. Katie clenched her fists and stomped her foot before storming out, hurrying away from his echoing laughter.

  When she got to her car, she realized she’d left her purse on one of the chairs in the dining room, where she’d set it before speaking to Fin. She’d have to get it, or she’d have to walk home. Maybe if she waited, Fin would find it and bring it out. After a few minutes, she decided that wouldn’t be any better. He might be in the office and she could sneak in and take it without having to see him. She padded in, only to stop at the open door, hearing Fin singing.

  “’If I loved you, words wouldn’t come in an easy way…’” He stopped and looked at her. “Forgot your purse,” he stated.

  Katie nodded. She couldn’t talk. He sang with so much feeling, as if he sang to her. But she couldn’t believe that, it wasn’t possible he loved her. Katie blushed. She hadn’t even let herself think about loving Fin before, not recently. She wanted him, but it was too scary to love him, someone like him, Fergus’s brother, Rose’s uncle. She shook her head and grabbed her purse off the chair. The air charged in the silence as she ran out.

  Lying in bed later, Katie thought how silly she acted around Fin. Still, she couldn’t seem to help it and she felt so alone. She’d gotten used to having a roommate last year and she used to talk to her or to Aunt Aleen about funny situations or men and how frustrating they could be. But she and her roommate had gone their separate ways when Katie came back home and she couldn’t talk to her aunt about Fin. Actually, Aunt Aleen might understand better than anyone since he and his father were alike, but Katie didn’t want anyone in the family to know how she felt about Fin. Except Fergus and Maureen already knew she used to have a crush on Fin and who knows who else they’d told. Katie’s face burned, wishing she could be as spiteful and mean as Maureen. Then she could have revenge and not care. She rolled over, punched her pillow and tried to sleep.

  Katie overslept the next morning, not that it mattered, since she didn’t need to be at the pub until four-thirty. Her parents left a note in the kitchen saying they would be out for the day, so they’d see her the next morning, probably. Hopefully that meant her dad felt better after last Friday’s setback. She hoped he wouldn’t overdo it again.

  Puttering around the house, Katie wondered how her situation at the pub could possibly work out when she couldn’t seem to get along with Fin--or her dad, for that matter. Maybe she should accept the job at Dunbar and Son, at least they appreciated her. Maybe her aunt was right and she needed to move, though her moving away last year hadn’t helped. Perhaps she needed to get further away than Oakland, which was only about thirty miles northeast.

  She tried to read a little, but couldn’t concentrate, so she worked in the garden and sat in the swing awhile. A wave of longing for Fin swelled, making her nauseous. She got up and trundled upstairs. Yesterday she’d worn white. Today it would be black: her black sundress with tiny white stars embroidered around the hem. Yesterday she’d felt hopeful, today she felt mean and sad.

  Out for a walk, the heat wilted her and she scuffed past Mrs. Knight’s, hitting the fence with a fallen cluster of oak leaves.

  “Good afternoon, Katie,” Mrs. Knight called from her porch, where she sat with a glass of iced tea in hand. “Ready for lu
nch?” Katie nodded and plodded onto the porch, where she leaned on the pillar. Mrs. Knight led her into her cool living room. “Just salad alright?”

  Katie nodded again before forcing herself to speak. “Do you need any help?”

  “No, thank you. Why don’t we eat in the kitchen, though, where it’s cooler.”

  “Thanks.” Katie followed her hostess and sat at the little table by the window facing the garden. She could see a corner of Fin’s cottage but she knew he was already at work. She and Mrs. Knight ate in silence, but it was a comfortable one.

  “Shall we sit in the living room with some iced tea?” Mrs. Knight asked when they finished. “It was nice in there.” Katie nodded. As she curled up on the sofa, her shoes off, feet pulled under her, Katie sighed. “Your mother says you’re really moving to Ireland?”

  “Maybe. I don’t know.”

  “I love the British Isles. Of course, I met my late husband in England. We’ve never talked about him, have we?” Katie shook her head. “He was a war correspondent, a journalist like myself, also an orphan like I am. My father took his own life after the crash of 1929 and my mother went soon after. My brother died in the war like my husband. I’ve found friends here and made my own sort of family, but there was no one like my Lesley. We bickered awfully but we were partners and somehow I never felt alone once we fell in love. We appreciated each other.”

  “Don’t you miss him? Do you ever wish you hadn’t met him since he passed away so soon?”