Certain Sure

by Williams, Reina M.

  “Of course I miss him and I have no regrets. Better to grab love when you can, even if it doesn’t last. Then you always have it with you.”

  “But it’s different when it just doesn’t work out, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, but the experience is always something, if you’ve really loved the person. You seem…lonely, Katie. Are you all right?” Katie shrugged. “I could tell you how lucky you are since you have your family and friends who love you, but you know that. Just remember you can’t have day without night.”

  Katie nodded. “Thanks for lunch and tea and for telling me about Mr. Knight. I’m sorry I never asked before. Do you have his picture?”

  “Yes, come in here.” Mrs. Knight led Katie into her room, where she showed her a couple old framed photos of her very young self and a slight, fair young man. They both looked happy, though, in a quiet sort of way. Katie thanked her again and left, ready to face the evening.

  Chapter Twenty

  It was a packed pub that night. Fridays were usually busy but apparently the heat made people extra thirsty. Katie didn’t spend much time in the office. Instead she acted as hostess, waited tables, bussed, started a few loads of dishes, and brought towels and liquor from the back when they ran out behind the bar. By the end of the night, Katie felt run off her feet and grimaced at Fin, who still appeared as though he’d just walked in at the start of his shift.

  “You’re tired, go on home,” he said as he shut the lights off and went to the office. Katie got her purse, her ears perking at the soft sound of Fin singing “You’ll Never Walk Alone” from “Carousel” as he moved around the office.

  Katie turned and leaned on the doorframe, momentarily quivery from his lilting voice. Then she frowned as he stopped and studied her.

  “Have you talked to Mrs. Knight today?” she said.

  “Yes.” He opened and closed the desk drawer; he wouldn’t meet her eyes now. “She called me earlier.”

  “Did she say anything about me?”

  “And you say I’m full of myself.”

  Katie wanted to give him the finger but she held back, knowing how she’d regretted losing her temper with him. She paused, trying to think of a snappy comeback, but she couldn’t. Instead her mind reeled with the possibility that Mrs. Knight talked to Fin about her, telling him how Katie felt alone. She waved, walked to her car, and drove home. What was wrong with her? She really was as moody as her dad claimed. Pregnant women had mood swings. Her stomach hollowed. She better go to the drug store on the way home.

  “How are you this morning?” her dad asked when Katie came down for breakfast. Katie looked at him a moment, caught off guard by his cheer.

  “Fine, thanks, and you?”

  “Better. Fin says you’re a real help at the pub. Told me he wouldn’t be able to manage without you.” He paused, smiling at Katie. “Watch out, a fly might land in there, my girl.” He chuckled and winked at her mom, who sat down with a cup of coffee.

  Katie rose and made herself a cup of tea and some toast. Katie asked her parents about their day and sat eating while they told her about her dad’s progress and helping Fergus and Maureen move a few things into Mary’s. Really, her dad only sat at Mary’s enjoying the sunny day while her mom helped, but Katie listened, making no snide comments, glad the family seemed happy. While her dad read the paper and Katie and her mom cleaned up, a knock sounded at the side door, followed by the entrance of Fergus, Maureen, and Rose, all carrying shopping bags. Hugs and greetings exchanged, Rose settled in with her grandpa while Maureen gave her mom some baked goods from Maggie. Fergus put his arm around Katie, giving her a little squeeze which elicited a glance from Maureen.

  “My dad wants me to ask you about the job.”

  “I’ll take it.” She wasn’t going to stay here and have everyone, especially Fin, feel sorry for her or get angry and disappointed. Most of all, she wouldn’t trap Fin into marrying her just because she was pregnant, like Maureen had Fergus.

  “Oh?” Fergus said.

  Katie shrugged. “It’s time for a change.”

  “I agree,” Fergus said, kissing her forehead.

  Maureen walked over and tugged Katie away. “I have something for you,” she said. Taking a bag, she waited for Katie to follow. She went up to Katie’s room and shut the door. Katie stood and waited for the tirade to begin. “Rose and I bought you something yesterday. It would mean a lot to her if you’d put it on.” Katie wavered, staring in disbelief as Maureen pulled out a forest green cap-sleeve sweater, a white skirt with red embroidery along the hem, and white espadrilles. Maureen held out the shoes. “Rose decorated them herself with hearts and shamrocks. She said you need extra love and luck.”

  “Thanks,” Katie said. She didn’t know what else to say.

  “Rose really loves you. Fin does too. We hope you’ll both be near. Will you show Rose the outfit?” Maureen asked, walking to the door. She turned and smiled at Katie, a real smile, not the fake or condescending one. Katie had forgotten her sister’s true smile. Katie nodded and Maureen turned, opened the door, and shut it gently, not looking at Katie again. Katie put on the top, skirt, and shoes and fixed her hair and makeup in the mirror. It wasn’t anything she would usually wear, but the clothes had a certain charm, a little something unusual. Katie smiled and went downstairs.

  Fergus and Rose gave her the Dunbar grin when she entered and she hurt for a moment, thinking of Fin. Maybe she’d been unfair to him these last weeks. What if Maureen was right and he loved her? Her stomach flip-flopped.

  “You look pretty, Aunt Katie,” Rose said while Fergus nodded appreciatively. “You should wear that to work.”

  “I wouldn’t want it to get dirty, my girl. I won’t be sitting in the office tonight.”

  “Oh, please, Aunt Katie, it’s important.”

  “Mind your tone,” Maureen said. Rose frowned.

  “Okay, if it’s so important, I will.” Katie kissed Rose on the cheek.

  She smiled up at Katie. “Tell Uncle Fin I love him.”

  Katie nodded and they said goodbye. Katie wondered at Maureen’s mood and Rose’s whim, but she shrugged, knowing both could be capricious.

  “I see Rose decorated your shoes like my cast, but more tastefully,” her dad said with a smile. “Make sure you show Fin. He loves that girl.”

  “We all do,” Katie said.

  “She’s a lot like her aunt,” her dad said as he pulled himself up onto his crutches, kissing Katie’s cheek as he passed. “Don’t give Fin any trouble, now. Do what he tells you.”

  Katie sighed as he swung himself out of the room. Her mom laughed. “What’s so funny?” Katie asked her.

  “You.” Katie frowned. “Sorry. When are you going in?”

  “Not until later.”

  “Let’s take you out, I bet you could use a few new things. If Maureen’s buying you clothes, yours must be a sight too old.”

  Katie frowned. “I can’t afford it.”

  “We can. The pub’s on an upswing, you know.” Her mom winked and pulled her out the door. “Don’t want you starting a new job without a few new outfits.”

  Katie hugged herself. Her parents seemed glad she was leaving. She thought they’d at least try to convince her to stay. She followed her mom out.

  Katie didn’t go overboard, but she still got a couple new outfits and some nicer underwear. Even if no one saw it, the lacy lingerie made her feel prettier. She even washed and dried a set to wear that evening, getting ready all over again. It felt good to take a cool shower after the hot day and Katie wanted to be fresh just in case Fin got at all close to her, as he had when they went over things in the office.

  By the time Katie came into the pub’s dining room, the tables and stools were filled with customers, drinking and talking, some eating dinner. Fin and Jim worked the bar, pouring drinks, chatting briefly with people and smiling. Katie stood a moment, watching Fin, letting herself feel her longing, her real feelings. She shook her head and got to work.
<
br />   Once again, she and Fin were alone after everyone else left. He went around and turned off the lights after his final clean up and followed Katie into the back.

  “Rose sends her love,” Katie said as she turned to him. He stood uncomfortably close in the narrow hall. “She decorated my shoes.” Katie showed off a foot. Fin bent down to study it. He righted himself with a smile.

  “She’s an artist.” He studied her with a serious but not displeased look.

  Katie hurried into the office and got her purse. Fin followed her and locked up as she ambled into the hall toward the back door.

  “I guess I’ll see you Sunday?” Katie said.

  “Why?” he said.

  “Your mom’s throwing me a going away party. I’ve tried here, but it’s not working. I’d be a fool to stay.”

  “’…because of these daft and dewey-eyed dopes building up impossible hopes,’” Fin sang, “’impossible things are happening every day.’ Stop being so sensible and be foolish with me, will you?” His brow furrowed a little before he grinned, his own special grin. It was one only for her.

  She smiled and looked him over, letting her eyes linger where they would, on the strands of hair brushing his forehead, his deep eyes gazing at her, the little hairs between the collar of his shirt, his chest…Katie burned. She studied Fin before pulling him to her, tugging at his clothes, kissing him almost frantically. She’d waited too long and now she had to have him. He pushed her gently away. She frowned, hearing her own breathing, fast and shallow.

  “I don’t want you like that, Katie,” he said. Her stomach clenched, she felt ill. Her ears throbbed. “Not here.” She didn’t register that phrase, all she heard was “I don’t want you.”

  “Fine,” she said, picking up her purse where she’d dropped it. “So much for being foolish, huh? But you’re right. It’s better we don’t.”

  “That’s not what I’m saying.”

  “It’s what I’m saying. We wouldn’t want to hurt the family, anyway. I’m right to take that job, after all.” She walked away.

  “Katie, let’s talk,” he said, following her out. She hurried to her car when he stopped to lock up. By the time he came over, she’d already started the engine. He tried to talk to her but she turned on the air conditioner and the radio so she couldn’t hear him and drove home.

  Katie padded upstairs to her room. Her parents appeared to be in bed and she hadn’t seen their light when she’d come in the side door. She eased off her shoes and paced, thinking of what Fin said. She stopped, knowing what a fool she’d been and not in the good way Fin obviously wanted her to be. Let go, she told herself, I want him and he wants me. She ran downstairs and out the front door, shutting it gently behind her.

  The path chilled her feet but she ran down it, across the street and through the damp grass of Mrs. Knight’s lawn, smiling when she saw Fin’s open door, a shaft of light shining from it. Fin leaned against the doorframe, wearing lightweight dark blue pajama bottoms, his silhouette outlined in the dim light. Katie stopped in front of him. He straightened, turned, and went into the living room. Katie followed, shutting the door. He walked to the sink and got a glass of water, slowly drinking it before setting it down and turning off the light. Only the little table lamp illuminated the room. A bluesy love song floated through the air.

  “What’re you listening to?” Katie asked.

  “Lou Rawls. About the only thing my dad and I both like.”

  “You two have more in common than that.”

  “Did you come over to chit-chat? I’m not in the mood. What do you want?”

  “You.”’

  “Katie…” he said with his puppy-eyed concerned look.

  “Fin…” Katie teased. She went to him and moved her hands over him before kissing him; now she had him. “No talking, agreed?” Fin grinned and nodded before he kissed her, long, hard, and wonderfully.

  She led him into the bedroom. Her frantic urge was gone, replaced by anticipation and longing. Her body softened and warmed under his touch, a surety mellowed any fears or critical thoughts. They peeled off each article of clothing as Katie did her Christmas gifts: carefully, slowly, drawing out the process, savoring each second of wonder and discovery. Fin was beautiful to her and from the look in his eyes she knew he felt the same about her. She smiled.

  They lay together, exploring each other fully before Katie edged herself under him. Caressing her hair and gazing at her, he moved himself inside her. They were one. Katie almost laughed, almost cried at the surges of joy in her. She brushed her lips over him, pulled him closer. Their warm bodies encircled each other in an embrace so profound, Katie broke her promise not to speak.

  “I love you,” she whispered.

  His playful, delighted smile told her everything she wanted to know. He loved her too.

  As she lay with Fin later, the warm breeze caressing her as Fin did, Katie smiled. Actually she hadn’t stopped. She felt better than she ever had in her whole life. She didn’t know what tomorrow would hold, but she didn’t care. She and Fin held each other and that was what mattered. Fin’s breathing slowed and his hands dropped as he drifted off to sleep. Katie watched him before she too fell asleep.

  She woke a few hours later and got up. Returning to bed, she looked over Fin, outlined in the moonlight shining in from the windows. She climbed up, kissing her way over him, loving hearing him moan her name and pull her onto him, where she rocked herself with tiny movements, echoing Fin’s sounds as he teased her with his lips and hands. On and on they went until Katie collapsed into him. He kissed her again, holding her as she calmed down. They grinned at each other as Katie slid off him, snuggling herself into him before hearing his sleepy breathing again.

  Katie woke next feeling Fin on her and she smiled; it was quite a way to wake up. He stopped kissing her and gave her a questioning look which she responded to by wrapping her legs around Fin’s hips, smiling again as he slid himself into her. She sighed. She could get used to this. Then she couldn’t think anything at all. She gripped Fin’s hands and arched into him. The next she knew the sheets were jumbled and twisted and the pillows fallen off the bed. She gazed at Fin and pushed his hair back, kissing him again before he moved beside her. They slept.

  The morning sun shone bright through the curtains. Katie blinked and glanced at Fin before noticing the red numbers of the clock: nine o’clock. Katie sat up in a panic. She quickly got out of the bed, not letting herself look at Fin. She had to leave before he woke up or she’d end up in bed with him all day. She paused, thinking how great that would be. Except for the image of her father swinging himself over on his crutches, looking for her…she shuddered. She pulled on her clothes and ran out.

  “Good morning,” Mrs. Knight said from her front yard as Katie ran past. Katie ran faster but stopped to find the key hidden under the flowerpot on the front stoop. Letting herself in and shutting the door, Katie breathed in relief only to start as Rose ran down the stairs to her.

  “I found her!”

  James and Aunt Aleen followed on the stairs while her parents came out from the kitchen.

  “I went for a walk,” Katie said.

  “Aren’t those the clothes you were wearing last night?” her dad said.

  “Barefoot?” James said. Her aunt gave him a frown. “What? I’m concerned. Her bed wasn’t slept in. We were worried, Katie.”

  “Sorry. Didn’t expect all of you here.”

  “I’m helping Grandpa and Aunt Aleen look at a house around the corner! Grandma invited us to breakfast. Can we call Uncle Fin too?”

  “He probably worked late last night,” her mom said.

  Katie blushed as they all, except Rose, stared at her. Someone knocked on the door. Katie almost jumped. She turned and opened it a crack, peeking out.

  “Why did you leave?” Fin said, pushing his way in, where he stopped. He cleared his throat.

  “Uncle Fin!” Rose said. “Now you can have breakfast with us!”

  �
��Why don’t we go work on that,” Katie’s mom said, leading Rose toward the kitchen. She smiled at Katie, who had finally turned to look at everyone. Her dad and James shared an angry red hue on their faces and frowns, Dunbar and Dillon united.

  “Fin, I warned you…” James began.

  “You said there was nothing going on,” Pat said. “We need to talk. Let’s go, Fin.”

  “Dad,” Katie said. “I’m an adult…”

  “I don’t want to hear it,” her dad replied.

  “You don’t know Fin,” James said to Katie, grabbing his son’s arm. “Let’s go.”

  “Why not go up and shower and change, honey,” Aunt Aleen said. She finished in a whisper: “I’ll watch over this lot. Let them have their say with Fin. It won’t change anything.”

  Katie gazed at Fin.

  “I’ll be fine,” Fin said, following their fathers into the living room.

  Aunt Aleen smiled at her. “Now you know,” she said.

  Katie smiled back. She did know. She floated upstairs.

  Everyone sat in the living room when she returned downstairs about twenty minutes later. Fin had obviously gone home and changed as well; he now wore black slacks and a dark green button down shirt, the sleeves rolled. Katie had on a dark green sundress, still barefoot. Fin stood and came to her.

  “The no talking promise was only for the night,” he said. “I love you. Marry me?”

  “That was artful simplicity, but which one convinced you to ask me?” Katie said.

  “Just you, Katie darlin’, just you,” he said before he wrapped her in his arms and kissed her.

  Rose pulled at her skirt. She and Fin looked down. Rose laughed up at them. “I told you he’d ask.”

  “You did?” Katie said.

  Rose rolled her eyes. “I told you the prince would ask you.”

  They chuckled. James picked up Rose as they all stood near Katie and Fin.

  “And will we live happily ever after?” Katie asked.

  “No, silly, lovingly ever after,” Rose said. “When do I get a cousin?”

  Fin wrapped his arms around Katie, caressing her stomach. “Soon, I hope,” he said.