The Stand-In: my life as an understudy

by Elizabeth Stevens

  Now that school was back, I wasn’t looking forward to seeing how she dealt with everything.

  It started well enough.

  Ella pretended I didn’t exist as she bound out of the house to Lindy’s waiting car and I went to the car we in theory shared, but she never drove due to her belief that Somebodies didn’t drive. Which suited me fine.

  Ella pretended I didn’t exist as we practically walked into the school building together. This also suited me fine.

  Ella pretended I didn’t exist while members of the formal committee whose names I’d forgotten came up to me and asked me how my holidays were, and again complimented the forest. I enjoyed watching her prove just how much I didn’t exist to her.

  Ella pretended I didn’t exist when Lindy ran into me between classes and knocked all my books out of my hands. I let it go, knowing any scene I made, Ella would try to make it into how unfortunate I was. I wasn’t going to be a doormat anymore, but I didn’t have almost eighteen years’ practise at stripping away every ounce of someone’s self-worth with a single sentence.

  Ella found it a little difficult to pretend I didn’t exist when Eli and I ran into each other after their music lesson.

  After spending the whole morning psyching myself up to give him an answer, I was ready for this. I was full of hope and optimism and courage.

  I wasn’t going to look to those bright neon lights in my future anymore. If I kept focussing on them then I’d miss out on life. I was going to live in the lights I created now. I was still terrified of what the future might hold, but denying what I felt for Eli only dimmed them, casting a different kind of shadow all of my own making.

  I gave him a small, hesitant and terrified-in-the-face-of-actually-doing-it smile. “It was ‘Only a Kiss’,” popped out and he looked at me in despondent shock.

  “What?” he breathed.

  I shook my head. “The other song.”

  He blinked. “The other song?”

  “That you wrote for me.”

  His confusion lifted and he nodded, a hesitantly hopeful smile spreading. “Yeah. It was.”

  I nodded. “I liked it.”

  He bit his lip like he wasn’t sure what was happening but he liked it. “I’m glad.”

  A thought occurred to me. “Meet me in the auditorium after school?”

  He looked me over, a slight tinge of confusion returning, but also curiosity. “Okay. I’ll see you there.”

  I grinned and nodded before hurrying away.

  It was difficult enough getting through a Monday afternoon, especially when it came after two weeks of lazy days. It was even more difficult when I was going to try to do some wooing of my own with two lessons still to go.

  “What are you planning?” Rica asked.

  I breathed out heavily. “A song?”

  Rica nodded. “Yep. That makes sense.”

  “Piano.”

  “Anything else? Do you need a map?”

  “To what?”

  “Where the fingers go?”

  I nudged her. “I don’t know. What’s good on piano?”

  “Let’s Google it.”

  It was amazing the number of things that popped up with a quick Google search.

  ‘Good piano songs’.

  Not very specific. But it did the job.

  “Ha!” Rica said. “‘Someone like you’! Adele’s perfect.”

  “Is that not about the complete opposite of what we want to achieve?”

  “Okay. How about… ‘Love Me Like You Do’?”

  “I don’t know that one.”

  “Can you learn it?”

  I looked up at the clock on the classroom wall. “In just over an hour… In a Maths lesson?” I asked her.

  Rica nodded. “Yep. Nope. Gotcha.”

  We kept scrolling.

  Suddenly, Rica’s finger hit my phone screen and she looked utterly triumphant. “This one. You loved this one. I know you know it.”

  I looked at it and sighed. “It could work…”

  “It’s perfect!”

  “It’s a little…” I stopped to think of the right words. “It won’t give the wrong impression?”

  “He’s a musician, he knows about metaphors.”

  “It’s not really a metaphor, though. Is it?”

  Rica waved away my trivial concerns. “Exaggeration, then. He gets exaggeration.”

  I sighed. “I do know it…”

  “You do. And you love–”

  “Girls, are we working?” the teacher asked.

  “Yes,” Rica replied, putting her arm over my phone.

  The teacher stopped to look at us. “Really?”

  Rica nodded. “Yep. Very focussed…on the…Maths.”

  The teacher looked unconvinced but didn’t seem inclined to argue. I suspected after years of teaching Maths at a specialist Arts school, she’d given up the fight. Finally she moved away.

  “So, it’s agreed?” Rica hissed.

  I breathed out heavily. “Sure. It’s agreed.”

  “This is going to be awesome.”

  I was glad Rica was so convinced about it, because I wasn’t. But I was going to go through with it. Even if I failed. Even it if backfired. Because I wasn’t going to live in fear. And also because Rica would never let me forget it. We could be ninety and sitting in the nursing home, forgotten our own names, and she’d remind me of that time I couldn’t manage to sing one little song.

  I got through Maths, promised to tell Rica how it all went, then hurried to the auditorium.

  A part of my brain was trying to convince me he wasn’t going to come. But I pushed it away as I walked up onto the stage and sat down at the piano. I looked at the keys and took deep, steadying breaths.

  Finally Eli walked in and I started playing, so nervous that it was nowhere near perfect.

  I was never going to be the kind of girl who wrote someone a love song. I’d leave that up to him and Govi and Lake and Ramsey. But I could pick a song that meant something and I could play that for him now. And the song I’d chosen was little hyperbolic, but the general gist of it was right.

  I was going to be brave.

  He walked towards me slowly as I started singing. My smile lifted, my heart soared. I sang for me as much for him. Because I hadn’t just been afraid of loving him, but of loving myself as well.

  When I spared a moment to look at him, he was smiling. Warm. Open. Hopeful. Happy. Proud.

  “And all along I believed I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me.”

  Eli joined me for the last lines. “I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more…”

  I looked down at the piano and I played the last few notes, the smile on my face impossible to deny.

  He waited until my hands slid into my lap to say, “A person’s song choice says a lot about them.”

  I laughed. “Is that so?”

  He jogged up the stairs but paused halfway across the stage to me. “It is.”

  “And what does that particular song choice say about me?”

  He opened his mouth, closed it, and tried again. “That there’s something you want to tell me. I hope…” he added.

  I swung to face him and stood up. Taking a deep breath, I stepped towards him. “It wasn’t just a kiss, Eli.”

  His smile grew a little, but I could see his optimism was cautious. “It wasn’t?”

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “Are you trying to say something, Clo?”

  I smiled widely and took another step towards him, stopping when my skirt brushed his legs. “I’m saying I’ll be yours.”

  “Yeah?” he asked, his whole body relaxing.

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  He wrapped me up in his arms and spun me around. I couldn’t help but laugh with him. Finally he put me down and looked at me.

  “Thank you.”

  “For what?”<
br />
  “For letting me see the real you.”

  He leant down to kiss me and my heart felt like it ballooned inside my chest.

  “Don’t you dare!” came a shriek just before our lips touched.

  Eli and I stopped and looked towards the door.

  Ella a whole bunch of people were standing in the auditorium.

  “Don’t you dare kiss him, Chloe!” Ella shrieked and the people behind her were looking at her in confusion.

  “I thought that’s why we were here,” someone towards the back of the crowd called.

  “Kiss him and I’ll–”

  “You’ll what, Ella?” I asked.

  She huffed and stamped her foot. “You’ll regret it.”

  I looked at Eli and smiled. “No. I won’t.”

  And I didn’t care that there were people watching. I kissed him. I heard Ella yell in anger, but it was soon drowned out by whooping and cheering. And I heard the distinct voices of Rica, Govi, Lake and Ramsey. I laughed, took Eli’s hand, and pulled him backstage for something a little more private.

  So in the end, Ella got her comeuppance (well, enough…for now) and I got the guy. I still had to work out what I really wanted to do with my life, but I was halfway there.

  I wasn’t just the stand-in anymore.

  I was the star.

  Quicksilver

  songbook

  Gin Fizz

  I take my Gibson down to Arnaud’s Bar.

  Old Tom greets me with a smile.

  The whole school said they’d be there,

  But, you’re the one I wanna see.

  I know we’ve had our ups and downs.

  I know you hated me before.

  I might have tried to win you over,

  But, darling, you won me.

  You leave me with that fizzing feeling,

  Don’t let the last word be ‘it’s over’.

  You see straight through the rogue I am,

  I find paradise when I’m with you,

  You slam me harder than Alabama

  Four Pillars couldn’t hold me up without you.

  I know we’ve had our ups and downs.

  I know you hated me before.

  I might have tried to win you over,

  But, darling, you won me.

  You leave me with that fizzing feeling,

  Don’t let the last word be ‘it’s over’.

  I need you more than Danny needs Sandy,

  You’re my tonic, make me fly,

  You shake me up, don’t stir me.

  I’m a broken spectre in your wake.

  I know we’ve had our ups and downs.

  I know you hated me before.

  I might have tried to win you over,

  But, darling, you won me.

  You leave me with that fizzing feeling,

  Don’t let the last word be ‘it’s over’.

  Life’s darker than a London fog without you.

  Won’t you settle down with me?

  Just let me see those sapphire eyes,

  Don’t let the last word be ‘it’s over’.

  Only a Kiss

  There’s this girl that I know,

  She drives me wild,

  But she don’t see what she does to me.

  Her rose-gold hair, I stop and stare.

  That girl’s so fine, I gotta make her mine.

  But all she sees, when she looks at me,

  Is the playboy, rock god wannabe.

  Don’t tell me you don’t care.

  Don’t walk away girl, don’t you dare.

  What we have’s damn hard to find.

  Say something, say that you’ll be mine.

  If it was only a kiss,

  Why does it feel like this?

  She makes me laugh.

  She makes me smile.

  When I’m with her, I can run 10 miles.

  She’ll tear me down when I deserve it,

  She’s not afraid to give me sass.

  Sometimes I wanna tell her that I love her,

  But I know just how she will react.

  Don’t tell me you don’t care.

  Don’t walk away girl, don’t you dare.

  What we have’s damn hard to find.

  Say something, say that you’ll be mine.

  If it was only a kiss,

  Why does it feel like this?

  Girl, you’ve gotta know,

  I’m not the same anymore.

  Those baby blues make me weak around you.

  If you’re so uninterested,

  If you didn’t want me too,

  I wonder, why do you kiss me back?

  If it was only a kiss,

  Why does it feel like this?

  She doesn’t care if I’m famous.

  (She doesn’t care if no one knows my name.)

  How do I show her that she’s changed me?

  (She’s caught my heart, my mind, my soul.)

  How do I tell her that I need her?

  (That together we can make it through.)

  Tell me, girl, why do you hide it?

  Tell me, why do you deny it?

  Don’t tell me you don’t care.

  Don’t walk away girl, don’t you dare.

  What we have’s damn hard to find.

  Say something, say that you’ll be mine.

  If it was only a kiss,

  It wouldn’t feel like this.

  If it was only a kiss,

  Darling girl, it wouldn’t feel like this.

  The Stand-In

  You can check out the playlist for this book on Spotify. Just click or scan the QR code.

  Thank you so much for reading this story! Word of mouth is super valuable to authors. So, if you have a few moments to rate/review Chloe and Eli’s story – or, even just pass it on to a friend – I would be really appreciative.

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  Thanks

  First things first, thank you to my arm tendons for hanging on for that last push. I swear you will get at least a week’s rest now. Okay, maybe a few days. Let's not go wild.

  Secondly, I'd like to thank Spotify and Google for their tremendous efforts in helping me find songs to use in this story. People wanted a playlist that was actually used in the story? Hopefully this didn't go too far in the other direction.

  As usual, thanks go out to the beta team - particularly Charny and Anna, without whom Govi would be dressed in a plaid suit and Ella would have ended up with half the dressing downs she gets. We'll have to see how many of those ideas for the sequels make their way out of my head and onto screen.

  Thanks always to my husband who still keeps the house running, who lets me bitch and moan about my writer's arm without reminding me (much) that I shouldn't have left it until the last minute. Again.

  My Books

  You can find where to buy all my books in print and ebook at my website;

  www.elizabethstevens.com.au/YoungAdultBooks.

  About the Author

  Writer. Reader. Perpetual student. Nerd.

  Born in New Zealand to a Brit and an Australian, I am a writer with a passion for all things storytelling. I love reading, writing, TV and movies, gaming, and spending time with family and friends. I am an avid fan of British comedy, superheroes, and SuperWhoLock. I have too many favourite books, but I fell in love with reading after Isobelle Carmody’s Obernewtyn. I am obsessed with all things mythological – my current focus being old-style Irish faeries. I live in Adelaide (South Australia) with my long-suffering husband, delirio
us dog, mad cat, two chickens, and a lazy turtle.

  Contact me:

  Email: contact@elizabethstevens.com.au

  Website: www.elizabethstevens.com.au

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