by Pentabu
—Do I really want to go through with this?
Taking My Girlfriend to Meet My Parents, Part 2.
2007/01/04 20:14
At the end of the year.
At a time when a certain major djinshi event was being held in a certain convention center.
I was nowhere to be found at that center; I was at the airport.
—Taking my girlfriend to America so that I could show her to my parents.
Y-KO: … Sightosheeingu… for four deizu…
Y-ko stood at my side, nervously clutching her passport.
As this was her first trip out of the country, she was slightly spooked about the ordeal.
… To be honest,
I felt much the same way on my first trip overseas,
so I could understand her anxiety.
ME: … There’s still a bit of time to kill… Want to check out the duty-free shops?
Y-KO: Hmm? Sure. Actually, what I’d really like to do is master the sentences I need to rattle off in order to get through immigration!
Y-ko stared fiercely at the sample statements she had printed up from the Internet.
Aww, isn’t that cute?
Actually, it seems like she’s more nervous about the immigration check upon landing than about meeting my parents…
Well, I understand how she feels.
Plus, it’s not like she has anything to be anxious about with my folks.
Y-KO: … Hey! What are you smirking about?!
ME: I’m trying to burn this scene into my memory, because I’ve never seen you so nervous about anything before.
Y-KO: Oh, yuck! You are such a creep!
ME: It’ll be fine.
Y-KO: Thanks for the consolation!
ME: Plus, if they have to interrogate us in separate rooms, you do have the right to request an interpreter.
Y-KO: Okay, never mind, that sounds more like a threat than a consolation!
Ooh, what a glare.
… In fact, I might be forgiven for thinking it was a dead serious glare.
Two hours later.
We filed into an airplane with an American airline company’s name painted in gaudy colors on its outside and searched through the spacious cabin for our seats.
… Ah, there they are.
Yes, good old economy class.
Compact? Cozy? Let’s call it out for what it is—cramped.
Y-KO: Is this it? Oh, wow… All the people here are Americans.
ME: Makes sense. They probably want to spend the holidays at home.
We stored our bags in the overhead bins and sat down.
Y-KO: … Why couldn’t your parents come back to Japan for the holidays instead?
ME: Well, it’s too late for that now…
Hey, are you feeling okay? You don’t look so good.
Y-KO: … Okay, I didn’t tell you this before… but this is my first time on an airplane!
ME: What?! Really?!
Y-KO: I think I’m a little freaked out about this…
ME: I can see why… But you’ll be fine once we get in the air.
Y-KO: … W-will you hold my hand?
ME: … Huh? Well, sure, I don’t mind…
Baby, when you hesitantly ask me to do something like that, well…
It gives me a nervous thrill completely different from the kind you usually send running down my spine.
—I felt a squeeze.
She had grabbed my left hand.
Y-KO: … If we fall and crash, I’ll step on you until the moment we die!
ME: Not only is that a terrible thing to think about, we’ll die before you have time to step on me.
Y-KO: Then I’ll step on you before we crash.
ME: Why?!
Y-KO: Stress release. Take that!
ME: Ouch!
This is so unfair!
Plus, that was so not a “step”! That was a kick!
Not to mention, how did it take me this long to realize that she really likes stomping on me?
Y-KO: There, I’m feeling a bit better now.
ME: … It was worth being stomped on.
Y-KO: You know what? Next time you should get some bumpy warts installed on your foot.
ME: Why? So you can release stress and get a foot massage at the same time?!
Y-KO: You know, you have a really weird and lame ability to shout in a low voice.
ME: Don’t call it lame!
Y-KO: Fine, it’s spectacularly lame.
ME: That just makes it sound worse!
Suddenly, an announcement in English rang through the cabin,
drowning out our silly bickering.
Looks like the flight is about to begin.
At my side, Y-ko affixed her seat belt, looking determined and serious.
… A little too grave, my dear.
I understand how you’re feeling, though.
The voice in English spoke up again, announcing the expected arrival time.
ME: ……
Y-KO: ……
ME: ……
Y-KO: …… I can’t tell what he’s saying…
ME: Well, that’s no surprise.
Y-KO: …… Translate for me…
… Whoa.
This time she pleaded with tears in her eyes.
… It was such a rare sight, I felt a tug at my heart.
Y-KO: Please? Will you? All the staff are Americans, so I have no one else to rely on…
Wow!
Y-ko acting honest and straightforward for once!
What’s gotten into her?
Y-KO: Please?… Please.
ME: Well, sure… But you know they’ll announce the same thing in Japanese next, right?
Y-KO: ……
ME: ……
Y-KO: …… Huh?
ME: They have a Japanese announcement, too.
Y-KO: … Wh-what? They’re also going to tell us the same stuff in Japanese?
ME: Well, sure. The flight’s leaving from Japan. Of course they’re going to announce that stuff for us.
Y-KO: ……
ME: Oh, and by the way, they’ll always have a flight attendant who can speak Japanese.
Y-KO: Really?!
ME: Why would I lie about that?
Y-KO: … Sheesh! There’s nothing to be afraid of, then!
ME: There isn’t?
Y-KO: Yeah, I’ll be completely fine!
ME: So I don’t have to hold your hand anymore?
Y-KO: … Actually, you do.
ME: ……… Pardon?
Y-KO: … This engine noise is kind of scaring me, so I don’t want to let go.
ME: …… That’s very honest of you.
Y-KO: Good. I was worried you might refuse to hold my hand anymore.
… Aww, hell!
Why does she keep acting so timid and helpless?!
It’s so different from normal!
I don’t get it, but it sure is cute!
… I thought, as the plane sped up.
And then,
the moment of liftoff.
Y-KO: ……!
—Squeeze.
The pressure on my left hand grew even firmer.
… Come on.
—Really, what’s the big deal?
Are you trying to moe me to death?
Taking My Girlfriend to Meet My Parents, Part 3.
2007/01/12 22:55
After ten-plus hours in an airplane,
the craft touched down safely in an international airport within America.
After passing through customs (Y-ko having survived the process handily),
we walked to the lobby, where we would meet my parents.
As they weren’t there yet, we sat on a bench to wait.
Either out of relief at making it through the customs gauntlet unscathed
or trepidation at the imminent meeting with my parents—
Y-ko was slightly more wound up than usual.
Y-KO: Oh, crap! We’re in New York! S
tarting today, I’m a New Yorker!
ME: Well, I can certainly tell you you’re not a New Yorker.
Y-KO: Who cares? It’s a mental thing!
ME: A mental thing?
Y-KO: Plus, remember how I was able to speak English properly?
ME: … You were?
Y-KO: Yes. I told the flight attendant I wanted “pasta, please.”
The fact that I was able to communicate with a foreigner means I’m a New Yorker now!
ME: Sounds like the bar has been set pretty low…
Y-KO: But when she said, “Something or pasta,” I couldn’t make out what the other word was, so I just ended up going with pasta.
ME: You don’t make much of a New Yorker!
Y-KO: Bah. So what? I’m a Tokyoite to the core.
ME: That’s the first I’ve heard of it!
Y-KO: I’m a true-blue child of Tokyo.
ME: … When you eat soba noodles, how much do you dip them in the broth?
Y-KO: Not at all, actually.
ME: Wow, you are a Tokyoite!
The stereotype is that people from Tokyo don’t like to use much broth with their soba!
Y-KO: Plus, I don’t think you’re so bad yourself.
ME: … Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Now we’re moving on to puns?
The sentiment is appreciated, however.
Y-KO: In fact, that soba you made with yam was incredible.
ME: Thank you!
Wait, now it’s not a pun?
This is so embarrassing! This conversation is driving me crazy!
Y-KO: Really, it was awesome.
ME: Great…
Y-KO: How’d you make the broth?
ME: Five parts water to each part stock!
It was your ordinary bottled broth from the store!
In fact, so were the noodles! The entire thing was bought at the grocery store,
which would mean that my preparation had absolutely no effect on the taste!
Y-KO: I see. So that’s your secret ingredient, huh?
ME: Which part, the water or the stock?
Y-KO: The stock.
ME: Using preprepared stock kind of negates the entire concept of a secret ingredient.
How is any of that “secret”?
It’s all coming from a bottle of seaweed noodle broth.
Thanks, Yamasa Corporation, for your fine line of soy sauce–based products!
As our usual frivolous repartee carried on,
I received a call on my phone.
… It’s from Dad.
Beep—
ME: Hello?
DAD: Aha! Did you land all right?
We’re about to reach the airport. Where are you?
ME: Uhh, we’re sitting on a bench in front of the car rental counter.
DAD: Okay, great. We’ll be there in another five minutes.
ME: Got it. See you then.
Beep—
Conversation over.
ME: They’ll be here in five minutes.
Y-KO: … Okay. Getting nervous now.
… Aha.
She’s nervous; she’s nervous!
It’s nice to see this side of her for once.
Y-KO: … You can’t help but get shaky nerves once this moment comes around.
ME: Ha-ha. See how I felt last year?
Y-KO: Yeah. It was a lot of fun seeing you freak out, though.
ME: And now the tables are turned.
Y-KO: I guess they are.
ME: I’m sure you’ll get used to my parents right away, though.
They’re the kind of people who can open up to strangers immediately.
Y-KO: But still, it won’t change the fact that I’m nervous…
ME: Ha-ha, just be yourself.
Y-KO: Myself…?
ME: That’s right. Be who you really are. The usual one I see all the time…
Y-KO: …… The usual me?
ME: …… The usual you…
Our eyes met.
Yes.
My geeky, fujoshi girlfriend.
Y-KO: ……… Are you sure that’s a good idea?
… Well, at least she’s aware that it could be considered a problem.
Of course, she wouldn’t be a secret fujoshi if she wasn’t aware of that.
ME: ……… Really, I think you can afford to be the usual Y-ko.
Y-KO: I can?
ME: Wouldn’t you get exhausted trying to pretend to be someone else all the time?
Y-KO: Well, yeah, but…
ME: I’m not saying you should force your otaku nature out into the open,
but you should not have to force it into the closet, either.
Yep.
It’s going to be a monumentally draining task to hide something like that your whole life.
She ought to take some of the weight off her shoulders.
ME: Plus, my parents are fans of manga.
Y-KO: Really?! Wow, I’m feeling closer to them already.
ME: In fact, they gave me an entire manga set for a Christmas present one year.
Y-KO: You never told me that.
ME: Man, that takes me back… Had the whole series lined up on the shelf.
Y-KO: Which one?
ME: A History of Japan manga series.
Y-KO: That’s what I figured! Good thing I didn’t get my hopes up.
ME: Okay, enough of the jokes.
Here we go.
I stood up and grabbed my luggage.
Pointed my finger at a couple that had just entered the lobby.
ME: My parents are here.
Y-KO: ……
ME: C’mon, let’s go.
Y-ko and I started walking toward them.
They seemed to have spotted us as they were now walking in our direction.
ME: Still nervous?
Y-KO: Can’t you tell? I’m stiff as a board.
ME: Ha-ha, you can play it natural.
It’s not like you’re coming here to ask for their daughter’s hand in marriage.
Y-KO: Good point. If anything, I’m asking for their son instead.
ME: I can’t imagine a moment in this trip when that will be necessary.
Y-KO: Right now!
ME: Umm… Are you sure you’re really feeling nervous…?
Y-KO: Hey, you were the one who told me to act natural.
ME: I figured there would be some kind of limit to that.
Who is she kidding? She’s cool as a cucumber right now.
And then we arrived at my parents’ side.
… It’s been quite a while since I saw them, as a matter of fact.
ME: Well… Long time no see. Have you been good?
DAD: Yep.
MOM: Yes.
ME: ……
… Uh, excuse me?
I’m talking to you, so you could afford to throw me a glance or two.
Clearly excited, they stared straight at my girlfriend.
… I suppose I should do the introductions.
ME: Uhh… Well, this is my father, and this is my mother.
DAD: It’s so good of you to take care of this big lug for us.
MOM: It’s nice to meet you.
ME: And this is my girlfriend, Y-ko.
—What happened to acting like your natural self, Y-ko!? You’re acting like some kind of Goody Two–shoes!
… And look at that!
I can see that look in my parents’ eyes! It’s that well done, my boy! look!
… Though thinking on it now, Y-ko’s always had a talent for disguising herself as someone else.
This is probably small beans to her!
Taking My Girlfriend to Meet My Parents, Part 4.
2007/01/21 20:13
Inside a car speeding down the highway.
Y-ko murmured in the backseat.
… A suddenly demure Y-ko, murmuring.
Y-KO: … It’s so peaceful out here.
DAD: People think New York’s entirely urban, but i
t’s only the city.
My father answered from the driver’s seat.
Wherever it is my parents live,
it’s not smack in the middle of the big city.
ME: It tells you a lot about my dad that he claims to be on assignment in New York.
DAD: Well, it’s not a lie.
ME: Can I please have the admiration I felt when I first heard the big news back, then?
DAD: Hey, I’m working for a small enterprise, son. Things like that don’t happen to just anyone.
ME: Why do you sound proud of that?
The first conversation since our grand reunion, and I’m already depressed.
My mother, sitting in the passenger seat, turned to Y-ko.
MOM: You were probably hoping for big things when you heard New York, weren’t you?
Y-KO: Oh no. He told me what kind of place this was, so it’s pretty much what I’d expected.
MOM: It is? Well, good. You’ll probably find it boring, but I hope it’s at least comfortable.
Y-KO: Thank you very much. Plus, this is my first trip overseas.
Even this scenery is fresh and exciting to me.
MOM: Really? I’m glad to hear that.
… Ah, we’re almost there. It’s been a long trip for you, hasn’t it?
Y-KO: Not too bad. Tiring, but even more enjoyable.
… Hmm.
She’s got this disguise down perfectly.
The whole time, I was enjoying the conversation, wondering when she would slip up.
Well, I suppose she spends every day wearing the uniform of an office lady…
My poor parents have no idea…
We arrived at the house, and Y-ko and I put our luggage in the guest room, where we would be staying.
My parents went out immediately to Walmart to do some shopping.
We sat on the couch and took a breather.
Y-KO: Man, I’m tired…
ME: It must be tiring to play a role so seamlessly…
Y-KO: …? No, it’s just from the flight and car ride.
ME: Huh? You’re not tired from pretending to be someone else?
You certainly have my parents fooled…
Y-KO: Oh, please. Are you calling that some kind of devious act?
I’m only showing them the face I always wear.