by Pentabu
ME: … Always?
Y-KO: When you rip off the fujoshi mask, the OL face is exposed.
ME: Oh, so it was me who you’ve been fooling all along!
And this whole time, I thought the fujoshi bit was her real personality!
Y-KO: … Hmm, you seem to be speaking a bit differently than usual.
ME: I am?
Y-KO: I don’t know. You typically don’t act this aggressive with me.
ME: … Uh… well… Maybe I just find it weird to act so polite around my parents.
Y-KO: And that’s why you’re acting different.
ME: … Do you find it weird?
Y-KO: Actually, it’s kind of hot. You sound like a tsundere.
ME: Okay, never mind. I will be as polite and demure as always!
Is that all it takes to make someone a tsundere?!
I’d better watch how I act from now on if I don’t want to be tainted by that word!
Y-KO: Okay, the tsundere part was a joke… but I don’t mind, really. You can act that way around your parents.
ME: Really? You don’t mind?
Y-KO: I’m going to step on you later, though.
ME: Rather a disagreeable exchange, I think…
Y-KO: I’ll give you a nice flat nose.
ME: Nose?! You’re going to stomp on my face?!
Y-KO: Well, it would be a shame to sterilize you at such a young age.
ME: My face and my crotch are the only options?
Y-KO: It’s an equal exchange.
ME: Your rates are a bit outrageous, madam!
Y-KO: Well, I’ve inherited the spirit of the unequal treaties.
ME: At least you’re honest about it.
Y-KO: Open your nation’s borders to us. Did I sound like him?
ME: Sound like who?
Y-KO: Commodore Perry.
ME: I have no way to tell, but if I had to guess, I’d say you didn’t!
Unfortunately, I don’t know Perry personally, so I can’t say for sure!
Plus, since when was Perry associated with the unequal treaties?
Y-KO: Pleez give me your son!
ME: Sorry, no can do.
Y-KO: HA-HA-HA! Thees must be thee famous Japaneez tsundere!
ME: Wow, Perry knows a lot about Japanese culture… And since when was that tsundere?
Y-KO: I lub you forever. You are tsundere!
ME: So Commodore Perry has fallen in love with me… madly and eternally… and declared me to be a tsundere?!
Y-KO: … Adulterer!
ME: And now I’ve been labeled an adulterer despite never requiting his feelings. Great.
Y-KO: I’ll tell your parents.
ME: Tell them what?
That their son was labeled a tsundere and then propositioned by Commodore Perry?
Okay, true, that might thrust my personal reputation into a minor crisis…
Y-KO: To give me their son.
ME: That’s a request, not a revelation.
Y-KO: I have taken your son alive.
ME: Sorry, we don’t have enough money to meet your hostage demands.
Y-KO: Your son has been in a terrible accident. Please send emergency funds to…
ME: And now you’re running a scam!
Y-KO: If anything, your son is on the uke side of the equation.
ME: That could drive our family completely dysfunctional!
Y-KO: And he’s a total masochist.
ME: I’m not a total masochist! I’m a slight masochist!
How many times must I explain that?
That’s the kind of place where a man has to take a stand and stick up for himself!
Y-KO: Wow, you’re really in a feisty mood today.
The comebacks are about to give me whiplash. Have you been possessed by the spirit of Mimura?
* Comedian of the comedy duo Summers.
ME: No idea what Mimura has to do with any of this, but…
… I think the less sleep I’ve had, the crankier I get.
Y-KO: Oh, I know what you mean… Are you sleepy?
ME: … Do you mind if I take a little nap?
I don’t think they’ll be back for a little while longer.
Y-KO: Want me to take my clothes off?
ME: I’ll live, thanks.
Where did that one come from?
Why would you need to strip?
Y-KO: I just thought maybe you’d like to use my legs as a pillow for once.
ME: ……… There’s nothing that says it has to be your bare legs.
Y-KO: Really? Fine, then… Come and get your jeans pillow, big boy.
… Well, if you insist.
I didn’t get any sleep on the flight, after all…
Plop.
ME: … Good night.
Y-KO: Good night.
—And then…
… Hmm?
… Oh, I fell asleep.
Y-ko…?
… Huh? The leg pillow has turned into a regular pillow…
……
…… I can hear voices.
Excited, laughing voices…
Dad… Mom… and Y-ko’s voices…
—Oh no!
……
…… What time is it now?
I slept in!
I slept way in!!
You should have woken me up, Y-ko!
I hurriedly rushed out into the living room.
DAD: Aha, you’re awake.
MOM: Good morning. Have a good nap?
Good morning?!
Why didn’t any of you people wake me up?!
DAD: Well, well, that was a surprise, wasn’t it?
MOM: Yes, it certainly was.
…?
What are they smirking about?
Y-KO: Oh… Sorry I didn’t wake you up.
DAD: No, Y-ko, you don’t need to apologize for that.
MOM: Of course not. Otherwise we wouldn’t have been treated to such a precious sight.
Precious sight…?
DAD: I’ve never seen anything as precious as my own son fast asleep with his head on a girl’s lap.
MOM: Indeed, it was so precious, I just had to take a quick picture and e-mail it to everyone.
……
I silently stared at Y-ko.
Y-KO: Ha-ha-ha! Sorry, I guess they saw us.
… Well, uh,
how should I sum this up?
… My parents will never let me live this one down for the rest of my life.
Stupid jet lag and stupid me!
I already want to go home!!
Taking My Girlfriend to Meet My Parents, Part 5.
2007/01/28 20:40
My parents took the first shot at me.
I stood at the entrance to the living room.
… I was already reeling.
MOM: Well, aren’t you hungry? Come and eat with us.
DAD: Probably haven’t had anything but airline food, eh?
… Your first airplane meal must have been a nasty surprise, Y-ko.
Y-KO: But now that I’ve had such a wonderful meal to finish the day,
I’ve forgotten all about that horrid food.
MOM: Oh, Y-ko. You are so good at flattery!
Y-KO: No, really! It was delicious.
Can you give me your recipe for this fried rice later?
MOM: Oh, this? It’s easy. You just have to get the seasonings right—
……
They’re hitting it off…
Y-ko is hitting it off perfectly with my parents…
DAD: Don’t just stand there like an idiot, sit down.
Y-KO: Here, give me your cup. I’ll pour you some tea.
MOM: Oh, thank you so much, dear.
DAD: … Do you always make her do this much work, son?
Absolutely not, Dad!
It’s usually me who works this hard!
Y-KO: No, if anyone’s doing the cooking and whatnot, it’s him, not me…
MOM: Oh, don’t be silly. He doe
sn’t cause trouble, does he?
Y-KO: No, really. He’s the one who has to clean up after me all the time. Like the other day—
… Yeah, that’s right!
She’s telling the truth! She’s telling the truth, but…
… for some reason, even though Y-ko’s being absolutely honest,
my parents keep shooting me these lukewarm glances!
Dammit!!
Don’t stare at me like that!
… Dad!
Were you just thinking, “She’s so well mannered”?!
Why are you giving me a thumbs-up, Mom?!
… And stop mouthing “good job” at me!
… Damn!
This is supposed to be my home field (in a way),
so why do I feel such an oppressive road disadvantage?
Despite my fiercely conflicting emotions, I sat down at the table.
DAD: By the way, Y-ko…
Y-KO: Yes?
DAD: What was it about him, anyway?
ME: Grrfh?! Coff, gehoff!
Come on! What are you playing at, bringing up an embarrassing topic like that?!
I could have choked on my food and died!
Y-ko decided to go out with me because she saw me putting little bookmark slips in my books!
Tell me, what kind of reaction are you planning to give when she drops that bombshell?
You’re kind of enjoying this, aren’t you? You can’t wait for her to say it!
… Okay, Pops, let’s see how you uphold your fatherly image after this one!
Y-KO: Well, let’s see…
… He’s very nice, and sometimes he does and says things that just electrify me…
DAD: ……
MOM: ……
ME: ……
… What a difficult statement to give a reaction to!
Plus, I thought it was the slips that clinched it for me, Y-ko!
DAD: Well, er… I hope you’ll keep giving him lots of love.
MOM: Yes, please be good to our boy, Y-ko.
See? Now you made things all weird!
And for some reason, I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable!
Y-KO: Oh no. I can only hope that you will accept me.
… Ah!
I-I feel like I need to divert the course of this conversation!
I sense danger ahead!
We’re moving in the wrong direction!
ME: Oh, that reminds me. Umm, you know…
MOM: So, Y-ko…
ME: Oh yeah! Th-this rice is really good; it reminds me of—
MOM: Which one of you asked the other out?
ME: The rice is…
DAD: Oh, I’m curious about that, too. Who popped the question, son?
No!
Listen to me!
I’m trying to describe how good the rice is!
Y-KO: Well, uh… It’s actually… kind of an embarrassing topic.
But it is important to us, so I’d like to keep it a secret… if you don’t mind.
Thatta girl, Y-ko!
A real grown woman sure knows how to be awesome!
MOM: Don’t you want to see some childhood photo albums of him?
DAD: I bet you’d love to hear all kinds of juicy, embarrassing stories.
ME: What are you people doing…?
Come on, Mom and Dad…
You’re too old to act like this. Take a page out of Y-ko’s book, and—
Y-KO: Well, it was a really beautiful situation.
The moon was out, and it was full and bright. He and I had just—
ME: Y-ko?!
And now she goes ahead and spills the beans!
I hate grown-ups!
DAD: Aha, so he was the one who asked you out first?
So tell me, son. You spent about a week writing those lines, didn’t you?
MOM: And then you practiced them on your own, right?
Y-KO: Huh? You did?
ME: ……!
… Yeah, so I did!
I practiced them constantly, and I had the whole situation planned out ten days in advance!
I had several patterns memorized based on different possible answers from Y-ko!
… Is there something wrong with that, dammit?!
Y-KO: Well, can you tell me about him as a little boy?
DAD: What do you want, the embarrassing anecdotes or the failures?
Stop right there, Dad!
Are those the only two choices she gets?!
DAD: Well, it’s not like there are any particularly cool stories about him, right, dear?
MOM: Really? I’ve got some.
Look at that, Dad!
Mom understands how it works!
Tell Y-ko a really impressive tale about me as a lad, Mom!
MOM: When they asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up back in kindergarten, he made a big pose and said, “I want to be a superhero!”
There!
Wasn’t that c-c-? Huh?!
DAD: ……
Y-KO: ……
ME: ……
MOM: Oh, but there’s more—
… More?
MOM: —and I want to save Mommy from a giant monster!
……… Oh dear.
Y-KO: That’s so cool!
DAD: What about me? Wasn’t he going to save me, too?!
MOM: Oh, and by the way, this is a photo of him at that age—
Y-KO: Y-you have to copy me some prints of this!
MOM: Of course! I’ve got the negatives saved and everything!
DAD: Honey! Honey! What about me?!
……… Great.
—Come on, Mom…
Is that the only cool story about me you have to tell?
And, Y-ko, you are getting along with them much too well.
Taking My Girlfriend to Meet My Parents, Part 6.
2007/02/06 18:29
We finished dinner and returned to our room to prepare for our baths.
As soon as we got inside the room, Y-ko began laughing.
Y-KO: Ha-ha-ha. Boy, that was a great story! I’m glad I came!
ME: ……… Well, I’m happy that you’re enjoying yourself.
Y-ko was beaming full faced after hearing those stories about my childhood.
… No, wait.
This is less of a “beam” and more of a “leer.”
… Oh man, that is scary.
Y-KO: Well, it was funny and all… but it was also pretty endearing.
ME: Really? That lame story?
Y-KO: Yeah. I thought it was really cute.
ME: Well, that’s nice… though I don’t know if I should be happy about that or not.
Y-KO: From now on, I’ll just have to call you SuperheroSebas!
ME: Okay, you don’t actually think it’s endearing at all, do you?
She’s just pulling my leg!
Plus, that’s a pretty long nickname!
Y-KO: Oh, I’m kidding. But I do think it’s a nice story.
ME: Well, thanks…
Y-KO: … Come here. I’ll give you a pat on the head for being a good boy.
ME: Why?! And what exactly did I do to deserve it?
Y-KO: I’m going to give you a pat for growing up the right way.
ME: Rrgh…!
Y-KO: Come on, get over here.
ME: ……
… I walked over to Y-ko’s side.
The palm of her hand rubbed the top of my head.
Y-KO: There we go. Good boy.
ME: Ugggh…
What is this emotion? It’s like embarrassment mixed with reluctance to pull away!
… Dammit! I can tell that I’m enjoying this!
I got our toiletries together for the bath and took Y-ko to the bathroom.
Since she was the guest in the house, I let her start first.
My mom showed us how to use the showerhead.
American showers work slightly differently from the ones in Japan.
MOM: And if you press this here, it’ll c
ome out of the shower.
Y-KO: Okay, I see. Thank you for the explanation.
MOM: … And what are you doing here?
She looked at me with a quizzical expression.
ME: Well, I need to learn how it works, too.
Y-KO: What? You aren’t coming in with me?
ME: I’m amazed that you would suggest such a thing in front of my own mom!
Y-KO: Ha-ha-ha, just kidding… Here.
… Here?
She put her arms up in the air for some reason.
ME: … What do you want?
Y-KO: Take my shirt off.
ME: You are unbelievable!
What is she thinking?!
And why is Mom laughing her ass off?!
Y-KO: As you can see, ma’am, this is how I treat him.
MOM: Ha-ha-ha. You’re right, he does act funny when you tease him.
ME: Well, okay, I can’t deny that, but—
Y-KO: He’s a very reliable worker, however.
MOM: What, really?
Y-KO: Yes. He’s been a huge help on many occasions.
MOM: Really… Where did we go wrong?
ME: You went wrong?!
Shouldn’t you consider that a smashing success?!
MOM: You could say that, too.
ME: No, you could only say that.
MOM: Well, I’m just not used to hearing my son paid compliments, so I didn’t know how to respond.
ME: What does this say about my reputation with you guys?!
I’ve been given compliments all the time!
Is this how you responded each time that happened?
MOM: I’m sorry. You know your old mom—I’m a ditz.
ME: The ditz excuse only works while you’re still in your twenties!
Y-KO: Really…? So I can use that and get away with it?
ME: What are you planning to do, Y-ko?!
And then my dad appeared.
DAD: I’m done with the wash, dear…
Whoa! Are you taking a bath with Y-ko?
Dad… Don’t make things any worse.
We’ve already been through this joke.
Y-KO: Yes, we’re going in together.
DAD: What?!
ME: Why would you say that, Y-ko?!
Y-KO: … Oops, sorry. You know me, I’m just a ditz.