Every Last Breath

by Gaffney, Jessica

  “I see. Thank you.”

  She turned her eyes back his way, because her curiosity was still hopeful that Eli was not missing but just misplaced.

  “Good news Ms. Burke. The Holland’s had taken the kids for food when the weather worsened. One of your neighbors was at the same restaurant and they took Eli home.”

  “A neighbor, which neighbor?” Maggie stood up, “Who?” she shouted. Infuriated she charged to the door.

  “We don’t have that name but Mrs. Gable said Eli was playing with their kids, when the parents approached and asked for you.”

  Ben began dialing the neighbors. “Check your phone. Someone close by has him, they probably offered to take him home because of the storm.”

  Maggie’s mind spun. “Maybe, but what if it was Jack, and he playing the part? What if he has him?”

  “Ms. Burke, your son is going to be fine. Mrs. Gable clearly said Eli was playing with their children. He knew them. She said she tried to call you and said that she sent a few texts.”

  Maggie darted toward the couch and retrieved her phone. There were 22 new texts, she scrolled through the list, “I don’t see it,” she cried as she looked to Ben for hope. “There’s nothing here.”

  She tried again and finally spotted the word mom on the eighth message. It read, the Holland’s invited me to watch a movie. Can I stay?

  “He’s at the Holland’s.”

  She checked the message again. The text was sent at 4:54. It was now 5:50 pm.

  Maggie grabbed her coat and headed to the door.

  Eli was curled up on the floor with the Holland boys watching a movie. Maggie felt her nerves surging up like wave of tension. She forced herself to remain calm and not tip off the neighbors as to her distress. She had missed their call; that was it. “Thank you so much for bringing him back in this weather.”

  “With the storm coming in, you know how people down the mountain are, they panic. Guess the family wanted to get home before the heavy stuff settled in.” She read the unease in their faces, perhaps it was because the police had gone door to door. Any concerned parent would have called the police.

  Mrs. Holland looked at Maggie, her eyes filled with anxiety as she rattled off her idea of an explanation, “Eli sort of attached himself to the boys. We thought there’d be no harm. But you didn’t answer your phone. By time we drove by your house, no cars were there.”

  Maggie didn’t want to tell them that she parked in the garage like a normal person. She simply asked for his coat and walked out into the snow.

  Maggie had been sitting at the table for an hour. Eli was running around with Ben as if nothing had happened, yet it did. The emotions of almost losing her son had triggered Maggie into an emotional whirlwind. She needed Claire. She could talk some sense into her.

  “Maggie.”

  She looked up as Claire rushed inside and ran toward her, “Oh my God.”

  The two embraced as Maggie let her guard down. Her fears seeped out as she hugged her tight. Claire took her hands. “It’s gonna be alright. We are not going to let that jerk touch you.”

  Maggie called for Vala. The dog looked up from her bed, “Here.”

  She walked ever slowly toward her master. Maggie pet her head slowly, looking into her eyes. “What happened today girl? Did you know he was here?”

  She smiled and tried to hold back her tears. She had come so far in her recovery. Why now? Why would God allow Jack to get this close? Why did she meet Ben if Jack was going to terrify her all over again? She and Eli needed stability and that included Ben, he brought that into her life. And she reminded herself not to forget it either.

  She excused herself from the table and withdrew to her bedroom. After a good cry, Maggie wrapped herself up in the comforter. Night had come and she had no idea if she would fall asleep or not. Worrying would only make it worse, so she breathed in deep and tried to trust in those around her. God knew what he was doing. Now it was time that she needed to do her part.

  It seemed like a good time to review her journal. She reached for the composition book and returned to the last entry. There in blue ink was her dream, the one where Vala gets shot, in the woods. She understood it now. Her subconscious played it out already. Jack was out, he was coming for her, and someone was going to die.

  Her dreams were never wrong.

  Maybe she could pack up her things and run? That would certainly keep them safe. Then again, if she ran, she was also leaving the protection she built around her. She had the police, the shelter, the dog. Jack was closing in, there was a chance they would catch him. And while she was still afraid, she was not as frail as she once was. He was not invincible. He’d make a mistake and they would find him. She had to remind herself of that. Dr. Gibbons told her numerous times. He is just a man, but how you portray him dictates your responses. Those responses control your thoughts and emotions. When you deal with Jack, you must choose to control where your thoughts and reactions go. Take him off his pedestal, he is not evil incarnate. He has a body, blood, needs, and fears of his own. He is human.

  There wasn’t much about Jack that seemed human. She argued that one. But the doctor was right. It was all about how she perceived him. And if she was afraid, he’d feed on it. He was after her submission. She needed to stay strong and not teach Eli to be afraid of a man either.

  She folded her hands and thanked God for sanity. She had to stop thinking about Jack the way she did for the past decade. With hands together she said a quick prayer to put her in the right mind frame.

  The boys were sprawled out on the floor playing chess. A sight to be seen. Maggie walked over to them, a little more wobbly than expected. “Think I’m gonna take a bath.”

  “Go right ahead,” Ben’s eyes were soft and caring. Eli lay tummy town with his hands holding up his chin. When it was his turn to move he reach up and moved his pawn. “That’s a good one, isn’t it Ben.”

  “It is buddy. You may win this one.”

  He smiled like a kid at a camp fire.

  The doorbell rang and Maggie’s heart leapt. Ben looked out the window. “It’s all right. It’s just the detective.”

  Eli ran to the door and saluted Mr. Brant, as if he were a Marine.

  The man smiled and patted Eli on the head. “May we speak in private?” He asked.

  Maggie clutched her shoulders. “Anything you have to say can be said in front of Ben.”

  “I was referring to an adult only conversation.” He said looking toward Eli.

  She settled Eli into his room and turned on a movie. He’d do anything she asked if he got to watch a movie. She set up a TV tray and put a drink and some popcorn in a bowl. That should be enough to put him to sleep. Ben had poured her a cup of coffee and the three sat at the kitchen table. “Now I don’t want to alarm you but you need to know that a security camera at your son’s school shows some suspicious activity near the playground. The local precinct had a call two days ago that there was a perpetrator parked near the school.”

  “What time of day?”

  He flipped open his pad of paper. “The call came in at 11:52 am.”

  Maggie began to shake. “That’s when Kindergarten goes outside.”

  Ben put his hand on hers. “Is there anything else you are not telling us?”

  “No. But I suggest you folks sit tight and let us do our job. We should know more by the morning.”

  “He may break in before morning. Should we leave?”

  “You are under surveillance Maggie. This is the safest place.”

  She shook her head yes, but every nerve in her body told her Jack was coming.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Most of the time she worried about Jack finding her in the house which is why she invested in Vala, but that was no longer the case. He could be watching her, learning her schedule. He could break in when she was not home, he could go to the school, he may even know where she worked.

  Maggie’s thoughts wandered back to their last month before Jack’
s arrest. It was a bitter cold day, not normal for New York. She had walked to the back of the yard to see if there was any firewood for the house. They hadn’t used the fireplace in over a year but she thought it would be nice to warm up the home with a crackling fire.

  Jack must have come home while she was out back. She turned around and saw him staring at her from the walkway by the back door. He didn’t make his presence known.

  Maggie dropped the wood and clutched her chest. “Jack, you scared me.”

  He never apologized, he only stared. She scooped up the wood, knowing he would not help her. His eyes were cold and dark, his skin looked extra pale.

  “What are you doing?” He asked.

  She smiled, noting the flat tone in his voice. “Eli’s coming home soon. I am warming up the house.”

  She moved toward the door but Jack blocked her entry. He yanked the wood from her arms. The blocks fell to the ground, two banging up against her leg. “No you’re not.”

  “Jack, come on, let me go inside, it’s freezing.”

  His head tilted like a dog deciphering what he heard. “You’ll burn him. And I won’t let you.”

  “What are you talking about? You’re the one who holds him by the fire,” she argued as she reached for the wood.

  He smacked her arm down, with one hand.

  “Jack that hurt.”

  “You’re not going anywhere near my son.”

  Maggie’s fear heightened. What was happening?

  His head tilted again as he stared at her. “You’re expecting someone aren’t you?”

  His fingers were now an inch from her face. “Admit it, you’ve been sneaking around on me.”

  Her head shook, “No Jack. Never.”

  He gripped her chin and moved her head side to side. Tears welled up in her eyes. “No. Not my Maggie.” He touched her hair. “You’d never do that to me. Because if you did,” he now caressed her cheek, “Eli would lose his mother. And you wouldn’t want that.”

  Suddenly the suspicion was gone and he backed up. Maggie however, had tightened every muscle in her body. Only when he entered the home, was she able to breathe. Maggie took the keys out of her pocket and ran to the car. She broke down sobbing as she left the driveway. That was almost four years ago.

  The following morning was when she made the call to an abuse hotline. She had seen a flier at the library when she took Eli there for a toddlers meet-up. The face on the brochure mirrored the way she felt though she’d never say it.

  The threshold for tension had risen higher and higher to the point of drowning. She was constantly watching the clock waiting for Jack to come home, only to second guess his every move. She tried to stay one step ahead of his mood. Each hour of anxiety mounted up until she was about to explode.

  Many nights, she retreated to Eli’s room, as to not wake the beast. Jack was flipping in and out of conscious states as he slept and she knew better than to wake him. There were consequences for sleeping in Eli’s room, but she knew what those were. Waking Jack up was the lesser of two evils.

  She hadn’t thought about that fate filled phone call since the morning she first called for help. She dialed the wrong number the first two tries. Her hands shook uncontrollably. She logged the number in her cell as Library, so Jack wouldn’t suspect. She stood on the front stoop as the phone rang, until she got up the nerve to speak.

  The phone wobbled as she shook in fear. When the woman answered Maggie’s tongue felt like tar.

  “This is Safe Haven, are you in a safe place to talk?”

  “Yes, I am,” Maggie mumbled, reality suddenly hit home.

  “How can I help you?”

  “Hi Um, I’m calling to ask a question. I don’t know for sure, but I think I may be in a Domestic Violence situation.”

  The woman was very calm, “What makes you think that you are?”

  Maggie paused. “Well, I am very afraid of my husband.”

  The woman spoke clear and calmly. “Has he threatened you directly?”

  “Um, yes but not today,” Maggie was quickly losing her nerve.

  “Are you afraid that he might hurt you or your children?”

  “Well, I’m not sure. Something is definitely wrong with him. I don’t think he would hurt us. He is very angry though.”

  “Ma’am would you like to come into the shelter?”

  Maggie shook her head as if the woman could see her. “No. No, that’s not necessary.”

  “Do you have a place you can go, to get away from him?”

  Again she shook her head, “Yes I do.”

  Her mother lived only two hours away but Maggie could make the drive. She questioned her own sanity. Do I really need to do that? Jack is angry but he wouldn’t hurt Eli.

  “Ma’am you called us.”

  Maggie panicked and hung up. She looked at the phone as if it were her enemy. What had she just done? A barrage of emotion choked her every move. Her feet felt like lead and her voice seemed vacant. Why was she afraid to go home? What was wrong?

  She saved the number but she deleted it from her call log; then she wiped her eyes and walked home, terrified that she might actually leave Jack.

  Much of the night went by like a blur. Ben poured her a drink to help her settle down. He also put Eli to bed and let Maggie run her bath. The heat drew the blood from her head, making her thoughts slow down. She didn’t want to sleep alone that night, and preferred that Eli be moved to her room. But for now, she needed another glass of wine.

  The altitude affected her drinking. It normally took a bottle of wine to take the edge off, now Maggie could accomplish that with two glasses. She sat up in the tub and looked around. She must have nodded off for a bit in the tub, but that was usual. When the water cooled or a sound alerted her, she would wake up, slightly startled and then drain the tub.

  The wine made her do strange things— but that could be a good thing. She needed a break in her routine; the same routine she put in place to maintain order and control.

  The lights were dim as she entered the kitchen. The firelight illuminated the living room where Ben reclined on the couch. She opened the fridge, not sure if she wanted to go to sleep or enjoy his company.

  “When did he fall asleep?”

  “Over half an hour ago,” Ben whispered.

  Maggie curled up beside him. “I must have fallen asleep.”

  Ben put his arm around her and she eased her head upon his shoulder.

  The roar from the fire billowed off the glass. Together they watched the

  flames dance against the window. What would tomorrow bring? Maggie didn’t want to think about it. She was emotionally exhausted and needed to recharge.

  She breathed in a whiff of Ben’s cologne. The piney scent aroused her senses, pushing away her fears. His hands were warm as they pressed again her shoulder. She could hear his strong heart pulse one beat at a time. She again, breathed deep, waiting for the stress to melt away.

  Ben’s hands moved up her shoulders to her hair. He caressed the tops of her head. She nestled closer until every care for her future drifted away.

  Switching vehicles seemed like a good idea. Ben had parked in her garage and Maggie loaded up Eli in his truck, hoping to venture out as she was urged. The storm had passed and Detective Brant called that morning to tell her that the man on security camera outside Eli’s school was not Jack. It was the older brother of one of the students, who just returned from Iraq, he wanted to surprise his little sisters, who were in fourth grade.

  That piece of news brought down her anxiety, that and the wine that was working its way out of her system.

  Ben reminded her to have a normal day and bring Eli with her wherever she went. The house was under surveillance and she had to pretend everything was back to normal. When he left for work that morning, he kissed Maggie on the forehead. He spent the night in her room, with Eli sprawled out between them.

  She woke up in the middle of the night and slipped out of bed. Even in an induced
state, her night panic attacks were still in full swing. She rarely slept through them. Maggie curled up beside Vala and rubbed her head until the fire embers burned out. That’s when the house grew silent. Every few minutes she’d look out the back window, wondering if Jack were out there. If he was, it was just a matter of time before he’d get inside. And then what? Would Vala respond the way she was trained? Maybe Maggie put too much faith in her and should have taken self-defense?

  She buckled Eli in his booster seat and turned up the heat.

  “Where are we going momma?”

  “We are going to see Mommy’s boss.”

  “Cwaus?” He asked in a silly accent.

  She smirked. “Yes, honey. Do you want to see the dogs?”

  Maggie realized that if Jack were tailing her, this was the last place he’d want to go. Then maybe he’d leave her alone.

  Adjusting her rear view mirror, she backed up.

  It felt good to get out on the road and have her boy beside her.

  “Whatch ya got there buddy?”

  Eli played with a toy in the backseat. “It came in my lunch box yesterday. Isn’t he cool?”

  The toy resembled the latest monster movie craze. She never understood what the point of cross marketing was. Everyone had a TV these days. Perhaps giving kids an educational toy or something they could use, would be more beneficial. Either way, Eli was fascinated with it and it kept him quiet.

  On the way there, Maggie pulled through town. The windshield was fogging up, something Ben would need to fix. At the light she used a rag and wiped down the interior. She wiped off the condensation as the cross walk turned green. The shadow of a pedestrian caught her attention as he walked by. Eli zoomed his toy through the air as the tick of her blinker made time stand still.

  She watched as the man lumbered across the street, head down as to not be noticed. He was a dark figure wearing a hooded jacket and black cargo pants. It was the same man she saw outside the coffee shop two weeks ago.