Living The Dream

by Guy Lilburne

  “Come on then. Tell us all about this ‘Special Someone’.” Sloany used his fingers to make the inverted comma sign in the air.

  “I don’t know where to start really.”

  “Sloany reckons that you are shacked up with a lady boy,” said Terry as a starting point.

  “Right! Well, I might as well just tell you, but I don’t want anyone to laugh. She’s only got one harm.”

  Simon sprayed a mouthful of beer across the table. Terry banged on the tables with his fist and they all laughed uncontrollably. Terry had to take his glasses off and clean them because of his laughter tears. He wiped them and put them back on. He composed himself as he pushed them further up the bridge of his nose.

  “So, where did you meet a one armed girl then, Norris?” he asked.

  “It wasn’t at a juggler’s convention,” said Sloany and boomed out a loud laugh, which started everyone else off again. Norris let them settle down a bit before he tried to speak.

  “Look, she lost her harm when she was 14 years old in a motorbike accident. There is nothing you can say to her that she hasn’t heard before. You won’t embarrass her. You’ll only embarrass yourselves. That’s why I decided to tell you about her first.”

  “Sorry, Norris. You are right. “Sloany wiped his head with a tea towel. “So where did you meet her?”

  “I met ’er in The Cheeky Girls Bar. I really like ’er. I think she is really pretty and she has a great body.”

  Everyone looked at each other - almost daring each other to be the first one to say something. Terry couldn’t resist.

  “A great body, with what’s left of it, you mean!”

  Everybody laughed. Well, everybody except Norris.

  “Well, I like her. I had some more news to tell you, but you can all fuck off now.”

  “Oh, come on Norris! We’re only joking.”

  “No. It doesn’t matter.”

  “So, when are you bringing her in the bar then?”

  “I’ll bring her in tomorrow. Don’t you get calling her ‘Stumpy’ or anything like that Sloany. She doesn’t like nicknames.”

  “That’s handy to know, Norris.”

  They all laughed again. Norris waved them goodbye with two fingers and walked off along the Soi in the hot sunshine.

  “Will someone send Norris a text message? Tell him that he and his bird are invited to a free Sunday Dinner tomorrow. You’re all invited,”

  “Thanks Sloany. What’s the occasion?”

  “Norris has got a girlfriend. I’ve never known him have a proper girlfriend before.”

  Sloany was up early on the Sunday. A large chicken and joint of pork were roasting in the oven. The vegetables and potatoes had been peeled and chopped. An apple crumble had been made and was all ready to go in the oven 20 minutes before serving. Two cartons of custard just needed two minutes in the microwave. The kitchen had been cleaned and was spotless. A beautiful table had been set and displayed an elegant floral centre piece.

  “Thanks for doing all this, Ping.”

  “You are very welcome.” Ping kissed Sloany on the cheek.

  Ping was a lady boy. She had known Sloany for years. She didn’t hesitate to go around to his bar and help him out as soon as he had asked her. She liked Sloany. She always had. She recruited the help of two of the other lady boys who worked in the same bar where she worked. Between the three of them they had The Sloan Square Bar all set up perfectly for a wonderful Sunday Dinner.

  “Do you want us to stay and serve the dinner? We can get dressed up into something more sexy and glamorous.”

  “No thanks, Ping. I don’t want this lot to see you yet. You know what they are like.”

  “Okay, darling. Up to you.”

  The dinner invitation was for 2 pm. Everybody started arriving at 1:30 pm. Norris and Nan were the last to arrive. Nan was wearing her usual low cut top and very short skirt. She looked every inch what she was - a long time career bar girl. Norris hadn’t said how old she was and everyone had assumed that she would have been around twenty years old. Nan always wore a lot of make-up, but it couldn’t hide the fact that she was well into her fifties.

  “Bloody hell Norris! I thought you were bringing your girlfriend, not her mother!” shouted Sloany, followed by his usual machine gun laugh.

  “Everybody, this is Nan.”

  “What’s her name, Nan? She looks old enough to be your nan. You must be the only bloke in the world, who would travel half way around the world to Thailand, to settle down with an old ugly bar girl with one arm.”

  Norris and Nan sat with the others at the table and everyone welcomed Nan. It was a lovely Sunday Dinner. The food and the company were good. Spirits were high and there was a lot of laughter and chatter. The apple crumble was the best that Sloany had ever pretended to have made himself. Sloany decided to make a bit of an effort with Nan, for the sake of his old friend.

  “So, Nan. How old are you?”

  “How old do you think I am?”

  “I’m guessing about 65, but you could be a bit older without all the make-up on.”

  “I’m 53 years old.”

  “Well, that was going to be my second guess.”

  “So you’ve pretty much already moved in with Norris. You’ll be getting married next!”

  “We marry already. We have Buddhist ceremony at the house this week.”

  “What!”

  The statement had stopped everyone mid mouthful. There was silence and disbelief. Norris decided that he had better explain.

  “I really like Nan. That’s why she moved into my house. That’s why I signed the house over into her name and that’s why I had a Buddhist wedding; as a bit of insurance.”

  “A Buddhist wedding is no insurance. It’s not worth anything. It’s not even legally recognized here in Thailand. Oh Norris! Why did you sign the house over?”

  “To save myself 10,000 baht a year in company tax.”

  “Well, why didn’t you at least have a proper wedding? So you’d be entitled to half when you separate.”

  “Because Nan is already legally married to a Thai bloke called Pert or Bert. I call him Bert.”

  “You’ve met her husband!”

  “He’s moved into my house.”

  “Are you mad? You meet an old Thai slapper. You sign your house over to her. She moves into your house with her husband. I bet you are sleeping in the spare room?”

  “No! I’m not actually. Look, their marriage is over, really. There is no physical relationship. He sleeps in the spare room and I sleep with Nan making boom-boom all night. So who is the idiot now?”

  “You are. You’ve signed your house over Norris. I bet you are paying for everything and she and her husband are eating your food and using your gas and electric.”

  “We’ve got an arrangement and I’m happy. To be honest Sloany, ever since Old Tony died, I’ve been really scared. I think about dying every day. I’m scared about dying on my own. I really like Nan and she takes care of me. I like Bert too, as it happens. He never speaks.”

  “You are mad!”

  “I’m going to live there until I die. I have Nan to take care of me and I’m saving money.”

  “You’ve lost your house to a one armed bandit and you are the only one who can’t see it.”

  Nobody else spoke. There was an embarrassing silence. It was as if everyone was pretending that they hadn’t just heard what had been said. They felt as if they were watching a car crash in slow motion.

  “Fucking hell. FUCK SHIT BOLLOCKS BAYLIFF. Can I have some more custard please, Sloany?”

  “Of course you can John. You are the only one here who is talking sense.”

  Sloany pointed an accusing finger at Nan.

  “You should b
e ashamed of yourself - taking advantage of a slow witted idiot. No offence Norris.”

  “None taken, lad.”

  “I’ve heard what you have to say Mr. Sloany. Norris my husband now and I take care of him. You owe my husband money. You owe me money. Can we talk in private?”

  “No. You can say what you want to say in front of witnesses.”

  “My husband lend you 100,000 baht to buy bar. You never pay it back. Now you pay it back. If you pay it back today, then no problem. If not then we add 2,000 baht a day interest. Every day.”

  “Have you heard this, Norris? Captain Hook here is threatening me.”

  “No threat. Just business.”

  “I’m not scared of you. This is between me and Norris.”

  “I not want you scare of me, but I have two friends come here at 10 am tomorrow. If you not pay them, they hurt you and take something for their time. They come every day at 10 am and hurt you more each day and take more things, until you pay. You owe money and now you pay.”

  “Norris, have you agreed to this?”

  “Well, I sort of ’ave, really.”

  “You lent me that money to buy this bar and go towards the refurbishments. You said that I can pay it back when I wanted to.”

  “But that was years ago and you never did pay it back.”

  “Because I never wanted to. I didn’t realize there was such a rush. I thought that we were best friends.”

  “We are, but I would like my money back. It’s better in my bank than yours.”

  “Better you pay Mr. Sloany.”

  “I don’t want to talk to you.”

  Sloany got up and went upstairs. A few minutes later he was back and threw 100,000 baht across the table to Norris.

  “I’m the poorest man in Pattaya and you have just taken all my life savings.”

  “It’s my money, Sloany. I lent it to you. You owe it to me.”

  “No. I spent your loan on the bar. That’s my life savings. That is money that I have saved over the years through my hard work.”

  “Well, we are quits now. Am I barred again?”

  “No. You are right. I did owe you the money. I’m just sad about the big rush to get it back. I’m more sad about you losing your house.”

  “I haven’t lost it Sloany. I’m happy and I’m being looked after. I’m not alone anymore.”

  It had been an eventful Sunday Dinner and nobody quite knew what to make of Nan - except that she was a very old bar girl with one arm. But she did seem to look out for Norris!

  “Well, it’s been a day for announcements and I’ve got one myself.” Sloany took a long slug of cold beer from the bottle while he waited for everyone’s attention.

  “It’s no big deal really, but I think I have found a permanent member of staff. Actually, she and her friends cooked most of this dinner today. I’ve known her a long time, just as friends of course. Her name is Ping. She’s a nice person and a hard worker. I’m going to ask her to move into the spare room, so I don’t have to pay her so much. She’s going to make a few changes around here and I think it will be for the better.”

  “Well, that all sounds great, Sloany. We all know it’s been difficult for you since Tuk left.”

  “There is one more thing. Ping is a lady boy. I don’t want you to read anything into all this. She is just a good worker and a good cook. You all know me! I hate the lady boys, but she needs a job and I need someone to run this place.”

  “Well done, Sloany. I’m happy for you.”

  “Thanks Terry. I think she’ll work out okay in here.” Sloany nodded his head at each person around the table, as if to endorse his decision. He had no intention of making any announcement, but it was an impulsive thing after the conversation with Norris. Everyone smiled and nodded and finished off the pudding.

  “You’ll have to teach her how to make this apple crumble. It’s lovely.”

  “I will John. I will.”

  The winds of change did blow through The Sloan Square Bar with the arrival of Ping. She was funny and charming. She was a great cook and she transformed the bar. She flirted with everyone, the way that lady boys do, but it was all in good fun and everyone liked her. Sloany had never been so happy. Ping seemed to have a calming influence on him. She always had a few of her lady boy friends around the bar and this seemed to attract more customers. In the evenings, long after the domino players had gone home, Ping and her friends put on a show. Miming and dancing to hit songs in knockout dresses. For an hour each night the place was packed. Each day Sloany gave the Domino Crew a full update from the previous night. They played dominos and nodded occasionally, so that he would think that they were listening. The months passed and the winds of change were about to blow through all their lives. Pom was starting to look pregnant. She and Ting read all the baby magazines to see how the baby was growing inside of her. Ting asked Pom if she could go to the Pattaya Bangkok hospital with her. There was something that she had to find out for herself and she wanted her friend Pom to be with her. She thought that she knew already, but needed to be certain. They went together on a Friday and Ting booked a beautiful and romantic restaurant to tell Terry her news. The restaurant was a quiet little place near Jomtien Beach. Ting wanted a quiet place. She wanted it to be something that Terry would remember forever. She rang the restaurant and booked a window table. She asked that they made sure the candles on the table would be lit. They served great steak there and she knew that steak was Terry’s favourite. She rang Terry and told him to meet her there at 7 pm. She spent the rest of the day with Pom. They talked about everything - the past and the future. They laughed and they cried. They had become very close friends. They walked around Central Festival and Pom treated Ting to a new dress and a makeover.

  Terry was already sitting at the table waiting for Ting when she arrived. He had colour coordinated as usual, with blue shoes, trousers, braces, tie and a white shirt with a white flat cap. Ting looked sensational in a long cream evening gown. Her long black hair was loosely tied up at the back; held in place with clips and white flowers. Terry had guessed that it was a special occasion, because Ting had never done something like this before. He had bought her a bouquet of flowers to mark whatever the occasion was. He stood up to greet her and they kissed each other on the cheek before sitting down.

  “I haven’t ordered yet, but the steak looks fantastic. I thought that I’d wait for you. I didn’t know if I would be ordering champagne.”

  “I love you, Telly.”

  “I love you too, with all my heart actually.”

  “I have something to tell you.”

  “I think I can guess what it is and I’m very excited about it Ting.”

  Ting reached across the table and held Terry’s hand.

  “I have been very tired too much and I have big pain in my body for long time. Sometime I cough, I see blood. I go to hospital today with Pom. I see special doctor. He look at me on special machine and do many test. I have the cancer here in my chest. Doctor say I have long time already. I have second hairy cancer. Sorry, I say wrong. I have more big cancer spread in body. Secondary. Doctor say I can live for only six month now…….”

  Terry was in a total state of shock.

  There was a loud bang on the window which made them both jump. It was Sloany. He waved and then walked into the restaurant. He pulled up a chair from another table and joined them.

  “What’s all this then? A secret meeting? All dressed up in a romantic restaurant. Flowers! I think there is another announcement coming soon.”

  He punched Terry on the arm.

  “You sly old dog! I didn’t think you had it in you. You have obviously had it in her.” He rattled out one of his over loud laughs and it went straight through Terry. It made him shake in his seat. He was still in shock and his mind was spinning li
ke a top. He was sweating, but he felt cold. He had no control over his speech or movement. It was like an out of body experience.

  “If you haven’t ordered yet, I’ll join you. The steak is really good in here and I think you’re paying, seeing that you are the ones who are celebrating.”

  He waved the waitress over.

  “We’ll have three steaks and a bottle of your finest wine please. He’s paying the bill.”

  “How you like your steak?”

  “I think medium rare. Is that alright with you two? They don’t know how to cook a steak in Thailand. Three medium rare, please. Oh and I’ll have a bottle of beer please. I’m sweating like a glass blowers arse.”

  He looked around at the restaurant.

  “First time I’ve ever been in here, but I have heard that it’s really good. So, when I saw you two I thought that I’d come and share the occasion. I understand if you don’t want to tell me now.” He tapped the side of his nose.

  “I won’t say anything to the others. I know that you will want to be the one to tell them. I’ve got Ping watching the bar so I’ve got an all-night pass……….”

  Sloany’s incessant talking drifted away into the background. Terry reached across the table and held Ting’s hand. She smiled knowingly at him. She understood how he was feeling. He didn’t have to say anything. There was so much that he wanted to say. So much that he wanted to ask. So many things that he wanted to know - to understand. He thought that there must be a mistake or maybe, with the proper treatment, the cancer would go away. Cancer. The word echoed through his head. He kept repeating the words in his brain that Ting had said. Cancer in her chest. She looked so beautiful in her dress. The rise and fall of her beautiful breasts as she breathed. Her skin still looked so wonderful and smooth. Her beauty was still so astounding. Her heart was so pure. She had just told him that she was dying. She had six months left to live. He realized that in six months it would be their first wedding anniversary. He thought that she was going to tell him that they were having a baby, but she was going to die instead. He was too numb to cry. Inside his heart had just shattered. He wanted to know how Ting was feeling. Was she scared? What could he do for her? Why was Sloany there?