Into the Wind_A Love Story

by Jaclyn M. Hawkes

  At that she brightened marginally and then looked outside at the driving rain and mumbled to herself as she went for her shawl, “Of course it would be pouring rain. He’ll never kiss me in this. Ah, it’s just as well. Da would probably make him draw his pay and send him packin’.” She looked up at Lije sadly. “Or insist he marry me.”

  He dropped a big hand to her shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “It’s still better than not being married, Heid. Tell Da I think we should wait for the ground to dry out. Tomorrow I’ll work on books, much as I hate it.” She went out the door and he leaned out and called after her. “Josh deserves a kiss for getting soaked in the rain.”

  At that, she turned and called back, “I’d kiss Josh in no time and he knows it. He’s the chicken heart. Not me. Goodnight, brother.”

  Walking into the kitchen in his stocking feet, Lije began to unbutton his shirt as he opened the oven to look in and see what smelled so good. Mmm, pot roast and vegetables. Heidi was a saint. He pulled off his damp shirt and walked into the bedroom to check on Brekka and find dry clothes. He was just pulling a dry shirt out of a drawer of the bureau when he heard a sound behind him. Turning to glance at the bed, he looked back in surprise to see Brekka’s eyes on him.

  Hurrying over, he sat down beside her and put a gentle hand on her head. “Brekka. You’re awake. How are you feeling?”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out and she had to try a second time to whisper roughly, “Well.”

  That made him smile even though she was a mere shell of the girl he’d first seen in the Paiute camp. He lay down beside her and stroked her cheek. “You can lie remarkably well for such a nice girl.”

  They sat looking into each other’s eyes for several seconds and then he gently reached across and kissed her on the forehead and whispered huskily, “It’s good to see your eyes, Brekka. I’ve missed you.”

  She still looked into his eyes and Lije began to wonder what was going on when her eyes became bright with unshed tears. She said nothing until at length with infinite sadness in her voice, she breathed out, “Oh, Lije. I’m so sorry.”

  He continued to watch her eyes, wondering what she was saying to him and hoping and praying it wasn’t what he thought it was. He’d known she might die. Lately, he’d even begun to expect it, but he had no idea how to cope with her telling him goodbye.

  She watched him quietly for a few minutes more and then without a sound, simply closed her eyes.

  August Toft stood in the pre-dawn on the balcony overlooking the river behind his elegant home and watched the morning star amid millions of stars above. Brekka was far across the ocean and literally worlds away, but she was under these same stars. He felt such a closeness to her this morning. He desperately hoped she was okay. She had always loved these stars.

  She had always loved to go and see as well, and he wondered for the millionth time if she would ever come home, or if she would stay in the New World that she had so longed to see for herself. He wished he and Kristina could have gone with her. He was so disenchanted with the pomp and circumstance of Danish high society and it had been a dream of his to see America as well. Kristina wouldn’t have chosen to go to America initially, but she would love to do anything Brekka had done first.

  Long he’d worried about Brekka. He’d worried for her safety. She was such an intrepid soul, but it was sometimes hard to protect such a free spirit from danger. How he wished he had their mother beside him to help him raise these lovely, smart young women. Looking back up at the stars again, he prayed another of many prayers for his beautiful, but freedom-loving daughter. She needed help from her Father above even more so when her earthly father was so far away.

  She was still with the golden warrior. White Stone should have known he would never let her go once he’d seen that shining hair. None could walk away from such a one. She was still with him and now White Stone knew where to find her. All he had to do was find the golden warrior and he already knew about where he could find him. He lived somewhere near what the white men called Rock Creek. There were more Paiutes there and he could make them tell him just like he’d been able to make the other young brave tell.

  Luther Olafson walked out of the sheriff’s office in disgust, deciding that was the last time he was going to try to deal with this local imbecile. Even though Luther had demanded several times over, the sheriff wouldn’t go out and get Brekka away from that ruffian Lije Lauritzen. Luther had asked, and then begged, and then demanded, and finally threatened, but the sheriff still didn’t believe Brekka needed rescued. He kept saying she was old enough to decide for herself.

  What did age have to do with anything? What was the matter with these people? Did they have no sense that her marriage would need to have her father’s blessing? Or at least be approved by someone her father had put his trust in. Namely himself. He was the only one her father had entrusted her to in any form and the idea that she could simply decide she wanted to be married and then just do it was ridiculous. These local simpletons didn’t understand how marriage would have been handled back in Denmark.

  He thought about her with that Lije and it made him angry right to the core. Lauritzen had been so sure of himself and so outraged at Luther, but she was to be with him—Luther Olafson. Not some overgrown farm boy from the territories.

  He wondered how long they’d been married and swore at the thought of her being too close to another man, but it had only been a few days. Surely not long enough that a judge couldn’t rule the union dissolved. He’d simply have to find one who outranked this country bumpkin sheriff. There was no way he was letting someone as beautiful as Brekka Toft slip out of his reach. Not with the kind of wealth she would be inheriting.

  He walked back up the street to the hotel. Fillmore. That’s where he would try next. He’d heard it wasn’t much, but it was bigger than Rock Creek. He’d find a judge there and just in case he was as concerned with age as these locals, Luther would say Brekka was only seventeen. It was doubtful she’d have anything with her to prove otherwise after her flight from those Indians. The idea of her married to this big local was ridiculous and certainly a more experienced judge would recognize that.

  When Lije could finally bring himself to action after knowing Brekka had just done her best to tell him goodbye, he rolled off the bed and finished changing out of his damp clothing. Then he went in and choked down a portion of the roast he’d thought so tempting earlier and went back in, knelt to say a heart wrenching prayer of desperation and climbed into the bed beside his wife. Gathering her as gently as he could into his arms, he struggled not to just crush her to his chest and try to beg her to stay with him.

  He held her to him tenderly and tried to make sense of how much this all hurt when he hadn’t even set eyes on her until just a couple of months ago. He’d known the Kern girl, who had been killed in a buggy wreck last fall, since they were children and her passing hadn’t been a fraction as troubling as this night was with Brekka. He stroked Brekka’s hair and gently touched her face and tried to tell himself that he’d known this night was coming, and that it was for her own good. She would be with Father in Heaven and He must have greater need of her than Lije did to take her like this in the prime of her life.

  Lije tried to tell himself a lot of things, but none of them comforted him. He finally felt himself drifting off to sleep still as deeply wounded as he’d been when she’d last closed her eyes. He turned his face to her and breathed in the smell of her one last time. He couldn’t bring himself to truly bid her farewell. Maybe once she was gone he could face that. Why had God finally let him find the girl he’d been looking for, only to lose her again so abruptly?

  In the first gray light of day, Lije began to wake and then quickly looked over at Brekka to see if she had been taken in the night. He breathed a huge sigh of relief when he found she still breathed as she laid there quietly beside him. He whispered a prayer of thanksgiving and then gently pulled her close to him again as he listened to t
he sound of the rain against the windows. It was miserably wet outside and he’d told his father he was going to be doing book work today anyway. He was going to stay right here beside her for these last moments.

  He finally did get up and eat a meager breakfast mid morning when his hunger drove him to it, but then came right back, worrying she would die without him there beside her. He would never forgive himself if she died alone.

  Sometime in the early afternoon, he fell into a fitful, dream laden sleep. Even asleep, he dreaded finding her dead and when he woke up, he felt as if he’d worked hard labor the whole day through. She was still with him and he cuddled her close again, then felt both guilty and elated when she stirred in her sleep. He hadn’t meant to wake her, but just being able to felt like a gift.

  She moaned and sighed softly and then opened her eyes to him. He felt like he’d just been awarded a fine prize when she gave him a sleepy smile and said, “Lije. I’m still here.”

  He pulled her head gently against his chin. “Yes.”

  Whispering, she said, “I didn’t think I would be.”

  It took him a moment to swallow the lump in his throat so he could softly admit, “I didn’t think you would be either.”

  She reached up and touched him on the cheek and then gingerly turned and laid her head on his chest. “Thank you for staying here with me, Lije. I know you have things to do.”

  He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “Nothing is as important as holding you, Brekka. Both for you and for me. Holding you strengthens me. I just wish it could strengthen you as well.”

  She tiredly patted him on the chest. “In truth, I believe it does, Lije.” She closed her eyes again. He could feel her shallow breath on his skin as she slept and he had to be careful not to delude himself that she was breathing deeper than she had been, because it seemed like she was.

  Three hours later, he was almost overcome with emotion when she woke again and snuggled closer to him and asked, “Would you hold me in the chair, Lije. This bed is making my back so tired today. I’m sorry to be so whiney.”

  He turned her face to him and looked into blue eyes that seemed more clear than they had been, and that speck of hope that had raised its head earlier grew miraculously stronger. After searching her eyes for several seconds, he smiled and tenderly kissed her on the mouth for the first time. “You can whine all you want, girl. Just the sound of your voice and the blue of your eyes are the greatest of miracles to me. You can whine ‘til the cows come home.”

  For just a moment she looked perplexed. Then she reached and touched him gently on the mouth with one finger tip for a lingering moment and asked quietly, “Are our cows missing? Do you need to go in search of them?”

  Lije laughed softly and kissed her tenderly again. “No, Brekka. The cows are fine. I just meant that I love to hear your voice.”

  She looked into his eyes and then sighed and put her cheek back on his chest. “Good. Because I didn’t want you to have to leave me to go out in the rain to find them. Laying here on your chest is wonderfully sweet.”

  She closed her eyes and drifted off again and at length he whispered, “Even if the cows were in the parlor, I wouldn’t move just now to go get them, Brek.” He kissed her forehead once again and closed his own eyes wondering if it was foolish to feel such soaring hope right now about how clear her eyes had been.

  She was actually up and sitting in the chair by herself eating one of Heidi’s sweet rolls the next morning with Lije standing in the doorway when Heidi came in the front door out of the rain and through to Brekka’s room. Heidi literally squealed when she saw Brekka and came bounding across the room and wrapped her arms tenderly around Brekka’s slender shoulders. “Brekka! Look at you! And up in the chair even!

  Brekka gave her a sweet, tired smile. “And I can actually taste this heavenly pastry. You’re a very good cook, Heidi. As well as a wonderful nurse and sweet sister.”

  Heidi smiled at her and then at Lije. “You did say she was saying funny things.” She looked back at Brekka. “Lije says my cooking tastes like bark sometimes. Are you feeling better?”

  Nodding, Brekka said, “I am, thank you. Still a trifle tired, but at least I’m here.” She glanced over at Lije and their eyes met for a long second.

  Heidi watched the two of them and then said, “And I’m so glad. We’ve missed you!” She turned and asked Lije, “Shall I stay with her today, or are you going to be around doing more paperwork? Da says he needs to go into town first thing and Lars is down the valley working on the head gates. He said since it’s already wet, he might as well work on the water. If you need anything I’ll go get him, otherwise he’ll just work there today.”

  Lije pulled his eyes away from Brekka’s to say, “I’ll stay here and do more paperwork, but thank you for coming to check on her.”

  “Anytime.” She turned back to Brekka and said, “But I should warn you, Brekka. After doing paperwork for two whole days, he’s going to be meaner than a spring bear. Just try to ignore him when he growls around. He’ll soon get over it when he goes back outside. I’ll just put this on the table. I brought you some breakfast. And I’ll check back on you tomorrow.”

  She breezed back out the door and Brekka asked Lije mildly, “You don’t like paperwork, Lije? Meaner than a spring bear? Really?”

  He gave her a sheepish grin and nodded. “I’m afraid so. The books make me miserable. I’d hire it done if there was any way to. Unfortunately, most of what has to be recorded and tallied comes straight out of my head.”

  She made a sound of pity in her throat. “Alas, that’s often the case when you’re the boss. When I get better, I will help you. I often did Father’s books and quite enjoyed it. He hated bookwork, just like you.”

  “Truly? You helped your father with his record keeping and budgeting?”

  “Indeed.” She nodded. “I know. Women aren’t supposed to be adept at that kind of thing, but my father had no sons and no one but Kristina and me to take over his holdings eventually. He wanted us to know how to manage things so we wouldn’t be at the mercy of anyone else. It was marvelously empowering, although some of his contemporaries think it completely inappropriate.”

  “Yes, well, they never spoke with Brigham Young. He recommends that all women have a grasp of such things. Still, not so many do, but he tries.”

  She yawned, but then asked, “They believe he is the prophet of God and don’t heed his counsel? That’s crazy. Why would they not listen? The more I hear of this Brother Brigham, the more I think I will like him. Will I ever have the chance to meet him? Do you suppose?”

  He took the empty plate from her sweet roll and handed her the glass of milk he was holding. “You just keep getting stronger, Brekka and you’ll most certainly meet him. Speaking of your father, I want to send him a letter. Under the circumstances, I didn’t ask him for your hand, but I would like to try to make up for that. I owe him that. After all, he probably had great plans for you that didn’t include an American. From all you’ve said about him, he sounds like a good man and wonderful father.”

  Nodding, she said, “He would probably love a letter from you. He would respect that. But, although he’ll miss me, he will absolutely trust my judgment and when he meets you, he’ll know exactly why I married you.” She yawned and touched his arm gently. “He will be thrilled for me. I was so blessed that you came when you did.”

  She was looking at him with the same feeling in her eyes that he could hear in her voice and it made his heart do somersaults. He took her hand in his, praying once more that she truly was getting better. “I’m the one who was blessed, Brekka. I was so lonely before you came. I don’t deserve you, but I’m grateful. You’re tiring again. Are you ready to go back to bed?”

  Yawning one more time, she asked, “Yes, I think so. Are you coming as well or are you truly going to your books?”

  “A little of both, maybe. You seem to rest better when I’m nearby. And the dreams don’t come
anymore when I’m there.”

  She stood up and moved across to the bed. “It’s true. There’s something so reassuring with you close. Being free of those horrible dreams is heavenly and you truly do make me stronger.”

  Pulling the quilts up over her, he said, “Then I’ll lay by you until you’re back to sleep and then I’ll bring my ledgers and sit here beside you to work. Slide over.”

  Lije may have had good intentions, but once he was laying there by her, the last thing he wanted to do was get back up and see to the books. In fact, the last thing he wanted to do was let her sleep. He wanted to pull her close and kiss her again. It made him feel incredibly guilty.

  Lije Lauritzen came to find out in the next few days, that he’d married a surprisingly affectionate girl, even as sick as she was, and he was hard put to even want to get out of bed to work on his nearby ledger, let alone go outside and get any real work done. As Brekka got feeling better and got some of her strength back, she became more and more cuddly. It made him want to lose his head when she would snuggle over to him still half asleep. Three times the next week, he caught himself kissing her almost hungrily before realizing what he was doing to a girl who had been so deathly ill. She didn’t seem to mind the kissing, but he got right up out of bed and went clear out of the room anyway.

  Then later, when it had been almost two weeks since the night he’d truly thought she was dying, he found himself lying beside her in the first gray of dawn and kissing her like he wanted to eat her up. He literally groaned silently as he pulled himself away and got up out of bed. What was he doing? She was still terribly weak and sickly and he was behaving like a cave man. What kind of a man was he?

  With a deep sigh, he dressed and went out into the kitchen to make breakfast. He needed to try to put how tempting she was out of his mind and get on with his work day. Somehow, when he’d known he was to marry her, he’d never expected to be in this position. At least certainly not this soon after thinking he was losing her.