Into the Wind_A Love Story

by Jaclyn M. Hawkes

  He was standing in front of the cook stove turning bacon, when she came into the kitchen wearing the pretty lacy night gown that had been making him crazy lately. She still seemed frighteningly wan and tired as she came right up to him and looked at him for a moment before asking, “Lije, have I done something to offend you? Please. You must be honest with me.”

  His brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what he’d done to make her think he was offended. “No, Brek. You’ve done nothing to offend me. Why do you think I’m offended?”

  “Well . . .” She was still watching him closely. “Well, then why are you out here cooking when it’s still dark outside? Why have you . . . Why do you kiss me so until we . . . Until we . . . Why do you kiss me like that and then sigh and leave me? Am I doing something wrong? In our bed?”

  He put the fork down, ran a hand through his rumpled hair and gave a small, humorless laugh and then sighed again. How in the world could he explain this to her? She’d think he was no better than an animal.

  After a moment’s hesitation, he assured her, “No, Brekka, you’ve done nothing wrong. And I’m certainly not offended. Just the opposite. The problem is me.” He gave her a sad half smile. “You may be ill, but you’re all woman, girl.”

  At that she looked confused. “And this offends you? Then I am doing something wrong.”

  “No. You’re not. I promise. And I’m not offended. Just human.”

  She paused and looked down. “What are you saying, Lije? Help me understand so I can make amends. I don’t ever want you to be so uncomfortable with me that you feel you must leave.”

  He pushed the pan of bacon over to the very edge of the stove and turned and wrapped her in his arms and said gently, “All I’m saying, Brekka, is . . . Uhm . . . Sometimes when I’m there with you, I, uh. I tend to forget that you’re still sick, honey. I just don’t . . .” He paused and finally took a deep breath. “I guess what I’m trying to say, Brekka, is that the last thing you need right now is a baby.”

  She pulled back from him and looked up into his face in surprise and he realized he hadn’t said that right. He was just going to start apologizing for being so presumptuous, when she raised her eyebrows and asked, “So when we kiss like that, you’re just going to get up and leave me? I thought when we spoke of marriage you said ours would be a real marriage. Lije Lauritzen, were you not serious?”

  “Of course I was serious.” Jehosephat. Now he’d really messed things up. The outrage he was seeing completely surprised him and he continued, “But you’ve been frightfully ill, Brekka. You need to get better. Get your strength back.”

  She folded her arms and the look he saw then was all but open rebellion. “Oh, and how long is that supposed to take, Elijah? So you are the only one who gets to decide what our relationship is and how well I am? You said a real marriage. I believed you were a man of your word. I trusted you.”

  Now that was uncalled for. All he was trying to do was be honorable about all of this. And she was desirable enough that it was taking every bit of his self-control. She was so adorable as she was discussing this that he wanted to laugh right out loud at her, but he knew that would be a huge mistake.

  Struggling to stifle a smile, he calmly defended himself, “I am a man of my word, Brekka. I just want what is best for you. And you are half of this marriage. You know that.”

  She put both hands on her hips. “It would seem not.”

  “Brekka.”

  “What?” She sounded positively up in arms. He’d never seen this rebel side of her and had to work even harder not to smile.

  He had no idea what to say to mollify her, but he had to try. “What am I supposed to do here? It’s hard enough to get up and leave you in the first place. Don’t be mad at me as well. I just want what’s best for you. Do you not think we should give your body some time?”

  She finally lightened up a little and her fatigue was more than evident again as she said softly, “I don’t know, Lije. I am a bit weak. But I . . . I just know that having you get up and leave right when I feel closest to you, isn’t the best thing for either one of us. I don’t want to be a dead weight in this marriage. And I want you to be happy with me. I don’t want you to sigh about our intimate life. It makes me feel like a failure in this marriage before we’ve truly even gotten it started.”

  He came back close and pulled her into a hug again and said reassuringly, “We’re not failing at our marriage to put some things off for awhile. And you’re not dead weight. Why do you think I have such a hard time keeping my hands off of you?”

  “But, Lije. That is not what we agreed to. Either of us. And what about what is best for you? What do you want?”

  He chuckled. “There is absolutely no way I can tell you what I want, Brek. Not without thoroughly embarrassing us both.” She pulled back and looked at him and he smiled at her. “Tell you what, girl. I’ll let you be the judge of what’s best for you. You just tell me what you want from me. Okay? But you’ll have to keep in mind that I’m a mere mortal, married to a goddess. It’s hard for me. You’ll have to be patient.”

  “Goddess.” She rolled her eyes. He finally gave her a bratty grin and she rolled her eyes again and asked, “So, you are a man of your word?”

  He nodded. “You should know that by now, Brekka.”

  “And I can say what’s best for me, and what I want? Truly?” He nodded again. For a long moment, she watched him. Finally, she said, “Then, come back to bed.”

  Lars came by early that afternoon and pounded on Lije’s and Brekka’s front door. Knowing it had to be him, Lije was glad he was fully dressed and had his chaps on as he opened to him. Lars glanced at his chaps and said, “Oh, so you are still interested in working around this place, then?”

  Lije laughed. “Oh, stop it. I work you under the table every day of your life. What do you need?”

  Mildly, Lars said, “Oh, nothin’. Just wondered if you were dead or if you’d gotten permanently attached to your ledgers. You suddenly seem to love the paperwork you usually hate. I haven’t seen much of you for . . . Oh, for awhile.”

  Lije chuckled. “I’ve been busy. What are you about today? And Da?”

  “Busy. I see. She doesn’t by any chance have a sister, does she? It would appear I’m gonna have to find a lot more things to occupy my time now that you’re married.”

  Lije picked up his gloves with another chuckle. “She does have a sister, actually. She’s back in Denmark, but . . .”

  “That’s a bit far for sparkin’, brother. Although, if she’s as pretty as Brekka, the trip would be worth it. Still, I guess I’d better settle for one of these ravishing locals.” He pushed the door open and stepped onto the porch. “Why does your house smell like burned bacon?”

  A week later, they were loading potatoes from the field to the root cellar behind Lars’ barn when Lars looked out across the valley and asked, “What happened to the Paiutes? They were there last night. When did they leave?” He nodded down the valley toward the creek bank that still showed some of the Indians’ belongings lying around on the ground. “Looks like they left in a hurry.”

  The hair on the back of Lije’s neck began to prickle and as Lars looked up at him, Lije turned to his horse tied to the nearby fence. He was in the saddle and headed up to his house when he looked back and said. “Go find Joseph. See if he knows why they left. Would you mind? I’m going to check on Brekka.”

  She was sound asleep in their bed and he didn’t wake her. But he got his rifle down from the rack above his fireplace and checked the loads and then double checked his pistol. Going to the window, he looked all around up and down the valley and then studied the steep slopes on both sides. There was nothing that seemed out of place, but he decided to go borrow his father’s field glasses and send a couple of the hands out scouting anyway.

  They’d had at least one man on look out here in the valley ever since he’d first brought her home, but those Indians hadn’t just pulled out in mid-October for no
reason. Something was wrong.

  When Lars came back, both his father and Heidi were with him and all of them had somber faces. Josh and three more men rode up the valley behind them and then spread out in different directions. Lije had been right. There was something seriously amiss in Lauritzen Valley and he had a suspicion that it had to do with a certain Ute warrior.

  His family trooped in the door, rifles in tow and then Lars glanced at Brekka’s closed door and said in a hushed voice, “The Paiutes left because there has been a Ute named White Stone hanging around up the country asking questions about you and Brekka. They’ve already had one of the Paiute boys disappear after last being seen talking with the Ute in Round Valley, and word had gotten back to them that White Stone was headed here, looking for the girl with the shining hair.”

  “Brekka.” Lije breathed her name, and the memories of that awful flight into the night and the fire and the rain with her being shot, squeezed his heart. He was lost in thought for a moment until he noticed his family was looking at him silently and he tried to shrug off the feelings those memories evoked as he said, “We’ll have to be even more diligent.”

  His brother nodded. “We will be. But that ol’ boy wants your wife. You need to stay with her. Heidi’s smart, but if he got in here, there’d just be two women at risk. At least the fall roundup is done and most of the harvest is in. There’s only hay to be cut and more apples and the pumpkins and squash. And more firewood to cut. Joseph said he’d go out tracking. He’ll find out if the Ute is alone or if he brought his friends.”

  Heidi’s eyes were huge, but she joined in anyway. “The one Ute brave who was burned in the fire, died, so at least he won’t be here.”

  Lars fiddled with the brim of his cowboy hat as he added, “There’s more. Percival never did die. He’s still down to that bunch of cabins south of Panguitch Lake where he used to hang out. They say he’s sicker than a dog with his guts stinking and all, but he didn’t die. And that he’s vowing revenge. Seems the only thing he’s up to doing is stewing over some beautiful girl who gutshot him.” He raised his eyebrows in question. Lije only nodded without telling him what they wanted to know. The last thing Brekka needed in this community was for everyone to know that she’d had to shoot Percival.

  After a moment’s pause, they continued quietly talking for a few minutes and then the three of them headed out. As Heidi went to leave, she reached into the pocket of her apron and handed Lije the little two shot Derringer pistol their father had bought for her when the Black Hawk War broke out. “Here, Lije. Have her keep this with her. Teach her to use it in case of an emergency.”

  Just then they heard the bedroom door open in the hall and the three of them looked at him and then went on out the front door. He looked down at the tiny shiny silver pistol in his palm and then walked back toward the kitchen. He hated to have to tell Brekka.

  She knew without even asking that something was wrong and when he came to her and she saw the little gun in his hand, she even knew what it was. She looked from his eyes to the gun and back and calmly asked, “The Ute? He is here then? He is around?”

  He put the gun down on the kitchen table and wrapped his arms around her to hug her. “We aren’t certain, but we think so. I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head against him. “No, we knew this was coming sometime. We’re lucky he hasn’t found us sooner. Tell me what you need me to do.”

  Pulling back, he looked down at her. “You’re so strong. I’m proud of you.”

  “I’m not that strong, Lije. I just don’t have any choice right now. Being taken by him again . . .“ She sighed. “It can’t happen. It can not happen.” She shook her head and he saw that she was indeed afraid, but it only made her resolute, not panicked.

  “No. It can not. And it won’t. We have several hands out keeping watch and looking for him. In the mean time, I’ll stay with you. And here.” He reached for Heidi’s little gun. “Have you handled guns before?”

  She took the gun and checked to see that it was loaded. “My father taught both me and Kristina of guns. I am a good shot, although I hope never to shoot another in my life.”

  “I hope that too, sweetheart, but I’d rather you shot him than that he harm you. We’ll try to see that it never comes to that.”

  The next morning, Lije was surprised when she came out to eat breakfast completely dressed and with her hair pulled up into a twist on the back of her head. The dress he’d bought her in Monroe now hung loose on her because of the weight she’d lost, but she was still strikingly beautiful.

  Wondering what she was about, he asked, “What are you up to this morning?” He held her chair to seat her and then brought the scrambled eggs and ham he’d been making. “You look very pretty.”

  “Thank you. Would you mind if we went into town this morning?”

  Sitting down across from her, he replied, “No, of course not, Brek. But are you sure you’re up to that? Is there something someone could pick up in town and bring you?”

  She shook her head. “Not unless you have a dressmaker who makes house calls. I need some working dresses. I have only two dresses with me. Neither is serviceable and I don’t want to ruin them. Sometime soon I should find a way to have my things brought from Salt Lake City. I have two trunks there.”

  “What do you need working dresses for? You’re supposed to be taking it easy. You know what Dr. Newell said.”

  “I am much better and I can’t keep you locked up in this house just to watch over me. It would suffocate you and I don’t want you to regret me. Or be as miserable as a spring bear. I need to get out as well. It is time to move on.”

  Lije watched her and wondered what to say to this. She was strong. Both physically and strong willed. That was probably why he’d fallen in love with her so quickly. And she wouldn’t be so vulnerable if she was able to get out. However, when she was out, she was more visible, but then he couldn’t insist she stay locked in the house.

  At length, he picked up his fork and said, “Sure, I’ll take you into town. We’ll go right after breakfast. There’s not a huge amount to choose from in Rock Creek, but there is a very talented dress maker. You’ll love her. She thinks she’s Heidi’s substitute mother and she very nearly is. She’s the one who’s helped Heidi through some of the ripples of young womanhood.”

  She thought about that for a moment and then nodded and said, “A motherly friend would have been wonderful for those times of ripples.”

  Brekka handled the trip into town, but she was openly exhausted by the time Lije loaded her back into the buggy to take her home. There had been nothing already made that would come close to fitting her, as she was easily six inches taller than most of the women in town, but she ordered three dresses and another riding habit, all in darker colors and with heavier fabrics and Lije truly knew that she intended to work in them. He wasn’t sure what she was planning to do, but he wasn’t going to argue with her about getting out more as long as she didn’t over do it. It would certainly make watching over her easier.

  Two days later, when she walked out onto the porch with him and then climbed onto Jefferson behind him to ride to check cattle and fences, it was both sweet and a little painful. The memories of their first days together would certainly never be forgotten.

  Just like on that first trip, he could feel when she began to tire and leaned more heavily against him and he knew it was time to take her home. She argued half heartedly that she was fine and then blushed when he grinned and said, “Well, I’m taking you home to bed anyway, Mrs. Lauritzen. Humor me. You won’t regret it, I promise.”

  After that day, she and Heidi’s little gun went with him almost every single day. He adjusted his duties to keep her safe and to not over tire her and she got stronger remarkably fast. She was almost certainly leading him to believe she was sturdier than she honestly was, and it was obvious that there was much here on the edge of civilization she’d never come in contact with, but she was game. Even in the deepening co
ld of late fall, she threw herself into his life with nearly as much energy as Heidi would have and he thoroughly enjoyed every moment of her doing it.

  He’d never dreamed that being married and working beside a wife this way would be so incredibly satisfying. Not surprisingly, the evenings and Sundays when she nearly collapsed into their bed were entirely sweet with her. Her way of cuddling over against him, even when she was exhausted, brought the most comforting sense of rightness to him.

  Working outside caused her hair to lighten even further until it was the very fairest sheer gold. Slowly the color returned to her face and then deepened until Lije wondered what the ladies in town would say, but she was more exquisite than ever. The slenderness of her cheeks filled out and sometimes he watched her, literally astounded that the girl he’d thought was telling him goodbye forever that awful night was, in fact, becoming the very picture of vibrant, beautiful life.

  She was beautiful, and dignified, but there was a wildness about Brekka sometimes. She loved the wind in her face and would pull her horse to a stop on the crest of a hill and face into it, closing her eyes. She even loved the storms and probably would have stayed out in them if Lije hadn’t encouraged her to come in. It always surprised him that someone from her old life could be so drawn to the elements here. Still, he loved that about her. He loved that she seemed to love her life with him and was working so hard to adapt to it.

  The first day she went to church with him, he worried about how it would be, but he shouldn’t have been. It was true that some of the women weren’t necessarily happy to see her there with him, but others were wonderfully gracious in welcoming her and, of course, Heidi was there beside them to both ease the situation and add a touch of humor.