Up to No Good

by Carl Weber

  “You can ask me anything, girl. There’s no secrets between us.”

  I wrapped my fingers tight around the steering wheel, wishing it were her neck. I took a deep breath. “No secrets? Okay. Here goes: Sandra, are you screwing my father?”

  There was a distinct pause before she asked, “What would make you think that?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe ’cause I can see you through the front window of his house.”

  “Oh shit! James!” I saw her peering through the curtain, pointing at my car.

  When Daddy came into view, I just lost it. I jumped out of the car and raced to the front door.

  Daddy pulled open the door and stepped outside, his body like a road block to the entrance.

  “Jamie, that’s far enough for right now.”

  “Let me by, Daddy. I’m gonna kick her half-Korean ass.”

  He put his hand out like a stop sign. “You’re not getting in my house unless we’re going to talk about this like adults. And you’re not acting like one now.”

  “How am I acting, Daddy? Like I just got betrayed by my friend and my father? This is worse than what Darnel went through with Keisha!”

  “I didn’t want you to find out this way.”

  “What way did you want me to find out? How could you do this to me?”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry I caught you?”

  “I didn’t intend it to happen, but it did.”

  “She’s a tramp, Daddy, nothing but a gold-digging whore.”

  “Jamie, she’s one of your closest friends.”

  “Newsflash, Dad: a close friend doesn’t seduce your father behind your back.”

  “It wasn’t like that,” he insisted.

  “So she hasn’t been lying to me all this time? And you haven’t been lying to me?”

  “We have to get past this.”

  “I’m never getting past this. I hate her.”

  “If you can’t, then we’re going to have a problem, because I love her.”

  Did he just say he loves her? This just kept getting worse.

  “Daddy, you and I will never have a problem, but me and Sandra? Our friendship is over, and we will always have a problem.”

  “Then I’m sorry, Jamie, but you can’t be here.” He turned and placed a hand on the door knob. “When you’re ready to act like an adult, then you can give me a call and come by to talk. Other than that, I’ll see you at work.” And then he did something I would not have expected in a million years: he went back inside and closed the door in my face.

  Darnel

  33

  “I hope you’re enjoying your sushi,” I whispered into my cell phone to Keisha. “But I thought you didn’t like Japanese food.”

  From where I was sitting in my car on the second-tier parking lot, I had a perfect view of Keisha and her date sitting inside the sushi restaurant. Earlier, I had followed them from her apartment, careful to trail them by half a block so they never saw me. Lucky for me, they went to a restaurant with large picture windows, and they were seated at a table right in my line of sight.

  I had sat in my car and fumed for a while as they ordered their food and chatted. It was torture watching how relaxed she looked, laughing and giving him flirtatious smiles and patting his hand. And that dress she wore—dude was practically getting a free peep show as low cut as it was. I had planned on just watching and taking some video to use against her later, but I couldn’t stand it anymore after I watched that fool feed Keisha a piece of sushi with his fingers. She ate it like she was performing a sex act. I swear, she licked that brother’s fingers, no doubt letting him get a preview of what she would be doing with her tongue later.

  That’s when I picked up my phone and called her.

  “Darnel? How’d you know where I’m at?” I watched her jump up from the table and leave her date. Now she was no longer in view, but I could hear the panic in her voice. The guy she was with was no Prince Charming; he didn’t even bother to follow her to see if she was all right.

  “I can see you,” I told her in my best imitation of a horror-movie voice.

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m in the same place you’re at.”

  As I spoke to her, I took a few more pictures of the guy at the table. Whoever he was, he probably had a wife or a girlfriend. Once I found her, I ’d be sure to share my photos with her.

  “Why are you doing this to me?”

  “Hmm, you think you slick. Think you can be with any man you want. But I ain’t having it.” I clicked off my phone.

  I watched her head back to the table and start talking to her date, who had finished half the order of sushi while she was gone. She was gesticulating wildly, waving her cell phone in the air, a panicked expression on her face.

  As Keisha and her date started looking nervously around them to see if I was seated somewhere nearby, I thought back to some of the more romantic dinner dates Keisha and I had been on over the years. For a moment, I felt nostalgic. I really loved doing those things with her: eating under the stars, finger-feeding each other, playing footsie under the table. Yeah, this had been our foreplay. We had a way of looking at each other that was our silent language when we were ready to get busy. But now that was all over—or so Keisha thought.

  I went from the warm-fuzzy feeling of reminiscing about the past to straight rage. How did Keisha think she was going to end it with me and pick up with some other guy—or should I say other guys—just like that? It’s like we never even happened. What about all our dreams to have children and build a life together? Didn’t that count for something?

  Everything Keisha knew about pleasing a man, I taught her: how to cook my meals, how to run my bathwater, and how to wash my back. At one time, I thought I was the one who taught her how to make love so a man would never want to leave her. Keisha had a muscle inside her that would drive a man out of his ever-loving mind. Shit, look what it had done to me. Now she thought I was going to let her give all that good lovin’ to someone else? Was she crazy? I invested too many years in her to let her go this easily.

  In the restaurant, I saw Keisha handing her phone to her date. He punched a few buttons, and then my phone began to ring. I flipped it open.

  “Yo.”

  “Man, you better stop bothering her.”

  “Brother, you better watch yourself or that bitch gonna give you a disease like she did me. You know she got herpes, right?” I lied. “You think I’m trippin’ for no reason? She’s burning, dude. Ask anyone.” Then I hung up.

  He said a few things to Keisha at the table, and then I watched them leave the restaurant, their meal unfinished.

  Good. Now, that’s what I’m talking about. I pumped my fist in the air, feeling victorious. But I also knew the show wasn’t over yet. I leaned forward in my car to enjoy the scene that was about to unfold before me.

  I watched brotherman hand the valet his ticket and wait in front of the restaurant with Keisha. Finally, the valet pulled up with his Range Rover.

  Keisha’s date’s face changed as soon as he got a good look at his ride. His eyes flew wide open, and he looked absolutely livid. Just reading his lips, I knew he was screaming, “What the fuck?”

  He started shouting and cursing his behind off. He stalked around the car, looking at the deep key scratches running down both sides. In a flurry of motion, he began stomping; then he grabbed the valet attendant, who was a small man, by the collar. I could tell the valet was pleading with him, telling him he didn’t know what had happened to his truck.

  Meanwhile, Keisha was jumping up and down, screaming for her date to stop. She tried to pull him off the valet, but her date just kept shaking the little guy up and down like a rag doll. Keisha looked totally distraught.

  I was laughing my ass off. What a mess!

  Two bouncers raced out of the restaurant and pulled the date off the valet. “Oh, this gets better,” I said out loud.

  For a moment, it looked like the bouncers we
re going to hold him there until the police came, but they let him go after he calmed down and started talking to them. Keisha joined the conversation, probably telling them all about my phone call. Pretty soon, even the valet attendant looked like he felt bad for Keisha’s date. As she spoke, they checked out the scratches, shaking their heads and glancing around them. I was sure they were looking for me, like I ’d be stupid enough to lurk in nearby bushes or something.

  I was laughing so hard, tears were rolling down my face. Maybe Keisha had finally learned her lesson.

  Jamie

  34

  “Hell yeah. I’m getting a device. I’m gonna track that Negro everywhere he goes. Somebody gonna be a sucker, but it damn sure ain’t gonna be me.” I laughed out loud to myself before clicking on the BUY arrow.

  After my failed attempt at following Louis, I ’d done some research and learned that GPS devices were not only affordable, but wireless and battery operated. Hell, I could even put it on my father’s credit card and call it a business expense, ’cause as far as I was concerned, I meant business. Daddy wouldn’t mind paying anyway; he wouldn’t want some man taking advantage of his daughter. Besides, he was too busy screwing my so-called friend these days to even notice.

  If I ever caught Louis, I could just imagine the look he’d have on his face, trying to explain to my daddy that he was innocent. But his words would fall on deaf ears. My father had probably invented most of the excuses, so there was no way he’d be fooled by any lie Louis could come up with. In fact, if my father wasn’t so wrapped up with his new woman, I could have talked to him about all the evidence I ’d found, and he’d probably already have the whole thing solved for me.

  I was so busy daydreaming about Daddy leaving Sandra and coming to my rescue that I didn’t hear the front door of the real estate office open. I only looked up when I noticed a shadow. Standing in front of my desk, staring at me, was that skanky ho Keisha.

  Her face looked pretty much the same, and she had lost some weight, but her wardrobe had completely changed. I guess now that the wedding was off, she’d decided to let her true inner ho come out. She used to wear “good-girl clothes” from Gap and Abercrombie, but now it looked like girlfriend had hit the straight-up tramp rack at Forever 21. Her breasts were all but spilling out of some tight polyester knit top, and her booty was hugged up in some stretch jeans that were so tight you could see every dimple in her ass. What my brother ever saw in this hooker, I have no idea. She sure didn’t look like nobody’s wife. This wench was no more than a booty-call girl all the way.

  “I’m here to see your father.” She tried to act all serious, like I was supposed to step out of the way and lead her to Daddy’s office.

  I gave her a disinterested look and took a sip of my Starbucks caramel macchiato. “He’s not here. He’s at a doctor’s appointment.” I turned back to my computer to complete my Internet order.

  “Look, I need to see him. Your brother Darnel done lost his mind.”

  Oh, I know she didn’t just come in here talking about my family! I shot her a nasty look.

  “He’s stalking me!” She tripped all dramatic like I gave a damn.

  “Look, your cheap ass deserves whatever you get.” I stood up so we were at eye level. “Now, if you don’t mind, I got work to do, so why don’t you carry your ass on out of here.”

  “If y’all can’t stop Darnel from acting crazy, I’m gonna have to call the police.” Maybe she thought she could bully me into listening to her crap about my brother, but I called her bluff.

  I grabbed the phone off the cradle. “Here. Use my phone. Call the cops; call whoever. Just don’t think you’re gonna come in here and tell me about my brother when you’re the nasty-ass ho who screwed his best friend.”

  She flinched a little, and I could tell my words had hurt. “You don’t understand. Darnel has lost his mind. He followed me to a restaurant and spied on me while I was having dinner with a friend.”

  “Please. How the hell you know he was spying on you?”

  “He called my phone while we were eating and told me he was watching.”

  I have to admit, if she was telling the truth, it did concern me a little bit. What the hell was Darnel watching her for? But then again, maybe it was no big deal. I mean, it wasn’t really any different than me following Louis the other day, was it? Except that Louis and I were a couple, and I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on with my relationship. It isn’t stalking if you’re in a relationship with the person, but Keisha was no longer Darnel’s woman. Was he really stalking this girl?

  Oh hell, even if he was, I wasn’t about to do anything to help her ass.

  “Keisha, why are you telling me this?”

  She didn’t answer my question but instead kept ranting and raving. “He keyed my friend’s car outside the restaurant.”

  “Hmmm, and did this ‘friend’ happen to be male?” I asked sarcastically.

  It slowed her roll, but only for a second. “Yeah, he was male, but so what? That don’t give Darnel any right to ruin the man’s Range Rover.”

  “First of all, I don’t know that he did anything to your friend’s Range Rover. Secondly, my brother might be a little jealous. So what? Not too long ago, you were supposed to be walking down the aisle with him. You broke his heart. Far as I’m concerned, that gives him the right to be a little jealous.”

  “A little jealous! He got my answering machine code and broke up a close friendship of mine by using a message he heard.”

  “Shoot, there must have been something in that message that your friend didn’t like. I can probably guess what that was about.”

  Again, I stunned her silent for a second. Keisha knew I didn’t like her, but I think she still expected me to react differently to the things she was telling me. If she were anyone else, I might have had more sympathy, but this woman wasn’t getting a drop of it from me.

  “He sent naked pictures of me to all my friends.”

  I sat back down, because this chick wasn’t worth me standing. “Why were you stupid enough to let a man take naked pictures of you in the first place?” Like I said, no sympathy from me.

  She shed a few tears, but knowing her, they were probably fake. “He’s crazy, Jamie. You gotta believe me.”

  “Keisha, you reap what you sow, and your ass deserves a whole lot worse.”

  “He’s going to jail if he keeps this up. Is that what you want?”

  “I want you to stay the fuck away from my brother.”

  “But I’m not the one stalking him!”

  “You must be doing something … waving that skank ass up in his face. I don’t care if Darnel sits on your front steps and tells everybody who passes what a nasty, lying tramp you are. You ruined my brother’s life, so you deserve whatever the hell he decides is proper repayment for the pain you caused him.”

  “You don’t get it, Jamie. It isn’t some revenge thing he’s doing. It’s sick Fatal Attraction shit. It’s not funny and it’s not just mean. It’s crazy.”

  “Bitch, you’re crazy. Crazy if you think that my brother doesn’t deserve somebody a whole lot better than you.”

  “So you don’t give a damn if Darnel goes to jail? The stuff he’s doing is scary. He’s not dealing with a full deck, and if you won’t listen, then I’ll just wait and talk to your father.”

  “My father knows what a ho you are. He ain’t gonna believe a damn thing you say.”

  “This ain’t about what happened before the wedding. You and your father don’t have to like me. But you have to do something about Darnel. Your brother ain’t right, Jamie.”

  I was getting tired of hearing her talk about my brother. “Yeah, well, neither are you.” I got up again and stepped from around my desk.

  “You’re gonna be sorry you didn’t listen to me. This could end up tragic.”

  “Get outta my office or it’s gonna really end up tragic—for you! My family don’t want nothing to do with you. Go find some other fool t
o marry you, you tramp.”

  Keisha stomped out of the office, slamming the door behind her.

  I almost got up and ran after her to punch her in the face, but I didn’t have time for that shit. I had to finish searching this Web site to see if there was any more spy equipment I could order.

  Hmm … maybe a wiretapping device would come in handy. I wonder if they work on cell phones.

  James

  35

  “Well, Doc, what’s the word?” I asked, trying to sound casual even though my heart was pounding in my chest. I ’d had the needle biopsy performed and was back in the doctor’s office to get the results. Before the test, he had described a few of the possible things they might find, some of which could simply be cleared up with the right prescription. Others were much more serious. Of course, I was hoping it was one of the more minor things, but when he spoke, he delivered the worst possible news.

  “James, you’ve got cancer.”

  Those four words struck as much terror in my heart as if a missile had gone straight through me, but as I looked at Dr. Martin, my general physician of the last twenty years, I could respect his direct approach. Although his bedside manner wasn’t the most tactful, I could always count on him to give it to me straight. Anyway, how could you sugarcoat this type of news?

  I swallowed hard and looked directly into Dr. Martin’s eyes. He was sitting behind his mahogany desk. “How far advanced is it?”

  The doctor handed me a written report. “Well, you have what we call Stage One-B lung cancer.”

  I glanced down at the medical report, unable to focus on all the unfamiliar terms on the page. I put the report back in the envelope and slipped it into my jacket pocket. “What does Stage One-B mean?”

  “There are four stages of cancer. Stage One-B means your tumor is still relatively small, but it’s begun to grow into the inner lining of your lung. It doesn’t look like it’s spread anywhere else.”

  My stomach twisted as I imagined something growing in my lungs, eating me from the inside. “Is it treatable?”