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Up to No Good

Page 23

by Carl Weber


  “Yes, we’re lucky to have caught it at an early stage. Many people wait too long or don’t show symptoms, so we don’t find it until it’s too late.”

  “So …” I paused, almost unable to ask the question because I was so afraid of the answer. “So, I still have a chance?”

  “James, there are no guarantees, but we have better treatments now than ever before. At this stage, it’s very possible to beat this. I have every hope that you will live to a ripe old age.”

  I felt my body relax slightly. I trusted Dr. Martin, and if he was saying I had a good chance, then I believed him.

  “So what do we do now?” I asked.

  “I’ll refer you to an oncologist, and he’ll probably want to get you started on radiation and chemotherapy as soon as possible to see if we can shrink the tumor that way.”

  “Wait a minute. Doesn’t that stuff make you sick and make your hair fall out?”

  “Yes, but it can also save your life. This isn’t the time to be vain.”

  He was right, of course, but considering I was in love with a much younger woman, I didn’t exactly like the idea of harsh treatments that would probably make me age overnight. Sandra shouldn’t have to walk down the street with a man who looked old enough to be her grandfather, for God’s sake.

  “Well, what about surgery?”

  “The risks are much greater. If we cut you open, there is always the possibility of introducing infection into your chest cavity, which would only make things more complicated.”

  He didn’t have to explain any further. As soon as he said “cut you open,” surgery stopped sounding like a good solution to me anyway. Besides, Sandra always said she didn’t care about my age. I was sure she’d support me through this no matter what I looked like. Yeah, I thought, I could probably rock a bald look.

  “Well, if I was gonna get cancer anyway, I guess I could’ve kept smoking,” I said, trying to lighten my mood and ease my fears.

  “No, you needed to quit.” Dr. Martin’s voice remained grim. “How long has it been since you quit?”

  “I quit three or four years ago.”

  “That’s good. This could have been worse if you were still a heavy smoker.”

  I couldn’t imagine much worse than the diagnosis he’d just given me, but I’m sure he’d had to tell other patients there was no hope. At least there were treatments they could try for me.

  He opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a business card, which he handed to me. “This is one of the best oncologists in New York. I want you to give his office a call and make an appointment. I’ll have all of your test results faxed over to his office so he can get you started with treatments as soon as possible.”

  I took the card and put it in my pocket with the envelope I ’d shoved in there before. Then I stood up and shook his hand. “Well, Dr. Martin, let me go home and digest this.”

  After I left the doctor’s office, I walked to my car like a zombie, climbed in, and just sat there. I was too numb to drive. Without warning, the doctor’s words hit me all over again.

  I have cancer. Oh shit.

  I grabbed the steering wheel, put my head down on it, and cried like a baby, something I hadn’t done in years. I ’d never felt so vulnerable, so out of control. My shoulders heaved up and down as I sobbed. Finally, when I had no more tears left in me, I pulled myself together and wiped my eyes.

  Now I had to try to think rationally about this situation. I started up the car and decided to go for a drive before I went home.

  Questions repeated over and over in my head like a broken record: God, why me? Why now, when I ’d finally found the right woman? Was this punishment for all those years of womanizing? If I had ever worried about a disease taking me down, it was AIDS. But since they discovered the virus, I ’d been careful to protect myself with condoms, so I just assumed I ’d live to be an old man. Cancer had never crossed my mind.

  Why hadn’t I stopped smoking sooner? I picked up the habit when I was a teenager, so I ’d been poisoning my lungs for almost thirty years before I quit. Jamie used to beg me to give it up, but I couldn’t help it. I truly enjoyed smoking and even got into cigars once in a while. I saw no reason to quit until I started noticing that I was getting short of breath sometimes, and I developed a cough that never quite went away completely. Now I regretted every last smoke I ’d ever had, but it was too late.

  I could only hope and pray that the treatments Dr. Martin talked about would work. He said he was sending me to one of the best specialists. But even the best doctors were wrong sometimes. What if the radiation didn’t work? What if my cancer got worse and spread?

  I thought about my family and what would happen if I died. My kids were grown, but they still needed me. Jamie was only twenty-five, practically still a child as far as I was concerned. And I ’d been spoiling her ever since she came to live with me at the age of twelve, so there was no doubt she needed someone to take care of her. Louis seemed like a good man, kind of reminded me of myself when I first started my own business. Maybe someday they would get married as long as he’d gotten the blonde out of his system, but their relationship was still too new for me to feel sure that he was the right one to take care of my baby.

  And then there was Darnel. He was going through so many changes over his breakup with Keisha, and I wanted to be there to help him through it any way I could. I still had regrets about his childhood; I knew he resented the way I treated his mother, and I felt like I still needed time to make it up to him. I loved that boy, and before I left this world, I wanted to make sure he understood just how much.

  Thinking about Darnel, my mind went to his mother. Crystal was a good woman. She had loved me for thirty years, and I knew I hadn’t taken good care of her heart. I would always love her as the mother of my son, but I couldn’t take back all those years she’d wanted a commitment I couldn’t give her. Hell, with my new diagnosis, maybe in the end she was better off that she didn’t end up stuck with me.

  My thoughts went to the woman who had only recently gotten me to change my ways and commit. Sandra. How was she going to take this? Would she feel stuck? She said she didn’t care about our age difference, but I was pretty sure she didn’t expect me to go and get seriously ill. I didn’t want to become a burden to her.

  And that’s when I found my resolve. I would not become a burden to anyone, I decided. I would fight this cancer with everything in me, and I would come out the winner. I would do everything the doctors told me to, and then some. I would go on the Internet and research complementary therapies to help me through the chemotherapy, and I would visit the health food store and start taking better care of my whole body. Between Darnel and Jamie and Sandra, I had people who needed me, people who loved me, and I was not going to let them down. I was not going to die.

  I picked up my phone and called Sandra.

  “Hey, honey,” she answered. “Are you on your way home?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be there soon.”

  “How was your doctor’s appointment?” She thought I had just gone for a regular checkup. I hadn’t told her about the biopsy, because I ’d been hoping the doctor would tell me nothing was seriously wrong. At some point soon, I would have to tell her the truth, but today, I just wanted to go home, hold her in my arms, and make love to her.

  “It was fine. Everything is going to be just fine.”

  Jamie

  36

  “And the worst part about all this mess is that these two have been sneaking around up under my nose. They didn’t even have the human decency to come clean with me.” I paced up and down the floor in our bedroom, pounding one fist into the other palm to release some of my frustration.

  Louis grunted indifferently.

  “Louis, do you hear me?”

  I looked back at him. His eyes were glazed over with disinterest. He was looping his tie as he stood in front of the mirror. For the first time, I noticed he was wearing a black suit, a new one. This was the second time in
a month that he’d dressed up, but I was too riled up to visit that issue right now.

  “You know, I can’t believe this shit.”

  Louis still gave me no response. I spun around on my heel and stared at him. Was he deaf or something? I had been ranting for at least a half hour, while he dressed in silence. In fact, I ’d been ranting for the past two weeks about Daddy and Sandra being together, and every time, Louis acted like I wasn’t even speaking.

  “Louis!”

  Finally, he turned to me and sighed, saying, “You can’t believe what, Jamie?”

  I threw my hands up in frustration. “Have you heard a word I’ve been saying to you?”

  “Yes, Jamie, I’ve heard every word you’ve said, but I don’t know what you want me to say. Your father is a grown man, and no matter how mad it makes you, he is free to be with whoever he wants.”

  Well, Louis would sure never win any awards for sensitivity. Couldn’t he see I needed him to agree with me? I wanted him to take me in his arms and say, “Everything is going to be all right, baby.” But he just wouldn’t. He seemed bothered just by the effort it took to finally answer me. Here I was, trying to tell this fool about my daddy and Sandra and how she would ruin his life, and Louis went ahead getting dressed calmly, like I was discussing the weather and he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

  “First of all, I can’t believe what my daddy is doing with Sandra. Why doesn’t he realize how wrong and sick this whole thing is?”

  “Why is it sick? I thought you liked Sandra.”

  “I did like her, when I thought she was interested in my brother. But now I can’t stand her sneaky ass. She’s just a gold digger trying to get my daddy’s money.” My voice rose an octave.

  “How do you know she’s after his money?”

  “Please. I’ve known her long enough to know that she’s always about the money when it comes to her men.”

  “Really? Then why were you trying to set her up with your brother?”

  He had a point there, but I wasn’t about to admit that to him. “Shut up, Louis.”

  “Gladly. But you’re the one who was screaming at me to talk to you about this.” He turned back to the mirror and buttoned his suit coat.

  “This is serious, Louis. She is not good enough for my father.”

  “Excuse me, but you don’t think any woman is good enough for your father.” Louis started heading for the bedroom door.

  “So what? Don’t you understand that I’m only trying to think of what’s best for him? What’s wrong with watching my father’s back?”

  He stopped in the doorway and turned to face me. “Like I’ve told you before, your father is a grown man. He’s allowed to make his own mistakes, and I think you need to stay out of it.”

  “See, this is what I’ve been talking about.” I stepped up and invaded his space. “When I come to you all stressed out, needing a little support from my man, what do you do? You shut me down. You don’t listen.”

  Louis cleared his throat and pursed his lips, looking like he had to stop himself from cursing me out or pushing me back up off him. “Look, I’ve got to be at a meeting in the next half hour, and I’m running late, so I have to go. We’ll pick this conversation up when I get back.”

  “Why you got to go now?” I snatched the car keys out of his hands, putting them behind my back. “And why you wearing a suit?”

  “Give me my keys back, Jamie.” He reached for them, but I dropped them into my bra.

  “Stop playing with me, Jamie. Believe it or not, I’ve got problems, too, but you don’t ever see me in here whining to you about my shit, do you?”

  “Oh, so now I’m whining?”

  “Jamie, I don’t have time for this right now.”

  The next thing I knew, Louis pinned my arms behind me, reached into my bra, and took his keys back. “I’ve got things to take care of right now. Like I said, we’ll pick up this conversation when I get back.”

  He was in too much of a hurry to get out of here, as far as I was concerned. But that’s all right. I had something for him. The moment he left, I was gonna be on that computer, tracking his ass. The equipment I ordered had finally arrived. I ’d attached the tracking device to the underside of his car, and I couldn’t wait to start trying it out.

  “By the way, where did you say you were going again?” I asked as he headed down the hall.

  “I told you I’ve got a meeting at work.” Louis gazed down at his wristwatch. “And you have me running late.”

  “If you’re just going to work, then why are you wearing a suit?” I followed Louis down the stairs. “You don’t even have that type of job.”

  “I have a business meeting,” he said, standing by the front door.

  “Is that right, Rashid?”

  “Yes, that’s ri—” He stopped speaking midsen-tence, and his mouth was still hanging open. I swear that if he weren’t a black man, I would have seen all the color draining from his face. He was cold busted, and he almost lost his composure for a minute there. But he pulled himself together pretty quick.

  “I don’t know why you just called me by another man’s name, but trust me, you getting into something you really don’t want to get into. So please, don’t go there.”

  “So is your name Rashid or Louis?”

  “You just don’t get it, do you?”

  “Get what?”

  “There are some things you’re just better off not knowing, Jamie.”

  “What the heck are you talking about?” I shouted.

  He shook his head. “We’ll talk about this when I get home.” He put his hand on the doorknob.

  “I just want to know who you screwing!” I spat out.

  Louis turned around and looked at me, but he remained calm. His voice was deadly quiet when he spoke. “Jamie, I know you don’t want to believe this, but I’m not screwing anyone but you.”

  “Oh yeah? Well, you damn sure coulda fooled me the way you been acting lately.”

  “I’ve gotta go. Like I said, we’ll talk about this when I get home.”

  “Talk to me now or I won’t be here when you get back,” I warned. At first it was just a threat to stop him from walking out that door, but suddenly, I realized that I actually meant it. I had reached my breaking point. Between the stress of my father’s new relationship and the constant fear that Louis was cheating on me, I couldn’t take it anymore. Either he was going to show some loyalty and stay home with me now, or I was leaving.

  “Well, if you really want to leave, then maybe that’s for the best.” His decision broke my heart. “I just want you to know that I love you, Jamie. And I always will.”

  Louis closed the door behind him. I picked up my keys and threw them at the closed door, knocking the wind chime on the back of it to the floor. The noise it made echoed throughout the hallway.

  I was done, and so were we.

  I walked over to the phone and dialed.

  “Daddy, I need to come home. Louis and I had a big fight, and I told him I’m leaving.”

  My father didn’t ask any questions, which is what I loved about him. We might have been fighting about his latest woman, but he was always there to come to my rescue when I needed him.

  “If that’s what you need to do, then come on home, baby.”

  “Thank you, Daddy. I love you.”

  “I love you too. But, Jamie …”

  “Yes?”

  “Just one thing: if you can’t get along with Sandra, you might as well stay right where you are.”

  Out of the frying pan and into the fire. I ’d be escaping my problems with Louis but would be forced to tolerate Sandra. Really, at this point, I had no choice.

  “I’ll be nice, Daddy. I promise.”

  Darnel

  37

  I pulled up to the curb in front of the Nichols’s house like I ’d done hundreds of times in the past. During that time, it had been just as much my home as my dad’s or mom’s places were. I always felt com
fortable in that house.

  Perhaps it was because the Nichols treated me like the son they never had. Don’t get me wrong; they had a son, but let’s just say he found his calling in the bottom of a gin bottle. So I was the son they’d wished for: educated, well mannered, and career-minded, not to mention the most important fact of all—I treated their daughter like a princess.

  Too bad Keisha still hadn’t learned to appreciate me as much as her parents had. She was making me work pretty damn hard to get our relationship back on track, but I had faith that eventually she’d see things my way and drop all these other guys so we could be together again.

  I got out of my car and headed up the walkway, where I was greeted by Keisha’s mom. She was standing at the front door, smiling from ear to ear. Considering the words she’d had for me when I told them the wedding was canceled, I was relieved that she seemed to be back to her old self.

  “Darnel! Oh my God, baby, how are you?” Gloria Nichols swept me into a bear hug, her huge breasts smashing against me.

  “How are you, Mrs. Nichols?”

  “Mrs. Nichols, my behind. I know you didn’t just insult me like that, Darnel. I am always gonna be Momma to you.”

  I smiled. When Keisha and I got engaged, her parents asked me right away to start calling them Momma and Pop.

  “All right, Momma.”

  Gloria smiled as she took my hand and led me into the house. “I been wanting to call you. I just didn’t know what to say.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Momma.” I placed my arm around her and we hugged again. “I understand. This has been hard on all of us.”

  We sat down on armchairs in the living room, and Gloria just kept smiling at me.

  “It’s so good to see you. Pop is out right now, but I wish he was here. He’d be so happy to see you. He talks about you all the time.”

  “I miss him too,” I said. “Maybe I’ll call him for a round of golf.”

  “Oh, I’m sure he would love that.” She just kept smiling at me as if I were a lost child and she’d finally found me. “So what brings you by?”

 

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