Learning to Walk Again
Page 26
“It’s a shame she can’t play the way she wants. She comes up with such great music. I’d love to hear her full take on it,” Samiyah replied.
Danny's cheeks turned red and it wasn’t from the cold. Nicole fought off a frown and pressed herself closer to Danny. They all stood there for a moment, tension pulsing.
“Well, I should get going.” Samiyah nodded her head off to the right. A dark blue wool cap on her head shifted a bit.
“Do you need a ride?” Nicole offered to be polite.
“No, no. It’s fine, thanks.”
“Are you sure?” Internally, Nicole cheered and then instantly withered. Really, I’m happy not to give someone a ride? How crappy is that?
“I’ve got a ride coming for me. I need to pick up food to make sure she’s not pissed when she finally shows up,” Samiyah said.
Nicole wasn’t sure if that was the truth or if it was a way to avoid spending more awkward time together. Nicole and Danny got in the car and started off for their home with a minor detour along the way.
“I promised Jody I’d get food.”
Danny patted her stomach. “Good. Can’t remember when I ate, and I think it was just an energy bar or something.”
Nicole reached over and rubbed Danny’s soft tummy. “Oh, no, baby. Definitely have to feed you.”
“Have to feed you, too. I know you haven’t eaten since sometime in the afternoon.”
Nicole couldn’t call Danny a liar there. She smiled. Danny grinned back, and they sat quietly for a while. Nicole tried not to think about Samiyah. She was tall, seemingly elegant, and beautiful. Her dark mocha skin had a radiating glow to it, like the sun. And, in her mind, she could picture it drawing Danny in. No, stop it. Danny’s with you. Stop worrying about things that won’t happen.
“Samiyah plays for you when you stay late?” Nicole was thankful she managed to sound curious, which she was, instead of upset, which she wished she wasn’t.
“Yeah. I can’t seem to get the sound right, but she does it perfectly,” Danny answered as if it was nothing.
“Why don’t you play at home? You don’t have to worry about it being too cold.”
Danny sighed. “Tried that. I don’t want you to think I don’t like it, but the guitar…” She puffed out her cheeks, eyes falling to her feet. “I’m an asshole.”
Nicole shook her head and took Danny’s hand. “You’re not. You want your other guitar. I understand. That one meant…I couldn’t begin to understand or describe what it meant to you. This one will never replace it.” She understood how much sentiment Danny’s old guitar had, and she might never completely forgive her stupid cousin Junior for destroying it. Bastard.
“I know it’s all in my stupid head.” Danny knocked against her forehead. “I don’t want you to think I don’t like it.”
Nicole squeezed Danny’s hand. “Baby, I understand it’ll take you awhile to get used to it and to like it. I’m sorry my cousin is the real asshole.” She scowled. Her cousin’s stupidity seemed to be the gift that kept on hurting. “Is that why you’ve been working late? Because Samiyah will stay and play for you since you don’t want to play?” She refused to say Danny 'can’t’ play. That would always be a lie to her.
“Well, that and it’s weird being home without you.”
“That used to be your whole day.” It was a little nice to know Danny didn’t want to be home without her, even though they weren’t really interacting.
“I know, but now it’s weird. I miss you when you’re gone.”
“Aw, love.” Nicole smiled. That’s sweet. And I’m worried about her being with Samiyah. How insecure am I? “Hey, how about we go on a date? We’ve both allowed work to consume our time these last couple of months. Let’s go be together for a couple of hours.” She had quite a bit of work to do, but this felt necessary.
Danny blinked. “Right now?”
“Yes, right now.” Nicole knew it was spur of the moment and she knew how Danny felt about dates, but they needed this time together.
“You think Jody will be okay with that?”
“We can call and ask.”
***
Dane wasn’t surprised Jody had no problem with staying with Haydn a couple more hours. Jody seemed to get a lot of work done and no one bothered her, which seemed to be her dream come true. Once upon a time, Dane would’ve appreciated that, but she wanted to be around people now, especially Nicole. I’m happy Nick wants to be around me.
“Do you have any idea where we should go?” Nicole asked once they delivered Jody’s meal, curry chicken with rice and beans. Jody practically slammed the door in their faces after they handed it over. Dane had laughed, which made Nicole laugh.
“Anywhere is good. Let’s go someplace close, so we don’t waste time searching,” Dane answered.
Nicole nodded and steered them to the closest restaurant. There was some silence between them, and Dane felt her phone vibrate against her leg. Pulling it from her pocket, she saw Samiyah texted her to let her know she made it home safe. Dane texted the short message of “that’s good” back. She didn’t like texting with Samiyah much because Samiyah tended to tease her about not knowing how to text. She hated hearing that since she clearly did know how to text.
Nicole glanced at her as she put her phone back in her pocket. Dane didn’t think anything of the look as Nicole pulled into a parking lot. Staring out the window, Dane saw they’d be spending their date at a place called Sam’s.
“Ever been here before?” Dane asked.
“A couple of times. They’re the closest place I know with fairly good food.”
A chuckle escaped Dane. “Not a ringing endorsement.” It didn’t matter to her. She’d eat anything anyway.
Nicole smirked. “You’ll like it.”
Dane shrugged. She had no doubt she would. She’d be sitting with Nicole, after all. They entered the little diner and were greeted with soft, generic rock music and mixed smells. They were seated within moments on thinly cushioned wooden chairs by the wall at a cozy table for two. As soon as they were down, Dane reached out for Nicole’s hand and wasn’t disappointed. She sighed as soon as Nicole’s hand was in hers and her thumb wasted no time drawing circles on Nicole’s soft skin. It felt like her exhaustion raced out of her now that she could feel Nicole.
“I know we see each other most days, but I still miss you so much,” Dane said. It felt like they saw each other in glimpses, ships passing in the night, with work bogging them down.
Nicole smiled. “I know what you mean. We just must make it a couple more months. Things will be better once I finish school and plus your show opens soon. It’ll be okay.”
Dane nodded. Will it be okay? After school, Nicole would probably get a new job. She’ll like it and might be surrounded by much better people. Who knows who she might meet and what they could offer her. The world would have a new shine for Nicole. Once her gig was done, though, Dane would go back to being an unemployed musician, who could barely play and who could barely make ends meet.
“Will it?” Dane whispered.
Nicole tilted her head, watching Dane with concerned emerald eyes. “Of course, love. I mean, you still want me, right?”
Dane blinked at the question. Why the hell was that even a question? Had she not proven time and time again that she’d walk through fire for her angel? If anything, she should worry about Nicole still wanting her.
“Of course,” Dane managed to respond. Maybe this isn’t about me. Nick can be sensitive, too. After all, Nicole had doubts early on. “Do you doubt I do?”
Nicole hesitated, which wasn’t a good sign at all. Why even a second of indecision? Dane frowned a little. Is she worried about us? But, then again, why wouldn’t she be worried? It wasn’t like Dane had been the best partner.
“I don’t doubt,” Nicole said, and Dane leveled her a look. “Much.”
Dane sucked in a breath. It took a moment for her to find a simple question. “Why would you doubt?”
Dane felt her face twist as shock rippled through her. “Angel, never, ever think that. Life is going to throw crazy things at us, and you’re the only person I want to face those things with. Besides, who the hell is going to put up with me like you do?”
Nicole gave her a watery smile. Dane felt bad. Nicole should never doubt her affections. Never fear for their relationship. Dane wasn’t sure what to say or do to make this better, though. They’d continue to be swamped for a while. She couldn’t quit her job, knowing that’d only hurt Nicole more. Besides, she liked her gig and was determined to see it through. Added to that, she knew Nicole wanted her to have this, even if it made her anxious.
Dane was about to ask what she should do, but the waitress came over, taking their drink orders and informing them about specials. Dane didn’t listen to any of it, focusing instead on Nicole and her hand. Turning Nicole’s hand over, she opened it a little. She drew small circles in Nicole’s palm until they were alone.
“It’s like you said before, angel. Things are changing, but we are, too. We’ll make it through this. We’re stronger than anything life can throw at us,” Dane said. She hoped that was true. She needed to tell herself that more often to make sure she believed it. There was no reason for her to be insecure if Nicole was the same way. Now, if only I could stop doing stupid stuff while thinking stupid thoughts.
“I know. Hey, what if, once I graduate, we take a little trip? We can spend some alone time together with no stress.”
Dane loved trips with Nicole. “Yes, please.”
She had a feeling they’d come out of this situation just as well as they did everything else, but there was still this underlying nervousness that made her skin kind of crawl. I keep talking about being better and I feel like I’m getting there, but it’s like two steps forward and one step back. I won’t let her slip through my fingers.
Nicole smiled at her, and they slipped into less serious conversation, talking about their days. Dane finally understood how different things could happen in Nicole’s day, but she still described them as ‘the usual’ or ‘normal.’ While she only had to put up with two jerks—Andrew and Dougie—they got on her nerves routinely. Then, there was Lennox and his childishness. Same shit, different day.
“You’d do this all over again if you could, though, right?” Nicole asked, as if she needed to be sure.
Nodding, Dane sat up a little taller. “Yeah. It’s good to be this involved again.”
“Good. I can see so much joy in your eyes when you talk about things, even when Dougie is complaining. I hope you get a chance to do it again. You think Calvin likes you, right?”
“Yeah. Well, he seems to appreciate me and the music.”
“Maybe when he produces the musical he really seems to want, he’ll keep you in mind. Things like that happen.”
Dane smiled at that idea. “You think so?”
That was one of the reasons Dane wanted things to be perfect. The fact that Nicole thought it could happen made it valid to her. Calvin seemed to like her. He had popped up a few more times to listen in and seemed pleased with the score. Maybe he’d keep her in mind if he did something like this again or at least recommend her to other producers. I might have a career. Her heart fluttered at the thought. Damn, I really want this.
“If not him, I’m sure other people in the industry will see the play and hear your extraordinary music.”
Dane nodded. That sounded good for her. She’d be able to pay more bills, maybe even help with the mortgage. Doing the same job a second time might be better with Nicole done with school. There wouldn’t be all that missed time. Nicole might even be at a better job, more relaxed. This could be perfect for them. This will work.
“If that happens, I’d have a career again,” Dane said. She’d be able to appreciate having a career now.
“Yes. It’d be different from being on stage, but you’d make music.”
Dane nodded. “Our domestic partnership will be more like a partnership then.”
Nicole tilted her head with her brow wrinkled. Before she could say anything, their drinks and food were brought. Dane had gone with a simple burger while Nicole had some chicken and shrimp pasta thing. It looked good and smelled great. Dane decided to sample her lover’s meal, stealing a shrimp.
“You think our domestic partnership isn’t a partnership?” Nicole asked, moving some noodles around with her fork. There were some worry lines under her eyes. Dane had to explain this carefully.
“Well, you know, I always feel like you’re doing more since you’re making all the money.” Dane had been working on the feeling, but it was tough. Yes, she was happy being a housewife, but part of her didn’t seem to be built for it.
“You’ll be more comfortable now that you’re paying your way?”
Sighing, Dane shook her head. “I know that’s not how it is. I feel better about it. I mean, even our domestic partnership…you did that because I needed healthcare. Without you, I’m screwed. You can’t tell me there’s not a little imbalance here.” She needed Nicole for everything. Nicole shouldn’t have to take care of a grown ass woman like this. It wasn’t fair to her.
Nicole sighed. “I’m not going to belittle your feelings. They’re valid, of course. If you feel you need to do this for us to be more balanced, then so be it. Just remember, not everything we bring to the table is material. You’ve done so much for me that can’t be measured.” Nicole tapped the center of her chest. “You’ve become not just the keeper of my heart or the protector of my heart, but my heart. You’ve balanced me and given me confidence and love and everything.”
Dane’s soul soared at those words. She knew that, but it was hard to focus on when she felt like she should do more. Maybe it was because she wasn’t at a place in her life that she felt she should be, which technically had nothing to do with Nicole. Chem always wants me to do things for me. Maybe that’s what this really should be about.
“I get it. I really get it.” Dane tapped her heart. In this quiet moment, after being apart and sorting through how much they both missed each other, things weren’t about her doing this to deserve Nicole or be on the same level. I have to do this for me, which will then be for her and us.
“Then, let’s enjoy our date.” Nicole smiled at her before taking a bite of her meal.
“Yes. I just want to say one more thing. I need you to understand, I want to be able to take care of you on the same level as you do with me. Everything I give you emotionally, you give me. This is a little more than that.”
Nicole nodded. “I know. I understand.”
“Now, how about you tell me what’s going on with school.” Dane took a bite of her burger. Nicole smiled and went on about school. Dane was glad to listen.
***
Nicole was happy to sit across from Danny and tell her about her thesis project. It reminded her of old times when she told Danny about work, except this was more pleasant, despite the trouble the project gave her and her lab partner. Danny hung on her every word, even though she probably didn’t have a clue what Nicole was talking about. The chocolate cake they shared at dessert helped keep things mellow between them.
There had been a chance to talk about Samiyah, but Nicole passed on that. Danny’s words about how they’d make it through the stress was enough. She shouldn’t be jealous, even if Samiyah got to spend more time with Danny or Danny talked about her constantly. She didn’t have to worry, not over Samiyah or her disagreements with Danny. They’d make it through. She felt encouraged by Danny’s words and claimed she understood she gave enough emotionally that she didn’t have to keep harping about the material.
But, it hurt to know Danny still thought money was the great equalizer between them. How often were they going to have that argument? Often, she found out when the check came.
“I got this,” Danny said.
Nicole was about to let it go, but felt like that only reinforced Danny’s thoughts. “What if we split it?” Surely that wouldn’t lead to an argument, right?
“It’s not a big deal, Nick. Lemme get this one. It’s nothing.”
It really was nothing. A little over thirty dollars. “Then, we can split it.”
Danny scowled. “Chem, I just told you I like being able to pay my way.”
“And we just discussed how everything isn’t material. We’ve argued over who’s doing what chores. Now we have to fight about who’s going to pay the check?” Nicole frowned.
“Why can’t you just let me get this? You know how it makes me feel and you said you didn’t want to invalidate my feelings. Now that I have a job it’s like you want me to do less stuff than ever, like you don’t want me to pay for anything.”
“I never said that, but you act like you don’t want me to do anything. I make dinner and you have a problem. I clean the living room, problem. Do you realize I haven’t walked Haydn alone in weeks?” Nicole asked.
Danny scoffed, tossing her head to the side. “I’m keeping you from walking the dog?”
“You think I baby you, but you really want to baby me.” Nicole pointed to Danny and then to herself.
Danny folded her arms across her chest. “Oh, you’d rather I treat you like crap? Like everyone has in the past?”
Nicole flinched. She almost brought up the money incident, but swallowed it. It tasted like broken glass. It was incredible how quick things decayed here. She looked around, noticing some stares. They weren’t going to be a show.
“Okay, Danny, please, pay the check,” Nicole said. Anything to get out of here. They could talk in the car.
Danny opened her mouth, but glanced around and then closed it. She tossed some money on the table, reminding Nicole of in the car. Nicole put down some money as well. Danny glowered at her.