The Grace In Darkness

by Melissa Andrea

  Even after knowing all that, I was too selfish to let her go. I needed her to breathe, to survive, to exist.

  The sun was barely peeking through the window when I shifted awake. Araya was still curled into my side and I realized this was the first time in months that I’d actually slept well. It was amazing what one person could do for you.

  I glanced over at her, and even after everything she’d gone through last night, she looked serene. Her hair was like a slow fire ignited by the small amount of sun in the room. She definitely had me burning to the edge of my being.

  As slowly as I could, I got up from the bed and stretched as I made my way toward the bathroom.

  I quickly took care of business, washed my hands, and found my toothbrush in the cabinet. I brushed my teeth and leaned over the sink to spit. When I straightened, I saw Sebastian in the mirror.

  “That’s pretty creepy, you know,” I mumbled around a mouthful of minty foam and then spit again, rinsing my mouth clean.

  “What happened last night?”

  I shrugged. “You were right. He wasn’t worth it and Araya needed me more.”

  I wiped my mouth and walked past him through the door. A quick peek at Araya told me I had time to at least make her some eggs. And I was pretty sure that’s all we had anyway.

  “Good because I wasn’t in the mood to deal with the SWAT team when they came to take your stubborn ass away.”

  We were in the kitchen now and I was digging through the fridge for something halfway decent to feed Araya.

  “I don’t understand you. You’re always poised and ready to strike for any little bullshit reason, and now all of a sudden, you’ve grown a conscience? When I actually need you. What gives?”

  “I told you I would take care of Craze!”

  “I don’t need you to take care of it. I need you to have my back while I take care of it!”

  I slammed the fridge door and found a skillet. Within minutes, the kitchen was filled with the aroma of scrambled eggs and bacon.

  “I do have your back! That’s why I didn’t want you to do anything stupid last night, Ryland!”

  “Well, nothing happened.”

  Sebastian didn’t respond and seconds later, he walked out of the kitchen.

  When I walked into the bedroom, Araya was sitting up in the bed. Her head lifted and our eyes connected. I balanced her plate on one hand and held a glass of juice in the other. I felt nervous all of a sudden, and it drove me crazy that she had such an instant effect on me. I kicked the door shut with my foot and walked toward her. Despite how I felt right now, there was one thing I had to do before anything else.

  “It smells good,” she said politely.

  I put down the glass and plate on the nightstand. “I’m sorry,” I said.

  “What—”

  She gasped when I lifted her off the bed and against me. I devoured every detail on her beautiful face. The last couple of days seemed longer than the entire six months we’d been apart. No matter what, I wasn’t walking away from her again. Physically, I never wanted to, and mentally, I just couldn’t do it.

  My fingers sank into the soft strands of her hair and her sweet scent overran my senses. I could feel the thud of her heart against my chest. I could see it at the curve of her neck, and I could hear it through the soft pants of breath she took. She smelled like my soap and mint.

  Pulling her toward me, I caught her bottom lip between mine and the edges of my teeth raked over the sensitive nerves. She moaned and her fingers gripped my biceps. I ran my tongue over her lip and she leaned into me, pulling me against her at the same time, demanding more. Tilting her head, I gave her what we both needed.

  I wrapped her hair in my fist and held her firmly to me, thrusting my tongue into her mouth. She melted into me. Her body hummed the way only she knew how, and it was my undoing. I lowered us onto the bed, fitting my knee between her thighs and covering her with my body.

  Her hips lifted, and I used that to push my thigh harder against her. Her body arched off the bed and she moaned into my mouth. Her hands were all over me, tugging on the hem of my shirt until she was able to move her hands under and over my stomach and chest. Her hands felt amazing, and I growled my approval against her neck, biting her skin gently.

  “Ryland, I need you.”

  “I need you more, Hummingbird.”

  I sat up, pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it away. Looking down at Araya took my breath away. Her red hair fanned out in messy curls above her head. Her cheeks were flushed and her neck was inflamed from my facial hair. She was breathing fast and hard, clenching the blanket in her fingers. Her shirt was twisted around her and the smooth skin of her stomach teased me.

  I moved between her legs and her knees lifted on both sides of me. Running my hands down her thighs, I squeezed her hips and moved up her sides. I pushed her up higher onto the bed and bent over to kiss her stomach. Lifting her shirt higher, I trailed kisses over each part of exposed skin.

  Pulling her up toward me, I kissed her hard, my tongue teasing hers. I pulled at her shirt, leaving her lips long enough to pull it off. Wrapping the long strands of her hair around my fist again, my other hand trailed down her back and unfastened the clasp of her bra. Lowering us back down, I groaned when our bare skin touched. My lips left hers and she whimpered in disappointment.

  “I need to look at you, Hummingbird.”

  “Not fair,” she mumbled, and I smirked.

  Glancing down between our bodies, I had to count to ten. Otherwise, I wasn’t going to be able to take it slow like I wanted to. The last time went way too fast.

  Pulling her hands above her head, I whispered against the side of her neck, “Don’t move.”

  “You’re killing me.”

  “I’m not doing anything to you that I’m not doing to myself, Hummingbird. Don’t move,” I repeated. I blew lightly on her skin and she shivered. “Do you like that?” I didn’t move while I waited for her answer. I bit the spot between her breasts and she cried out, arching her back.

  “Yes!” she moaned.

  “Good. Me too.”

  I licked and blew on her skin between her breasts and down her stomach, stopping to unbutton and remove her shorts. I bit the spot below her belly button and her body twisted.

  “Ryland, please,” she begged.

  Moving up her body, I took her nipple between my lips and sucked. Her responses were addicting and I sucked harder. She lifted and grabbed at my hair with her fingers, holding me tight. I smiled and my tongue twisted around the hard bud. She was twisting and straining under me by the time I moved to the other side, repeating the same torture.

  When I knew neither of us could take any more, I lifted above her, but she had other plans. Before I knew what she was doing, she shoved me on my back and climbed on top of me. Her hair spilled down the side of her shoulders and across my chest as she leaned over to place feather-light kisses across my heated skin.

  Experiencing Araya’s control and self-confidence drove me over the edge. I loved everything about her, and this was one more side of her to add to the list. She positioned herself to sit on my thighs and unbuttoned my pants. I swallowed hard, mesmerized by the sway of her breasts with each movement of her arms.

  I reached out to help her but stopped. Looking at her hands, I realized they were shaking. I fucking loved that I affected her as much as she did me, and I wasn’t about to ruin this by trying to help her and embarrass her. I’d feel like a douche and more importantly, I would be one.

  Sitting up, I traced the curve of her neck and lifted her chin so I could kiss her lips.

  “You’re so damn sexy, Hummingbird.” I pulled her hair so her neck was exposed to me and I sucked on the sensitive skin.

  “Ryland...” She’d gotten my pants undone and she pushed me back so she could pull them off.

  When I was completely naked, she moved her hands over my thighs and we both sighed together. I held my breath the higher she got. I wanted her han
ds on me so bad my gut twisted. When she took me in her soft palms, the world around me exploded. There was a loud humming noise drowning out everything, and it took me a minute to realize it was my heartbeat. She explored curiously at first and then more aggressively, and I almost lost it right there.

  I pulled her to me and she landed on my chest with a gasp. Grabbing her face, I kissed with all the pent-up need and want I had.

  “I need you now, Ryland,” she breathed against my lips.

  “I’m yours, Hummingbird.”

  She positioned herself above me, slowly sinking lower until I filled her completely. It was the most satisfying feeling in the world to be surrounded by Araya, and I never wanted it to end. She shifted and lifted her hips to her own rhythm, pleasure so clearly etched on her face. Her head dropped back and she used me for support as she moved faster and harder against me.

  “You’re killing me, Araya.” I gasped, grabbing on to her hips and pushing myself deeper inside of her.

  She cried out and I could feel her muscles clenching around me. Her thighs trembled and she couldn’t control the sounds that escaped her. I could feel her so close to that breaking point and I wanted push her far beyond just the physical.

  My thumb found her sensitive knot and I circled it once, then twice. Her pupils dilated and her green eyes became wild with raw need. Her fingers clawed at my chest, leaving behind the tiny evidence of her intense release. It was all I needed to completely let go and forever become a part of her. I muffled her screams with my lips as I sat up and held her shaking body.

  It took a full five minutes for Araya and me to come down from our ecstasy. Still holding her to me, I collapsed on the bed. I stretched my arms wide and she curled into my chest, laying her cheek against my heartbeat.

  “Your heart is beating so fast.”

  “That’s what happens when you try and kill a person.” I joked.

  Her chin rested on my chest and she looked up at me. “You’re one to talk. I almost self-combusted there at the end!”

  I chuckled and she moved to get up, but I grabbed her hips to keep her still.

  “I’m not ready for you to move yet,” I said, pulling her lips toward mine, and I felt her flex around me. I groaned and rolled us over. “Your breakfast is cold.” I nibbled on the smooth skin of her neck.

  “I don’t mind. I’m starving so I’ll happily eat cold eggs, and then I want to take a shower.”

  “How about you take a shower and I’ll warm up your breakfast? Think your stomach can refrain from eating itself?” I traced a circle around her bellybutton.

  “I think so.”

  “Good.”

  I crawled down her body, moving my lips as I went, and pulled her up. She landed against me all soft, naked, and sweet-smelling.

  “Go get in the shower before I keep you in this bed all day long.”

  She leaned up to kiss me. “Don’t threaten me with a good time, Ryland.”

  I laughed, kissing her hard before she made her way to the bathroom. Thirty minutes later, I lay there listening to Araya in the shower. The smell of my shampoo floated through the air and just like that, it was no longer my shampoo. It was hers and the smell would always remind me of her.

  Flipping the sheet off me, I walked to my dresser, pulling it open. I went to pull out a pair of briefs and stopped. I picked up the metallic wrapper and my heart skipped a beat. I tapped it against the edge of the dresser drawer and cursed before tossing it back inside and grabbing what I needed.

  The living room was empty when I walked into the kitchen to heat up Araya’s food. I drank her warm juice, shoved a piece of bacon in my mouth, and walked out of the kitchen. The shower was still running when I walked past and a cloud of steam drifted in the hall like an eerie mist.

  I set the plate on the nightstand and frowned when I heard ringing. It wasn’t my ringtone, and I had horrible flashbacks of that blonde leaving the house. What if her phone was here, and worse, what would I tell Araya?

  I followed the ring to Araya’s boot and tipped it over, frowning. The phone spilled out and I picked it up. I didn’t recognize the phone, but I did recognize the caller. I could still hear the shower going in the background and I answered the call.

  It was silent, and then her voiced hissed acid on the other end. “Who the fuck is this!” Makayla demanded.

  “Ryland.”

  “Ryland.” I heard her sigh, and her voice trembled. “Please tell me Araya’s with you.”

  “Yes, she is.”

  “Oh, thank God! I’ve been calling Araya’s phone all night. I’ve been so worried about her! We got separated last—”

  “You left her.” I corrected in a hard tone.

  My accusation tripped her up. “I was only gone for five minutes,” she said defensively, but there was a hint of guilt mixed in.

  “Why would you leave her alone at all and especially in a place like that?”

  “Because she isn’t a child!” she snapped. “She doesn’t need me to watch her every move!”

  “That’s BS. That has nothing to do with anything! You guys shouldn’t have been there anyway!”

  “Araya’s a big girl! She can make her own decisions.”

  “Her own decisions, huh? Whose goddamn idea was it to go to The Underground in the first place? Was it her decision or yours?” She was silent. “You shouldn’t have been there,” I repeated.

  “Maybe if you hadn’t just walked away from her the other night—”

  “Don’t do that! Don’t blame me! She should’ve never been there and you should have never left her, and you know it!”

  “Ryland.”

  I swung around to find Araya standing there holding a towel to her dripping body. By the look on her face, I figured she’d heard some of the conversation. “Give me the phone.”

  She held out her hand toward me. Makayla was saying something on the other end, but it was just an incoherent buzzing sound as I lowered the phone and placed it in Araya’s hand.

  She put it to her ear. “Hello? Makayla?” She waited a second longer and then lowered the phone and looked up at me with hurt-filled eyes. “She hung up.” She walked over to the bed and dropped the phone. “Why would you say that stuff to her, Ryland?”

  “Because it’s the truth.”

  She shook her head, quick to defend her friend. “Last night wasn’t Makayla’s fault.”

  “It was her idea to go to The Underground.”

  “Maybe, but it was my decision to go with her.”

  “How did you even know I would be there?”

  She sat on the bed and picked at the fibers on her towel. She didn’t want to tell me.

  “Araya? Who told you?”

  “It’s only going to piss you off more, Ryland. I just knew, okay?”

  I stared at her, trying to think who would have told her, and it didn’t take me a full minute to put it together.

  “You’ve seen Careless. When?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. She came to see me the other day.”

  “How did she know where you were?”

  “I thought maybe you told her?”

  “No. Why would she tell you about The Underground, though?”

  “Because she was, is, worried about you! So was I!”

  “So you thought going to the very place that had you worried was a good idea?”

  “I don’t know! Why are you fighting, anyway? That’s not you, Ryland.”

  “Just like going to underground fighting clubs isn’t you.” I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling frustrated.

  She stood up and put her hands on her hips, angry. “What are you more upset about? The fact that I went, or the fact that I’m blind and I went?”

  “Both! Dammit, Araya, it wasn’t safe for you! You were drugged last night!” I blurted out in anger, but the look on her face was enough to dissolve it.

  That wasn’t at all how I wanted to tell her, but it was too late to take it back now. She was frozen and t
he look on her face hurt more than being punched in the gut. She was devastated and her eyes watered over with tears. I took a step toward her, but she took a step back. Her arms wrapped around her stomach, and she bit her lip.

  “I was drugged?”

  I sighed. “Craze put something in your and Mak’s drinks.”

  “I knew something was wrong. I knew I couldn’t have gotten that drunk off one drink. He knew I was there for you… I feel sick to my stomach.”

  “You told him you were there for me?”

  “Well, not exactly. River did, but he knew.”

  “Now can you see why you shouldn’t have been there?”

  She stared at me for a minute, wiped at her tears roughly, and then turned away, feeling around for her clothes.

  “You still don’t understand, Ryland. You don’t know how it is to always feel like you’re holding back everyone around you. And it didn’t matter that I was blind! Makayla was slipped something too.”

  She found her clothes and removed her towel to pull them on. I could smell her clothes from here, and they smelled like the pit and it made my stomach twist with new anger. Her movements were quick and angry and she yanked on her shorts. I tried to focus, but the soft sway of her breasts made me want to throw her on the bed and make her forget everything but me and what I felt like inside her. If I were smart, that’s what I would have done. But that’s if I were smart, and when I was around Araya, I was usually anything but.

  She sat on the bed and pulled on her boots. “You’re never going to see past my blindness enough to treat me like a normal person.”

  “Don’t do that, Araya! You’re using your blindness as an excuse! I just want you to be safe and last night you were far from that. You and I both know what would have happened if Sebastian hadn’t found you. You were drugged, for fuck’s sake!” She flinched at my words, and I instantly regretted being so damn harsh. I moved toward her, but she took a step back.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that, not like that.” I gave her a minute before I continued. “How can you be so self-confident and so free one minute and then feel like you’re a burden to everyone the next? You’re so afraid that I’m going to treat you or see you as some helpless blind girl that you’re forcing that excuse at me with everything you have. And the more you try to convince me and yourself that you’re anything but, the more you put yourself in danger! You believe it so much that you left me because of it. You left me, Araya!”