The Underwear Dare: Nerd vs. Bully!

by Sisters, The Nardini

  “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I have lots of friends. Josh shared his friends with me. That was pretty cool.”

  I couldn’t say anything now because I would look like a real jerk. I really didn’t mind sharing my friends with Eddie anymore, if I really thought about it..

  “I have some exciting news for you boys,” Ms. Behr said. “This is your last counseling session with me. I am very proud of you both. You’ve made great progress.”

  Eddie beamed with pride. I smiled, too. Ms. Behr’s counseling not only helped me see Eddie in a new light, but helped me see myself in a new light, too. My eyes began to water. Stupid air freshener. Ms. Behr gave us each a hug and scooted us out the door. It was then I noticed her plug-in air freshener was missing. Oh well, my dad says guys can cry too.

  Eddie’s and Josh’s Index Cards

  CHAPTER 16

  Eddie unwrapped the present quickly. Wrapping paper went flying everywhere. I took my time. I liked to savor the anticipation of what the gift might be.

  “Wow! A new art set. This is awesome!” Eddie yelled and hugged Allie and my dad.

  It was a really nice art set. Lots of paint, brushes, a sketchbook, and some markers. I continued to unwrap my gift. The corner showed through and I saw beautifully colored paper. The sheets were all shiny and full of decoration. With that I unwrapped the entire gift. There was also a book and the title was: A Beginners Guide to Origami. It had a really cool cover that showed a bunch of animals made out of folded paper.

  “Do you like it Josh?” Allie asked. “It’s an origami book. Origami is the Japanese art of paper folding. I thought you might like it because you have to be very precise and mathematical to make it look just right.”

  “It looks like a lot of fun. Thanks,” I answered.

  Allie dabbed her eyes. She was crying. My dad just chuckled and said, “Don’t worry it comes along with the territory.”

  I had no clue what he was talking about and didn’t really care. I couldn’t wait to try origami.

  “We wanted to give you boys something special. Ms. Behr called today and said you were done with your counseling sessions,” my dad grinned.

  “I’m so proud of both of you,” Allie said and burst into huge sobs. My dad chuckled again. Grown-ups can be so strange.

  * * *

  Eddie lounged on his mattress in the attic and drew in his sketchbook. I read my origami book and tried to figure out how to create a dog’s head. I was getting the hang of it. The origami paper was really cool. It was perfectly square and some of it even had animal print designs on it. For the dog’s head I chose a piece of white paper with black spots. It looked like a Dalmatian.

  “Tomorrow’s the big day,” Eddie said.

  I felt a pit in my stomach instantly.

  “Are you ready?”

  “Yeah,” I mumbled.

  “You don’t sound ready.”

  “What’s ready sound like?” I asked getting annoyed. I just wanted to make my Dalmatian.

  “Touchy, touchy. Well, I’m ready. I was ready Wednesday, too. I would have gone through with it if you hadn’t spilled chocolate milk on me.”

  I knew he spoke the truth. Eddie was fearless. The only reason he didn’t run through the cafetorium was because his underwear was soaked with chocolate milk. I would never muster up enough courage to beat him fair and square. I had an idea.

  “Hey, Eddie can I borrow your brown marker to color in my Dalmatian’s eyes?”

  Eddie tossed me the marker without comment. I colored in the eyes and then grabbed my stomach.

  “I think I need to use the bathroom,” I said as I slipped the marker up my pajama sleeve.

  “Why don’t you tell the world,” Eddie said sarcastically.

  I went to go down the stairs.

  “Where are you going?” Eddie asked.

  “I just said I have to go to the bathroom.”

  “We have a bathroom up here.”

  Eddie was right. I had to think fast. “Yeah, but I really have to go,” I said.

  “So?”

  “So I might smell the place up.”

  “So?”

  “Do you want me to smell the place up?” I asked him.

  “No. But don’t expect me to do the same for you. When I gotta go, I’m using our new bathroom. Deal with it.”

  I walked downstairs, passed by the bathroom and entered our old bedroom. I opened Eddie’s underwear drawer and did something horrible and clever. Using Eddie’s new brown marker, I colored a big skid-mark on the outside of each pair of his underwear. Now he would be too embarrassed to streak across the stage in his underwear. And it would be too late to get a new pair before tomorrow. It was mean, but I was playing for keeps.

  * * *

  The next morning I jumped out of bed. Well, off my mattress on the floor anyway and headed downstairs to get dressed. I knew I’d won the bet. Eddie would never streak with a skid-mark, no matter how brave he was.

  I strolled into my old room and there was Eddie frantically pulling out all his underwear and checking them for skid-marks. He threw them on the floor and turned to me.

  “What did you do?” he said and looked very angry.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked innocently.

  “You know darn well what I’m talking about. All the brown marks on my underwear.”

  “Maybe you should be more careful after using the bathroom.”

  “I’ll pound you!” Eddie yelled.

  It had been a while since Eddie had threatened me. He really could be scary when he wanted to be. I realized too late I had pushed him too far. I braced myself for the beating that was about to start.

  Eddie burst into laughter. “I really had you going! You should have seen your face. You really thought I was going to pound you.”

  What was going on? Eddie had been pretending to be mad. But why?

  “You really are an amateur, Josh. I gotta admit, Wednesday was brilliant with the chocolate milk, but did you think I would let it happen again?”

  I just stared at him, dumbfounded.

  Eddie strolled over to my dresser and opened my underwear drawer. He reached all the way in the back and pulled out a pristine pair of underwear, just his size.

  “I hid this pair in there after school on Wednesday. I had a feeling you might try to sabotage my new underwear. Pretty clever huh? Hiding it in your drawer. You never suspected it, did you?”

  “No,” I stammered.

  “Yep, clever like a prairie dog,” he said and strutted to the bathroom to get dressed.

  * * *

  Not many fifth graders were willing to run through the cafetorium in just their underwear, but I had too much at stake to back out now. Here I was hiding behind the stage curtain during lunch in nothing but my tightie-whities and sneakers. I had goose bumps on my arms and legs because of our school’s brand new air conditioning system. Or maybe it because I was nervous. If my dad could see me right now, he would shake his head and say, “Joshua Allen Miller, have you lost your mind? Is this any way for a eleven year old to act?” Allie would probably cry. She’d been doing that a lot lately.

  I peeked from behind the curtain and I watched my classmates wolfing down their food. The smell of pepperoni pizza filled my nostrils and made me want to puke. Normally, I enjoyed pizza, but this day was anything but normal.

  Eddie stood right next to me, grinning from ear to ear. “I’m gonna go!” he challenged.

  How did it get this far? A minute ago, we were eating pizza and then Eddie asked if he could use the bathroom. I knew he was making a run for it.

  I asked to use the bathroom, too. I wasn’t going to let him win that easily. I snuck onto the stage using the back door and stripped off everything but my underwear and my shoes. Eddie was already there, in his underwear.

  The fourth graders were just entering. I put my hands over my ears to muffle out the chatter of a million different conversations going on at once. I never realized how loud it could
be in the school cafetorium. No wonder it took so long for everyone to get quiet during assemblies.

  I couldn’t back out now. This was the third and final dare. The Ultimate Dare! I was proud of myself for getting this far.

  “It’s kinda cold up here, huh Josh?” Eddie asked and laughed nervously.

  Was he stalling? Did Eddie, the former school bully, have cold feet?

  We were safely hidden behind the curtain wing. Maybe I could talk Eddie out of doing this. He didn’t seem as sure of himself as he had a minute ago.

  “What are you waiting for?” I asked and inhaled deeply to calm my nerves. I instantly smelled smoke.

  “Hey Josh, do you smell smoke?” he asked.

  Before I could answer, the fire alarm went off. Eddie and I looked at each other in complete and total panic.

  All the kids were being scooted out the doors to safety. Eddie and I started to grab our clothes, but we were stopped by the sudden appearance of Nurse Turley.

  “What are you boys doing up here in your underwear?” she yelled. “We need to get out, now!” She grabbed us each by the arm and scooted us off the stage. She was a lot stronger than she looked.

  “But my clothes,” I said as I was pushed farther and farther away from them.

  “There’s no time for nonsense!” Nurse Turley yelled and added, “You should have thought of that before you stripped down to your skivvies!”

  Eddie grabbed a lunch tray and held it over his underwear. Taking his cue, I grabbed the first thing I saw and did the same.

  Nurse Turley practically shoved us out the exit doors. The entire school was lined up on the blacktop and unfortunately they were facing the doors as we exited. Never in my life have I felt so embarrassed. This even topped the machine gun fart episode on the bus.

  At first, I thought I heard a clap of thunder. I looked up for a lightening bolt but realized the thunder clap was really the sound of every child in the school laughing at the same time.

  I turned to look at Eddie. He was laughing, too.

  “Nice lunchbox,” he said and pointed.

  I looked down and noticed I had grabbed a pink Barbie lunchbox to cover my underwear. I looked at Eddie. The tray he had grabbed to cover his underwear must of still had food on it. Applesauce and greenbeans covered his legs.

  And then it happened. I couldn’t help it. I laughed. A huge, magnificent belly laugh. And no matter how many dirty looks the teachers and principal gave me, I couldn’t stop laughing.

  * * *

  Pan-de-mo-nium! There weren’t many times when you could see the meaning of a spelling word in action. But this was one of them. We learned the meaning of pandemonium this week. It meant total chaos.

  And that was exactly what was happening right now in Mr. Duff’s office. Besides me and Eddie, there were my dad, Allie, Mr. Duff, Ms. Waverly and Ms. Behr. Words and accusations were flying around the room like bats on Halloween. Everyone was talking at once and the only word that I heard loud and clear was suspension. Eddie heard it too.

  “Maybe we went too far,” he whispered to me. I shook my head yes.

  Seeing that this meeting was going nowhere fast, Mr. Duff told everyone to quiet down. “Now boys, why were you two hiding on the stage in your underwear?”

  Five sets of eyes stared at us. Neither of us had the guts to talk first.

  “Well?” Mr. Duff waited.

  Eddie glanced at the door. I guess he was plotting his escape route.

  “Josh, answer Mr. Duff,” my dad said impatiently.

  “Well, um, it’s hard to explain but, um...”

  Eddie said, “It’s actually a very funny story.”

  “Eddie, not now. This isn’t a laughing matter, it’s very serious,” Allie said and quietly started to cry. “I need to sit down, I think I’m going to faint.”

  My dad rushed to Allie’s side and helped her into a chair. Ms. Behr gave her a glass of water and Ms. Waverly handed her a bunch of tissues.

  “I’m fine now,” Allie said. “Continue, please.” She was still crying a bit.

  “What Eddie meant to say was it started out funny but it didn’t end that way,” I said.

  “Yeah, that’s what I meant. It all started when you told us that one of us could move into the attic. We both wanted that room for ourselves and we didn’t know how else to be fair about who got it, you see.”

  “I’m confused, this is about a room?” Mr. Duff asked.

  My dad explained, “Allie and I told the boys they could decide who got the attic room. But without fighting, remember?”

  “We didn’t fight, we just came up with our own way,” I said.

  “And what was that?” Ms. Behr butted in.

  “A series of dares,” Eddie mumbled.

  “What?” Allie asked.

  “He said a series of dares,” I repeated.

  “That explains a lot,” Ms. Waverly said.

  Allie stopped crying. “What kind of dares?”

  While Eddie and I recited the list of dares, the expressions on each attentive face was as different as the seven dwarfs. Ms. Behr looked relieved, Ms. Waverly looked embarrassed, Mr. Duff looked disappointed and my dad looked mad. Only Allie’s expression didn't make sense. She went from shocked, to impressed, to upset then hysterical with laughter. I thought Eddie had a funny laugh but Allie’s was out of control.

  “Honey, like you said this isn’t a laughing matter,” my dad said to Allie. Allie tried to stop laughing but couldn’t.

  “Really, Mrs. Miller, these boys are suspended and need to be taken off the school property immediately,” Mr. Duff said.

  That stopped her laughing. “I know, I know. I’m very hormonal lately. I can’t stop crying or laughing. But I do know one thing. These boys are going to make very interesting big brothers to their new little sister.”

  Now it was time for Eddie and me to be shocked. Did I just hear right?

  “Mom, you’re...”

  “Yes. I’m pregnant. You and Josh are going to have a little sister. Believe me, this was not the way we intended to tell you.” We both hugged Allie. Ms. Waverly and Ms. Behr were offering congratulations and Mr. Duff concluded the meeting was over.

  As we were leaving Ms. Behr’s office, my dad said to Eddie and me, “This doesn’t get you boys off the hook. You’re both still in big trouble and this suspension will probably go in your permanent files.”

  It was hard to care about permanent files and suspension with news this big. We passed a group of girls playing jump rope on our way to the car. They were singing a new song:

  Nice, thin, Eddie, gave up spaghetti

  Gave us treats, through old Miss Betty

  Doesn't weigh a ton-ie, we keep our money

  How many girls now think he’s funny?

  1…2…3…4…5…

  “Not bad,” I said to Eddie.

  “Yeah, never underestimate the power of ice cream,” he said.

  CHAPTER 17

  Eddie and I looked around the attic room. It was awesome. Our parents had moved our dressers up and where our mattresses used to be stood two sets of bunk beds. Enough for me, Eddie, Manny and Paul to each have our own bed during sleepovers. Of course, that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. Our parents had even hooked up the computer.

  “We had planned to surprise you with the finished room tonight, but you boys blew it,” my dad said as he started unhooking the video game controller from the TV.

  Allie stood and watched my dad with a sad expression on her face. “I really thought you boys were getting along. To find out it was all some stupid bet…” she trailed off.

  My dad took the video game controller downstairs. He came back for the TV. Next, he took the computer. This was bad.

  “Allie and I talked about a lot of different punishments for you two. At first we considered making you stay in your old room, but we realized that wouldn’t be fair to us or the new baby. We need to be close to the baby for feeding and changing the diapers and we
certainly don’t want to walk up a flight of stairs every time the baby needs us.”

  “We decided, since the room meant so much to you both, then you could have it. But it would just be a plain room. A place to sleep, that’s all. All of the fun and cool things that made this room special are gone,” Allie added.

  “Will they ever come back?” Eddie asked.

  “That depends on you two. We will just have to wait and see. Maybe someday, some of the items will trickle back in or maybe they’ll end up at Goodwill,” she answered.

  Eddie and I said nothing. We knew we didn’t have a leg to stand on. The only thing left in our room besides our furniture were our books and school supplies.

  “Well boys, enjoy your new room. You’re going to be spending quite a lot of time up here. I’d say about a month should do for your grounding,” my dad said as he and Allie left.

  “A month?” Eddie said.

  “What’d you expect?” I answered.

  “What’d you expect, you little wiener?” Eddie said and threw me on the ground. He began gulping air. It was just like it had always been. Eddie was still a bully. Well, I had had enough. I began gulping air, too.

  We both burped into each other’s face, long and hard. Then we rolled on the floor laughing. I guess things were different than they had been. Eddie was my friend. My true friend. And he was my brother, too. It stunk that all the fun things were gone from the room. But the one fun thing Allie and my dad couldn’t take away from me was Eddie.

  “We really did blow it, didn’t we Eddie?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I feel really bad. Jack hates me and I made my mom cry.”

  “My dad doesn’t hate you. He’s just disappointed in you. In us.”

  “It’s weird we’re gonna have a baby sister,” he said after a moment.