The Incorporated Knight

by L. Sprague De Camp

  "Madam!" said Eudoric, taken aback. "In the first place, it's not proper to put it so roynishly before others; in the second, were not this eve—"

  "This evening my head bailiff reports to me on the gains and losses of my estates; 'twill keep me occupied until the small hours. So it is now or never! Or, at least until the morrow."

  Eudoric glanced at Forthred who, coloring, stared at the floor. "Forthred, set the game board where none shall disturb it; we'll finish the play anon." Following Yolanda towards the bedchamber, he continued: "But tell me, how went your visit to the King and his minister. Where stand I?"

  "Still ambiguous," she threw back. "I gat no promises from that precious pair, save that they commit no bale without further consultation. Forsooth, I know better than to trust the promises of kings, even mine own brother."

  Eudoric wondered whether, in this hectic atmosphere, he would fare any better than he had with Riguntha.

  -

  The next day, Yolanda again departed early for Letitia. Increasingly dissatisfied, Eudoric determined to have a look around the estate. But when he opened the huge front door, two marids barred the way.

  "La'! La'!" they said, holding arms out. "Mush rûh!"

  "Out of my way!" shouted Eudoric, putting a hand on each bare leathery chest and shoving.

  Instead of his pushing them aside, they seized his arms, hoisted him into the air, carried him back across the threshold, and tossed him in a heap. These beings, he realized, were so much stronger than any mortal man that wrestling with them would be as futile as with the orthodox ogre. By the time he had scrambled to his feet, the door had closed behind the demons.

  Boiling with rage, Eudoric prowled the palace. There were three other ground-floor entrances, all guarded by marids. He went up the marble stair and investigated the second-story rooms. Wherever he looked out a window, two or three marids were patrolling beneath, now and then glancing up.

  Eudoric summoned Forthred again, saying: "It transpires that I am clapped up here at Her Highness's pleasure."

  " 'Tis and easy form of jailery, sir, if ye'll excuse my so saying."

  "True; nobody's beating me, and the fare will make me swell like a bullfrog if I limit not my aliment. But I will be no noble lady's lapdog. Have the marids hindered your movements?"

  "Nay, sir. I went to the stables early this morn, to make sure that our beasts were properly cared for, and none gainsaid me."

  "Whence I infer that their orders include not you. Go to the stables, take one of our horses, and tell the grooms the nag needs exercise. Then ride in to Letitia and find the old Serican magician Tsudai." Eudoric gave directions for finding the palace and, in case Tsudai should be at home, his dwelling. "Ask him to come out here to see me. He owed me for saving him from assault."

  "Hath he a beast of burden or a carriage?"

  "I know not. Belike he could fly hither if he wished. Lead the mule, saddled, and give him his choice of mounts. He looks aged and frail; but having seen him hold off a band of bravos single-handed, I suspect his appearance to be deceptive."

  From a window in the princess's bedroom, Eudoric watched his helper ride off leading the mule. The autumnal wind blew a shower slantwise, bringing with it an armada of leaves transformed to bronze or gold.

  Back in the library, Eudoric tried to read the history of Franconia but found it hard to concentrate. Further examining the shelves, he came upon a group of books on love, marriage, and the female temperament. These seemed so out of keeping with the rest of the library, whose content was heavily historical and political, that Eudoric suspected the works had once belonged to husband number three, Count Sugerius. He pulled out a fat volume and settled himself to read.

  -

  Two hours later, Forthred returned with Tsudai astride the mule, and the marids made no attempt to stop the two from entering the palace. After greetings, Eudoric said:

  "Learned Doctor, know you aught of the King's intentions towards me? The princess keeps me locked up here, like a felon, on the pretext that otherwise, Clothar and Brulard would have me shortened by a head."

  Shedding the voluminous black cloak that he wore over a robe of purple silk, the Serican gave a squeaky little laugh. "This person doth assure your noble self that there be naught to the tale. After the King and minister had thought on the matter, they decided they were just as pleased. They would that ye tame this fair if formidable lady. They admit that the task doth call for a hero of legend; but lacking genuine giantkiller, they hope ye will qualify."

  "Easier to tame a bull olifant in rut," grumbled Eudoric. "My one burning wish is to burst from this gilded guardhouse and return to my homeland. Any remaining scruples have been laid to rest by the knowledge that my bride has sought to deceive me."

  "Leaving loving bride behind?" asked Tsudai. "That seems to this superficial person a departure from usual course of love amongst round-eyed Westerners."

  " 'Twas a marriage of inconvenience," said Eudoric. "If she's fain to follow me to Arduen, we shall see how it fares with us; if not, be hers the choice. There will be no broken hearts in any case."

  "Will indissolubility of Franconian marriages cause your noble self perplexities?"

  "I think not; the Empire allows divorce. Next: Canst get me out of here?"

  "Aye; this inferior one can put marids to rout. When wouldst depart?"

  "As soon as Forthred can pack our gear. Whilst he is so occupied, let me show you the door to her magic room. She refused me admittance; so, naturally, I am curious as to what's within."

  Tsudai said: "Sir Eudoric, your humble servant is eager to please your noble self. But if ye remember the fairytales, curiosity oft leads the curious one to do things that he later regret. Are ye sure ye wish me to open this portal?"

  "I'm certain, Doctor; be the responsibility mine. Go ahead, if you can."

  -

  XVII – A Surplus of Spouses

  Tsudai whipped a wand out of a sleeve of his robe and pointed it at the door. He moved the wand in patterns, muttering.

  A marid bustled up, crying; "La! La'!"

  Tsudai turned on the demon, pointed the wand, and said: "Rûh! Imshi!"

  "Ya shayy!" roared the marid, lunging towards Tsudai with three-fingered talons outspread. As if came within reach, the Serican rapped one of the reaching arms with his wand. There was a crack, a flash, and a smell of something scorched. The marid recoiled. With a cry of "Istannani!" it whirled and fled back down the corridor.

  "It hath gone for reinforcements," said Tsudai. "This feeble person cannot hold them all off with little stick. Must summon aid from superadjacent world." He threw back his head and cried in a high voice: "Lungjin! Lungjin zher!"

  A crowd of marids appeared in the corridor, running towards Eudoric and the magician. Their hooflike toes clop-clopped upon the marble. Amid the clatter, Tsudai cried out again. The foremost marids halted their charge and flinched back, although the pressure of those behind shoved them forward.

  Aware that the marids were staring goggle-eyed at something beside him, Eudoric looked around and also flinched. Next to him, almost touching his shoulder, had appeared the head of a reptilian monster somewhat like Druzhok but smaller, with scales of a vivid vermillion, tendrils sprouting from the sides of its muzzle, and a pair of stubby antlers above its eyes.

  As Eudoric watched, the head advanced, followed by a scaly neck, then one five-clawed forefoot, then another. The creature seemed to be crawling through a hole in an invisible barrier between its world and Eudoric's.

  As more and more dragon came into view, its scales made an unpleasant scraping sound against the edges of the hole. A pair of hindlegs pushed their way into visibility, and a crested tail scraped after. The new arrival bulked huge in the hallway.

  The marids at the forefront shouted and struggled to melt back into the pushing throng, but the pressure of the crowd still drove them onward. The scaly, horned head shot out, and the fanged jaws clamped shut on the foremost marid, which shri
eked as it was hoisted high above the floor. There was a horrid sound of crunching bones.

  The marids in the rear, at last realizing their danger, ceased to press forward. In a flash, they turned as one and fled down the hall, around a corner, and out of sight.

  The dragon tossed the mangled body of the still-struggling demon into the air and caught it as it descended head-first, like a cormorant eating a fish. The reptile jerked its head in a series of colossal gulps; with each gulp, more and more of the marid disappeared until only its hoof-toed feet protruded from the slavering jaws. With a final jerk, these, too, vanished. A bulky bulge traveled slowly down the dragon's throat, merged with the creature's trunk, and disappeared.

  Eudoric, a little shaken, asked: "Is that the demon you would have evoked when you were attacked in Letitia, save that you had promised it a holiday?"

  "Nay. This person doth not oft evoke the lung, for on this plane I must find aliment wherewith to feed it, lest I risk becoming such myself. That were no small task; but with a whole marid within its belly, my bodyguard should not hunger again for several days." Tsudai addressed the dragon: "Si zhu zher!" He explained: "It will secure us against further interference."

  The Serican resumed his work on the lockless door. The second try followed its course without interruption; the wand flashed blue and the door swung open.

  "Forthred!" said Eudoric. "Fetch a couple of candles."

  When the apprentice returned with two candlesticks, the three went into the cryptic chamber. The light of the candles shimmered on the iron and brass and silver and gold of pieces of magical equipment stored here and there on dusty tables and shelves. But Eudoric's attention was riveted on three life-sized human figures standing stiffly in the center of the room.

  When Eudoric moved his candle closer, he saw that one of the trio was the figure of a massive man, stocky of build like Eudoric but larger in every direction. He wore a coat of chain mail and had a huge two-handed sword slung across his back.

  The second statue was that of an older man, lean and stooped, whose wispy gray hair and beard framed wrinkled, aquiline features. Were he alive, Eudoric guessed, the man would be in his fifties.

  The third, the youngest-looking mannequin, was a tall, slender, blond man garbed in doublet and hose of a gaudy green-and-purple pattern. With surprise in his voice, Eudoric said:

  "I know this one: a poet and troubadour, hight Landwin of Kromnitch. He guested at our castle at Arduen a few years past. I thought him a bit of an ass, but I'll warrant he deserved not being turned to a statue. These three must be Yolanda's prior husbands. She told me their names, but I forget."

  "The warrior hight Gontran of Tolosa," said the Serican. "The graybeard is Count Sugerius. This person never met either of them but hath heard much about them all. Then your noble self knows of your predecessors? I forebore to speak of them, lest I stir up a whirlwind of strife."

  "Are these my lady's three authentic husbands, or simulacra of wax or plaster?"

  "The veridical spouses, held fast by a spell of stasis."

  "Can they be returned to life?" asked Eudoric. "Yea, that they can. Wouldst do so?"

  "Let me consider."

  "If they regain consciousness, there might arise discord as to who shall have rights to the lady."

  "Hmm," said Eudoric. "Landwin may be a bit of a fool, but he's an amusing fellow who means no harm. Whilst I'm not famous for softness of heart, 'twere cruel to leave these poor abjects hanging betwixt life and death. Restore them, if you'll be so kind."

  "Art certain? The responsibility is yours."

  "Aye, I'm sure. Proceed, I pray."

  Tsudai scratched his straggly gray goatee. "How long have we ere Her Highness return?"

  "Perhaps two hours. She said she'd not be back till dinner time."

  "Very well, this unworthy one will do his best." Tsudai prowled the room, looking over the magical gear. "Ah, it doth appear that this be what we need. Help this inferior person to move the object."

  The object was a kind of multiple brazier, with seven little brass dishes hung by chains from a framework of slender rods of a similar alloy. Tsudai shuffled and puttered and mixed his powders. At last he lit a small fire in the base of the apparatus. As varicolored smoke ascended from the dishes, he mumbled and chanted. Whisking a fan from his purple sleeve, the Serican fanned smoke towards the three ensorcelled husbands.

  " 'Tis done," he said at last. "Abide a moment; they will not leap to full vitality at once."

  As Eudoric watched, the chain-mailed warrior blinked his eyes and began to stir, at first moving slowly as if his joints had rusted. Then the scholar likewise stirred, and finally the troubadour. Voices came slowly and creakingly from parched throats, the first words pitched so low that they were almost inaudible. At length, slowly, their speech waxed intelligible.

  "Where—am—I?" creaked Landwin of Kromnitch.

  "What—hath—befallen?" grated Count Sugerius. "Water!"

  "Fetch them water, Forthred," said Eudoric. "Who—are—ye—scrowles?" groaned Gontran of Tolosa.

  "You have been released from an enchantment," said Eudoric, "which my—which your wife, the Princess Yolanda, cast upon you."

  "And who are ye?" said Gontran, glowering.

  "Sir Eudoric Dambertson of Arduen. This is the room in Yolanda's palace where she keeps her magical equipment."

  "And what do ye here?" persisted Sir Gontran.

  "I've brought Yolanda back from captivity in Armoria."

  "Where's the hussy now?"

  "She's in Letitia but is expected home for dinner."

  Gontran's forehead wrinkled in thought. "Count Sugerius! Methinks I know you from aforetime. What do ye here?"

  "The same as ye, Sir Gontran. I was her third husband; and when she tired of me, she cast a spell of immobility upon me and set me up here with you and Master Landwin, the sweet singer ye see beside me."

  "Sir Landwin, if you do not mind," said the troubadour.

  "By the toenails of the Holy Trinity!" roared Gontran. "Meanst that ye twain enjoyed her after my ensorcellment?"

  "If'enjoy' be the word precise," said Landwin. "I know not the full tale of your several tenures as Yolanda's husbands, but from mine own experience I'll warrant it was no bed of rose petals. You are Eudoric Dambertson, are you not?"

  "Aye. Sir Eudoric, now."

  " Tis an unanticipated pleasure to meet you again, if under such strange circumstances. How fare your family?"

  "Alive and reasonably well," said Eudoric, "albeit my sire has given up the hunt."

  The troubadour turned to the scholar. "Count Sugerius! Your servant, sir. What befell you in wedlock with Yolanda?"

  Sugerius replied: "She found the role of a scholar's wife prolixious and took a lover. When I learned of this, in a rage I slapped her. 'Twas as ill-chosen an act as punching the nose of a tigress; she beat me to a jelly ere casting a spell upon me. How was't with vou?"

  "Much the same," said Landwin, "but I never struck her. She caught me futtering a chambermaid and threw me out the window; she hath the thews of a blacksmith. I essayed to flee the grounds, but she sent marids after me. Being swifter than greyhounds afoot, they caught me and dragged me back. She threatened to cast upon me a spell of impotence. When I essayed a second time to flee, she did unto me the same as to you."

  "I had strife with her, too," said Gontran. "She sought to confine me to this palace, save when we rode abroad together. When I defied her, she bloodied my nose with her fist; wherefore, being a hardened warrior, I knocked her down. Howsomever—Sir Eudoric, what do ye here, in Yolanda's absence? Are ye her hireling?"

  "Nay," said Eudoric. "I should have departed for my home in Locania, but that she keeps me mewed up here, guarded by her demon servants."

  "And why should she do that?" asked Sugerius. "Are ye her lover?"

  "Nay, her current husband. Methinks that—

  "By the gods of the Saracens!" cried Landwin. "Four husbands! Here's an intrinse kno
t to unravel! The Franconian laws permit but one spouse at a time, to my mind a foolish, archaic prejudice. The Saracens are wiser. Sir Eudoric, has it ever come to fisticuffs betwixt you twain?"

  Eudoric shook his head. "I was brought up never to strike a woman, albeit at times with Yolanda the temptation has been strong. I daresay I could hold my own in a box match with her, for all that she has the advantage of height and reach, I've seen her knock down a man of my size."

  Landwin leered. "Tell me, co-husbands, how found you Yolanda as a bedmate? Come, there's no need for reticence amongst us in the matter."

  "I found it interesting," said Sugerius judiciously, "that a woman of so voluptuous a form should seem to have so little interest in the carnal act. She submitted with good grace, but methinks she gat no joy therefrom. I am writing a book on amorous passion in women. How with you, Sir Landwin?"