For the Love of Gracie (The Southern Devotion Series)

by McClung, Amy

  I begged him, "Please. I want you. Go slow. I'll tell you if it's too much."

  He positioned himself between my legs. I wrapped them around his waist as he slid inside me, slowly. I gasped at the pain that immediately hit.

  He whimpered, "Gracie, I'll stop."

  I wrapped my arms around him. "No! Slow…"

  His rhythm was precise. The more he moved, the less it hurt. Our bodies joined together like a perfect mold.

  This was more ecstasy than I had ever felt. It felt the way a first time for a woman should feel. I felt electricity, passion, intensity and love. Ashton was making this new for me. He was giving me the experience I needed to make this act completely separable from anything I'd had before. Without telling him I needed that, he was recreating what should have been my first sexual experience by making this incomparable, so that it would stand out above any of the painful memories.

  He groaned my name against my ear. Ashton's arm moved around my back, lifting me as he knelt on the bed. I straddled his waist, my arms draped over his shoulders. He held my hips as I moved with him. His mouth explored my neck, venturing to my breasts as I writhed against him.

  I tossed my head back moaning, "Ashton."

  Our bodies trembled together in bliss as he thrust inside me one last time and breathed out, "I love you, Gracie."

  We collapsed on the bed in exhaustion. He kissed my forehead lightly as he pulled me against him. "You're ok? I didn’t hurt you?"

  I glanced up at him and smiled. "That was amazing. I've never felt anything like it."

  His face lit up with relief and excitement. "Neither have I," he said.

  I said the first thing that came to mind, which was stupid. "Even with Addy?"

  Before he answered, I attempted to take back the question. "Sorry, I don’t know why I asked that. You don’t have to answer."

  "I know why you asked. I called you Addy last night," he said, quite nonchalantly which irritated me a little.

  "You remember?"

  He scratched his forehead, "Vaguely. I recalled it this morning hoping it was part of a dream. Your face when you asked that question told me it wasn’t."

  His thumb trailed up and down my naked back. My body reacted to his touch in a way that told me we needed a better topic. When his mouth opened to speak, I covered it with my own. I slid my tongue out, gliding it across his bottom lip. He growled deep in his throat. His tongue slid against mine. My leg was across his thigh; I felt his excitement growing. I slid my leg across his body, hovering over him briefly. His head fell back to the pillow as I lowered myself on him. He growled my name as his hips rose slightly to push deeper.

  I leaned forward, dragging my nails lightly against his chest, until I reached his face. I avoided his mouth to tease him. His hands reached up to touch me, but I grabbed them and pulled them away. I pushed them above his head and he grinned up at me. I waved a finger.

  "No touching. Just lie there."

  He watched, intently, as I sat back up, still straddling his hips. My hands massaged my breasts as he watched, biting his bottom lip. I glided my body up and down slowly, occasionally letting him ease out of me so I could guide him back in. I leaned forward, my hair tickling his chest, as I licked my way up his body. I began to kiss from his neck up to his jaw. His mouth moved toward me, and I grinned, moving away from him.

  He whimpered. "Gracie, kiss me, please."

  I leaned down and whispered, "I love when you beg."

  He smiled seductively. "Please, I want your lips on mine."

  I leaned forward, my lips close to his and breathed, "Not yet."

  I sat upright and began to ride him harder. My breathing raced. I tried to stay quiet, unsure who was home. I felt him tighten, ready to explode. I dipped my head down, crashing our lips together as we both reached the height of ecstasy. When I sat up again, I screamed in pleasure as our bodies trembled together.

  I didn’t realize how loud I had been until the door flew open.

  Cameron screamed out, "Gracie, are you…holy hell, I'm so sorry," He turned to leave and stuck his head back in and said, "Get it girl!"

  I rolled off of Ashton, covering my face in embarrassment. He laughed so heartily that I began to laugh at his enjoyment.

  "Well that was embarrassing," I said.

  His fingers pushed hair back from my face. "You're so stunning, Gracie. To answer your question, that was different than anything I'd felt before, and that’s the honest truth."

  "I loved that distraction, but I still want to tell you why I said that last night."

  I grabbed a sheet to cover myself. We sat up together.

  "Addy used to take care of me when I was drunk. Gambling, drinking, they kind of go together as addictions. I used to get drunk like that every couple of days and she was always cleaning up after my binges. Last night, I wasn’t wanting to be with Addy instead of you, or anything like that. It's one of the regrets I have of our relationship. Mine and Addy's, that is. We spent too much time with her cleaning up my messes and catering to my needs."

  I slid away from him, turning my back. It didn’t take him long to realize what his words might have meant to me.

  "Baby, no I didn’t mean anything by that. I want to take care of you. What happened to you is not your fault. Addison took care of me because I couldn’t control an addiction. I should have been strong enough to fight it…Dammit." He smacked his head in frustration.

  I turned to him with a grin.

  His head tilted to the side confused.

  "It's ok, Ash. Don't strain yourself. I understand what you're trying to say."

  At first, I had felt hurt by his words, but I quickly understood what he meant.

  I slipped his t-shirt over my head, letting the sheet fall from my body. I turned to go to him and bumped into his chest. "What the?" I laughed, though his face was very serious. "What's wrong?"

  With a tone of sadness, he asked, "You mad at me?"

  I stepped back to look up at him, "What? No. Why?"

  He didn’t seem convinced. "You were about to leave," he said, sadly.

  I laughed. "No. I was coming over to kiss you and try to convince you to fix me something delicious to eat. I've been up for a few hours and you just worked me up a mad appetite."

  Chapter Seventeen

  Ash bent over to let me jump on his back. He carried me down the steps. When we came into the living room, the radio began to play You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC. While playing this our friends were making lewd gestures and bumping up against each other. The room erupted in laughter.

  Cameron yelled out, "Save a horse, ride a cowboy! Right, Gracie?" He winked.

  Ash let me down and I sprinted over to hug Cameron. He pulled me close and whispered, "Seriously, I'm so happy for you."

  Ashton's arm came around my stomach; he lifted me off the ground as I squealed. "You want me to cook or you wanna go out?" he asked as he set me back on the ground.

  Cameron spoke up, "Let's go out!"

  I bumped my hip against his and teased, "I don’t know that you were included."

  Ashton laughed. "We can all go out. Angel, MJ, Gav…you in?" They all were excited at the prospect of a big group lunch.

  I went upstairs to get ready.

  Ever since the rape, I'd been dressing in baggy clothes and anything that wasn't revealing. Today, after sharing myself with Ashton, I felt like a new person.

  I found a sundress in the closet that I used to wear all the time. It was a knee length strapless with flowers. I actually felt excited about wearing it for Ashton. He'd never seen me in it; I hoped he liked it.

  I slipped his t-shirt off and stepped into the warm steam of the shower. The hot water against my cool skin sent tingles all over my body.

  The door to the bathroom opened. Ashton's voice called out, "Gracie, I brought some fresh towels up."

  He was about to leave and I cried out, "Oh Ash, I have soap in my eyes, I need the towel please. Hurry!"

  He sli
d the shower curtain open. I stood there posed for him with water dripping over my body. His alarm turned to longing. I smiled as he licked his lips.

  "Join me?"

  I'd never seen him move so fast. He threw his clothes off in a fury and jumped into the shower with me. I giggled when he cursed, looking down at his soaked socks.. I pulled him to me and said, "Forget about them. We don’t have much time."

  He moved his hands to my butt and lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his body. He pressed me against the wall as he entered me. His mouth met mine in a fury.

  We had made love only an hour ago, yet it felt as though it had been forever since we touched. His arms held me against him; the water cascaded down my chest. He grunted as he pressed me into the wall harder. My body released as Ashton pressed his lips against mine.

  I didn’t hear the bathroom door open, only Cameron's voice yelling out, "Get it girl!"

  Way to ruin the moment, Cameron. Ashton and I burst out laughing as he set me on the tile floor. His lips caressed mine softly. "Want me to wash your back before we get out?"

  I nipped at his chin with my teeth. "I'd like that."

  He slipped his socks off and wrung them out before we got out of the shower. I laughed again at him for having been so anxious and forgetting to remove them. He kissed my cheek. "I'm going to give you some privacy to get ready."

  He stepped out into the bedroom and I heard Cameron shout, "Hot damn, look at you!"

  Ashton ran back into the bathroom, embarrassed, and grabbed a towel to cover himself. I bent over in hysterics. The uncontrollable laughter bounced off the tiled walls. I dried off and slipped on my dress, once I calmed. It was a little snug over 'the girls', but it looked pretty nice.

  I stepped out into the bedroom, expecting Ashton. Cameron was sitting there instead. He whistled, "Baby girl, you look hot! You haven’t worn that dress in forever."

  I nodded. "I hadn’t really felt like being cute lately. I'm feeling better though." He grinned, and then ran over to my closet. He pulled out some strap-tastic sandals. They were white fabric sandals with a wedge heel and straps that crisscrossed up my legs. "Wear these to show off those fabulous legs."

  I sat next to him and wrapped my arm across his shoulder. "What about Ash, is he hot or what?"

  His mouth fell open as he said, "Honey girl, Gracie, if you mess this up with that fine looking hunk of godliness, I'll disown you."

  I snorted. "I wouldn’t blame you." I held my wrist out to show him the bracelet.

  After explaining the sentiment behind it, he gasped. "Prince Charming on a Harley, for real. I love that man."

  I smiled. "Me too."

  Cameron jumped up and hugged Ashton. Ashton was confused as to why, until Cameron said, "Welcome to the family, man. We are dysfunctional, unpredictable, crazy fun and most of all…"

  I chimed in with him, "Fabulous."

  He smiled, "I can handle it."

  Cameron's eyes drifted over him. "Oh I bet you can big boy. I'll leave you two alone, if you promise me you will actually come downstairs in like two minutes. I'm freaking starving!" He left us alone.

  Ashton looked me over in my dress. His thumb and forefinger smoothed his beard, he slid his tongue across his lips slowly and it drove me nuts. He sighed. "You look gorgeous, bug."

  Everyone piled into cars. Ashton went to his motorcycle and handed me a helmet.

  "Um, let's go in my car. If I ride this, I will have to pull my dress up to my hips."

  He grinned. "And that's a problem?" He winked.

  "Do you want to show the world my goodies? If so…" I started to shimmy the dress up my waist.

  My neighbor next door whistled at me and yelled for me to take it all off. I pushed my dress back down and wrapped my arms around myself defensively. "I'm going to run inside and change. I'll be down in five minutes."

  He reached to stop me. I recoiled, shouting, "No!"

  In an instant, my world came crashing down around me. I ran upstairs and quickly removed my dress, replacing it with a t-shirt and jeans. My entire body trembled with fear. The room felt as though it was suffocating me. My heart pounded against my chest, I could barely breathe.

  Footsteps sounded from the hall. I ran to close the door and lock it. As I backed away from the door, I fell backwards onto the bed. My eyes closed briefly as I felt Hudson's weight on top of me. I felt him shoving against me, felt his hands pulling at my hair, my clothes. I scrambled off the bed. There was a knock on the door. I ran to the closet and crouched in the corner.

  My stomach cramped as my anxiety increased. My head was spinning out of control with thoughts of what was about to happen. I felt something brush my shoulder. My mouth released a shriek of terror like no other. I didn't recognize the sound of my own scream. Someone was beating on the bedroom door.

  I covered my ears, screaming, "No, no, please, no."

  A figure stood at the door. I knew the pain was coming again. I curled into a ball on the floor and hid my face. His hands touched me, I felt dirty.

  "Don't touch me!" I screamed. "Please don’t hurt me," I begged.

  "Gracie. Bug, it's Ashton, sweetheart," he said, with sadness in his tone.

  Slowly, I moved my hands from my eyes and looked up at him.

  He held his arms out to me, I backed away until I bumped into the wall behind me. His face exhibited the worst expression of sadness. "Gracie-bug. I'd never hurt you."

  I whined, "I know. I'm broken Ash…I'm so broken."

  His voice choked, "No, you're not broken. Gracie, let me hold you?"

  I shook my head. "I can't, not right now. It's too much. I can't stand for anyone to touch me right now." I stood and ran out the door. He was close behind me, yelling for me to stop.

  Once in my car, I turned the ignition and made my way to the last place on earth I should be. I sat outside Hudson's apartment for over an hour, just watching.

  He came outside, finally. My body froze in terror. He locked his door, got in his car and left. I followed him. He went to the bank, then to a coffee shop. I sat and watched as he met with an older man. They hugged, sat at a table, and proceeded to have what looked like a very serious conversation.

  As I watched them talking, I realized I recognized the older man. He was one of the police officers that I gave a statement to.

  Why did they hug? How the hell did they know each other?

  They were standing to leave. I couldn’t afford to let Hudson see me, so I drove away. I didn’t know where I wanted to go now. I couldn’t go home, in case Ash was still there. His face, the fear and rejection he felt, haunted me.

  As soon as I had left the house, I had turned my phone on silent. It sat in my cup holder turned away from me. Without looking at it, I knew there would be missed messages. I'd been gone now for three hours.

  I picked my phone up and had fifteen missed calls as well as ten texts. Most of the missed calls were Ashton and Cameron, a couple were from Angel. The texts started out from Ash begging me to let him know I was safe.

  Then came Cameron's texts which started out with worry then turned to Dammit Gracie you better let me know your ass is safe! I'm freaking out here!

  I texted Cam saying, I'm safe, I love you.

  He replied instantly, Tell me where you are, I need to see for myself. I'll come alone if you don’t want to see Ash right now.

  My heart hurt thinking about Ash worrying about me. I texted back I don’t want to see anyone right now.

  The next text told me that Ashton and Cameron were together. Ashton said, I'll be at home, come over when you're ready to talk. I love you, bug.

  The last text made my panic start over again.

  It was from Hudson, You look hot sitting there watching me from your car today as you followed me. I'll be coming for you soon. You'll never get me out of your life.

  His text made my skin crawl. I knew he wasn't lying, I would never get Hudson out of my life. Everything crashed around me at that moment. It wasn't fair to put my
friends through anymore of this, to put Ash through it. It was my responsibility to take care of the problem, once and for all.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I checked into a hotel for the night. My mind was made up on what I wanted to do about the baby, my life, everything. There was a department store next to the hotel. I went in to purchase a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a pair of tennis shoes. I locked the door to the room and put the Do Not Disturb sign out. There wasn’t much on television that would take my mind off things so I sat in a quiet room.

  The hotel room was plush. I wanted somewhere nice for my last night. I couldn't let anyone else be hurt because of my mistakes.

  The contents of my purse were dumped on the bed, I shuffled through all the different pills I had available. A good combination should do it, mixed with the contents of the bottle of Jack I had picked up on the way over.

  My hands shook as I wrote a note to Cameron, letting him know that he was my world for so long and that none of this was his fault. I encouraged him to stay with Gavin, I’d never seen him happier. He was the best friend I'd ever had in life. I left messages in his letter to give to Angel and Mary Jane for me explaining how they were like sisters to me and that I loved them dearly.

  Cameron would be angry at me for a long time. It wouldn't be easy for him to understand why I did this, nor would it be easy for him to forgive me.

  My comfort came knowing that Gavin would be there for him. If I did this now, I could protect them from any pain that Hudson would inflict on those I love.

  The hardest part came when I had to say goodbye to Ashton. My mind drifted to yesterday morning, the memory of our first time together. He was so gentle, so sweet to me. At least, I could leave him with that memory. The memory made my skin tingle; I ached for him. I wished I could kiss him one last time.

  In his letter, my words pleaded with him to move on quickly, to not feel the pain he felt in losing Addy. He deserved to be happy; he deserved someone whole, not the broken shell of a person I was now. He didn’t deserve what wrath Hudson might have in mind for the two of us.