Swing State

by Michael T. Fournier

  Drove in. Got out.

  Didn’t know what he did. Or didn’t do. Thought it was the same. Mark showed him. A bunch of times every day. Remembered going through all the steps in his head.

  Usually news radio for Doris. Wasn’t there. Music instead. Echoes all over the garage. “You Shook Me All Night Long.” Loved it before he went. Him and Artie. Driving to Boston. To see the Sox. Or just around town. Turn it up! Echoed in the garage. All songs echoed there. Made it sound like an arena. Felt the music in his chest. System of a Down. Saw them at the Civic Center. Sounded like that. Echoey. He wanted to see AC/DC. Angus. Be right up front.

  The drive. The room.

  The desert.

  AC/DC.

  We have to get them back. For what they did. Show them.

  Behind his eyes.

  Oh shit.

  Oh shit oh shit.

  Keep it together man. Keep it together. Don’t freak out. Don’t let them see. They think it’s cool. You love this song. Great song. Want this job. She was a fast oh god machine driving Peck his head man keep it together. Follow the steps do your job she kept the motor together clean keep it together the lift. Hummer. Transport. The lift change keep it together.

  Hit the button. Started moving up.

  Then a second where he saw and knew but couldn’t move and felt his mouth go noooooo like in a movie when someone shoots and someone else jumps in front of the bullet. It wasn’t like that. He knew. One second alive. The next dead. Head a red and gray cloud. Metal taste. His buddy got shot and they went out to get one of them. Take a prisoner. And they got him and fucked with him so bad the broomstick the pig impersonation Peck and his video camera they hit him and kicked him pissed all over him his face all he knew in English was please please didn’t know if he was on camera probably was kicking the guy pissing on him and when they were done with the prisoner they went to take him back and he got shot right in the leg they all got shot ambushed so worried about dumping the guy they weren’t careful weren’t paying attention oh God Peck his head was there one second not there the neck brains all over him tasted like metal head there then nothing his head was nothing but a gray cloud blood tasted like metal in his mouth Peck’s brains in his mouth please oh please.

  But the Hummer was like that. In the air. Then fell. Landed on the back bumper. A huge CRASH. Breaking glass. Echoed. And there was Ahmed. Mark said he came in Thursdays.

  Watching him drop a Hummer off a lift.

  And not just a new Hummer. One with Mass plates. A Masshole’s Hummer.

  Ahmed yelled and yelled. Everyone stopped. Mark first, then him. I can’t believe Sheila would recommend someone as incompetent as you. You’re fired. Hopefully your pay will cover the damage you caused to this car.

  Ahmed poked him in the chest. Leave the shirt. It’s mine.

  He’d call Sheila. Every garage in town. Do not hire Royal Eggleton.

  Walked home. Freezing. No idea what to do.

  Letter on the kitchen table. Nothing else.

  Sat there. Shaking. Realized he had been since the garage. Since before the Hummer started to slip from the lift.

  Didn’t know how long he sat.

  Needed something. Didn’t know what to do. No money. Check gone. None coming in. Had to find something. Had to.

  At some point he watched himself pick up the phone. Called the office. It’s Roy Eggleton, his voice said. I need an appointment. My benefits ran out. I need to pay the bills. No money. Help.

  They told him Monday, nine a.m.

  Hoped to get in today. Friday. Had to wait all weekend.

  They had to have something. Could go around to garages and apply. But Ahmed would call them all. Do not hire Royal Eggleton.

  No construction. No garages. No factories. No call centers. No security. No groundskeeping. Not in the winter.

  Didn’t know what else to do.

  Sat watching himself for a long time.

  Back to normal after hours. Back.

  Went to the library.

  Looked at the want ads. Nothing. Office jobs. Nurses. Nothing he could do. Got on a computer. No email. No one wrote to him. No friends on PalCorral.

  The library closed. He went home. Heated beans. Made Minute Rice. Ate. Not much food left. Or money. Get more beans. Rice. Cheapest food. Ramen. Getting sick of it. But needed to eat cheap. Couldn’t remember the last time he ate at a restaurant. That ice cream the other day. Five bucks. Twenty ramen. Each beer, twelve packages after tip. But he needed beer. To play. Couldn’t just go in. Needed to have one. Look like he belonged. A prop. Like this guy’s not drinking? Just playing pool? I can’t play a hustler. Had to look right. Weekends especially. People playing on weekends. He’d make some money.

  Waited.

  Missed baseball. Something to do. On in the background. Paying attention was hard before. Worse since he got back. Didn’t know why. Maybe hearing. Listening. Hard to shake. Like finding himself on the ground when cars backfired. Still happened. Hard to sleep. Hard to read. Waiting for something. Always distracted. Didn’t have to be. But couldn’t stop. Reading gave him a headache. Top of his brain. Always thinking of something else. Pool was easy. Different shots. Fixing cars. Little things. Each nut. Bolt. Belt. Newspapers, no. Hard stringing words together. Couldn’t remember the one before.

  Hard concentrating on anything. After Peck. Long. The video. College Boy gone. Always knew. Would have said something. Like hey. Those pictures. Guy with the hood. Electrodes. Remember? You want that? Aw, heck, Peck would have said. You’re right. We don’t want this getting out. But College Boy got hit. Wasn’t bad. Hospital, rehab. Flew back. No one there to say anything. Even though they all knew what College Boy would say. And did it anyway. Recorded him. For personal use, Peck said. My phone. And you know I’m not showing it to no TV channel. Relax. He laughed.

  But then Peck. And Long. There one minute. Next, covered. Blood. Tasted like metal. Frick on the ground. Blood. His and Peck’s and Long’s. Couldn’t hear anything. Prisoner running away. Blindfolded, hands tied. Hadn’t tied legs. Didn’t know why not. Cords in Frick’s neck standing out, screaming. Always there in his head. Friends dead. Head a cloud. Frick never emailed. Or called. Donaldson. Waiting. Every day. Hoped he wasn’t in the video. Tried to remember. Couldn’t. So fast. Had been there. Remembered the phone. Might’ve been. Had the shovel. Blindfolded, bare feet. Dance, I said! You speaka English? Like in Westerns. Except Westerns had shooting. He didn’t do that. Might hurt him. Didn’t want to. Just scare him. Humiliate him. Peck, with the pig ’persination. So funny. Like Jackass.

  Couldn’t wait any more. Couldn’t sit. Had to go. Grabbed his jacket and walked to Patterson’s. Half-full. No one at the table. Practice.

  Hello, Roy, Patterson said. How’s the job?

  Good, he said. Good.

  Looking for some pool?

  Yes, ma’am.

  It’s been quiet. Maybe later on.

  Maybe, he said. Hope so.

  Venerable?

  Yes, please, he said. Thank you.

  She gave him the beer. He paid, tipped. Brought it to the table. Out of quarters. No roll. Needed change. Got some. Seven dollars left. Lucky.

  29.

  TODAY SUCKED.

  When I got to school everyone was pointing and whispering again, except worse than yesterday. Everything was on the news last night. It wasn’t just Ross who got suspended, but he was the main one they talked about. I heard from Mary there were some shots of the house. She saw the whole thing. It talked about how Ross was being recruited before this. No schools have commented.

  She said your brother’s famous. I was like whatever. I wanted to hang out with her today but she had to go see her cousin. But tomorrow she’ll be up at the quarries, so I’ll see her more then.

  But anyway. When I got up Ross wasn’t around. Neither was Mom. Don was passed out on the couch, surrounded by cans. I didn’t hear him come in last night. I was reading and then went to bed.

  S
ome nerds in the hallway were talking about Ross today and I freaked out. One of them called my brother a druggie when I walked by so I punched him. His nose started bleeding. Blood was running all down his shirt. I thought it was kinda awesome. All day I thought I’d get called down to the office for that but I didn’t. Don would beat the shit out of me. He might still because of what happened at work later.

  The first person I saw was Dalton. He asked if I was okay. I said yeah. But everyone was looking at me. Jack and Paul both kept staring until I was like what?

  Judy got off her shift and Gary started his.

  I was on fry station. It was better than being on cashier, but not much better because I could still feel everyone’s eyes on me all day. No matter where I go in town, someone is like I know her, whether it’s because of my mom or her dumb boyfriend or my brother.

  He fucked up his chance to get out of here. I shouldn’t feel good about it, but I kinda do. Like, the only guy in town who could do something blows it, and I like it. I don’t know. I guess I coulda gone to Nebraska to visit him or something. Or maybe he woulda bought us all cars and houses when he went pro. But now I guess he won’t get to go. He’ll be stuck here with the rest of us. Maybe he’ll work at Burger Hut or in the mill or something. Or he’ll have to join up. Whatever it is, he’ll be thinking about how he used to play back in the day.

  Anyway, I was doing fries and everyone who came in knew who I was because of my stupid brother. The shift changed and Gary was there behind me, really close, like not touching me but he might well have been. I could smell his coffee breath.

  He walked away and I was trying to decide what to do when these kids over by the register started in on me. One of them said YOUR BROTHER’S A LOSER really loud in a fake cough. I stood and tried to look busy with the fries and they were like hey, we know you can hear us.

  I could feel myself starting to cry. How stupid is that? Starting to cry even though I’m kinda glad my dumb brother won’t get out. I had to bite my lip to keep from crying right there at the fry machine. Then the buzzer went off.

  I couldn’t move. It was buzzing and buzzing while I stood there trying not to cry. If I moved I knew I’d lose it. This one guy out there was talking really loud about my brother. I knew that if I moved I’d start bawling and those kids out there would win. And fuck that, you know? Fuck that. I’m not crying for them. So I finally got my shit together and turned around and gave them the finger. That made me feel a little better.

  I took the fries out and they were a little browner than usual but I thought maybe they were okay so I dumped them in the tray and salted them like I’m supposed to.

  Of course, Gary saw everything. He came over and stood real close like before and said Dixon, those fries cannot be served. I was like they’re fine, they’re just a little browner than usual. The crispy ones are the best. He said they are not fine. We have the highest standards of quality here and I was like yeah, yeah.

  The kids were all still out there listening. Everyone probably was. And then he said on top of that, I saw an inappropriate gesture from you. I was like those kids were calling my brother a loser. I could feel myself starting to cry again and started to bite my lip. He said be that as it may, interacting with the customers in such a manner is completely inappropriate. I was like you don’t understand. He said there is nothing to understand. You have acted inappropriately.

  Without thinking, loud enough so everyone heard it, I said what do you want? You wanna see my tits again or something?

  I could hear Dalton start laughing, then try to make it sound like he was coughing.

  Gary turned bright red. If I wasn’t so pissed it woulda been funny.

  Then he said you’re fired.

  I took off my stupid paper hat and threw it on the ground and yelled FUCK YOU at him. Then I went out and the kids were still there laughing and they started clapping. I yelled at them YOU FUCKING GOT ME FIRED even though I was tired of that stupid job anyway. I wasn’t gonna tell them that.

  The kid who talked the loudest was like why don’t you have your brother get you a job dealing weed? Without even thinking I punched him. His nose started bleeding right there in Burger Hut. That was two people in one day whose noses I made bleed.

  One lady in the dining room screamed. The kid went OH, YOU BROKE MY NOSE real loud in this funny voice and I was like don’t be a little bitch. One of his friends grabbed me so I punched him, too. He didn’t bleed or anything but he yelled and let me go.

  Gary came out from the back and said Dixon, I have called the police. I said you’re a creepy old perv. I could hear Dalton laughing in the back. He wasn’t even trying to cough. Gary said leave the premises and never come back. You are banned from the Burger Hut for life. I was like oh, no! Banned from the Burger Hut! How am I gonna have healthy dining choices now? I could hear Dalton laughing even louder. Gary said if you’re here when the police arrive I will have you arrested for trespassing, plus whatever charges your new friends care to bring up. When he said that the kids were like we’re gonna get you thrown in jail and I was like shut the fuck up and took a step toward them. They flinched. The guy whose nose I guess I broke wasn’t bleeding any more but he had all these Burger Hut napkins jammed up there.

  I went back inside the work area and Gary was trying to yell at me except for some reason I guess he couldn’t. He was all red and had this funny voice which I could tell was him being angry. He was all Dixon, I said you need to leave the premises immediately and I was like chill out, you old perv, I’m just getting my bag. So I walked by him into the locker room and got my backpack. It was still pretty heavy because of everything inside. I was walking out when Dalton came over with his hand up and said you’re a baller. I said thanks and high-fived him. The hand slap was really loud. Then I walked out past napkin nose. He was crying.

  When I unlocked my bike I saw cop cars coming so I tried to act normal and biked away before they could get out.

  I figured because I punched the kid and called Gary a perv I wouldn’t get paid, so I wanted to find Ding to get rid of the laptop. I biked over to the L’il Bee.

  I saw the cop car in the parking lot. It had its lights on.

  Instead of stopping I biked by like nothing was wrong. It was parked next to Ding’s car. A cop had him up against the hood.

  What if Ding starts talking about all the stuff I brought him?

  And what if he talks about Ross?

  I circled back past on the other side of the road and biked to the Pines. I went into a house I’ve never used before. I propped the laptop up on a rock and set off a couple Silver Salutes I still had in my backpack. Then I did an M-80. But after all that it still kinda looked like a laptop. So I smashed the rest outside.

  I hit it with a rock over and over again until it didn’t look like anything. Just a pile. I could feel how cold the ground was through my stupid Burger Hut pants. My shoulders hurt when I was done and I was breathing heavy. I think I did a pretty good job—like if you didn’t know it was a laptop you couldn’t tell. I picked up the pieces and scattered them around.

  It was starting to get dark so I got on my bike and headed back. It was too early to go home, but too dark to go to the quarry through the woods. I went by L’il Bee again to see if anyone was there. I didn’t see anyone. I wish Mary didn’t have to hang out with her cousin today.

  Mom’s car was in the driveway when I got back. I was like oh shit. Is she home early because I got fired? Or because of Ross’s drug test? Or because Ding ratted him out?

  Or me?

  I wanted to get out of there but there was no place else to go. I thought I could at least get in the back way, so I took my bike around where I always do and locked it and tried to sneak in. But the door squeaked.

  Mom and Don didn’t care. Through the kitchen I could see Don yelling at the couch with Mom standing next to him. They didn’t even know I was there.

  Don was pissed. He was like it doesn’t matter! Ross said come on, Don. They
called after they heard about all this. They saw me on the news and watched those tapes we sent. Don was like that’s not the point and Mom was trying to say stuff but they wouldn’t let her. Ross said Colorado, Don. And Washington. Don said it’s the principle of the thing.

  Mom was like you two need to stop!

  I tried to walk by without getting into the whole thing and Don said stop right there. I couldn’t not, so I stood there and went what? Don said you must know by now that your brother is suspended. I said yeah, people have been giving me shit for it all day. Mom said Dixon, language, and Don said giving you shit? All the guys are gonna rag on me because my stepson didn’t get to play in the State Championship because of some reefer. Ross said I’m not your stepson. Mom was like can you two just stop it? Ross pointed to Don and was like he’s always calling me his stepson.

  Don took a step toward Ross and said show some respect, you little prick. Then Ross pushed him backward and Mom started screaming.

  I wanted to get out of there so I went through the living room and down the hall. Ross was staring at Don with his fists up and Mom was screaming stop, stop and Ross was like I’m not your stepson. I went and locked myself in my room. I could hear thumps and stuff like that.

  There was too much yelling to read and I didn’t want to talk about it yet because I thought if they heard my voice maybe they’d come in, so I sat on my bed and waited for it to be over. There was more thumping and yelling and then a door slammed, and another one.

  He leaves soon. Dunno exactly when. Hopefully Mom grows a pair and kicks him out. But she never does. Me and Ross have to have him around for another few weeks. Then he’ll be gone.

  The kids at Burger Hut knew who I was before I quit, and before I punched them. Maybe they go to school with me. If they do they’ll get me back. I’m not sure they’d hit a girl, but maybe.

  And the job.

  And Ding. I don’t know what I’m gonna do for money.

  I wish Mary were here.

  30.

  ZACHARIAH HAD BEEN SO PREOCCUPIED WITH his idea of impressing Dixon Dove that he hadn’t even thought about her locker.