Swing State

by Michael T. Fournier

  Instead of locking his bike and using the side door, he took the direct route, past the new, young, security guard. Zachariah thought he looked familiar.

  There she was, moving books from locker to bag.

  Stupid. But he’d been thinking about his idea. And his bike ride. He knew he could put most of his weight on his cast, but thought it better not to. Biking with most of his weight on his right hand—the good one—wasn’t difficult physically, but remembering not to fall into his normal two-handed stance took more concentration than he thought.

  He felt himself freeze in the doorway at the sight of Dixon Dove. Somehow he kept moving. Head down, he walked by, hoping she wouldn’t notice him—and hoping she would

  She didn’t.

  * * *

  He had it all figured out. Just a few pieces missing.

  To impress her. Get her to like him. If he could do that, he could do anything. Write a better game show. Start a bakery. Get his dad to stop hitting him.

  It seemed impossible initially, but he knew how.

  * * *

  At lunchtime he went straight to the library computers. It wasn’t until the bell rang that he realized he’d forgotten to eat his chips and sandwich.

  * * *

  He went down to the basement when he got home. His dad had a workbench there that he never used, covered with power tools and half-full toolboxes.

  Inside one, he found sanding belts. Sanding tape, too.

  31.

  WHAT THE HELL WAS THE NAME? Guy who sang high. Him. Song he did. Name not in the band. What was it?

  So, Roy, the lady said. What do you think?

  Should he say something? About the cast? She would see. Must’ve. And didn’t say anything. But it was right there. On his lap. Heavy. Greenish mesh over plaster. Never had one before. Always thought just plaster. Covered with autographs. Friends. But green mesh. And no one to sign it. Could have her do it. She’d be the only one. Lady at the office. Got me the job. He’d let Artie sign if he wanted to. Mark. If he ever saw him again.

  I could do that, he said.

  Stand there. More to be seen than anything. Like MPs. Everyone knew. Go easy around MPs.

  She started talking about his military experience blah blah training blah blah.

  Was playing lefty. Getting better. Felt it. Practice. Might win more. Save righty. Third game. First two easy. Challenges. Stripes off a bumper. Solids off a ball. Hadn’t done that in a while.

  Played. Good game. Door opened. More people. Looked quick. Didn’t recognize them. College age. Maybe they’d play.

  “It Keeps You Runnin’.” The guy with the voice. Singing in his voice, “It Keeps You Runnin’.”

  Roy?

  Yes?

  Are you with me?

  Oh. Yes. Uh. I was just thinking. About how great the job will be.

  Hoped he hadn’t fucked it up.

  Lady smiled. Very good. I hope you understand there are risks. Since the death of the previous security guard the district tried to cut the position, but apparently students have been wielding knives in plain view in the hallways.

  I can do it.

  So when can you start?

  Right away. Today.

  Couldn’t believe the timing. Everything happened. Got fired, the bar, now bills, probably. Didn’t know how that would work. And the lady didn’t look like someone farted. First time.

  I’m glad you called, she said. We had the position open up last week. You’ll be perfect for it.

  Wouldn’t be that bad shooting lefty. Couldn’t be, right? So good like that with pool. He could learn. Give him something else to do. Pool hard now. Could carve a notch into his cast. Might fuck it up. Or his hand. So going to the woods to practice would be great.

  The gravel pit. Hadn’t been for a long time. Not since before he left. Him and Artie. Bunch of bottles and cans in a row, one by one. He was better than Artie. Remembered that. Better at something than Artie. Now pool too. But then nothing. Artie, of course, cheered every time and yelled YEAH HAHA GET ’EM. And he meant it. Roy wished he could do that. Be like Artie. Cheer other people. Started to. Overseas. But was jealous. Sucked at first in Basic. Other people didn’t have to clean shit. Jealous of that. But afterward he was in the middle. Not the best, not the worst. Blended in. Everything but pool. Felt people jealous of him. Over there. Here, just wanted to win money. Didn’t rub it in people’s faces. Knew what that was like. Artie was just like haha and not mad. Or jealous. Had everything going for him. Girlfriend, job.

  Now he’d have one. Again. Wouldn’t fuck it up.

  W-2, I-9. Just filled that stuff out. Had all his papers. Would do it again. She said training would be short. Needed the position. Sudden vacancy and all. And the problems I mentioned, the knives. Roy tried to remember if there was a guard when he went to Armbrister High. Couldn’t. But wasn’t looking for one. Sometimes when you weren’t looking for something you couldn’t see it. Then you started and it was right there.

  New song. Started slow. Then happy. Some lady. Foreign name. Dutch. Belgian. Something. Liked it okay. What was it called?

  When it happened, the guy he didn’t recognize said hey, can I get a game. He said sure. Let me just finish with these. The guy said okay and went to the bar. Came back with a beer.

  Nothing from Ahmed. Was afraid. Thought a big envelope would come back with a bill. Letters from court. Or the guy. With the Hummer. Court summons. Something. But maybe not. Someone there could fix it for free. Mark. Dmitry. One of the other guys. Or the garage had insurance.

  Didn’t see how bad it was. Ahmed yelling, telling him he was fired. Take off the shirt. Then he left. Wasn’t like it was plastic. One of those little cars, economy, the whole thing would have broke. Busted the frame. Irreparable. But a Hummer? Made of metal, right? Not plastic? Could withstand a fall? So maybe that was it.

  Kept hoping for a check but knew one wouldn’t come.

  99 Red Balloons Go By. That was it.

  Didn’t tell her about the garage. Hadn’t updated. Didn’t think he needed to. Ahmed didn’t know everyone. Garages he knew. Junkyards. Towing companies. Couldn’t go everywhere. But he had kids. Patterson said that. At the Double Scoop. So a chance. But he got the job. Had it. She was giving it to him. Brought his paperwork in case. Sign the line. Get it done. Shouldn’t worry.

  Hand itched. Heard that meant healing. Didn’t know which part was itching. Hard to tell. Felt the same, but knew it wasn’t. Pins. How much did they cost? A lot. Get the same thing at the hardware store for a buck.

  Didn’t see them put in. Passed out. Didn’t remember much. Remembered it happening, but not after that. Kinda remembered the hospital. Waking up and some nurse saying Royal, do you know where you are? Thought oh God I’m hit they got me and went back down. Brought himself down. Didn’t want to deal. They told him afterward it was drugs. Made sense. But he still did it himself. Could have woken up. But didn’t want to. Thought he was back there. Couldn’t do that. Couldn’t handle it. Being back. Had dreams like that sometimes. Woke up in a bunk in basic. Woke up in a bunk in the barracks. Woke up sleeping in the desert. Basic one was the worst. Had that one the most. Knew he wasn’t supposed to be there. Told the DI. There’s been a mistake. I’m not supposed to be here. Knew he was right. Knew he had already done everything. Been overseas. Been shot. Been discharged. But the DI wouldn’t let him go. Had to do it all over again. Everything. New guys with him. Make friends with them. Go overseas with them. Watch them get hurt. Killed. Come back. Be broke. Never find a job.

  Your time in the military makes you an ideal candidate, she said. He tried to pay attention as she talked but the song ended and a new one came on. Songs all the time. Everywhere. Couldn’t ever escape. The news, he liked that. At the garage. People calling up to talk about it. Stuff that happened. He thought he could get used to it. Listened to sports talk radio sometimes. Liked that. Mut and Merloni. Good guys. Knew about sports stuff. Sox. Pats. Didn’t make him feel dumb like th
e news stations did. At first. But he started to get it. Quick. Three days. Hated it at first, hung out with Mark. But he started to like it. Like hey, they talked about this stuff before. Some war, but not much. Mostly politics in the United States. And Europe. Wasn’t bad. Kinda liked it. Mark asked him to do stuff and he did it and listened to the radio. Thought about news he’d learn like that. Hanging out in the garage, doing his job, listening to the news. Might be able to go to an expensive bar with Artie sometime and talk to ladies. Drink an expensive beer and say you know, this beer is very hoppy and exports are going up and some lady would say that’s really interesting. I’m so interested in what you’re saying.

  Didn’t know what this one was. Had heard it, but wasn’t sure. Doo-doo (pause) doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo (pause) doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo (pause) doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-dahh-hhhh. Didn’t know.

  Played good the first game. Almost won. Guy looked familiar. Wasn’t talking much. Just your shot and stuff like that. Thought he had the guy on the ropes. But he fucked up. Missed a shot. Guy got it. Sank the eight ball.

  Let’s play again, the guy said. Roy said wanna play for the game? The guy said sure. Didn’t try as hard. Made a lucky shot, missed a few he shouldn’t’ve. Made sure to be angry when he missed close ones. Not real mad, but mad enough. Like frustrated. Then the guy said wanna play for money? Roy said sure. Lost that one. Did double or nothing, got him to go best of five. Switched hands.

  Then the guy was like I need a beer and came back with five other guys. The ones who came in after.

  One of them was familiar.

  The one he was playing with said is this the guy?

  Familiar guy said yeah. That’s him. The hustler. Got a bunch of my money.

  The guy he was playing with said we’re gonna settle this outside.

  Two pretty big guys. Two regular. If it was just the regular guys he might take them. Fight them. Or he might yell to Patterson CALL THE COPS. But the biggest guy stood back and took a knife out of his pocket. Far enough away from everyone so no one could see. Just him.

  Knife guy said we’re going outside. All of us.

  So he had to go.

  Three of them first, then him, then knife guy. Wished he opened a tab. Didn’t. Paid as he went. With a tab Patterson might’ve gotten mad. Roy, you forgot to pay. Come out. Call the cops. Thought she probably did anyway. Who else would have? Not those guys. They took him around the corner. Dark there. No one could see. He’d have to thank her. Hadn’t been back since. Why bother? No money. Couldn’t play pool with a cast.

  Kicked him in the nuts first. Went down. They knew how to do it. Then he felt boots kicking him. Hurt. Curled up. Covered his head. Yelling and kicking and calling him a motherfucker. Mostly got his legs. Balls aching into his stomach. His arms. But then hands on his wrist pulling his arm away from his head. Motherfucker thinking you’re so smart switching hands? Crunch. Felt his hand go. Never felt pain like that. Even when he was shot. Screamed. Couldn’t help it. Same thing again. Crunch. Didn’t know what it was. Doctor said something harder than a foot. A boot, maybe? Didn’t know. Felt something warm on his face and thought oh no I’m bleeding but it kept coming and wasn’t blood thick and it stank and he knew it was piss. Before he passed out he thought they’re humiliating me.

  DI telling him he had to do it all again. Passed out. Woke up dry in a cast.

  The pause. That’s what made him know. Figure it out.

  “Take It To the Limit.” One more time. Old song. Didn’t even know who it was. Or how he knew it. Just did.

  So Roy, she said. When can you fill out the paperwork?

  Now, he said. Right now. I brought everything. Just in case.

  32.

  TODAY WAS WORSE.

  At school I saw Mary.

  I wanted to tell her about everything that’s been going on. The work thing sucked, but I knew she’d think it was funny. Or that she’d be happy I get to go to the game this weekend, like they said I would. When Steve said he’d see me next week I didn’t believe it because I thought I could handle Gary. But they were right. I couldn’t.

  She was weird. Like she didn’t want to talk to me.

  I wanted to tell her about Ross and Don fighting. And Ding. I still don’t know what that cop thing last night was about.

  I saw her and said hey but she kept walking. I said hey again and she kept walking. I said hey and grabbed her. She spun around all mad and said keep your hands off me. I almost said something, like you never said that before, but I didn’t. I thought about it first.

  Then I said what’s wrong?

  She said you lied to me.

  I was like what are you talking about? She said the knife. I asked if you always had it and you said yes.

  I told her I never said that. I didn’t tell her where I got it. Then I was like what’s up with the knife, anyway? She said my cousin lost one that looked just like it. Ruby handle with a picture of an old car on it. He left it in his truck and when he got back from the store it was gone. And then it shows up on you. You’re a liar and a thief and I never want to see you again.

  I was like but I showed you the iPad! And I told you I got it from a car! And that wasn’t a big deal, so the knife shouldn’t be, either. It was a mistake. I’ll give it to you so you can give it back. I took it out of my pocket and held it out and said here, take it. Take it! Give it back! I don’t want you to be mad at me. I wanna hang out. I have so much to tell you.

  But she was like I don’t hang out with liars. Goodbye.

  I was standing there holding the knife, thinking maybe I could give it back to her cousin myself and apologize and make everything okay, but I don’t know who her cousin is. I thought maybe I could go to the same parking lot and find the truck and wait for him there.

  Of course Trombley walked by. Right when I got to class I got called to the office.

  Dr. Delacroix asked for the knife. I put it on his desk. He said no knives are allowed at school. Given your past, and the recent developments with your family, I think this is a good opportunity for you to go home and think about this rule for a week.

  When he said that I was like oh fuck, suspension. I don’t wanna stay home with Don. If I still had the job I could pick up extra shifts and say that I’ve been at school all day, or trade day for night or something. Instead I’m stuck at home. Don’s gonna be wasted on the couch and get mean and hit me. And Mom’s gonna be pissed. First Ross, then me in the same week.

  And it sucks because I like the book. Today in class Merrill was talking about stuff and I didn’t finish the reading last night because it was hard to concentrate, but I still understood what he was saying. Isn’t that crazy? I followed along. So I guess I can finish it at home, but then I’ll be done with it, and then what?

  I saw Kelly later. She said how’s work? I said I quit.

  She said you quit?

  I told her about the guys making fun of me, and about Gary.

  She was like you probably don’t want to think about football, right? Because of your brother? And I said I need to get out of the house.

  I don’t wanna go because of Mary, though. It’d be weird to see her and have her ignore me. Unless she shit talked me to everyone else.

  Then she said will the quarry be okay? Because of Ding?

  I told her about seeing him and the cop car. She told me he got busted.

  Then she said Steve and Earl got hauled in, too.

  I felt sick when she told me that. I tried to be cool, though, and ask what for. She said Ding is a major dealer. They were trying to get those guys to talk. But they didn’t say anything.

  What about me?

  Would he rat me out? I never bought from him. But still. All the iPads and stuff.

  And Ross!

  He was in some deep shit even before Ding got busted.

  But Ross would never rat out Ding. Would he?

  Kelly kept talking for a while. I’m gonna meet her at the quarry. Hopefully Mary will be there. If not, I�
��ll get wasted.

  * * *

  When I went back to the rack after school my bike was trashed. All the cords are cut and the wheels looked like someone jumped on them. Tires slashed.

  * * *

  It started raining when I walked home. Fucking figures. A shitty day, then I get rained on.

  Don was sober when I got back.

  He said sit your ass down right now. We need to talk.

  I wanted to run. Or at least change into dry clothes. But I sat.

  What the fuck is this about you getting fired?

  I started to be like what are you talking about? But there was no way. So instead I said how did you find out?

  He said the cops came by. You broke some kid’s nose?

  I said yeah.

  And got fired?

  Gary’s a fucking perv.

  He said you watch your mouth. Maybe if you had some manners none of this woulda happened. You ever think of that?

  I started to say whatever, but I didn’t want to get hit. So I said no.

  He’s pressing charges, you know. Assault. You’re gonna get sent to juvie.

  I was like am not and he said Dixon, they have video of you doing it.

  There was nothing to say.

  He said they’re coming back soon. They want to talk to both of you. Your brother about some punk that got busted dealing grass, and you for breaking a kid’s nose.

  I sat there on the couch, dripping wet.

  My bike getting fucked up really sucks. I’m gonna have to hitch. I should be able to get rides. I know how to do it. And I know how to get money.

  I wish I still had the knife. I might need it.

  I’m gonna take all of Ross’s weed with me. I can sell it.

  It took me a while to find it. He had some good hiding places. Not as good as mine, though.

  I’ll leave him a note.

  No, two.

  33.

  ZACHARIAH KEPT A RECIPE WINDOW FOR Beef Wellington open as he searched.

  He tried to imagine a beef tenderloin. A long, round slab of beef cooked in the oven was a far cry from steak tips or hamburgers.