Black & Ugly

by Styles, Toy

  All I want to do is have a nice time and pretend that all the stuff going on in my life doesn't exist. I don't want him calling me a whore or asking me how much I charge, like they usually do when they learn I trick.

  Men love breaking me down in public. They love reminding me of my position. But to prevent spoiled-ass Sky from being upset, I decide to meet him anyway.

  He's tall, attractive and dressed real fly. His mocha-colored skin doesn't have a mark on it, and the five o'clock shadow does him right. He's killing the leather blazer with the cap and Timbs. He has that Usher style goin' on real tough, so before he say a word, I know he's my kinda nigga.

  "Damn, I was wonderin' when you was comin' over here, yo. I asked your friend about you a long time ago."

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  "Well, why you ain't come over to meet me yourself?" I question, wonderin' if he's playin' games.

  "'Cuz I ain't know if your dude was here, yo. I got beef with niggas already 'cuz of dumb shit," he responds.

  "Where you from?" The accent sounds like New York or B-more, but for real I ain't sure.

  "B-more. Why?"

  "Just askin.' So what you want with me?" I say, hopin' he doesn't want to know my prices. "And, be real 'cuz I ain't got time for no games."

  "Yo, I'm just trynna check you. Get to know you.

  See what's up ... that kinda thing. Why? Your man in here or somethin'?"

  "Naw. I ain't got one of those. Why you keep askin'?"

  "'Cuz I told you niggas trip hard over bitches - I mean girls," he says.

  "Well, I don't have a man right now," I reply as if I'd have one in the near future. This leaves me a little room in case I find out he is stupid and I don't want to be bothered. If he thinks I have a man, I can always come back to this moment.

  "Well look, since you ain't ask and it took you forever to come over here, I'll tell you myself. I ain't got nobody I fuck wit' either, but I'm tryin' to get to know you."

  "I was gonna ask you if you had somebody." I laugh.

  "When, shawty? You got me workin' overtime 48

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  here," he says as he play hits me. "What a nigga gotta do to get your attention?"

  "You did it already," I respond, feeling happy I walked over here after all. "Well, where you live?"

  "I just got a house over there by the Manor and I'm lookin' for somebody to kick it wit' from time to time.

  It could be you," he says, "if you want it to be."

  "Oh, for real." I smile. "Well, we'll see. I need to make sure you ain't no stalker or nothing first."

  "Naw, if you don't want me, I'll leave you alone." He smiles.

  I believe him, too.

  "Who you be wit'?"

  If he rolls with a certain crew, then it ain't no use in getting to know him because they'll tell him I'm a hoe.

  They'll probably tell him anyway, but if I get to spend time with him for a while and he starts to like me, maybe he won't care.

  "I hang with a wrack of Baltimore cats. You probably don't know 'em."

  "Oh," I say, feeling a little relieved because where I live is a long way from Baltimore. "Who you here with?" I need to eliminate Silver and them with the quickness. Nice or not, I'm not fuckin' with nobody they associate with 'cuz all them dudes are grimy.

  "A friend of mine told me about this spot so I had to check it out. Now it's my turn to start askin' some questions. Yo, why you single? You got a lot of kids or somethin'?"

  "No! I don't have any kids. I'm just doin' me right T. Styles

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  now."

  "Well, not for long," he says as he grabs my hand.

  My pussy jumps and I want him right here.

  "What you sippin' on?" he questions.

  "My girl Parade got us Incredible Hulks earlier."

  "Awwww shit, shawty. You goin' hard. Well, since it look like that joint is almost empty, let me get you anotha one."

  He flags some dude over and tells him to bring two drinks, Hpnotiq mixed with Hennessy, and within five minutes, we're sippin' together. I'm feelin' bad for Parade 'cuz at this point, I have been over here for about thirty minutes. I am pretty sure Sky didn't go back to keep her company, especially after their argu-ment. I look over in the spot we were and she's gone. I haven't seen Sky in about twenty-five minutes, when she kept smilin' because I was still talking to him. For all I know, Parade has met somebody because she looks real cute tonight.

  "So what you do for a livin', shawty?" That hurts. I don't know what to tell him, because anything outside of sayin', "I'm a prostitute," would be a lie.

  "I'm a consultant."

  "A businesswoman. I like that shit," he responds as he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me to him. "I can bring you home to Mamma. That's what's up."

  There are a few dudes in here I've been with before that keep lookin' in our direction. I'm determined to 50

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  stay until every last one of them leaves even if it means me getting another ride. I don't want none of them clowns dropping the 411 on me behind my back. I want this one for keeps.

  I am so glad that he doesn't know anybody around the way that I don't know what to do. There is finally a possibility that somebody is feelin' me, and I don't want to mess it up. I'm being given a chance, a clean slate. I'm already forming in my mind that if God lets me keep him, I'll work for six more months to save up enough money and get a real job.

  "I got good feelings 'bout you, shawty," he says as he smiles with all his teeth in place. "So who you stay with?"

  "By myself."

  "Word? That's what's up. Look, write your numba down so I can get up wit' you lada." See, he's fine, so he's gettin' the home and cell number. And, I don't give nobody my home number but my friends. Just as I hand him my numbers, Parade comes runnin' up to me holding Sky by the arm.

  "We gotta get out of here! Where's Miss Wayne?" Parade asks.

  She's nervous and jittery, and Sky looks out of it, too. I glance down at Sky's white pants and see blood all over them.

  "You alright, yo?" he asks Sky.

  Sky nods up and down. Right then, I realize I don't know his name. I'm worried about my friends, but not that much 'cause Sky gets into shit all the time. I fig-T. Styles

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  ure she got into a fight and, once again, Parade bailed her out.

  "I'ma walk her to the car," Parade continues. "Find Miss Wayne and let's get out of here! Hurry up, Daffany," Parade says as she runs behind Sky.

  "Look, I have to go. What's your name?"

  "Ed. Go see about your girl," he says in a concerned tone. "I'll get at you lada. Do what you gotta do."

  "Okay." I smile as I give him a hug and inhale his leather jacket.

  I leave him and see a blueberry top approaching me. Appearing extra dramatic, Miss Wayne's handbag is clutched real close. I look around and notice people seem to be huddled in groups, and then I realize something definitely went down. Once again, Silver's boys ruined a party. I think.

  "Gurl, where Miss Parade and Miss Sky?" Miss Wayne yells.

  "They went to the car. What the fuck is goin' on?

  Why is everybody gathered in groups?" I ask, realizing he knows more than I do.

  "Somebody got stabbed. Let's get out of here. I'm not sure if I got a warrant out on me for those traffic tickets I ain't pay when I had Miss Rick's car, chile." The music stops and niggas are runnin' out the front door. We make a beeline for the exit, too, and almost get out with no problem until Miss Wayne yells,

  "Aaaaggghhh!"

  "What? What?"

  "Bitch, I broke my new heel!" 52

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  "You what?" I ask. "Boy, come on. Let's get the fuck
outta here."

  "Shit," he continues, picking up his size thirteen and hobbling out the door.

  ~~~~

  The ride home is quiet. I'm scared to think that either Parade or Sky had something to do with what happened. After all, why does Sky have blood all over her pants? Before that shit happened, my night was turning out nice for a change. I met a guy who didn't treat me like a whore and who seemed to be really interested in me. And Sky, with her bullshit, ruined it again.

  ~~~~

  I walk through my apartment door to the kitchen then reach in my purse for an E-pill and down it with water. I feel rattled with all the different emotions I have goin' on inside me. I plan to call Parade to get all the details first thing in the morning. My phone rings.

  Can it be him callin' me already? I throw my drink down and run toward my junky bedroom to find the cordless phone. I don't see it. I hear the third ring but still can't locate the phone. Shit. I look under my bed and lift my pajamas off the floor then pick it up. I really do need to clean this room. I press the button before whoever it is hangs up.

  "Hello," I say, out of breath.

  "Is Daf in? It's Ed."

  You know I'm psyched, right? I just met him and already he's hittin' me up. He doesn't want Sky or anyT. Styles

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  body else, he wants me. He's probably calling to make sure I'm okay. After all, the way I left the party was fucked up.

  "It's me," I say, smiling through the phone.

  "You okay, yo?"

  "I'm good, Ed. Thanks for callin' me."

  "It ain't no problem, shawty," he responds. "But look ... my boy just told me you give the bomb-ass head. How much you charge?"

  I hang up the phone and cry myself to sleep.

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  5

  Smokes

  SMOKES IS TAKING IT HARD, finding out his wife was murdered. He can't believe someone had enough nerve to actually kill her, knowing full well what he'd do to them. He is the largest dealer in Hyattsville, Maryland, with over six shops around the surrounding areas. All he wants is to handle the funeral proceedings, bury his wife and find out who ruined his family.

  "Sir, is there anything else I can do for you?" asks the officer who, just a few minutes earlier, told him the news of the murder.

  "Naw. Ain't shit you can do for me," he responds, having no trust in the authorities. "I'll take it from here."

  "Take it from here?" the officer questions. "I hope you don't intend on taking matters into your own hands, sir. Let us handle this."

  "Yolanda," says Smokes, calling his maid, "show the officer the door."

  The officers leave and Smokes summons the care-T. Styles

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  taker to soothe his son who has been crying for his mother all morning. She takes the baby, kicking and screaming, to his room. Smokes then calls Silver to see if he has any information on what happened to his wife at the party.

  "Silver, you know anything 'bout this?" he interrogates, without even announcing himself.

  "Naw, man, but I'll do everything I can to find out.

  Just give me a few days."

  "You got two," Smokes commands before hanging up the phone.

  Smokes doesn't have time to cry. And even if he did, he doesn't like showing emotions, even when alone. But in his mind, whoever murdered his wife killed the only woman he'd ever loved. There is no way on Earth he can sit around and pray that the authorities will catch the perpetrators. He decides to solve the mystery the old-fashioned way.

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  6

  Parade

  I WAKE UP TO THE nagging-ass voice of my mother at nine-thirty in the morning. If she ain't yellin' 'bout something stupid, she's yellin' 'bout something dumb.

  "Parade, get your black ass up and clean that fuckin' kitchen. You ain't gonna lay your funky ass around here all day and not do shit." I jump up and lock the door before she comes barg-ing into my room. I still need time to regroup from the craziest night of my life, and the last thing I want to see is her face. Thinking back on how much blood was around that girl's body, I'm sure she has to be dead or hurt really bad.

  The phone rings. I hurry up and grab it. I know it's for me because no one calls my lonely-ass mother, not even her own husband. If I don't grab it, she'll do her best job of attempting to embarrass me on the phone.

  "Hello," I whisper after noticing it's Miss Wayne.

  "Hey, Miss Parade." His voice is so thick it sounds like his breath stinks. The mornings are the only times T. Styles

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  I remember he is still a man. "You okay, chile?"

  "I'm fine, Miss Wayne. I'm just getting up, and my mother already yellin' like she lost her fuckin' mind." My mother yells, "Bitch, get your black ass off my phone. How dare you talk about me like that, you ungrateful little bitch."

  "Ooooh. Bye, guurl," Miss Wayne says as he hangs up.

  That's all I need. She's gonna be screamin' in my face for the next thirty minutes until it is time for her to go to work unless I get out this house. I grab my bag and stuff some undies and some clothes in it. I decide to shower over whoever's house I crash at later. I slide on my shoes and determine that I'm on my way to Sky's. She lives in the building behind mine and we have a lot to talk about, anyway.

  I open my bedroom door and my mother is in my face, just as I figured she would be.

  "You've gotten too fuckin' disrespectful, Parade. I wonder if Miss Wayne," she says sarcastically, "talks to his mother like you talk to yours." She's still tripping over the name he asked us to call him when he was in the fourth grade.

  "Ma, look how you talk to me. You or Daddy never say nothing nice to me. The only thing you say is how black and ugly I am, and he says nothing at all. I don't need to hear all that," I continue as I move toward the door.

  Why couldn't I just leave without sayin' something to her? Now she'll be all on my case and probably carry 58

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  our business out into the hallway.

  "I call you ugly 'cuz you are. And if you'd go out and get a job, you wouldn't have to worry about me being in your face."

  Remember I said I knew I was ugly the moment she handed me a mirror? That's because she reminded me every day from that moment forward. But outside of her being five-foot-three, we look just alike. Maybe Grandma told her the same thing when she was growing up. I do remember her telling Daddy that Grandma did things like make her wear the same clothes three days in a row when she was in high school, and about the time she forbade her to take a bath for a whole week.

  "Ma, every time I get a job I get fired 'cuz you keep callin' me tellin' me to come home and wash the dish-es or cook Daddy somethin' to eat. Them supervisors don't want to hear nothing 'bout me leaving work to fry my father some chicken. They have businesses to run."

  "And there's something wrong with cooking dinner for your father? Wait till I tell him how you really feel.

  See, he thinks I'm too rough on you. But wait until he hears that you don't like cookin' for him, that you're complainin' and shit."

  "Ma, I didn't say that. I'm saying it's hard to keep a job when you do things like that. And the last time I said I couldn't leave work, you threatened to throw my things out."

  "Don't try to get out of it now, Parade. If you feel T. Styles

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  that way, that's how you feel. I'll be making sure he knows."

  I know what she's doin'. She knows Daddy and me have a closer relationship than she and I have, even though it isn't perfect. The truth is, it's hard to have one with him since he is hardly ever here. He's a con-struction worker who gets up early in the morni
ng and comes back late at night. I know he's home when I smell his feet. He's always had a terrible foot odor and used to leave his work boots directly outside of the door in the hallway. At first the neighbors complained about how funky it smelled out there, but eventually they got over it. However, when his boots were gone one day, he started leaving them in front of the door inside the apartment.

  "You know what? Tell Daddy whatever you want, Ma. I'm outta here," I snap as I slam the door.

  Once in the hallway, I rush out of the building so she can't see which one of my friends' houses I am headed toward. That's the only messed up part about living in the same complex as my friends. She knows where they live, especially Miss Wayne because he lives in the same building as me. So going to see him is definitely not an option.

  I get outside and I see Melvin's car next to Daffany's building. His friend lives upstairs from her, so I figure he's over there checking him out, but I am not in the mood to see him right now either.

  ~~~~

  I make it to Sky's building and I see Jay's car 60

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  parked out front. I should turn around, but in a way, I want to see him. He called my phone over six times when I was at the party last night, and I wonder if it's possible for him to actually miss me.

  "Hey, Sky. We need to talk," I tell her as she opens the door.

  "I know. Look, come in and go to my room. I'ma get rid of Jay in a minute."

  I walk in and see him eating pancakes at the kitchen table. Her parents' car isn't out front but even if it was, they like Jay so much that he's there most of the time anyway. Unlike at Sky's house, if I'm having company, my entire house has to be clear.

  A strange feeling comes over me when I see him, and I'm kinda jealous at the scene. Just yesterday he was blowin' my phone up and now he is eatin' pancakes and bacon at her kitchen table.

  "Hey, Jay," I speak as I walk toward Sky's room. He doesn't say anything to me, just nods.

  "Parade, go in the room and I'll be there in a sec," she says irritated, probably because I acknowledged her man.