Paranormal Mates Society: Chunkybuttfunky

by Dakota Cassidy

  Oh, this was just insane. Tell him, Cady, m’love, before you get in even deeper. “A church, believe it or not. It’s really pretty clichéd, huh?”

  In the eighteenth century, but a church nonetheless. Her grandmother had found her. Thank God for Grandma’s acute vampire senses back then. They weren’t as good now, but they had saved Cadence from a death that was sure to have been painful. Drained and nearly dead, Cadence’s adoptive grandmother had taken her home and handed her to her daughter Leticia and her husband Martin.

  Her parents, like many vampires, were unable to conceive. Despite Cadence’s obvious differences, they’d raised her like they’d given her their own DNA and, most of all, they adored her.

  “That is pretty clichéd, but nice. I didn’t mean to dredge up anything painful,” he said, kissing the tip of her nose.

  Cadence shook her head at him. “I don’t remember it, so it isn’t something that troubles me now. My parents are my parents and they love me. I love them. It’s that simple.” The not so simple part was they weren’t fucking baying at the moon anytime soon.

  “I’d like to meet them sometime.” His request was perfectly natural, normal even, considering how involved they were becoming, she supposed.

  But for fuck’s sake, it just couldn’t happen. Maybe she could fake it?

  Oh, good. That worked. Hey, Ma, could ya pretend you like your steaks rare and howling at the moon has meaning? How about you don’t shave your legs for the next millennium so we can make like we’re furry?

  Cadence’s stomach clenched. “I’m sure they’d like that,” she said noncommittally as she slipped under his arms and went to his bathroom to clean up.

  “What about your fam -- er, pack? What are they like?”

  Collin had followed her into the bathroom and he took the cloth from her, washing it under the warm water flowing from the faucet and running it between her legs. His ministrations were gentle and so tender Cadence felt shittier than ever. “My family is a lot like yours, I’d suspect. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

  “Is it that they don’t like other shifters?”

  His gaze was questioning as he washed himself too. “What do you mean, other shifters?”

  “Well, your profile said ‘werewolves only need apply.’ I thought maybe they didn’t like inter-species stuff. You know, vampires and werewolves hooking up and making baby were-bats or whatever.”

  Collin turned away and his hard jaw clenched. Cadence watched the tic in his jaw and thought about why he was so tense when they talked about his family. She could almost taste his tension.

  Ahhhh, maybe that was the trouble. Werewolves didn’t want were-bats messing up their family tree.

  “Yeah, they kind of want me to stick to my own, I guess. It doesn’t matter because you’re a werewolf.”

  Yeah, that was her. She-wolf at large. Oh God, the guilt would chew at the lining of her stomach if she had one.

  Encircling her waist, Collin pulled her to him. “I had a thought just now.”

  Reaching between them, she latched onto his cock, growing in size again. “Does it have to do with some more of what we just barely made it out of the elevator for?”

  His groan was low, feral, filled with renewed desire. “Sort of. We’ve been pretty hot and heavy with each other for over a week unprotected, Cadence. Shouldn’t we be more careful in the future?”

  Birth control… did werewolves worry about that like humans? Vampires didn’t have to worry overly much because they couldn’t get a disease, and they sure as hell didn’t procreate very well. So she hadn’t been thinking in terms of preventing something very unlikely from happening.

  Fuck.

  Then a thought hit her. A factoid she’d garnered from the Discovery Channel. “There are specific seasons to mate for wolves and possibly make babies, Collin. You know that. I have to be in heat to do it.” Thank God for the Discovery Channel online.

  “Are you?”

  “Am I what?”

  “In heat?”

  Oh, she was in something. And it was hot, and deep. Some deep, hot shit. “No, silly,” she replied as if she knew what the hell she was talking about. “I won’t be in heat until later this year. Didn’t those shifter discriminating parents of yours teach you the birds and bees of werewolves?”

  His chuckle was deep and like honey as he molded her to him and kissed her again. “I think I’ve got a pretty good handle on the whole sex-ed thing.”

  Cadence sighed when he took her breast in his hand and ran his fingers over her nipple. Yep, he had a handle on it.

  She had to tell him soon, she thought fleetingly. But when he captured her lips for a kiss that stole her breath, Cadence forgot all about the coming full moon and working on her howling.

  Chapter Five

  “This is CC for the Nocturnal Journals, your lifeline to the nighttime, on B 105.5 FMMMMMMMMMM on your listening dial. Hey, all you night dwellers -- tonight’s topic, one-night stands. Anybody out there had one? Of course you have! Anybody out there had a successful relationship as a result of one? Talk to me, Milwaukee. I wanna hear it all. The good and the oh so baaaaad.”

  Cadence clicked off her microphone while the station went to commercial and hung her head in her hands. Why she tempted fate like this she’d never understand. She was virtually asking her listening audience at large to tell her their horror stories so she could hear firsthand how doomed she and Collin were. It would bring nothing but trouble and plant more seeds of doubt in her head. She already had a flower garden in full bloom residing in her brain.

  She and Collin had been spending every available moment together, and when they weren’t nailing each other, they were e-mailing each other. It was bound to fizzle, yes? How long could an attraction this smokin’ hot survive?

  How long can you continue to pretend you’re a werewolf, you lying sack of shit?

  Cadence groaned. Not much longer. She didn’t have much time until the full moon, and he’d want her to shift with him. The specifics of this ritual jaunt were a bit blurry for Cadence, but she knew that, come the full moon, werewolves shifted together and Collin would fully expect that she run with him.

  She hated to run.

  Maybe she could tell him her sports bra was in the wash?

  She could kick herself for not asking about the details of it, but she’d been afraid to stir up too much suspicion. If she were a werewolf, she’d know all there was to know about this full moon nonsense.

  She had to tell him and she’d only told herself that a million times since they met. But after he’d said his parents wouldn’t be so thrilled about an inter-shifter mating for their son, well, it solidified that not only was she a friggin’ liar, but she was making some trouble for Collin he didn’t want or need. Worst of all, trouble he didn’t deserve.

  According to Animal Planet, this pack shit was serious. Packs formed for life and they didn’t bond with bats. Alpha males found their Alpha females and that was, in essence, that.

  Of course, Animal Planet wasn’t taking into account the fact that Collin’s breed of werewolf was half human. Maybe those rules didn’t apply to the shifter crew.

  Who did she know that was a werewolf? Or even hairy enough to qualify as one?

  Nobody.

  What difference did it make? She just wasn’t a werewolf and that was that.

  Maybe she could let the hair on her legs grow…

  Cadence rolled her head on her shoulders and blew out a frustrated breath. No amount of Rogaine would help. No amount of watching werewolf flicks was going to magically make her one either.

  No matter how great it’d been getting her ya-yas off, she was eventually going to have to tell Collin the truth. And though they had no official commitment to one another, Cadence knew it would be over. Collin wasn’t the kind of guy who’d stand for a lie, let alone the whoppers she was making up as she went along.

  If her vampire instincts were good for anything, they were good at reading someone’s mor
al fiber and Collin had plenty of that. He didn’t much like liars.

  Cadence groaned again and swung her chair over to the lit up switchboard to answer phone calls.

  She had to tell him.

  * * *

  It was bound to happen.

  And it did.

  In the most out of the way place.

  Quite by accident and like most circumstances do when you’re a fucking bold-faced liar, covering your tracks left and right and keeping secrets the size of Montana.

  Collin and Cadence were happily in their corner of an out of the way, small Italian café, huddled together and sharing some fettuccini when her name, sharp and crystal clear, was called.

  “Cadence? Cadence Cranston?” a voice, none too quiet, yelled.

  Cadence’s head bobbed up, smacking into Collin’s because they were sitting that close to one another. Her eyes focused on a vaguely familiar, round shape making its way to their table.

  “Oh, Cadence! It’s so wonderful to see you. Your grandmother was just telling us all she hadn’t seen you in a couple of weeks and now I know why!”

  Eudora. Eudora Livingston. One of her grandmother’s poker/knitting circle buddies and a fellow bat-girl.

  Well, fuck.

  Cadence inwardly cringed, but outwardly rose to give Eudora a kiss and introduce her to Collin. “Collin, this is Eudora Livingston. Eudora, Collin Grayson.”

  “Your…?”

  “Um, my -- my -- friend.”

  Eudora’s laugh was deep and rumbly as she patted Collin on the back and took the hand he offered. “Look at you! Aren’t you a nice looking boy?”

  Collin smiled and thanked her. “It’s nice to meet you. Are you a friend of Cadence’s?” His inquiry was innocent enough, yet somehow it left Cadence feeling something she couldn’t quite pinpoint.

  Eudora’s smile was wide. “I’ve known Cady since she was a little one. Such a blessing to her parents. I play poker with her grandmother, every Friday night like clockwork.”

  Collin chuckled. “Poker, huh? I like poker. Maybe I could drop in sometime and get in on a hand?”

  Oh Christ and a sidecar. Cadence grimaced and stumbled around in her muddled brain for something to say.

  “We’d love to have you, Collin. I know Cady’s grandmother would anyway. Oh, Cadence, I can’t believe your grandmother couldn’t sense this.”

  Cadence’s glance flashed between Collin and Eudora. Collin’s eyebrows rose as he disentangled his hand from Eudora’s. Cadence giggled with a nervous twitter and jumped in between them. “Well, you know Grandma. She’s pretty good, but sometimes she misses things.”

  Eudora’s eyes sparkled, blue and crinkling at the edges. “How could she have missed this? You have a beau. That’s not something she’s not likely to be able to tap into, miss.”

  Eudora’s question had an astonished tone to it and she was right. Grandma knew everything. If Grandma sensed a shift in Cadence’s aura, she would know. It could explain why she’d called Cadence ten times in the past two weeks, wanting to know what she was up to.

  Cadence shrugged her shoulders and tried to keep the panic out of her voice, even if her chest felt like it was going to explode. “I dunno, Eudora. I’ve been pretty busy lately so I’ve missed our Tuesday night get-togethers.” Avoid, avoid, avoid is what she’d been doing.

  Eudora clucked her tongue and patted Collin on the back again. “I don’t get it. I don’t think she’s ever not been right on the money in all the centuries I’ve known her.”

  “Centuries?” Collin tilted his head and looked at Cadence for an answer.

  Cadence grabbed Eudora by the arm and swung her around to face her husband, Arnold, who was waiting patiently by the door of the café to leave. “Look, Eudora, Arnold looks like he wants to go and you know what he’s like when he misses Oprah.”

  Eudora snorted. “That man. We’ve been married for two hundred years now. I don’t know what he did before Oprah showed up.”

  Cadence gave Eudora a quick kiss on her cheek and waved at Arnold. “Well, you’d better hurry up or he’s going to pitch a fit.”

  Eudora hugged Cadence and whispered in her ear, “Is this our little secret, Cady? If you haven’t told your grandmother, I suspect you’re not ready to.”

  Relief flooded Cadence’s stomach. “Do you mind, for now anyway? At least until I know where it’s going? You know what they’re like. They’d just badger me to bring him over and I don’t know if I’m ready to.”

  Eudora gave her an affectionate pat on the back. “No, Cady, I don’t mind. Is it because he’s, well, you know, er, white? You must know I don’t think your family would care.”

  A tear stung Cadence’s eye. No, her family wouldn’t mind. They were the least narrow minded people she knew. It was Collin’s family that would, and it wouldn’t be because she was black. “I know, Eudora. That’s not it at all. I just don’t know where we’re going with this yet.”

  “Good on you, Cady. I’m glad you’ve found someone you like. Mum’s the word, sweetie.”

  Cadence sighed as she watched Eudora zip around the tables and latch onto Arnold. Turning back to Collin, she let the worry of running into Eudora seep from her face and slapped on a smile. She slide back into her seat, her hand trembled slightly as she picked her fork back up and began to twirl her pasta.

  “Soooo, Cad-yyy. She’s your grandmother’s friend?”

  Cadence smiled and stuck her tongue out at him for mocking her about her nickname. “Yeah, they knit and, of all things, play poker together every week.”

  “How old is your grandmother? She must’ve been a young one because that woman didn’t look a day over forty at most,” he observed.

  Oh, yes. The old vampire thing. They didn’t age much. Crap. Here we go, yet another lie to add to your coffer, Cady. Go on, you’re soooo good at it now. “Good genes?”

  He tilted her chin up and held her eyes with his. “What did she mean by centuries?”

  Dumb, dumb and dumber. “Centuries?” Had that come out squeaky? Of course it did, you’re a liar, dipshit.

  “Yeah, she said she’d known your grandmother for centuries.”

  Lowering her eyes to her pasta, she said, “It’s just an expression. You know, like we’ve known each other forever?”

  “Yes. I know exactly what you mean.”

  What did that mean? Exactly? He knew exactly what she meant? He knew she was a lying piece of shit, or he knew the expression? “Do you?” Her voice wobbled a bit and her words were spoken with soft tones.

  “Yeah, I do. It kinda reminds me of us. Feels like I’ve always known you.”

  Her smile was coy. “Really? Huh, that’s a pretty big admission for a guy who doesn’t say much.” Cadence’s stomach settled back into place, glad that the conversation had taken a different turn.

  Twining his fingers with hers, Collin grunted, the soft lighting of the café highlighting his squared jaw. “I’m not much for the girlie, share your feminine side bullshit. You’re right about that. But I can admit when I feel a connection.”

  Cadence squeezed his hand. “You waaay like me,” she teased.

  “Yeah, you’re okay for a girl.”

  “Yeah? Well, you’re okay for a stinky boy.”

  “You wanna consummate our newfound like?”

  “Sex, sex, sex. Is that all you can think about?”

  “Sure seems like it lately.”

  His honest admission made her burst out laughing. “Maybe it’s just the sex and we’ll fizzle out?”

  “Maybe, but I don’t think so.”

  She’d damn herself later for asking, but she had to know. “What is it exactly that you’re looking for, Collin?” When she thought about it, she didn’t know many details about him. He freelanced as a writer, lived in an apartment that would make Martha Stewart cringe and he was a werewolf with a family that wanted him to meet his werewolf mate.

  “Do you mean in life?”

  “Sure, life, the future�
�� from me…”

  “Life? I just want to find my own piece of the pie, I guess. You know, the American Dream. From you? Another shot at trashing some more of your panties,” he said with a grin that defined lascivious. “The future? I want a big screen TV. You know, the flat screen, high definition kind,” he said with a cocky grin.

  “So you just want to bang until we tire of each other?”

  His face grew serious and his jaw clenched again, much like it did when they talked about anything too personal. “I don’t know what will happen with us, Cadence. The only thing I do know for sure is this, I think about you all the fricken’ time. I can’t get enough of you and I haven’t ever felt like that before you. It isn’t that I just want to screw your brains out. That’s a perk I won’t deny is great to have, but it isn’t everything. I like talking to you. I like being with you. I like hearing your views on anything and everything. Do I want to hear that you aren’t seeing anyone else, yeah, I do. I can’t explain why, but it would make me fucking nuts if you were playing the dating game on that site. Right now, that’s what I have to offer.”

  Well, okay, then. That was honest enough and she was in no position to say otherwise because she was a liar. Oy. “I’m not seeing anyone else, Collin, and I haven’t been back to the site since I met you.”

  “I won’t say that doesn’t make me happy, Cadence.”

  Ahh, but will you say it’s the same way for you? she wondered.

  “I haven’t been back there either.”

  Whew. Nice save. “What made you join the site anyway? I mean, you’re attractive and you have a job. Why did you resort to online dating?”

  “Why did you?”

  “I work primarily alone, Collin. I’m a DJ at night. I don’t meet too many people, but the occasional night staff. They’re mostly college students that don’t interest me. I don’t have a hunky co-host. There’s no happy hour we all get together at and bond, know what I mean? My options are limited to bars and the produce section at the grocery store. I don’t shop much,” she joked.

  “I was tired of meeting the same people over and over. I wanted to meet someone who wants what I want out of life.”