Chaotic (Imperfect Perfection)

by Williams, C. A.

  “C’mon, Della, do you really think I’m that big of a jackass to let a girl walk alone in the dark? Dressed like that?” He tugged on my elbow, pulling me in the opposite direction as I struggled to go the other way. “I’m giving you a ride back whether I have to drag your ass to my car or not. I really wouldn’t mind, just to let you know. That is one fine ass.”

  I could feel his eyes boring holes through the back of my shorts as he pushed me in front of him, so I stopped abruptly. “Fine, I’ll let you give me a ride home, but do you think you could stop staring at my body for at least the ride over. It’s a little creepy.”

  “Sorry,” he snorted, holding up his hands defensively. “Didn’t realize I was such a creeper. Here we are.” He pointed to a rusted out car that literally looked like it came straight from the seventies and hadn’t been kept up what so ever. It might have been cool back in the day, but now, it was just gross looking. “Um, I think I would rather walk.”

  “Oh, a princess, huh? Trust me, it will get us from point A to point B, and it’s clean on the inside.” He pulled open the door that creaked loudly and pushed me gently. “Get your ass in there, I promise you won’t catch any diseases.” I sat down stiffly, not wanting to let my body touch any part of the car, but surprisingly, it was clean on the inside.

  I was expecting it to be smelly and have that cigarette smoke stench, but it actually smelled a lot like cinnamon mixed with the cologne of his that I was all too familiar with. “See, not so bad, right? Which dorm do you live in?” I gave him directions and we headed that way, the drive silent the whole time. He kept his eyes trained on the road as he sped through the mostly deserted roads, keeping his promise.

  Really, I didn’t mind Justin looking at me, but when he seemed to constantly have a different girl with him every time I saw him, it just grossed me out. I guess if I thought about it, not that long ago I had been sort of like him, flitting from guy to guy, even though I didn’t hook up with all of them. I had been a whore with a purpose if I really thought about.

  It just seemed to help fill an empty void. I hadn’t felt the need to fill that need since I moved here, I think it had a lot to do with getting out of Connecticut, away from all of the memories that I wanted to keep buried.

  I hadn’t realized we stopped, until Justin cleared his throat and I looked over to see his gray eyes trained on me intensely. At least they were on my face this time. “Well, thanks for the ride,” I mumbled before gripping the passenger handle, but it wouldn’t budge as I pushed. “I think I have you trapped finally,” Justin smirked. “It doesn’t open from the inside,” he quickly explained as I raised my eyebrows at him.

  I huffed out a breath. “Okay, well will you go and open it then?” His brows disappeared under the black beanie he had on, his dark hair that was normally an unruly mess slightly peeking out, so I decided on a different approach. Taking a deep breath, I tried to keep all attitude out of my voice. “Justin, will you pretty please with sugar on top, open my door. Please,” I added on again.

  “We-ll,” he dragged out, his face turning serious as he contemplated whether or not he should continue holding me hostage or not, tapping one long finger on his chin. “Maybe if you promise to be on top, I can-”

  “Oh my god, do you ever stop with the bullshit that comes out of your mouth. Have you ever had a serious conversation in your life?” I screeched, smacking him in the chest with my hand. He grabbed onto it before I could pull away, lacing our fingers together while biting his lip ring. I could tell he was trying hard not to laugh at my freak out, and I appreciated it. For some reason, he knew how to get on my every nerve just by doing the smallest things.

  “Della, I’m just not a serious guy, but if you gave me the chance we could actually have a real, adult conversation. If that’s what you really want,” he squeezed my hand lightly.

  “Fine,” I huffed out “Let’s have a ‘conversation’ then.”

  “Uh-uh, I think Sleeping Beauty needs to get inside for the night. How ‘bout you let me take you out Sunday and then we can talk?”

  “I’m busy during the day on Sunday.”

  “Fine, then how about Sunday night, does that work?”

  “I guess.”

  “Well, I’m glad you seem so excited about it then. Is it all right if I pick you up around seven?”

  “Whatever, as long as you let me out of this damn car.”

  “Excellent,” he replied, before jumping out of the car and running around to open my door. His wide smile was contagious and I couldn’t help but smile back at him as he deposited me at the front door, waiting to make sure I had made it safely inside.

  I waved at him before I punched the up arrow on the elevator, and the last thing I saw before the doors shut, were those gray eyes staring back at me. I would give him one date, chances were it would probably only be one and after I didn’t give it up at the end of the night, he would finally be over me.

  Chapter 11

  “Della, baby, wake up. Wake up.” I startled awake when I felt someone shaking me, a scream caught in my throat as I scrubbed at my eyes and saw Grams staring back at me through the darkness in my room with a worried expression crinkling her face. It took me a minute to realize where I was, and I reminded myself that I had come over to spend Saturday night before church on Sunday.

  “Are you okay, baby?” She reached out to smooth away the matted down hair on my forehead and I flinched at her touch. “I’m fine, Grams. I must have had a bad dream. I don’t even remember what it was about,” I lied.

  “Well, you sure did give me a fright, I heard you screaming like a banshee from down the hall. You’re sure you are all right?”

  “Yes Grams, thanks for checking on me though. I’m going to try to go back to sleep for a bit.” I rolled over onto my back when she quietly shut the door behind her and stared up at the stark white ceiling. I knew sleep would never come back to me tonight.

  I hadn’t had a nightmare in awhile; at least one that had woke me up. When I was living with my mom, I got them often, but not once did she ever come in to check on me, and I knew she most likely heard me.

  They were always the same. Chris and I were there, alone, and everything came back in flashes. I knew it was that night. That night that changed my whole life.

  It had started out at a party that we had gone to together, and we had both been pretty wasted. Afterwards, we somehow made it back to his parent’s house that were out of town for the night. I remember his hands running up and down my sides, and my dress somehow finding its way onto the floor. I was coherent enough to know that I wasn’t ready yet, but that didn’t stop him. They always ended in that sterile white room if I didn’t wake up before then and that was the part I hated most.

  A light tapping on my window startled me after laying there wide awake for at least an hour. I pulled the covers up to my chin, feeling like I was five years old again. Okay, Della, the boogey man doesn’t exist. What in the hell are you freaking out about?

  The tapping continued, getting more frantic, so I pushed back the covers and crept towards the window. I crossed my fingers hoping it was a stupid branch or something, and whipped back the frilly pink curtains.

  A scream escaped my lips and I quickly covered my mouth, hoping I hadn’t woken my grandparents back up. I pushed the window up and stuck my head out. “What in the hell are you doing on my roof in the middle of the night?” I hissed at Nash, who was biting on his bottom lip, probably trying to hold back his laughter at my reaction.

  “I’m here to take you on an adventure. You remember those, right?”

  “Oh, really?” I rolled my eyes and tightly crossed my arms over my chest, I’m sure the thin material of my cami was not providing much protection, and I was not about to give Nash Griffin a show.

  “Yes, now come on.” He yanked on my arm with enough force to pull me through the window, and I followed along so I wouldn’t fall off the damn roof. He walked carefully onto a thick tree branch and held out
a hand to help me. I have no clue why I willingly went with him. Now was my chance to go back inside and lock the window behind me, but instead, I followed his every move until our feet hit the grass beneath the tree.

  I kept following him until he stopped abruptly, and I realized we were right at the edge of the lake that our houses were situated around.

  “Um, what exactly are we doing here?” I wrapped my arms around my shoulders that had broken out in small goose bumps with the brisk air.

  “We’re going for a swim.” He grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head in one tug. You know that one tug thing that some guys just perfect so easily they could probably do it in their sleep? Yeah, that one.

  And Nash, well, I could look at him all day without his shirt on. He wasn’t buff like some weightlifter, but he was lean and tight in all of the right places. He tugged on the gray pajama pants he was wearing, to reveal a pair of black boxer briefs and rocked back on his feet when he saw me staring.

  “C’mon, you’re turn to put on a show.” He twirled a finger at me and I shook my head sharply. “No way, I’m not getting in there. It’s starting to get cool and that water is probably freezing.” I rubbed my arms again to emphasize my point and he took a step closer until he was just an inch from my face. “Where did my adventurous Della go? The old Della would be all for this. In fact, it would probably be her idea.”

  “Well, the old Della obviously didn’t know what hypothermia was,” I deadpanned. I turned to leave, but was quickly twirled around, so I was face to face with Nash, his hands resting at the waistband of my yoga pants.

  “You either take these off now or I’ll do it for you.” I knew he wasn’t joking, he would, and he snapped the stretchy material to prove his point.

  “Fine,” I huffed out. “But you need to turn around or get in the water or something.” I pushed him closer to the edge of the water and tugged on my pants. Thank god I didn’t have a thong on, but instead a pair of lacy boy shirts, at least they pretty much covered up more than a bikini. There was no way in hell I would be taking off my top, even though once it got wet I knew it would end up sticking to me like a second skin.

  I heard a loud laugh as I hit the water but it was soon drowned out as I went under. The chill of the water shocked my body, and I quickly swam to the top, gasping when my head broke through the surface.

  I pried my eyes open, wiping away the cold moisture that was blurring my vision and turned around in a complete circle, looking for Nash. He wasn’t anywhere in site, and I groaned out loud. Did I just run in here like a complete idiot, practically naked, and he took off? My question was answered quickly when I felt a tug on my ankle from underneath the water, and I smiled right before I was pulled back under the water.

  “You’re seriously crazy,” I stated as we both broke the surface again, my teeth chattering as I spoke every syllable. “So is this adventurous enough for you?”

  “Oh, yeah, definitely,” he responded, gliding through the water until he stopped right in front of me. We could both just barely touch the muddy bottom where we were, and I felt his hand land on my bare thigh and the other wrap around my waist to pull me closer. “I think you need some warming up.”

  “Nash,” I breathed out, trying to ease some of the sexual tension between the two of us. “What are you doing? I thought we talked about this. How did you even know I was here anyway?”

  “I saw your Grandpa bring you home earlier while I was helping my mom out in the garden.”

  “Ok-ay,” I dragged out. “Thanks for skipping the most important part of my question there. What about-”

  And before I could even bring up his girlfriend that he was clearly forgetting about, his lips were on mine. My body was too stunned to react at first, so I held still while his lips mashed against mine and then he roughly probed my mouth open with his tongue.

  It was then that I joined in, our tongues mingling together and making my body instantly warm in the chilly water. I wrapped my arms around his neck, tugging him towards me to bring him closer and wrapping my legs around his waist. His body felt like it fit with mine perfectly. He pulled back slightly and dipped his head down to lick and nip at my neck, so I threw my head back to give him better access.

  The feelings that were running through me were something that I had never felt before with any guy, including Chris. They were almost animalistic, and I seriously wanted this to go farther. Right now. His hand landing on my right breast, squeezing gently, was what broke through the fog that was clouding my head.

  “Nash, please stop,” I managed to pant out. I let my legs drop, realizing how little material there was between our two bodies. “You have a girlfriend and I’m really not looking to come in the middle of that.”

  He gave me a disappointed look and moved an inch closer. “Della,” he panted out, lightly stroking my cheek but I quickly pulled away. I was only so strong and if I let him keep doing that, I would soon forget about Mariah and anything else. “I’m sorry I let things get so carried away. I promise I’ll be on my best behavior from now on. Promise. But I am thinking about breaking up with Mariah, I just thought you should know.” He held his hands up and backed away, watching as my feet found the shore.

  I looked away not wanting to give him any kind of hope. If he was going to break up Mariah, he needed to do it for his own reason and not because of me. I was more worried about me. I was on the path to becoming a real adult like my mother and everyone else expected, and I needed to stay on that path. I knew if I let Nash Griffin in at all, he wouldn’t just be another meaningless hook up like in the past. Nash was the kind of guy you fell for and fell hard. But Mariah would also be added into that mix. And I did not need that kind of mess.

  ***********

  “Della, make sure you set an extra place for lunch, honey pie.” I looked up at Grams questioningly but she just gave me a bright smile and turned back to the stovetop where she was checking her roast.

  Church had been worse than usual this morning since I hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. The nightmare combined with Nash’s visit had earned me maybe a total of two hours of sleep, and it was definitely showing. I was able to cover up the bags with makeup this morning, but that didn’t help me to keep my eyes open during church. I had gotten a few nudges from Grams though that helped me along.

  “So, Della, how has school been going? I’m assuming you’ve been keeping up on your grades?” Grandpa set the newspaper down that his nose had been buried in since we got home.

  “Good, I think I’ve really got the hang of it. I’ve been keeping up on my studying along with getting all my papers in on time. The professors there are really helpful. I’ve even joined a few study groups.” I couldn’t believe it myself really. Della McGregor was not a scholar. I had skimmed by in schoo at MCCC. I was actually pretty proud of myself.

  “Well, that’s great to hear then,” he replied, giving me a slight smile which was the most I had received from him since being back. “And your job?”

  A knock at the door saved me from answering that question. I had informed Grams the minute I got a job, but I wasn’t sure if they would really approve of the uniform I wore while doing it. I guess in a way you could basically compare it to Hooters and Grandpa tended to be a little old fashioned about things.

  “C’mon in, it’s so good to see you, son.” I heard Grams say from the entryway. I turned quickly when I heard the word son and dropped everything I was doing when I saw my dad walk into the dining room.

  “Dad!” I launched myself at him, his strong arms easily catching me and twirling me around in a circle.

  “Della, baby. It’s so good to finally see you.” He finally sat my feet back down on the ground, looking at me with a wide smile before patting me on the head. “I would have been back sooner for a visit, but I just couldn’t get away. You’re looking well. These two have been keeping you in line,” he teased, while patting Grandpa on the back.

  “For the most part,�
� I shrugged with a smile.

  We all sat down and caught up with dad over the giant lunch Grams had prepared. She always fixed big meals, but now I understood why this one was completely over the top. It was good to see my dad, it had been a long time, and while we kept up occasionally with phone calls and emails, it was never the same.

  “So, Della, Grandpa was telling me you got yourself a job. That’s great to hear sweetie. Tell us about it.” I squirmed in my seat as dad beamed at me from across the table. I could tell he was proud of the progress I had made since moving here. I guess I really shouldn’t let it bother me though, I was a grown adult now, and while everyone thought they needed to keep an eye on me at all times, it really was time for me to be able to take control of my own life.

  “I got a job waitressing at a sports bar near campus. I’ve worked a few days on my own now, and the tips are really good. I’ve actually been able to start saving some money up.” There, my answer was vague enough. It’s not like I needed to describe the work uniform for them.

  “That’s great sweetie. And I hear that you got two pretty great roommates. Have you met many other people on campus?”

  “She’s actually reconnected with Nash since moving back,” Grams chimed in with a mischievous smile on her face. It made me wonder how much ‘reconnecting’ Grams actually knew about.

  “Yeah, just as friends though, he has a girlfriend, and I’m really not looking to get involved with anyone right now.” We all knew what happened the last time I had been in a serious relationship.

  “Hmm…well that’s nice,” Dad replied. “You know, Della, you’ve grown up a lot since dating Chris. I don’t think it would hurt to get back out there in the dating world. No one expects you to live like a nun for the rest of your life.”

  Judging by Grandpas scowl directed at my dad, I think he was expecting just that, and I had to bite back a laugh at his expression. It was true though; I would grow up and possibly have a family some day. “I know Dad. Actually, I have a date later tonight after I head back to campus.”