Deep is the Heart

by A. V. Zeppa

  He was lost in his thoughts when a voice startled him back to reality. “I miss my friends too.” David’s whole body jumped. “Wow, you scared me,” he said, to this kid with an infectious smile. “I’m sorry I startled you.”

  “It’s ok,” David told him, figuring it was someone’s younger brother. He looked to be about fourteen or fifteen. Then he noticed a few similarities. They were both really thin, about the same height, and both had the shaggy emo hair happening. The only difference was the color. This guy’s hair was pitch pitch black.

  “My name is Miguel Montag. I’m a new freshman. I live just down the hall.”

  David stared in disbelief. “Nice to meet you Miguel. I’m David Emerson.”

  As soon as they shook hands, David started feeling dizzy. Miguel saw his eyes starting to role up and quickly grabbed his arm so he wouldn’t fall. “Hey, are you ok? Miguel asked. “You don’t look well.” David leaned against the windowsill. “Yeah, I think so. I get dizzy spells every once in a while. I’ll be fine in a minute or two.” Feeling embarrassed, David turned around and looked out of the window again. “This is an awesome vantage point.”

  Miguel moved next to David to have a look. “It’s unbelievable. I can’t believe I’m a student here,” he said.

  “I know what you mean.”

  “Where are you from?”

  “Michigan. I live in a small town called Harbor Springs. It’s right on a Lake Michigan”

  “That’s wavy.”

  “Yeah, I love it there. Where are you from?”

  “The Bronx. Just a few miles from here.”

  “Cool. My boyfriend is from the Upper East Side. He’s a freshman here too.”

  “How did you guys meet?”

  “We were both being interviewed for the Early Decision program when we met.”

  “Sounds like fate.”

  “I think you’re right. So, what was it like growing up in the Bronx?”

  “It’s a lot different from where your boyfriend lives..lol It’s a rough place. I’m gay, and that isn’t a good thing to be in the Bronx. On top of that, my family is really messed up. I survived by staying away from all of the bullshit. You know, gangs, drugs, and violence. I stayed focused on my academics. That’s how I got here.”

  “I’m sorry to hear about your family situation.”

  “Thanks. Shit happens.”

  David agreed. “Yeah, it definitely does.”

  The were silent for a minute or so as they watched people going every which way. Miguel finally spoke. “Some bad things happened to me, but bad things happen to everyone at some point, right?”

  “Yeah. I know a little about that.”

  “I thought so. But here’s the cool thing, we both survived and kept going after our dreams.”

  They locked eyes. David gave him a knowing smile. “You are extremely perceptive.”

  “Why thank you.”

  Curiosity was getting the best of David at this point. “I want to ask you something, and I hope it doesn’t sound judgmental. How old are you? I mean, you don’t look old enough to be in college.”

  Miguel laughed. “I’ve been asked that at least a dozen times today. I just turned sixteen a week ago. I could have graduated when I was twelve, but I decided not to. Some nasty things were going on at home and I needed to stay and protect my sister. I’ve been taking online college classes since seventh grade. Columbia wouldn’t accept those credits, but it doesn’t matter to me. I’m just glad to be here. My timing is perfect because I got to meet you.”

  “Awe, that is so nice of you to say.”

  Then it was Miguel’s turn. “How old are you? Fifteen? Sixteen?”

  David blushed. “I’m eighteen.”

  “There is no way you look eighteen. Sorry papi.”

  “I guess it’s our curse. I just hope they take us seriously around here and not think we’re still in middle school.” They both laughed.

  They were exchanging phone and room numbers when Jay, Cory, and a few others decided to join in on their conversation. David introduced Miguel to everyone, hoping the looks they were giving him weren’t as condescending as they seemed. Miguel excused himself a few minutes later, saying he needed to finish unpacking. David walked with him out to the hall. “Would you like to hang out sometime this week?” He asked.

  “Yeah, that would be great. Text me when you have some free time, or if you just feel like talking. Sometimes a person needs that.”

  Then Miguel did something that startled David. He placed his hand on David’s chest and said, “You have a heart of gold,” and then walked away.

  David stood there for a few seconds pondering what Miguel had just said, and then went back to the lounge and joined in on Jay, Cory, and Clark’s conversation. Jay gave him a look.

  “That guy was rather strange looking. That goth or emo thing he has going is scary.” Cory jumped in with additional criticism. “He looks sick to me. You know, like maybe he’s anorexic or on drugs.”

  David got angry. “I don’t think he looks strange, or sick, or on drugs. He’s just being himself and I think it’s cool. You shouldn’t judge people until you get to know them first. He’s really nice. Just give him a chance.” They quickly apologized. Jay thought for sure he had fucked up their new friendship. “You’re right. I’m sorry. My bitchy side is coming out already, and I promised myself that I would control it.”

  “Me too. I’m sorry,” Cory said, feeling ashamed.

  David was still angry. “I was relentlessly made fun of in school for being a geek, for being too skinny, for being gay, for breathing. Miguel has a lot of courage. He just turned sixteen a week ago? Do you realize how brave he is coming here at that age?”

  They were stunned. Another student who happened to be listening joined in on the conversation. “I overheard two guys talking about him earlier. They said he’s a genius. His IQ is in the stratosphere, his test scores are off the charts, and he has a photographic memory.” David smiled.

  He excused himself at that point and went back to his room to finish unpacking. Within an hour everything was pretty much in its place, so he decided to text Tyler.

  Tyler texted back a few seconds later. “Hey Ivy League boy. How is move-in day going?”

  David smiled and then texted back. “Remember, you’re attending one of the eight public Ivy League universities, so from one Ivy Leaguer to another, it’s been unbelievable so far.”

  “Do you have time to skype?” Tyler asked.

  “Yeah, right now as a matter of fact.”

  “Cool. I’m heading to my dorm. Should be there in a few.”

  Skyping with Tyler made David feel like he was back home. The first thing they did was take each other on a tour of their rooms. Then they talked about some of the people they had met, and what their campus atmospheres were like. Tyler said he had already walked all around Michigan’s main campus trying to figure out where his classes were, and just getting the lay of the land. “My favorite part is the Diag.”

  “Yeah, me too.” David said, thinking back to the six weeks he spent there in Michigan’s Summer Institute for the Gifted at the end of seventh grade.

  “Most of my classes are in Angell Hall and the Chemistry building. I checked out the Law Quad a little while ago and felt like I was in the middle of Hogwarts.”

  David smiled because he had felt the same way. “Check their library out if you want to see something incredible.”

  “Yeah, I’ll have to do that.”

  Things got quiet as they stared at one another. David finally looked away, knowing he was going to lose it any second.

  “So, what is your campus like?” Tyler asked, breaking the silence.

  “I haven’t been out of my building since I got here. There is a lot of stuff going on out there though. I’m going to check it out in a little while. It’s been a little crazy around here. But I did meet some cool people earlier and I went floor to floor with them saying hi and introducing ourselves. I
met this guy named Miguel. He’s so different from everyone else around here. Get this, he is only sixteen years old.”

  “Mmm…I take it he’s a lot like you in the smarts department. Did you notice I didn’t say that dreaded word?”

  “Yeah. You’re a goofball. He’s really nice, and he’s gay too.”

  “Cool. I hope to meet some people I can connect with.”

  “Don’t worry, you will. Have you seen Melissa?”

  “No, but we’ve texted. We are meeting up at Angell Hall in a couple of hours and then going out for dinner. Ann Arbor is the coolest place.”

  David started feeling sad. “I wish I could be there with you guys.”

  “Me too. It would have been perfect,” Tyler lamented. “But hey, we can skype all we want. And we are going to visit each other at some point.”

  “You and Melissa are formally invited to come visit. Please come as soon as you can. I want to show you guys around New York. We’ll have a blast.”

  They reluctantly said their goodbyes a few minutes later.

  David decided to take a walk around campus. He wanted to get the feel of his new surroundings. A gentle summer breeze greeted his body as soon as he walked outside. It gave him goosebumps. The infinite kind. The kind that happen when you hear a perfect song for the very first time. The heart-rending kind when you’re with your best friends and everything feels perfect.

  David rubbed his arms with a knowing grin as he walked through the garden to get a better view. He looked toward the center walkway and decided to head that way so he could check out all of the information booths. Hundreds of students mingled around. Some in groups, some with just a new friend or two, and some like him, by themselves checking things out with the hope of gathering enough courage to say hi to other lone students. It had always been difficult for him to make friends because of his shyness.

  David walked straight into this frenzy hoping for the best. He went from booth to booth checking everything out. They were selling posters, original paintings, books, school related supplies, and tons of Columbia University related items. There were also banks, credit card, phone, cable, and computer companies trying to sign up students for their services. David had everything he needed in those departments, so he decided to check out the fraternity booths. He wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to join one, but thought he would introduce himself just in case. He talked with members of three fraternities and learned about the benefits of the greek system. The idea of becoming a fraternity brother excited him, especially after listening to what each house had to offer. It was the first time in his life meeting people who had many of the same interests as he did. That made him feel even more connected to his new surroundings. Each house gave him information about pledging, as well as private invitations to their first social events of the new semester.

  After thanking each fraternity for the invitations, David decided to check out the Mathematics Building. He wanted to find the lecture halls where his math classes were going to be held. He also wanted to find out where his research team met. He had received an email in July from the math department telling him that he had been assigned to do research in Mathematical Physics.

  Before heading there, he walked up the steps in front of Low Library to take some pictures. He snapped a few and sent them to his mom and dad, along with a short message. “Thank you for everything. I love it here. And I love you so much.” Then he took a selfie with the lower campus as a backdrop. He grinned while texting it to Tyler and Melissa, knowing how dorky he looked. His message was short. “I really miss you guys.”

  There was singular awareness, a nuanced calm within David as the math building came into view. He stood at the edge of a wishbone walkway admiring its time-worn facade. It looked humble and wise surrounded by an expansive manicured lawn, a wall of rectangular hedgerow, and branches swaying in the breeze. The scent of pine took his mind back home in a nanosecond. It felt right.

  He looked toward the north hedgerow and it was just as he remembered. The lion. Standing alone just like him. They both stood there resolute and unwavering within their impatient convictions. The goosebumps came once again, and it all made sense. David walked to that weathered statue and put his hand on one of its paws. He felt honor and determination, and understood how those attributes were requirements for his own success. He took a picture before leaving and uploaded it to his Facebook cover. It would serve as a reminder to stay strong and focused in the coming years.

  David entered the building with his heart beating fast. He now knew how Alice must have felt when she decided to go down the rabbit hole. It was a world he had only visualized in his mind’s eye, and he couldn’t believe that he was finally standing in the middle of it. An infinite dream. One that connected him to centuries of mathematical knowledge and empirical reasoning. His synapses were in love.

  He was standing in the entryway trying to decide which way to go when someone came around the corner and almost knocked him down. She apologized immediately. “I’m so sorry. Are you ok?”

  “Yes, I’m fine. I was in your way. Sorry about that,” David said, feeling like an idiot.

  “You look a little lost. Are you looking for someone?”

  “No, not really. I have a couple of classes here and I thought I would try to locate them before they start.” What he was really hoping to do was run into Professor Eldridge.

  She gave David a curious look, then smiled. “You must be a new student.”

  “Yes, I am. I just arrived on campus today.”

  “I hope this doesn’t sound rude, but you look rather young to be a freshman.”

  David grinned. “I hear that a lot. I’m eighteen.”

  “Welcome to Columbia. I’m Professor Kapoor.”

  “It is nice to meet you Professor. My name is David Emerson.”

  “Yes, David. It is an honor to meet you. Your name has come up a number of times at our faculty meetings in the last few months. Professor Logan and his colleagues are impressed with your academic achievements.” He was shocked to hear that. He managed a hesitant smile.

  “I have a lot to learn. I hope I won’t let them down.”

  She gave him a reassuring look. “Here’s some advice. Don’t ever feel pressured. Just have fun and let your mind fly. If you do that, you will learn and contribute in ways you never imagined.”

  “Thank you for the advice Professor.”

  “What classes are you taking?”

  “Honors Math A and Introduction to Higher Mathematics.”

  “I’m impressed. Honor’s will be held in Lecture Hall 4B on the fourth floor. And Higher Mathematics will be held in lecture hall 437.”

  “Thank you for your help.”

  “David, I’m so glad we were able to get acquainted. Good luck with your studies, and enjoy the rest of your tour around this fine old building.”

  “It was very nice meeting you Professor Kapoor. And thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.”

  He felt confident for the first time that day. He was in a state of excited calm as he began checking out the first floor. He loved the juxtaposition of early twentieth century architecture and twenty-first century technology and furnishings. Like one generation was handing off their knowledge and wisdom to the next.

  He slowly made his way to the back of the building and found a cool winding marble staircase. He took his time walking to the fourth floor as his hand glided along the worn oak banister. The echo of each footstep guided the way. When he reached the fourth floor he could hear muffled voices talking in the offices that lined the main hall. He liked the fact that other people were around.

  He got lost in the web of hallways, but finally found lecture hall 437. He tried to go inside but the door was locked. He wandered around until he found lecture hall 4B in the north quadrant. He checked to see if the doors were unlocked. Surprisingly one was. He carefully opened it, like he was afraid he might disturb the ghosts, and walked in. A few lights were on, casting long shadows, odd, an
gular, like textured brush strokes on canvas. It made the room look cryptic. He looked around trying to get a sense of its size and atmosphere. The numerous chalkboards on gliding pulleys made his mind come alive. He had always wanted one for his bedroom.

  The goosebumps returned stronger than ever as he envisioned his first day of class. He closed the door behind him and continued on his self-guided tour.

  David walked up to the fifth floor and entered the mathematics lounge. The arched entrance and foyer were decorated in decades-old hand carved oak. The marble floor created a slight echo effect as he walked into the main lounge area. He looked around with a huge grin knowing it was a going to be a place where he could study and relax. He could hear some talking, so he quietly peeked around a wall and saw a group of people at the far end of the lounge having an intense discussion. He turned to leave because it felt like he was intruding. He was almost to the door when he heard someone call his name. “David…David, please wait.” He turned around and saw Professor Logan hurriedly walking towards him.

  “David, it’s good to see you. Welcome to Columbia.”

  “Thank you Professor Logan.”

  “Please come and join us.”

  He knew all eyes were on him as he followed the professor back to the group. “Gene, I would like to introduce you to David Emerson.”

  “David, it is nice to make your acquaintance. I’m honored. You already have a fine reputation around here. Your abilities are astounding for someone so young.”

  David’s mind raced and his heart was humbled. One of the most renowned mathematical geniuses in the world had just complimented him. “P-Professor Godard, I-it is an honor to meet you sir.”

  “Please call me Gene. I hate formalities.”

  David was then introduced to the others, all of whom were working on doctoral degrees. He tried to ignore their curious stares.

  “Did you received an email from the Math Department about your research assignment?” Professor Logan asked.