Deep is the Heart

by A. V. Zeppa

  “I did. It said that I was assigned to research Mathematical Physics.”

  “That’s right. You are going to be working with Gene and I for the foreseeable future. You have a special gift, and I know you are going to help us forge new ground.”

  “Thank you sir. I’m looking forward to working with everyone on the team. Hopefully I’ll be able to learn and contribute in a meaningful way.”

  David spent the next half hour listening and absorbing everything they discussed. It made him feel like he was already part of the team. Professor Logan took David on a tour of the research department when the meeting concluded, explaining new areas of math and physics and their future role in the quantum universe. They ended their tour in his office where two packets awaited. One contained information about research procedures and a schedule for the coming semester. The other contained an overview of the mathematical methods currently being researched.

  David walked back into the campus frenzy with a new sense of purpose. Within seconds a group of female students surrounded him and introduced themselves. He spent the next half hour getting to know them as they went from booth to booth.

  CHAPTER 24

  David’s roommate was in the middle of four giant suitcases unpacking when he got back to his room. He looked slightly startled when David opened the door. “Hi Ryan. It’s nice to finally meet you in person.” They shook hands. “Likewise. This room is a little snug, but the view of campus is sick.”

  “Yeah, it is cramped, but being a student here makes it worth it. Do you need help unpacking?”

  “Nah, I’m good. I need to relax, and unpacking is a way to relax. My mind is wound so tight from sitting in a plane for five hours. I hate flying. It scares the shit out of me. I always ask the person sitting next to me if they would be kind enough to talk to me. It helps keep my mind preoccupied during the takeoff and landing. Once the plane is flying smooth and steady I’m able to relax a little.”

  “I know what you mean. Flying makes me nervous too.”

  David was trying to figure out why Ryan looked so different from his picture.

  “You used to have longer hair, right?” He asked.

  “Yeah, I did, but I got sick of it.”

  “Shorter hair looks good on you. I almost didn’t recognize you for a second.”

  “I also lost twenty pounds over the summer.”

  “Wow, that’s amazing.”

  “Thanks. The dieting thing was hard at first, but I got the hang of it. You were the one who kind of inspired me.”

  “I did? How?”

  “When I found out that you were going to be my roommate I checked you out on Facebook. I was curious to see what you looked like and what your interests were. I wasn’t stalking you or anything..lol”

  “Either was I,” David, said, feeling as embarrassed as Ryan.

  Ryan grinned. “First of all, you looked pretty young. You look younger in person.” David laughed. “I guess.”

  “Then I saw how thin you were, so that inspired me to get my shit together and lose some weight.”

  David felt even more embarrassed. “I’m happy that I could motivate you that way.”

  “I feel a hundred percent better.”

  “Cool. Are you sure I can’t help you unpack?”

  “No, really, I’m good.”

  “When you’re done, let the hall monitor know and he’ll get one the maintenance guys to take your suitcases. He’ll put them in the storage room.”

  “Cool. Thanks.”

  David sat at his desk and started going through the research packets Professor Logan had given him.

  An hour had gone by, and David had forgotten to eat lunch in all the excitement of moving in, so he invited Ryan to have dinner with him at Lerner Hall. It was an opportunity for them to get to know each other. Ryan was quiet at first, like he had something on his mind, but was afraid to say it. David guessed that it probably had something to do with him being gay. “The food is really good. I can’t believe the selections available,” David said, while eating a chicken breast, baked potato, and green beans.

  “Yeah, the food is excellent.” Ryan was eating steamed vegetables and white rice. “I’m gunna have to stay away from this place so I don’t gain that twenty pounds back.”

  “Me too,” David said, empathizing with him.

  “I’m sure you’ve never had to worry about getting fat. I mean, you can’t weigh more than one hundred and twenty pounds, if that. I’ve always struggled with it.”

  “Just keep doing what you’re doing diet wise and you’ll be fine. I don’t eat junk food, so there won’t be any of that in our room, ok?”

  “Thanks, but I don’t want to change your lifestyle to suit me. Please don’t feel like you have to be a certain way around me ok?” Ryan said, hoping he was making himself clear. David knew it was the perfect time to bring up the ‘Tyrannosaurus Rex in the room’ subject.

  “Ryan, as you are probably aware by what it says on my Facebook page, I’m gay. I hope you’re ok with that. If not, we can make other arrangements. I’ll understand.”

  A few seconds of silence passed before Ryan looked up from his dinner. “Well, to tell you the truth, it did freak me out a little when I found out. I’ve never met anyone who is openly gay. I went to a boarding school in California, so I’ve been pretty sheltered. If anyone was gay, they were definitely in the closet. My school was all about making boys into men, just like it was back in the twentieth century. So, you’re the first openly gay guy I’ve met. I know that sounds lame, but it’s the truth.”

  “I’m not really that different from most people. Being gay is just one aspect of who I am. A lot of straight guys think the LGBTQ community is nothing more than people who are psychologically damaged and perverted. They think it’s all about sex. You know, that we want to have sex with every guy we meet. It is such a sad perception, and totally untrue.”

  “I don’t have a problem with it. You seem like a nice guy and I’m glad we’re rooming together.”

  “Thanks. You seem like a nice guy too. I think we are going to have a lot of fun this year.”

  They ended up talking for a while and then finally made it back to their room a little after 7pm.

  David put his headphones on and started reading more about his research assignment while Ryan continued unpacking and putting things away. David was in his own world reading away when someone knocked on their door. Ryan was putting some books on his shelf near the door, so he opened it and was greeted by a guy who looked like he had just stepped out of GQ magazine. “Hi. By any chance does David Emerson live here?” Marco asked.

  “Yeah, he’s right over there.” Ryan opened the door a bit more so he could see. David had his back to them, oblivious to what was going on. “I want to surprise him.”

  “Sure, no problem. Ryan shut the door and then went over and tapped David on the shoulder.” David jumped slightly. He pulled his headphones off. “What’s up?”

  “Someone is here to see you.”

  “Thanks.” David went to the door and opened it. Marco stood there grinning. David jumped into his arms and kissed him. A minute later they came up for air. “I can’t believe you’re here. How did…what happened?”

  “There was no way I was staying in Boston with you here. My father loaned me his private jet so I could surprise you. That was his present to us.”

  “Tell him thank you so much from me.”

  “I will.” David kissed him again, and it was gentle and loving and it made Marco’s heart feel alive. A couple of girls walked by and giggled at the sight of two hot guys making out in the hall. They stopped and watched with curiosity. Finally one of them said. “Awe, that is so romantic.” They walked around them and continued on their way.

  “I’ve missed you.” David whispered. He put his hand to Marco’s face and traced his jaw line with his fingertips. “I love you so much.”

  “I love you too. I missed holding your body against mine. Being stuck
in Europe sucked. I hated every minute. And then this stupid ass Boston trip. But it was worth it to see the look on your face.”

  David kissed him again, but this time it was intense, urgent, like he was slipping into some dark void and needed that kiss to save him.

  “I need to make love to you,” Marco whispered. David’s body trembled in his arms. “I want you so bad it hurts,” David moaned.

  “Let’s head over to my place.”

  “Right now?”

  “Yeah.” Marco looked into David’s blue eyes and could see pure love reflecting back at him. It was the kind of love he knew he didn’t deserve. “I know you should be spending the first night with your roommate, but would you spend the night with me instead? I want to wake up next to you.”

  “I really want to, but it might seem rude.” David looked into those dark brown eyes and smiled. “Let me ask Ryan if he wouldn’t mind.”

  “Cool. I’ll wait out here.”

  David went back in the room as saw Ryan at his computer with his back against the door. He had his headphones on which let David know that he was giving Marco and him some privacy. He thought it was a nice gesture. He tapped Ryan on the shoulder. “Can I ask a favor?”

  “Sure.”

  “Would you mind if I stayed with my boyfriend tonight. I know it’s a selfish thing to ask, but…” David felt ashamed.

  “Hey, I understand completely. No problem.”

  “I promise to make it up to you. Thank you so much.”

  “Anytime.”

  David went to the door and let Marco in. “Ryan, I would like you to meet my boyfriend, Marco Valerio.”

  Ryan extended his hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “Nice to meet you too. Where are you from?”

  “Carmel California.”

  David started packing some essentials while the two of them talked.

  “Sweet. I’ve been there with my parents a few times. The scenery is unbelievable.” Marco said.

  “It is pretty cool from a geographical standpoint, but it’s boring.”

  “How so?”

  “Well, it’s basically a playground for rich old prunes who love to pretend they’re young. There is zero night life for teenagers. That’s why I wanted to go to school here.”

  “That makes sense. David and I will have to show you around.”

  “Thanks, I’d like that.”

  They hung around the room for a few more minutes out of courtesy for Ryan, but kept looking at each other, anticipating their night together. Marco finally gave David a look that said he wanted to go. He made sure his area of the room was neat and tidy, like he was working out some guilt for leaving his roommate alone. He finally relented. “I’ll see you sometime tomorrow. Thanks again for understanding.”

  “Anytime.”

  A brand new world greeted David and Marco as soon as they stepped outside. The sun had already set, creating a soft multi-colored evening sky. The buildings were lit up all across campus in a warm inviting glow. David stopped to take in the view. “This is amazing. Look at this place.”

  Marco was even awestruck. He held David’s hand as they both stood at the far edge of the garden. “This is like a perfect fairytale, and we get to live within it.”

  “I still can’t believe that I go to school here.” David rubbed the goosebumps on his arms. He could see his new reality. With all of the goodbyes from parents now part of the past, the campus had settled back into an academic haven once again. They watched people walking from building to building, people playing Frisbee on the south lawn in front of Butler, and lots of people sitting on the steps in front of Low library talking and laughing.

  “Let’s head over there for a few minutes to take this all in, ok?” Marco suggested.

  “Sure.”

  As they walked, David could feel a real connection with Marco and their new home. It wasn’t magic or Disney World giddiness; it was integrity and hard work that was a common bond between them. It was finding someone who wasn’t afraid to be themselves. That was the foundation he knew would stand the test of time in any loving relationship.

  They walked into the crowd of partying students, and kept on walking. They walked up the steps of Low Library and turned around to take it all in. They stood there hand in hand admiring the soft glow of the campus buildings against the darkening sky. It was an impressive sight.

  “Olympus,” David said, with a warm grin.

  Marco squeezed his hand. “Zeus.”

  “Apollo.”

  “Definitely. It’s good to be home.” Zeus turned and kissed Apollo, and all seemed right with the universe. “Are you ready to meet the mortals?”

  “Definitely.” Apollo answered. They descended those mighty steps and walked right back into the thick of the crowd. Within seconds people were introducing themselves. David stood there in awe as he watched Marco talk to complete strangers with ease, like he had known them for years. They spent the next half hour talking and laughing and exchanging social media info with a brand new group of friends. The thing David liked the most was that no one cared that they were gay. Not one flinch or condescending look happened whenever Marco put his arm around him, or held his hand, or kissed him. David finally found out what it felt like to be treated like a normal person. Sadly, he had to leave home to experience it.

  At one point a couple of the girls asked if they wanted to hang out at their dorms. Marco politely declined and explained. “David and I are going on a date tonight. Let’s get together sometime this week and party a little.” A few minutes later they headed to Marco’s building.

  “I’m excited to see what my room looks like.”

  “Me too.”

  On their way over, Marco stopped walking, turned to David and hugged him. “I want my room to be our special place, ok?”

  “I’d really like that,” David said, feeling completely protected in his arms.

  Marco checked in at the front desk so he could get his packet of information, his entrance card, and the passcode to his room. The girl at the desk let him know that his suitcases had arrived from the airport. “They’re in the storage room on the third floor. You can get them anytime you like.” she said, giving Marco an “I’m available” smile.

  David realized that he better get used to all the attention Marco was sure to attract. It was already happening. Marco continued his charm offensive. “What is your name?”

  “Susan.”

  “Thank you for helping me out Susan.”

  “You’re welcome. If there is anything else you need, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

  “Thank you.” Marco turned and kissed David. “Well, are you ready to see it?”

  “Yeah.”

  Much to Marco’s surprise, the elevator only went to the fourteenth floor, and it was extremely slow. “Man, this sucks,” he said, as they climbed the stairs to the fifteenth floor. “I’m going to talk to my father about donating some money for a new elevator so we can ride all the way up. This is ridiculous.”

  “Hey, don’t worry about it.” David started kidding him. “Just think, you can tell your friends how hard you have it at college.”

  “Are you making fun of me, David Emerson?”

  “Why yes I am.” David playfully put his arms around Marco and started tickling him.

  Marco grabbed hold of David’s arms and pulled him close. “I like the anticipation I’m feeling right now, knowing what awaits us.”

  “So do I.”

  They walked as quiet as they could up the steps so they wouldn’t attract any attention. David followed Marco, admiring his cute little butt. He couldn’t resist any longer and grabbed a cheek. “Is that all for me?” Marco turned and gave him an amorous grin. “Are you by any chance asking me to bottom for you?”

  “No, but I wouldn’t mind doing something else that you might enjoy.”

  “What do you have in mind?”

  “Let me show you.” David walked two steps up, leaned in and licked
Marco’s lips for a few seconds before inserting his tongue in deep. He loved the dreamy smile on Marco’s face.

  “Oh yeah, I’m definitely up for that.” He spun David around and pinned his body against the stairwell wall. “I want to make love to you right here, right now.” He gave David soft little kisses as his hands moved down to his slender hips, and then to his ass. David tensed up a little and whispered, “We should probably wait until we get to your room before we….you know.”

  “Mmm. Yeah, we probably should.” Marco grinned. They both composed themselves enough to finally enter the hallway.

  It was fairly quiet as they walked past some of the dorm rooms. Different styles of music and muted conversations spilled out in muffled tones, indicating things had settled into the evening mode. They noticed a few doors were partially opened, so they tried being stealthy, but their luck had run out as they tried to sneak past the third open door. As soon as they walked by a tall lanky guy opened the door all the way and caught them. “Are you guys looking for someone in particular?” Marco turned around. “No, I live on this floor. I just arrived on campus.” He extended his hand. “I’m Marco.”

  “Nice to meet you. I’m Grant. Welcome to John Jay.” A second later Grant’s roommate came out to see what was going on. He saw David and Marco holding hands. “I’m Rafi,” he said, looking directly at Marco. Then he sighed. “Another cute one taken.”

  “I’m Marco. Nice to meet you. This is David, my boyfriend.”

  David shook both of their hands, “It’s nice to meet you guys. Wasn’t the campus crazy today with everyone moving in?” Rafi gave David an insincere smile. “Yes it was. The best part of the craziness was finally getting rid of my parents.” No one laughed.

  David noticed Rafi checking Marco out the whole time they talked. He felt insecure and out of place for some reason. He knew he had nothing to worry about, but that feeling was there. And then Rafi made it worse by getting in a little dig. “David, I take it you go to high school around here.” David gave him a faint smile. “No. I’m a new freshman here.”

  “Sorry about that.”